Snark for my Sanity

Chapter snarks here: https://snarkformysanity.tumblr.com/chapter_snarks Book reviews here: https://snarkformysanity.tumblr.com/reviews WARNING: This is a snark blog. Proceed at your own peril. Some books simply cannot be taken seriously, and yet, I read them anyway. Even if just to learn what not to do. Although I do sometimes read books I like as well.

[snarkformysanity]

Apparently, the pages I've got set up for the desktop version of the blog don't work on mobile, and my google-fu is failing to get them fixed. So, for now...

My list of chapter snarks can be found here.

And my list of book reviews can be found here.

[snarkformysanity]

Okay, I've just finished reading Liveship Traders by Robin Hobb (and will probs have a review up in the near future), and of course immediately wanted to pick up Tawny Man... but neither of the bookshops I go to had it 😭 Someone had beaten me to it and cleared out most of the Robin Hobb books lol, there was empty shelf all around like, just a couple of her books. Alas...

[snarkformysanity]

House of Flame and Shadow Chapter 78

We're with Tharion today. Hello, Tharion. Believe it or not, I'm actually glad to see you for once. Not because I've warmed to you or anything, but because somehow Bryce has become the absolute worst of the lot of you and I'm sick of her.

But, yes, he's currently talking with the River Queen's daughter, who's just burst into proceedings.

Any hope of succeeding died in Tharion as the River Queen’s daughter threw herself into her mother’s lap and sobbed. “You married her?”

It's going about as well as you'd expect.

Sathia just stared at the girl. Like she was completely out of politesse to spin to their advantage.

I think it's rather telling that the book sees being polite as something that you "spin to your advantage." Instead of it just being, you know, basic common decency. Very telling indeed.

There's some bickering which mostly seems to serve in having the daughter insult Sathia about using earth magic.

It was enough to goad [Tharion] into responding, “Her magic is that of growing things, of life and beauty. Not of drowning and stifling.”

Hey, Tharion, you know life began in the water, right? That that's what they look for when they look for life on other planets? Your agenda is not subtle, book.

And at her petulant fury, at her mother’s rage … he’d had it. He’d fucking had it.

You have in no way earned whatever is about to follow. But, I'm sure we'll have to listen to it anyway.

“There are imperial battleships in this river! Asphodel Meadows is a smoldering ruin, with the bodies of children strewn in the streets!” [...] “And all you care about is who one stupid fucking male is married to? There are babies in that rubble! And you cry only for yourself!”

Or, and hear me out here Tharion, maybe she's crying about you because you've literally just appeared in front of her, right now? Maybe she already cried about Asphodel Meadows when she first heard the news? It has been... well, we don't have a timeline yet, but enough time for Ithan and Hypaxia to go all the way to Avallen, and then all the way back and then make an antidote. So, enough time to cry about it, at least. How is she supposed to react to seeing you again?

Also, again with the children. The book sure does love waving the dead children around, huh? It's getting weird. Like it's literally the only negative consequence that matters about it. Does the book think we can't feel sympathy for the adults? Like... it's a terrible thing, but it's such a canned and generic response to tragedy (and used so often in this book) that I'm really having a hard time getting worked up about it. It also doesn't help that basically every character uses it with the same amount of gravitas i.e. it's not just a particular character who we know loves kids that keeps harping on it. It honestly feels kinda performative at this point.

Two more mentions of dead children, and then, shock of all shocks, Tharion actually apologises to the River Queen's daughter. And acknowledges that he did something wrong!!! Who are you, and what have you done with my SJM book????? Well, maybe I shouldn't get too excited. We're clearly meant to think this is good enough to absolve him, and I'm not convinced tbh.

Tharion said, “And I married Sathia to bail her out of a shitty situation. King Morven of Avallen was forcing her into marriage with a Fae brute, and the only options were face the Asteri’s wrath and die, or wed. I offered her a way out. Marriage to me. I owed it to my sister to help a female in trouble. Our marriage isn’t a comment on how I feel about you or her.”

This, though, just highlights how utterly ridiculous and contrived the whole situation is. Seriously, who writes that and goes "yup, this is perfect, absolutely nothing about this smacks of nonsense?"

Anyway, Tharion, in a gesture that is admittedly true to character, immediately offers to divorce Sathia and marry the River Queen's daughter again. The daughter is all for it, but the River Queen basically tells him to get fucked, which is fair enough tbh. I wouldn't want him marrying my daughter either.

Tharion shut his eyes against the stinging in them, hating this, hating that he’d lost this opportunity, this safe haven for the people of Crescent City, due to his own bullshit.

Personally, I'm inclined to call this Bryce's bullshit, in sending you, who she knows the River Queen hates, as her emissary. And I'd feel a lot more bad about this if Tharion had given us any indication he gave two shits about the people of Crescent City before now, which he hasn't.

“But your willingness to sacrifice your freedom to live Above is no small thing,” the River Queen went on. [...] “You never asked me why I sent you to look for Sofie Renast’s body, and to find her brother.”

For their power, presumably. I do remember the last book kept having Tharion obsess over the reason, so that's probably not it, but there was absolutely no indication it was anything else except for his randomly musing on it.

Well, turns out the River Queen was good all along and wanted the thunderbirds to try and thwart the Asteri with them. Sure, whatever. Pretty sure this is just a water-flavoured copy-paste of Ithan's scene with the Prime now, but whatever.

Her daughter was staring at her like she didn’t know her.

Yeah, I know, it's bullshit. But what can ya do? This is the book we're reading.

“I see the male that you are,” the River Queen said, and it was more gentle than he’d ever heard her. “I see the male that you shall become.” She nodded to Sathia. “Who sees a female in trouble and does not think of the consequences to his own life before helping.”

Um, yeah, no, marrying Sathia does not absolve him of any of his bullshit. He didn't tell her he was a wanted criminal in three domains before marrying her, for starters. And he just offered to divorce her out of fear for his life/that he wouldn't get what he wanted. Don't let him off the hook that easily just because the book wants us to ship this one and think this is a happy ending for his arc. He hasn't completed it so much as side-stepped it.

And then the River Queen agrees to shelter people. Yay. Again, why did she need convincing this time? She was happy to do it the first time without prompting. Ah well. POV switch to Hunt. He's giving us lots of one-sentence-one-line Dramatique descriptions of the Harpy.

The Harpy was a horror. Hunt could feel her lack of presence. The emptiness leaking from her.

