My distracted globe

"...one may smile, and smile, and be a villain." Chi. Student. Adventurer. Raconteur. Mostly a writing blog. Here's my writing.

[smilingdamnedvillain]

the irony of us both having trained in martial arts is when we fight we don’t fight with fists you were angry I had landed a jab (I threw it in self-defense) but those eight words that you spat from your mouth are still throwing me to the ground long after we have both exited the ring

[goodquoteco]

I can write the saddest poem of all tonight. Write, for instance: “The night is full of stars, and the stars, blue, shiver in the distance.” The night wind whirls in the sky and sings. I can write the saddest poem of all tonight. I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too. On nights like this, I held her in my arms. I kissed her so many times under the infinite sky. She loved me, sometimes I loved her. How could I not have loved her large, still eyes? I can write the saddest poem of all tonight. To think I don’t have her. To feel that I’ve lost her. To hear the immense night, more immense without her. And the poem falls to the soul as dew to grass. What does it matter that my love couldn’t keep her. The night is full of stars and she is not with me. That’s all. Far away, someone sings. Far away. My soul is lost without her. As if to bring her near, my eyes search for her. My heart searches for her and she is not with me. The same night that whitens the same trees. We, we who were, we are the same no longer. I no longer love her, true, but how much I loved her. My voice searched the wind to touch her ear. Someone else’s. She will be someone else’s. As she once belonged to my kisses. Her voice, her light body. Her infinite eyes. I no longer love her, true, but perhaps I love her. Love is so short and oblivion so long. Because on nights like this I held her in my arms, my soul is lost without her. Although this may be the last pain she causes me, and this may be the last poem I write for her.

Pablo Neruda

[smilingdamnedvillain]

when I was younger, halloween meant dressing up as skeletons and ghosts, but I was blissfully unaware that in a few years’ time every day would be an occasion to act as someone I am not, existing somewhere between monster and corpse, and the scariest thing would be wearing my own skin, the one costume I cannot take off

[smilingdamnedvillain]

and that's why I love you

I was a daycare mess of finger paint and crayon scribbles thrown together on construction paper topped with haphazard glitter

but when I took myself home to you you beamed at me with pride and hung me on your fridge like a work of art

[smilingdamnedvillain]

and that's why I love you

I was a daycare mess of finger paint and crayon scribbles thrown together on construction paper topped with haphazard glitter

but when I took myself home to you you beamed at me with pride and hung me on your fridge like a work of art

[smilingdamnedvillain]

you and I seem to remember things very differently: where you see nostalgia, I see regret.

[smilingdamnedvillain]

I have always been too much.

six word story by smilingdamnedvillain

[smilingdamnedvillain]

the secret to regret is to convince yourself you like a song for the sake of a potential spark and then later to realize among the ashes that you don't even know the lyrics

[smilingdamnedvillain]

last week I saw a shipping truck in broad daylight a full eighteen-wheeler, overturned with its guts spilled onto the highway, piles of watermelons all cracked and burst, and its rectangular sheet metal housing  ripped open and peeled back as easily as skin

the sounds of six different wailing sirens filled my ears as I forced myself to look away from the wreckage and step on my own gas pedal, ever. so. gingerly--

accidents happen, whispered the voice in my head, when you speed at 85 miles an hour and decide to look away for 2 seconds

people destroy themselves, for the most stupid reasons and frankly, it's none of your business

[smilingdamnedvillain]

questions prick my tongue until it bleeds I bite my lip until words leak out of my eyes

you thought you could read my mind like a window and I looked forward to the past like a door slamming open

so what if I don't make any sense to you? you never did explain a damn thing to me--

and don't tell me that you still expect me to make all of your apologies for you

I foolishly lent you everything I had and didn't even ask you for interest

now I only wish that I could exchange your love notes for bank notes

[smilingdamnedvillain]

hi so um

guess who's going on a date

at a science museum

yeah. I'm kind of excited.

[smilingdamnedvillain]

I am in love with everything that does not remind me of you

[smilingdamnedvillain]

they say that patience is a virtue and our lust is a sin but I’d rather go to hell than wait to kiss you again

[smilingdamnedvillain]

her words are swift water that can chisel canyons into mountains, and she sighs like the gentle relief of a breeze that cuts through the stale heat of a sweltering day

her stare is an arrow that takes down three birds in one go, and she often bites her lip as if the universe’s secrets would spill out if she were to let go

she is the lingering wood ash on my clothes after a night in front of a campfire, and now I want to burn everything just to wear her scent again

she is the long summer days we spent playing old maid with the sun and the short stolen nights when she whispered to the silhouettes from my dreams

she is the fine vapor in the clouds and the infinite shades of blue in the sky, and she is both the smallest dust speck that catches the light and the largest swell of waves rushing to greet the sandy shore

she says that I am everything but how can that be— when I said I want the world I really meant that I want her

[findingwordsforthoughts]

just friends don’t kiss like this.

six word story

[smilingdamnedvillain]

love is a sickness: a tightness in the chest; a scratchy lump in the throat; a shortness of breath

but if you told me that you too are under the weather, we could both call off work and stay in bed together

[smilingdamnedvillain]

sentimental tune

she isn't a loud kind of love

she says she's too broke to see our favorite bands in concert with me but she knows every studio album and her mix tapes are to die for

she says she can't sing and would never belt a ballad but when I catch her humming to herself it's always my favorite song