Little Smerchette Things

The thoughts and problems of the Smerch obsessed Feel free to submit any and all of your Smerchette Problems either with the submit page or through an ask. I'll credit you unless you'd rather remain anonymous. Additionally, if you have any Smerchette Stories you'd like to share, submit them under the "smerchette stories" tag. Don't send them as asks!

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Perpetual Merchant Syndrome

gloriatrinty submitted:

I think about Stephen a lot any time of the month, but jesus, the week leading up to my period, there isn't an inch of my mind not occupied by quotes, fantasies, or just raw, abstract WANTING. The kind only an infatuated 16 year old girl is capable of. I don't think I get THAT bitchy, and I rarely crave chocolate, but for that entire week, I am HORNY! There isn't a moment that goes by that I'm not thinking about how much I need him.

And for those of you about to say how awesome that sounds to just have your PMS symptoms be amplified, 24/7 Smerch obsession, no, wrong, it sucks! When I was in school, I couldn't concentrate at all, and now that I'm out, I'm free to think about/act on it all I want, but that just means it's somehow even more intense. And I don't think I need to explain to the rest of you that with every "I need him" train of thought, there is the inevitable, "I can't have him" conclusion, especially with a 22 year age difference. Yeah, imagine THAT also 24 hours a day WITH the extra layer of estrogen-fueled bipolar disorder. Still sound fun?

The cycle within the cycle goes like this:

1. He makes me so happy.

2. He's so cute... and sexy.

3. Watch TallBabyVideos.

4. So horny! I'm so madly attracted to him!

5. Fap fap fap fap "OH GOD STEPHEN(/Wheatley)!"

6. Just like a girl, there's emotion attached to it. And now I want to cuddle and fantasize about our perfect life together.

7. Actually, what WOULD be our perfect life?

8. Frustration over reality, logistics, ethics, and my own self-esteem. I don't even know what I want, and even if I did, it can never be real!

9. Depression (Somehow frequently linked to my mixed feelings about Blue Sky)

10. I can't deal with this emptiness! Wheatley, just hold me! (Hugs pillow)

11. Wheatley: You think too hard, luv. I'm here, okay? I'm here. Just close your eyes. I love you. I'll always love you. I'm here.

12. Cry into pillow. "I'm so tired, Wheatley"

13. Wheatley: It's alright. I'm here now; just close your eyes. Everything will be alright.

14. "*Sniff* I love you, Wheatley"

15. I'm consoled and I fall asleep. This crush hurts, but sometimes it feels like it's the only thing that makes any sense anymore. The only thing that makes me happy. He makes me so happy.

16. Wake up. Repeat until menstruation starts. Then actually DURING? Whoa boy, that's a whole other story!

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Smerchette Chatroom

Did I already submit the link here? I don't think so, but I've been visiting just about every Smerchette blog I could find, so I've kind of lost track. Well, if I did already, just ignore this. Anyway, made a chatroom for smerchettes that want to talk in person. Check it out!

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Hello friends! I'm Erin, creator/admin of Smerchette Problems and boy oh boy am I a lazy asshole. So I made this blog like a year and a half ago in the wake of tallbaby's disappearance as something fun for the fandom to bond over or whatever, but now I'm not really involved in the smerchette fandom anymore and it keeps slipping my mind to make posts out of new submissions. I have like three suggestions languishing in the inbox that I just don't have the time or motivation to make into posts...

So! I'm going to be choosing a new admin! I can see from the frequent updates in the Stephen Merchant tag that the fandom has sort of re-formed with all new people and whatnot and I'd be glad to hand the blog over to someone who will actually keep up with posting.

If you'd like to be considered for the position of admin please send me a message NOT ON ANON and I'll check your blog out! I'll give it like 2 weeks, so let's say reblog this post by May 10th if you'd like to be considered.

P.S. It should also be noted that people who were in the old fandom/who I actually know will probs have an edge if they choose to apply, for obvious reasons. Sorry!!! I can only think of a small handful of people who might want to though, so...

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gloriatrinty submitted:

This was how I spent the most degrading yet irresistible half hour of my life. You have no idea how creepy it feels to click your way down a list of different noses to see which one best matches the pictures you pulled off of Google Images. But goddamn it, if I can't escape into a romantic yesteryear that never existed, what is Sims Medieval good for? I want to see that lanky goggle-eyed stud as an an adventurous, brave world leader, and if I have to swallow my pride to see it, so be it! ... Wouldn't be the first time he's made me change my mind about swallowing stuff.

Okay, it doesn't look EXACTLY like him (hair color was REALLY hard). Mostly, I think it's just because he isn't wearing his glasses. But what can you say, eyeglasses weren't around in in the 1400s... OH WAIT, YES THEY WERE! (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glasses#History) But if you want to talk about grievances with Sim Creator, may I point out that YOU CAN'T MODIFY THE SIM'S HEIGHT! NOOOOOOOO!

PS: If anyone can think of a good EA vs Valve joke pertaining to this, I'd love to hear it.

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Submitted by captainmaund

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And to the anon who asked: yes this blog is still alive, I just haven't had any submissions in a while/not had the motivation to come up with any on my own, I think it's partly because the fandom has died down a lot since this blog was made, and partly due to my own laziness.

Sometime soon I might get another admin who's more enthusiastic about keeping this blog regularly updated

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Submitted by anon

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Submitted by mrsmercuryrichardsdaltrey

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Submitted by Anonymous

[tachithecervixcrusader-deactiva]

Just a reminder, Smerchettes!

Smerchette Prom is the 21st!

so get your formal wear ready

because we need to look snazzy for Tumblr, Stephen and Vermouth since they both happen to be everyone’s dates

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Submitted by liein

((Sorry about the long absence everyone! School has been crazy and also I'm just a ridiculously lazy person and kept forgetting to keep up with submissions. I'll try to start posting more regularly.))

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Hey! :) Love your blog so much! I also love your background! Did you make it? :) x

Well thank you! :D

And yeah they're pretty great pictures, but no I didn't make it. There was some awards do a few years ago where a bunch of the celebrities went into this professional photobooth thing. I forget exactly when and what it was but I think there are similar ones of Simon Pegg and Rupert Grint among others.

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Submitted by anonymous

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Submitted by yukin97

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Submitted by britain-or-bust and anon

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Can someone please break it down for me, why is Steve considered sexist/misogynistic for donating his baby picture to the hospital he was born in?

I'm not really going to go into detail about it on here, because I feel like shaming her publicly on a fandom blog is sort of crossing the line, but if you send me a non-anon ask I'd be glad to explain it to you in full. Suffice to say, a certain member of the community took issue with his support of the maternity wing, and due to the content of their argument and the language they used, the backlash against them was pretty intense.

ALSO: since I've gotten a couple submissions about it, I'll make the next post about "Boycott Smerch", but I'm not going to make her URL an official Problem. I just feel like that's going a little far.

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Ok, wait, what is everyone talking about? Did Steve do some interview talking smack about online dating or us or something? Can someone please post the link if so, this is in reference to the girl who said we should all stay friend's if our adoration dies out for him or Liein's Blog "Merchant Dilema." Someone please tell me what's going on!

Apparently he mentioned something about not wanting to date people on the internet in this interview. That's what I've been told at least, I haven't actually gotten around to listening to it yet, so it might not be as harsh as the quote alone sounds.