And, yes, they're all this lazy and unevocative. And interspersed with angst about how it's All Hunt's Fault. There's some lines of Bryce being a bitch and Hunt trying to electrocute the Harpy while angsting about his halo tattoo, and then Isaiah, Naomi and Celestina randomly show up. Yeah. Did Ruhn and co reach them, or did they somehow Just Know they needed to come here? What is up with the timelines in this book?

POV switch to Bryce, who's not sure if Celestina or the Harpy is worse. For those of us who've forgotten (like me), Celestina "stabbed them in the back", apparently. I think I dimly recall something about it from the end of last book? But not the specifics of what it was. Something something she's an enemy now, it doesn't really matter.

She and Hunt couldn’t take on two enemies at once—not in subfreezing temperatures, totally drained from opening the Rift, with the mists obscuring almost everything.

Well, how convenient that mists make portal shit easier because blah blah thin places. You'll be fine.

The Harpy swooped, and Hunt launched his lightning, so fast only the swiftest of angels could evade the strike. The Harpy did,

And the Harpy joins the ranks of things which move faster than lightspeed, which at this point includes several characters and at least one door. Seriously, has Hunt's lightning been faster than anything yet in this book? It's getting fucking ridiculous.

Oh, we can add Bryce to the list, because she's fast enough to roll out of the way of the Harpy, who was faster than Hunt's lightning. Isaiah is fighting the Harpy as well, Celestina is just standing there and... Bryce randomly puts the mask on. Okay then. I strongly suspect there was a Dramatic Scene Break, but the formatting of my ebook makes it hard to tell. We get some non-descriptions of what wearing the mask is like.

She was alive, but with the Mask, she might escape even death itself and live forever.

....are you not already an immortal Vanir?

Well, Bryce puts the mask on, and it lets her command the Harpy, who is dead.

Celestina started, “What evil weapon have you—” “I shall deal with you later,” Bryce said

Tell me this doesn't sound like a literal villain? And a canned villain at that.

But, yeah, Bryce decides she's being merciful, re-kills the Harpy, and then removes the mask like it's nbd. Nice to know there'll be no consequences from that. Not that I thought there would be, but. You know. Hope springs eternal.

[snarkformysanity]

A Court of Mist and Fury Chapters 59-60

The chapters suddenly seem to have become a lot shorter, which is nice. The battle rages. Feyre's gearing up to fight the Attor, but makes sure to tell us that Rhys has finally made an appearance.

In the distance, rushing toward me, toward Velaris, a mighty darkness devoured the world. Soldiers in its path did not emerge again. My mate. Death incarnate. Night triumphant.

What does this even mean? "Night triumphant?" It sounds pretty, but it really doesn't do anything apart from that.

With a lot of one-sentence-one-line description, Feyre winnows onto the Attor's back and stabs it with the convenient ash arrows that were lying around before. Again, what are their other weapons made of? If ash is the only thing that can harm faeries, then surely all their swords and daggers and whatnot are made of ash as well? What's the point of using swords made of anything else?

It shrieked, wings curving as I slammed into it. As I plunged those poisoned ash arrows through each wing. Right through the main muscle.

Pretty sure the main wing muscles are in the back, not the wing itself. Or in the little arm-bits, at least.

More Dramatique description.

I angled my dagger over the Attor’s bony, elongated rib cage. “This is for Rhys,” I hissed in its pointed ear.

And the next line tells us that the dagger is steel. So...... steel can kills faeries? Why all the fuss over ash arrows, then? Just tip them in steel if steel works. Oh, also...... why are you stabbing the Attor for Rhys? What has it done to him? Isn't this supposed to be your personal beef with it, Feyre? It's got nothing to do with Rhys.

“This is for Clare.” I plunged my blade in again, twisting.

Er, again. Rhys told Amarantha about Clare, and then Amarantha tortured her. You're just kind of assuming that the Attor was also personally involved in that. And if the Attor is guilty by association, well, aren't all of Amarantha's underlings, then? Including Rhys? Are you going to stab all of them, too?

.....promise?

Well, she delivers a "and this is for me" cliche third line.

“I’ll see you in hell,” I whispered, and left my blade in its side.

At least she recognises that she'll be going to hell, I suppose? I wonder if the book realises that that's what it's said.

Well, anyway, Feyre winnows away, we point out that the Attor's wings, specifically, are ruined, before remembering that oh yeah, it hit the ground from a great height so kinda everything is ruined, and then Rhys arrives.

No one cried out at the star-flecked cascade of night that cut off all light.

Yes, this sounds like a perfectly natural reaction to being plunged into sudden darkness. And the whole "well it's the Night Court, ofc they'd all like the dark" thing kinda falls apart when...

I thought I heard vague grunting and scraping—as if it had sought out hidden soldiers lingering in the Rainbow, but then … The wave vanished. Sunlight.

...the book itself can't even commit to it. We retconned the whole x Court = Eternal x so that the Night Court could be Better than Spring and also Rhys could be tan, remember? God, it's so contrived.

Blah blah, they're reunited, Rhys does vaguely mind-controlly things to her.

My mate murmured, “Feyre Cursebreaker, the Defender of the Rainbow.”

Is it possible to cringe so hard that your soul leaves your body? I think that's what just happened to me. Bitch, she's the wife/mate/fucking whatever of the High Lord, defending the people is one of her expected duties. She doesn't deserve a fancy new title for it.

And even as his city wailed, the High Lord of the Night Court held me until I could at last face this blood-drenched new world.

So 1) Rhys is ignoring the suffering of even the people in Precious Velaris (his "true" people, in the book's mind) in order to comfort Feyre. Excellent quality to have in a leader. See, this is what people mean when they say that leadership often requires sacrifice. You have a duty to more people than your significant other. If you can't handle that, then you shouldn't be a leader. And 2) fucking hell, get over yourself, Feyre. This "blood-drenched new world" has been reality for everywhere except Velaris this whole time. And the only reason it was as bad as it was is because all the soldiers are considered too poor/evil to be allowed in the city. Your segregation bit you in the ass. I have no sympathy.

Next chapter.

“Velaris is secure,” Rhys said in the black hours of the night. “The wards the Cauldron took out have been remade.”

Okay, but... well, if the Cauldron took them out the first time, what's to stop it from doing it again? Surely, you need different wards, that can't be broken by it, right?

We had not stopped to rest until now.

I mean, we literally just came from a crying break where Rhys was ignoring the people, but go off I guess.

Sprawled in an armchair built for Illyrian wings,

What does this mean? What does this mean???? What is the actual difference between an armchair "built" for wings and one that isn't???? Is it backless? Is it just really big? What is the actual fucking difference, please book, I'm begging you! I don't know why it bothers me so much, but it does.

