Every morning is the same old routine, rudely awoken by an infuriating cat who decides to take out his teething issues on my toes while my beast of a dog snores carelessly beside me. But take away the pets and what do you have? Nothing. No human companionship which we all crave so desperately. Time to start my day, I get up, shower, and spend an unnecessary amount of time primping my face. why you ask? The truth most women my age will say is because they have to look professional. No I can look just as professional without the layers of makeup. The reason i primp my face to the extent that I do is so that I won't be judged. Men don't look at me without makeup and think oh my god I really love her personality! Without makeup my eyes aren't highlighted which they comment on first, saying things like "You have such beautiful eyes" Or " your eyes are like blue fire" Or "I could get lost in your eyes" I don't care about the blueness of my eyes I get it they are pretty but why are they only noticed when I wear eye makeup?? Regardless. Going through my day I see a plethora of humans going through their lives some people are sad, and obviously wishing they could have what that couple sitting in the food court sharing a sundae has, and others are happy to just be alive. As I sit here with my tea steaming deliciously in my hand, I feel empty. What use do I have? What special thing can I bring to the table? Regardless I act like a good little sheep and keep my eyes on the news paper. Life confuses me. I am here for a reason, what reason is that? To be some extra in someone's else's movie that they call life? Am I meant for greatness? I don't want to be a little blot of nothing in some bigger story. I want to be a character. I want to matter. But I continue my routine drinking my tea, reading my paper, like the good little puppet I am. It's the weekend, maybe I'll hit the club tonight, it's supposed to be nice out. I drift through the rest of my day.... Feels like a cloud has rushed over me. I still feel numb. Gary in accounting has reached a new level of creepy, pretty sure if his state had any more juice id probably be pregnant, but I digress. Time to go home shower and go out and get wasted with the humans I actually like. As I drive home I start to drift off into my own little worlds as usual, Cathy is talking about some new hunk that started in HR. I don't care. I'm still alone, the new guy probably already has a wife and kids and a whole life. Why would I ogle something I can never have. What would the point be? I drop Cathy off and yell out the window that I will be there promptly at 8 to pick her up. She nods and goes inside. I pull away from the curb slowly and turn up the radio. I can't wait to get drunk. I pull into my driveway and turn off the car. Who the fuck is that? I see a strapping young man in, what seems to me is an Armani suit, standing on my front porch. I slide out of my seat with what seems to be an extra fiery spring in my step. "Who the hell are you? " He turns around slowly. Shit. He's kinda pretty... " look I don't want what you are selling so just fuck off" I say nonchalantly as I push past him. He looks a little shocked up doesn't really acknowledge my statement. " I just moved in next door.. Wanted to introduce myself properly. I'm Colin." He states extending his hand. I look at him skeptically. My door is half open and I'm not sure if I should shake his hand or swat the unwanted thing away from me. He looks me up and down and retracts his hand. " sorry" I say quietly as I close the door. Bitch this is why you are single. I shake off that unpleasant encounter and get showered and changed. 7 pm rolls around and I'm ready to hit the town I go open the door and my doorbell rings. for fuck sakes. I open the door and there stands Cathy. " what the fuck are you doing here" I ask confused. She grabs my hand and we head off on one of her lsd fuelled adventures. Where the fuck am I off to now. We end up at the club by some grace of God and a little bit of bribing we get in. Almost instantaneously I lose Cathy, that's okay the work crew is her somewhere. Time to get drunk! After my third or maybe fourth visit to the bar I All of a sudden I feel a tap on my shoulder. I turn around and come face to face with Colin. Fuck. "What do you want" I asked Flatly. All he does is smile is magnificent smile and grab me by the hand maybe to the dance floor.I don't know what it was just his eyes are so blue and a smile was so mysterious. To be completely honest I think it was the six drinks I had previously had Or the multitude of shots that I had ingested. Either way I was putty his hands. Maybe this being around other people thing isn't so bad. Which makes sense my next move was to take this boy home with me. I smiled this mysterious smile and batted my beautiful lashes and said ever so gently "your place or mine?" The entire cab ride home I could barely keep my hands off of him his skin was so soft beneath my fingertips, his kiss tasted so sweet, I needed it all right now. what's wrong with me? I've never thrown caution to the wind just picked up some random stranger! why did I pick him up, of all of the good looking men at that bar why him? he's not special. he's just another one of those pigs Who use women for a night of passion and then just leave them and never speak to them again. Do I want to put myself through all that pain hoping that maybe I'll have my happily ever after? No. Why would I do that myself? I've been through enough in the short life that I've had. I tear my lips away from his. "i'm sorry, I can't do this." We pull up to my house see the look of sadness in his eyes, I pay the cab fare and I get out of the vehicle. "Here, take him wherever he needs to go. I'm so sorry Colin. I just...can't handle anymore pain in my life." He looks at me sad eyes. "wait, please!" he says gently. I turn and look him in the eye again. "i'm sorry, I don't deal in False promises anymore." "i'm not going to use you I swear, I just thought that maybe…" he said trailing off. "maybe what you think of some lame speech to make me open my legs for you? it's not going happen, Colin your good looking guy, and yeah I thought I felt something but alcohol and hormones does not mean love. so I'm just saving myself future pain and future heartbreak. I mean how stupid could I have been to ever think that this was more than just a hook up to you. I don't play games anymore I'm far too old for this I'm sorry Colin have a great night. " I turn to go unlock my door, doesn't matter how tough I am on the outside I still feel the tears coming up. Damn he was cute. Suddenly I feel his hand grasp mine. I spin around to look him straight in the eye. what is he doing? Is he an idiot? "You could never be a hook up to me, the moment I met you I saw the fire in your eyes. I was just....hoping I find my happily ever after, i'm sorry." He doesn't even know me, yet he thinks he'll be my happily ever after? Shit. Well that was pretty cute speech given that besides, he's pretty hot, and I haven't gotten laid in a long time, might as well indulge for once plus that was really originals little spiel, I have to give him points for that, even if he isn't my happily ever after, he'll do for now. I grabbed him and kiss him, and drag him slowly into my house as long as I'm going to be single I might as well have some fun with it.