We get some description of everyone's post-battle state, and a paragraph devoted to how Amren killed people, for some reason.

[C]"...Hybern knows about this place, thanks to those wyrm-queens. Who else will they sell the information to? How long until the other courts come sniffing?

....why would the other courts give a flying fuck about Velaris? No, really. Why is Velaris so special? Surely, there's nice cities in the other courts? The Summer city we visited seemed pretty nice, war damage aside. Why are they so convinced that everyone will immediately attack them just because they learn Velaris exists???

I'm trying to decide if it's something like "because the other courts are Evil and Petty and Spiteful, so of course they would attack Perfect Velaris because they're Just Jealous." Or if it's something more like "having one (1) nice city means everyone will think we're weak and attack randomly because uhhhh idk predator and prey and being nice makes you prey, or something. Even though all the evil shit that they're afraid of still exists and still fucking happens."

Or maybe it's something else. There's a lot of times I've pointed out things like how the writing in these books lacks empathy, or how social situations are approached in a kind of "they're our enemies so we have to trick them" default. It honestly kind of gives sociopath vibes? It only seems to be able to view things from a combative stance, where information about other people (e.g. their interests, nice things about them, etc) are just tools to use against them in some way. Which is why Rhys hides Velaris, because he's convinced that everyone and their dog will attack it to get to him, or will otherwise "use it against him," somehow.

And it's just... what would they gain from doing that? The sheer self-centredness of the assumption that "getting to you" is enough to motivate people to attack a city, to the point that you assume everyone will do it just because? Boggles the mind. I just cannot comprehend it. The only other thing it could be is that Rhys is actually just that awful that everyone would sack a city because he liked it, but I'm sure the book doesn't want us to think that. Believe it or not, book, most people actually don't like hurting other people.

I hated to add to that burden, but I said, “If we all go to Hybern to destroy the Cauldron … who will defend the city?” Silence. Rhys’s throat bobbed.

Gee, if only you had like, whole armies of soldiers you hadn't segregated out of the city or something......

Well, no, we can't have that, Amren volunteers to stay behind instead.

And it was Azriel who added, his voice raw with the aftermath of battle-rage, “And then we retaliate.”

"Retaliate." Interesting that the book chose this word, specifically. While it's not an inappropriate word to use for the context, it does feel a little bit.... I don't know, petty? Small-scale? Like how you retaliate against a bully or a frenemy or something, not another nation with whom you're at war. But that being said, I can't really think of a better word, necessarily. Hmm....... maybe it's more, the focus is on retaliation being the natural next step, instead of, say, shoring up their defences, or rebuilding, or securing their borders, etc. It's like, "nah, payback is the most important thing." Again, speaks to that combative mindset I was talking about. It's all a personal fight, nothing outside the tit-for-tat matters. Least of all the innocent people who might be caught in the crossfire.

Skip to later that evening. Feyre finds Rhys angsting on the roof of the townhouse.

I only traced the lines of his face, then brushed my thumb over his mouth. “It is not your fault,” I said quietly.

Isn't it? He is the one that insisted on segregating all the soldiers away from the city, after all. I don't know what he expected.

His eyes shifted to mine, barely visible in the dark. “Isn’t it? I handed this city over to them. I said I would be willing to risk it, but … I don’t know who I hate more: the king, those queens, or myself.”

Ugh. But, even if we go with the argument that Velaris has been hidden for so long, and thus has never needed a garrison.... well, if you were that worried about an attack, wouldn't you move some soldiers there after revealing the city's existence to outsiders? Like, is that not a logical thing to do if you're so sure anyone knowing about it will lead to attack? It's a fail on so many levels.

Anyway, he berates her (the book tries to disguise it as praise, but yeah) for daring to completely block him out (because apparently it actually worked this time, and he is Not Happy that his backdoor failed). But, he also thanks her for helping his people.

He kissed my neck. “I don’t deserve you.” My heart strained. He meant it—truly felt that way.

No, he's putting himself down in order to guilt-trip you and make you want to comfort and reassure him. Don't fall for it.

Amren cracked the code the next afternoon. The news was not good.

IT'S NOT A FUCKING CODE OH MY-

Okay. I'm going to have to rant about this. Mostly because I like ranting about language. Sorry in advance.

Codes and languages are different. With a code, you start with a sentence written in a particular language, then you do something to it that either obscures the meaning (e.g. using the word "dog" for "meeting place") or you substitute letters to make the message completely unreadable (this is actually called a "cipher", apparently, but us lay folks tend to use "code" to describe this as well). In order to be able to read a code, you need a key, which tells you which substitutions have been made so you can decipher the original message. You can then use this exact same key to decode other messages that use this code. It's possible to brute-force guess a code, and this will be easier or harder depending on the complexity of the code (because there's all sorts of complexities - I'm referring to this website, if anyone's curious).

Consider the following sentence:

Rain comes from the clouds.

Now, let's say I didn't want anyone to read this, for some reason. I might decide to encode it thusly:

Sbjo dpnft gspn uif dmpvet.

Which is utter gibberish no matter what your native language is. But, if I tell you that all I've done is substitute each letter with the next one in the Latin alphabet, well, now you'll all easily be able to work out the original sentence. Probably some of you worked it out just by looking at the two sentences, because this is a very basic cipher. There's nothing unusual about the grammar, no ambiguities in word meaning, the word order and syntax is perfectly normal English. If you can read English and know the key, then you will have 0 problems working out the encrypted sentence.

Now, let's write the same sentence in another language. Old English, because my Old English book is within arms' reach. And also, since the text of the Book of Breathings is meant to be the old fae holy language (aka the Jewish holy language of our world, apparently), it might make for an apt comparison, being an older version of a language we currently use.

Reġnas cumaþ of þǣre lyfte.

Straight away, you can see how this is different from the coded version of the sentence. If you speak English (and know what the sentence is meant to mean), you can probably take a guess at what words mean what. But, er, why does the word "rain" have a g in it? What's the dot for? What's that funny-looking p letter, and that ae thing? Dafuq is a lyfte? And unlike a code, me telling you that "oh, that p-thing is pronounced "th" and the ae thing is like the a in "ash", and the dotted g is pronounced like a y" doesn't really help much with understanding it. There is no "key" for understanding this sentence, that you can just hand a native speaker of the target language (Modern English) that will enable them to understand it perfectly. Let's look at another Old English sentence, to really hammer home the point.

Ōswealde þūhte þæt þæs oxan wyrd wǣre swā stearc swā þæs ierþlinges wyrd, and þæs cnapan wyrd ēac.

There's probably some words a speaker of modern English could guess at, but overall, without a translation dictionary and some basic OE grammar knowledge, the meaning will largely remain a mystery. And if the "key" you give someone is a 1-for-1 substitution of each word in the sentence... well, it's not really a key, then, is it? It's not helping you understand the code (and thus any other sentence written with the same code) - it's telling you what this specific sentence, arranged in this specific way, means (which is "Osweald thought that the ox's fate was as harsh as the farmer's fate, and the boy's as well," for those that are curious).

But, what about those codes I mentioned where you substitute whole words, you say! Couldn't you just make a key that substitutes the other-language words with the target-language words? Well, unless you're willing to make a key that includes every possible grammatical variation of a given word (which would make your key significantly longer than a standard x-to-y language dictionary), then no, you can't. Grammar and syntax are generally bigger barriers to understanding the target language than raw vocabulary. We learn new words in our native language all the time, after all. Consider:

þone catt ǣt sēo mūs

And all I told you was that catt = cat, etan = to eat, mūs = mouse and þone/sēo = the , what would your first thought for the meaning of the sentence be? The cat ate the mouse? Nope! Other way round! But what if I wrote it like this:

ǣt þone catt sēo mūs

or this

sēo mūs ǣt þone catt

or this

þone catt sēo mūs ǣt

or this

sēo mūs þone catt ǣt

How does that change the meaning of the sentence? Trick question, it doesn't, because Old English doesn't give a shit about word order, like Modern English does, and is all about the cases instead. But, if we were treating it like a word-substitution code, unless you also knew Old English grammar as well as Modern English, there'd be no way for you to tell if all these variations have the same or different meanings, because the key you'd be given for them would be exactly the same: catt = cat, etan = to eat, mūs = mouse, þone/sēo = the.

(If you wanted to actually write "the cat ate the mouse", it would be "sē catt ǣt þā mūs." And the only thing about your key that would change is it would say "sē/þā = the" instead of þone/sēo. Which, again, isn't really helpful unless you already understand the grammar)

And that's even before we start throwing spanners in the works with things like plurals or different tenses. For someone who doesn't already speak the code language, you'd need to list every possible grammatical variation of all the words you might ever want to write in your key. You can probably see why that's not practical. Even language dictionaries only have the base forms of words, and grammar textbooks only include tables with a few examples.

I suppose, essentially the difference is, all that should be needed to be able to read a coded message is the ability to read in the target language, and the key. You can then read any message that uses that code. Whereas for messages written in other languages, it doesn't matter if you can change the letters into an alphabet you can read, or if you're told a handful of words, you're not going to understand shit unless you also speak that language.

One more example, because I'm feeling obnoxious today:

猫が鼠を食べました。

Oh, you can't read that encoded writing??? Don't worry, I'll give you the key to change it to English writing!

猫 = neko が = ga 鼠 = nezumi を = wo 食 = ta べ = be ま = ma し = shi た = ta

Now you definitely know what the secret meaning of the coded sentence is, right? Yeahh, nah, unless you also know Japanese, you don't.

Yeah, so, er, anyway. Got a bit sidetracked there. Where were we?

Amren cracked the code the next afternoon. The news was not good.

Ah, right. So, if we wanted be generous, what the book probably meant here was "Amren finished her translation the next afternoon." But, that's not what it's shown us - if Amren was translating, they'd learn different sections of the book as she goes through them. Instead, it's being treated as if the whole thing is a complete mystery until bam! Suddenly it isn't, because you've just worked out the key. So yeah, the book really does think other languages are just English written in code. Fucking hell. I mean, I know SJM has trouble understanding that things exist outside of her bubble, but come on. This is ridiculous.

Amren tells Feyre what she must do.

“...you must touch the Cauldron—and speak these words.” She had written them all down for me on a piece of paper.

Naturally, we don't get to see them. That would require some imagination from the book, and we can't have that.

Mor elbowed her way between them, staring at the two assembled pieces of the Book of Breathings. “What happens if we put both halves together?” “Don’t put them together,” Amren simply said.

........

.....staring at the two assembled pieces.....

????????????????

I mean, no wonder the book doesn't understand that languages and codes are different, it apparently doesn't even understand plain fucking English.

Well, whatever, the two halves are assembled, but also not, and you shouldn't put them together because it will be Bad for unspecified reasons.

[Cassian] jerked his chin to Rhys. “Since you can’t winnow without being tracked,

Yeah, they keep saying this, but have also said several times in the past few chapters that Rhys is winnowing anyway for excuses of varying levels of hand-wavey-ness. Don't know if I pulled any out, but, they're there. And hey, maybe that's how Hybern found Velaris, and it's got nothing to do with the queens at all! It's all Rhys's fault. Yeah, I like that better, gives the tracking actual purpose and makes his actions have consequences.

They keep discussing their plans and how all the groundwork for it has been done conveniently off-page. God, how much more fun would it have been to watch Azriel doing his spy thing than having to put up with Feyre and Rhys's gross-ass "romance?" But, I should know better by now. And.... hold up. Just before, Cassian said this:

“Since you can’t winnow without being tracked, Mor and Az will winnow us all in,

And, just a paragraph or so later.....

Mor said to him, “But the King of Hybern could notice Rhys’s presence the moment he arrives. And if Feyre needs time to nullify the Cauldron, and we don’t know how much time, that’s a risky variable.” Cassian said, “We’ve considered that. So you and Rhys will winnow us in off the coast; we fly in while he stays.”

Which is it, Cassian???????? You didn't include Rhys in your original version of the plan, which would make sense with you having considered this. But then, in response to Mor raising concerns about Rhys's presence, you then say that Rhys will just winnow you to the border, and fly in??????? Is his winnowing tracked, or not???? Is he coming, or not?????? Like, this isn't even inconsistencies between books or chapters, these parts are literally just a paragraph apart.

They’d have to winnow me, I realized, since I still had not yet mastered doing it over long distances. At least, not with many stops in between.

....did you mean not *without* many stops in between, Feyre? Fucking hell, this conversation is a mess.

“As for the spell,” Cassian continued, “it’s a risk we’ll have to take.”

I don't know, is there nothing you can test it on? Or even just have Feyre recite the spell now and see if anything happens? It may well not - the spell may only work in the presence of the Cauldron - but if they're that worried about things going wrong, surely they should at least try to test it. They're allowed to fail and realise they'll have to go in blind. If anything, it makes the tension better, because we see evidence of their being worried in the form of the testing, instead of the book just kind of handwaving it away because we're almost at the page quota.

Azriel pushed, “It’s a solid plan. The king doesn’t know our scents. We wreck the Cauldron and vanish before he notices … It’ll be a graver insult than the bloodier, direct route we’d been considering, Rhys. We beat them yesterday, so when we go into that castle … ” Vengeance indeed danced in that normally placid face. “We’ll leave a few reminders that we won the last damn war for a reason.”

Okay one, it's not a solid plan, you were literally just talking about all the unknown variables. And two....... which fucking is it???? Are you going to be in and out before he notices, or are you going to leave a trail of damn corpses with the express intention of having him notice them? Which. Fucking. Is it??????

Anyway, Rhys starts getting stroppy because they dared ask him to stay outside while his mate goes in to the castle, but pleasingly, Azriel stands his ground.

[A]“If Feyre can’t nullify the Cauldron easily or quickly, we steal it—send the pieces back to the bastard when we’re done breaking it apart.

......is there any reason why this isn't plan A? I feel like it would be way easier for Azriel to go in solo and swipe the Cauldron, instead of having to worry about getting Feyre (and Mor and Cassian, I guess?) in there as well.

[A]"....Feyre calls you through the bond when we’re done—you and Mor winnow us out. They won’t be able to track you fast enough if you only come to retrieve us.”

............okay, maybe they wouldn't register his presence in Hybern, but, wouldn't they be able to detect his power when he lands, too? And if not, well, isn't any winnowing "too fast" to be detected, then? Since it happens between one instance and the next.

Seriously, this whole tracking subplot is woefully inconsistent.

Anyway, Rhys (and Feyre's narration) gives a whole grand speech about how Feyre can go if she wants and he won't lock her up and #BetterThanTamlin, #AlwaysFeyresChoice, and I can do nothing but wish for the sweet release of death. This guy is such a fucking hypocrite.

And then a scene break, for more #BetterThanTamlin shit. Feyre is confused about which room she goes to, and Rhys says that either he'll move into her room, or she'll move into his, #HerChoice. Notably absent: options such as both moving into a third space, or keeping their own spaces. Though Feyre does ask about that last one:

“Don’t you—you don’t want your own space?” “No,” he said baldly. “Unless you do.

All that means is that you're overbearing and/or co-dependant, Rhysand. Everyone needs their own space (even if it's not the bedroom, could be anywhere). It's not as sweet as the book seems to think.

I jerked my chin toward his bedroom. “Your bed is bigger.” And that was that. I walked in to find my clothes already there,

Ah, so Rhysand already decided and moved your stuff pre-emptively, did he? Was it just a lucky guess on Feyre's part that she picked the "right" option? Or did Rhys mind-control her into choosing his room? We'll never know!

And then.... Rhys gives Feyre his mother's ring. The one he made her go into the Weaver's house to find.

[R]"...My mother gave it to the Weaver. And then she told me that if I were to marry or mate, then the female would either have to be smart or strong enough to get it back. And if the female wasn’t either of those things, then she wouldn’t survive the marriage.

.......why wouldn't she survive the marriage, Rhys? What are you going to do to her that means she wouldn't survive it? And also, uh. Can we just talk for a second about how this plan basically means that Rhys and his mother are okay with potentially killing random girls just because they weren't "strong" enough to be "worthy" of Rhys? Like, what the actual fuck? Those are people's lives you'd be throwing away there. And it's not even that they're bad people, or that they did anything wrong, no, they just weren't "strong" enough to steal a ring from an eldritch monstrosity of unknowable power. And if how cagey he was about it when Feyre went in there is any indication, none of them would have been able to prepare properly even if they were "strong enough." I swear, it's like.... every time I think Rhysand can't get any worse, the book will chuck in a random throwaway detail like this, and yup! Looks like there's an even deeper layer of hell that he can sink to. We're re-writing theology here.

[F]“So my trip to the Weaver—” “It was vital that we learn if you could detect those objects. But … I picked the object out of pure selfishness.” “So I won my wedding ring without even being asked if I wanted to marry you.” “Perhaps.”

Er, no, not "perhaps." Yes is the answer you're struggling for there, Rhys. #AlwaysFeyresChoice, but you don't even ask if she wants to marry you before sending her on a potentially fatal mission to retrieve her own wedding ring? And yeah, it was pure selfishness. There is absolutely no reason they couldn't have tested her quest marker on something not guarded by the Weaver.

And like, if you wanted some sort of trial like this to see if his bride is "worthy", it could definitely work. All that would need to happen is this:

Rhys AND Feyre decide they might want to get married. Not just Rhys on his own

Rhys tells Feyre that, if she wants to marry him, there's a test she'll have to pass

Rhys tells Feyre the details of said quest, without being cryptic or smarmy about it, including the truth about how dangerous it potentially is

Feyre, now fully informed of the nature and dangers, agrees to do it

Like, that's it. Just fucking ask first, and tell her the plain truth. All this does is make it look like Rhys was setting up for a gotcha or something.

Well, anyway, Feyre decides she won't wear the ring to Hybern, for reasons that are obvious both in the text and out of it. But, it makes Rhys snarl, apparently. Whatever. Then they say shmoopy shit and the chapter ends.

[snarkformysanity]

Cassian be like

[snarkformysanity]

House of Flame and Shadow Chapter 77

We continue exactly where we left off, with Nesta replying to Bryce's question as if there weren't a honking great chapter break right in the middle of the conversation. To my delight, she says no, despite Bryce saying it's a "plea" because she apparently needs yet another power-up to defeat the Asteri. Bryce, if you're going to ask her for anything, ask her for Ataraxia. You know, the sword you literally watched her kill an Asteri with? Oh, also, apparently Rhys is coming, but really slowly and dramatically.

Nesta laughed, pure ice. “You expect me to trust a female who tried to deceive and outsmart us at every turn?”

Yeah, exactly. I don't know what you expected, Bryce. Especially since there was no damn reason you had to trick them in the first place.

“I did outsmart you,” Bryce said coolly,

.........yeah, Bryce. Cause that's totally what the problem is and will make her change her mind. Seriously, how can she be so fucking un-self-aware?

We continue in this vein for about a page, until Bryce declares that all the dead children in the Meadows were killed just to get back at her and Hunt for escaping the Asteri. Sure, Bryce. Whatever. Make the dead children all about you. Selfish cow. See, this is how I know the book views them as nothing but props, it has absolutely no qualms about saying shit like this.

And then.... uh.......

Bryce couldn’t stop the tears that slid down her cheeks, turning instantly to ice. “I know you don’t trust me. You have no reason to. But I promise I’ll return the Mask. I brought collateral—to prove that my intentions are good. That I will give it back.” And with that, Bryce ushered her parents forward.

........................................bruh. She literally brought her parents with her to use them as collateral in this exchange. And they, of course, had no fucking idea, because why would she tell them a little detail like that? I....................................................... I don't have any words. What the actual, actual fuck, Bryce?

Also, you're going to prove your good intentions by tricking and lying to more people right in front of Nesta, yeah, I'm sure that'll convince her, Bryce. As soon as she realises you lied to them, she'll probably figure you have no intention of coming back, because, ya know, they'd be pissed you lied to them and such, and why would a lying weasel like you ever willingly face the consequences of your actions? Assuming we were in a book that had consequences, of course.

It tore Bryce’s heart out to do it,

Bull-fucking-shit. Shut your mouth, Bryce. We didn't even have any inkling you were so much as thinking about the mask until just now, let alone that you "needed" it to defeat the Asteri. And you expect us to feel bad for you for "having" to make this exchange? We didn't even know an exchange needed to happen! How are we meant to feel bad about any of it when it's all come right the fuck out of nowhere?

Nesta’s eyes flared with shock, but she mastered it instantly, squaring her shoulders. “And if you die in the process?” “Then my parents will be safer stuck in your world than in mine.”

OHHHH YOU FILTHY FUCKING HYPOCRITE, BRYCE! IS THIS NOT THE EXACT THING YOU WERE CONDEMNING THEIA FOR, JUST WITH THE PARENT/CHILD ROLE REVERSED??? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK??????

I loathe her. I fucking loathe her. What an absolute scum-sucking waste of breathable air.

Oh, her parents not only weren't told, but still have no idea what's going on btw, because Bryce and Nesta are speaking in Prythian the whole time. So far as they know, Bryce just randomly ushered them forward and now things are tense.

“I don’t have anything greater to offer you than this,” Bryce said, voice cracking. “It’s not about offering me anything.”

You know why it's so hard to feel sorry for Bryce here, apart from the fact that she is literal pond-scum? THE FACT THAT SHE DIDN'T EVEN ASK HER PARENTS IF THEY'D BE WILLING TO DO THIS! SHE HAS LITERALLY SPRUNG THIS ON THEM OUT OF NOWHERE, AND THEY HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA! "I don't have anything greater to offer you than this" GO FUCK YOURSELF WITH AN ACTUAL CACTUS BRYCE, THEIR LIVES ARE NOT YOURS TO OFFER! THIS IS LITERAL VILLAIN-SPEAK!

Like, seriously. All she had to do was something like "hey mum and dad, I've turned into a power-hungry bitch who wants all the level-ups for herself, are you willing to go be hostages to some strange fae you've never met who are Just As Bad as Midgard's fae (shhh mum I know you don't trust fae, just shut up for a sec) so I can have their cool mask?", and if they said yes, we'd be sweet.

Bryce bit back her sob, and her parents turned to her, confused and trusting, angry on her behalf without knowing why.

But, alas. She did not. And we have this utter farce instead. Hunt knows, though. And he's just as bad as Bryce for not saying anything to them. What utter tools, the pair of them. Oh, but it gets worse. Some-fucking-how.

How it had killed [Bryce] to leave Cooper behind, because it would have been too suspicious to insist he come on so dangerous a mission.

Literally the only reason she didn't also give her brother over as a hostage is because she couldn't think of a plausible excuse to drag him to the Arctic. Because for some reason she has to fucking trick them. Eat shit and die Bryce. Die in an actual fucking fire. You are a pustule on the face of humanity.

“Bryce?” her mom asked. “What’s going on?” Bryce couldn’t stop her tears as she looked at her mom, at her dad. Possibly for the last time. “Nothing,” she said, and faced Nesta again.

AND SHE WON'T EVEN TELL THEM WHEN THEY ASK HER DIRECTLY! THIS FUCKING BITCH!

“If you won’t give me the Mask,” she said to the female, “then take them anyway.” Nesta blinked.

Same, honestly. Well, not honestly. I know why she's saying this. The book wants her to look so broken and hopeless and desperate that she'll do it anyway, whether out of feeble hope of Nesta caving or that her parents, at least, will be safe. And the book has no idea just how fucking manipulative that is. Forcing her parents on Nesta as hostages anyway, so that Nesta feels obligated to reciprocate. And, once again, this is what she was getting all holier-than-thou over when she learned that Theia sent her daughters to Prythian in a bid to protect them, and only them. She's now doing the exact same thing with her parents.

Nesta confirms that yeah, Bryce is saying she's just gonna dump her parents in Prythian, possibly never seeing them again.

“Yes,” Bryce said. “I need Hunt to help me against the Asteri. But my parents are human. They’ll be easy targets for the Asteri—they’re already being hunted by them. They’re good people.” She fought back another sob. “They’re the best people.”

It's like we're playing villain bingo, I swear. And speaking of, Rhys is still rumbling closer on the other side with all his night and Primal Rage. Perfect place to leave your parents.

Of course, it fucking works. Nesta gives her the mask. At least she wasn't so moved by Bryce's posing that she refused to take her parents, but still. I wouldn't put it past Bryce to just abandon them in Prythian. You know, surrounded by predatory, human-hating fae, none of whom speak their language, trapped on a literal other planet with no way of getting home, and she didn't even FUCKING TELL THEM what was going on........ daughter of the year, right here.

Then [the mask] was in Bryce’s gloved fingers, and it was unholy and empty and cruel—but the star in her chest seemed to purr in its presence.

Of course it's fucking purring. It's "meant" to be with Bryce, after all. Fuck, I hate this. Words cannot express how much I hate this.

“Thank you,” Bryce said again. The darkness was now blotting out the city below Nesta’s window.

Rhys, can you please stop being a drama queen and come kill them all before the portal closes? Please? This is literally the slowest he's ever moved, I swear.

And fuck me. She doesn't even tell her parents what's going on after the deal is made, no, she just gets Hunt to shove them through the portal without a word. Bryce, NO ONE THERE SPEAKS THEIR LANGUAGE, THEY'RE GOING TO BE SCARED SHITLESS AND HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS GOING ON! AND RHYS IS IN FUCKING KILL MODE WHILE RANDALL'S GOT A GUN, AND THEY STILL THINK THEY'RE GOING TO HELL! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?????

Just. Fuck this. Fuck all of it.

Snow and mist returned. The Rift was shut. And her parents were on the other side of it. Bryce’s knees wobbled.

God, stop being melodramatic. Of all the unearned angst in this book, this is by far the most insulting. You absolutely did not have to do this, Bryce. Why do you even need the mask, specifically?

She had the Mask. And the Horn. And Theia’s star. And the blades. It would have to be enough to take on living gods.

Well, Nesta took one on with literally just a sword. Skill issue, Bryce.

It should have been a relief, to know her parents were in that other world, with people who she had learned were decent and kind, but her mom would never forgive her. Randall would never forgive her. Not just for throwing them into that world, but for leaving Cooper behind.

Okay, firstly, when did you learn that the Prythians were decent and kind? You only briefly spoke to Rhys and Amren, and neither of them were particularly decent or kind. And as for Nesta and Azriel, well, you spent most of your time with them lying to them and tricking them for no god-damn reason, so even if they were decent and kind (debatable), why the fuck would they want to look after your parents? And oh, they won't forgive you? OF COURSE THEY FUCKING WON'T, YOU LITERALLY THREW THEM ONTO AN ALIEN PLANET THAT THEY THINK IS HELL WITH NO FUCKING EXPLANATION I JUST?????? WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU THINK FORGIVENESS IS EVEN AN OPTION HERE?????? And don't even start with that "leaving Emile behind" shit. That is not why they'll be fucking angry, not in any sane book. But I bet that ends up being the only problem and everything else is hunky-dory apart from that.

Oh, and speaking of Emile, what's he going to think about his parents literally vanishing into thin air on him? The poor kid's already lost all his family and been through a concentration camp, and this is what you're putting him through now, Bryce? I thought his wellbeing was your main motivation last book?

And then the Harpy swoops out of the ether.

Right as the Harpy, clad in white to camouflage her against the snow, dove from the mists. Even her black wings had been painted white to blend in.

Then they're probably going to be fucking useless for flying. For all the book's hard-on for wings, it really seems to have no clue how they work.

I was going to do a second chapter, because this one was pretty short, but honestly, I'm too angry. Bryce is actual scum.

[legendeyesgold]

@snarkformysanity (My comment was going to be very long... So I decided to turn it into a post instead lol sorry for bothering you.)

Feyre's analogy about Tamlin being the villain for throwing away the key is ridiculous in my opinion.

I understand that Sarah wanted an analogy of "an abusive man who keeps his wife captive to control her", But the scene only works if there's no real threat, and him trying to instill paranoia in his own wife and scare her on purpose (Like Rapunzel's mother, Gothel). The whole context of the scene seems more like an analogy of "a person (Feyre) mentally bad/without conditions insisting on doing something that could to place them and others Innocent people are in danger, so another person (Tamlin) stops them from committing such a reckless act."... Do you know why this happens? Because in ACOTAR there are enemies who could capture Feyre, there was danger, Feyre really wasn't thinking clearly and had no sense of self-preservation at that moment, She could snap and end up hurting someone because her powers were out of control

The book proves his decision was right, as Feyre's powers were unleashed on their own in the split second she was inside the mansion... That's because Feyre's emotions are intertwined with her power. This is actually common throughout the saga, not exclusive to one character. (Just to be clear... We see in Acosf that, in reality, this is nothing more than an intervention... at least, it depends on which character is doing it... If you're not the IC, then you're wrong... You're bad, So much so that there are many people in the fandom who treat one thing as terrible and the other as helping someone in a bad mental state... We criticize Tamlin, but not the IC... )

This isn't to defend Tamlin, but rather to show that Feyre's analogy is TERRIBLE and that she admits, without realizing it later in the book, that she shouldn't have been on the front lines, otherwise it would be a hindrance.

I understand Feyre's frustration about going out and doing nothing radical, but that doesn't mean Tamlin is any less right in wanting her to stay.It was the most sensible thing to do, yes... even though I don't like his attitude..., it's undeniable that his reasoning wasn't wrong... And it amazes me that Feyre sees him as "the villain who throws away the key" just because he didn't want her to die... Because he couldn't trust Feyre to understand what going with him meant, because she was only thinking about her need for adrenaline and risking her life, just because, apparently, UTM awakened in her a sense of urgency and a desire to no longer live a quiet life... That's why Rhys is good for Feyre, because Rhys doesn't care if Feyre risks her own life or doesn't care about risking hers without clarifying anything beforehand...

Tamlin simply didn't understand that Feyre at that moment was a frustrated Bord Collins with pent-up energy who needed action and to risk her own life to feel good and useful...Why? Because the guy is super protective and he met Feyre as the human who chose him BECAUSE HE IS PROTECTIVE.

In the end, I still think Feyre shouldn't have ended up with anyone, and that Tamlin and Rhys are both toxic figures; what changes is that one has become romanticized and Feyre chose as final partner.

If I was hypocritical at any point, I apologize... It's very difficult not to be, even unintentionally, because Sarah keeps recycling scenes and plot within the saga... giving another meaning or romanticizing in favor of their "good" characters

[snarkformysanity]

I agree that it's a ridiculous analogy. And it falls down even further when we remember that Rhys had already kidnapped and imprisoned her twice by that point, and laughed in her face when she asked to go home. That sounds a lot more like "throwing away the key" to me than saying "no, you can't follow me into a battlefield, go out for a ride instead if you need to get out of the house" and then shutting her in when she refused to listen.

The main issue (well, one of the main issues, there's a lot) is that the book just completely ignores context that does not support Feyre's assertions. According to her, Tamlin isn't concerned about Rhys's spy eye and wants to break their bond before letting her in on state secrets; he's just being mean and controlling and shutting her out of things she thinks she's entitled to hear. Tamlin isn't doing his duty to his people; he's ignoring her suffering. Tamlin isn't struggling with his own trauma; he's just being controlling. And so on.

It would all be fine and dandy if it were just because we were in Feyre's head, and the rest of the world considered the context. But that's not what happened. Rhys and the IC validate every single one of Feyre's assertions without question. And even if we put that down to them just trying to manipulate her into staying with them, we see the same thing happen again when the other High Lords immediately turn against Tamlin at the meeting, despite having nothing but Feyre/the Night Court's word about what happened. They, of all people, should be considering the wider context. But they never do. And so, when *readers* start to consider it, the whole story becomes really jarring, and it makes every single character look like a blind, biased idiot. Because to us, it's really obvious why Tamlin is doing what he's doing, even if we don't necessarily agree with his methods. But the book just completely ignores those reasons and insists it's all because he's an abusive jerk, no more, no less. It's very frustrating.

[justspiders]

...I don't know why I couldn't let this go.

[snarkformysanity]

A Court of Mist and Fury Chapter 58

We've hit the 88% mark, which means we should be kicking off the climax we've spent the last few chapters allegedly building to. Let's see how long the book manages to stall before anything interesting happens.

Our protagonists return to Velaris with the second half of the book, and give it to Amren.

Two days passed. Amren still hadn’t cracked the code.

It's...... not a code. It's another language. We've been over this, book.

Rhys and Mor left in the early afternoon to visit the Court of Nightmares—to return the Veritas to Keir without his knowing,

Which they can apparently do without needing to parade Feyre around as a whore to "distract" him. Huh.... almost like it wasn't necessary the first time either, or something.....

Feyre summarises the plan and the (alleged) stakes for us, which is just as well, because I'd mostly forgotten, I won't lie. Too much waffle in between. But yes, the plan is to use the book to nullify the Cauldron, though Feyre suspects there will probably be a battle anyway.

It was of [the mortal queens] that I most frequently thought. Of the two-faced, golden-eyed queen with not just a lion’s coloring … but a lion’s heart, too.

"Two-faced" and "lion-hearted" are kinda contradicting each other there, book. Also....... I'd argue that going behind your..... co-rulers? Peers? Whatever the fuck the queens are to each other?'s backs because you, personally, disagree with their... well, not even their decision, they hadn't made one yet, their desire to think before deciding, isn't a particularly "lion-hearted" thing to do. But, whatever. We all know the book doesn't use sense or consistency to measure such things. If someone does nice things for the protagonists, they get nice adjectives. If someone is a stinky human, they get bad adjectives. If someone is both, they get both adjectives. It doesn't actually matter what said person says or does beyond that.

I’d realized [Cassian and Azriel had] come to stay for company, to dine with me, and … the Illyrians had taken it upon themselves to look after me.

Look after you, huh? What, like sentries? I thought that was bad tho????

Again. No sense. No consistency. Only suffering.

Oooh! Feyre actually brings it up!

I’d written to Rhys, How do I tell Cassian and Azriel I don’t need them here to protect me? Company is fine, but I don’t need sentries. He’d written back, You don’t tell them. You set boundaries if they cross a line, but you are their friend—and my mate. They will protect you on instinct. If you kick their asses out of the house, they’ll just sit on the roof.

So.... his response is basically "fucking deal with it, they don't give a shit what you want." Great. But I guess it's only a bad thing in Spring? Because Feyre just rolls her eyes and banters like it's nbd. The hypocrisy is truly staggering.

I’d almost felt his laughter down the bond—our mating bond.

No, no, no, book, "the bond" is the spyware he installed on her, back in the day. So far as we know, no other mates can communicate psychically like that. The book is trying to pretend that the spyware and the mating bond are the same thing. They're not. They're really not.

Anyway, Feyre summarises a whole lot of not much happening apart from her being horny, and her and Cassian going to see a vaguely-described symphony. Then, she says she wants to get a present for her sisters, as thanks for helping them, and Cassian promises to send it.

I wondered if he’d send anything to Nesta while he was at it.

Why would he? Nesta doesn't like him and has made that very clear. It'd just be harassment at this point.

Feyre muses on how she can sense water stuff, or something.

Could Tarquin sense such things? Did he sleep in his island-palace on the sea and swim through the dreams of fishes?

Given you got your water powers from him, I assume so? Unless the book legitimately believes that Feyre is just that fucking special. Wouldn't put it past it.

And then, Feyre starts talking to Cassian about Nesta, and actually says some nice things about her that aren't completely backhanded. But...

“I just—thought you should know. For whenever you see her again and she pisses you off. Which I’m certain will happen. But know that deep down, she is grateful, and perhaps does not possess the ability to say so. Yet the feeling—the heart—is there.”

She caps it off with this, and while it can be read as a sort of "just give her a chance, she isn't actually such a bitch," it can unfortunately also be read as "oh, don't worry about it if she tells you to fuck off, she doesn't really mean it, and also she fundamentally lacks the ability to express gratitude anyway." Which, given how their relationship plays out..... yeahh.

Anyway, Something happens then, and Feyre and Cassian go on alert, and we also spend a paragraph describing Cassian's battle armour. And then we see that there's some sort of flying things approaching from the ocean.

“There’s no Illyrian patrol that’s supposed to know about this place … ,” [Cassian] said, as if it were an answer.

Well damn, if only you told some of your soldiers about this place. Maybe they could like, defend it, or something. Wild.

But an Illyrian blade had appeared in Cassian’s hand, twin to the one across his back. A fighting knife now shone in the other. He held them both out to me.

Where did he pull them from? His ass? If he can conjure weapons out of thin air, then why does he need to wear one on his back (which is a stupid place to wear weapons that you need quick access to btw, but I think I've ranted about that in the past).

Anyway, Cassian's trying to tell Feyre to go back to one of Rhys's houses, she refuses, Cassian summons a big shield to block all the flying attackers. And then Feyre gets a proper look at them.

They were not just any manner of faerie. Any rising magic in me sputtered and went out at the sight of them. They were all like the Attor.

Dun dun dun!

...............yeah, uh, what did the Attor actually *do* that was so bad? Aside from be described as scary-scary and also evil, of course. Cause the only thing I can think of is "sneer." Well, anyway, they're all wearing magic-breaking gauntlets, so they can just punch through Cassian's shield. Yeah, some extra soldiers on hand would be pretty nice right now, huh? Shame they're all segregated to the mountains...

There's some general battle chaos described, screams, the usual. It's all in the one-sentence-one-line format that is so very annoying. And then, a particular body is dropped in front of Cassian and Feyre. Much fuss is made of how mutilated it is.

Someone on the bridge vomited, then kept running.

We even have a random NPC stop, throw up, and then leave, just so we know how horrible it's meant to be. Which is a weirdly hilarious image to me for some reason. But, it's the unnamed golden queen. And then the Attor lands nearby to taunt them. How Feyre knows it's the Attor as opposed to any of these other Attors is anyone's guess.

“Regards,” it hissed, “of the mortal queens. And Jurian.”

Oh, right, Jurian's a thing. And we still have no idea why the fuck Hybern would want to resurrect the former leader of the human rebellion, or why anyone thinks Jurian would side with humanity's former oppressors..... no, his lover leaving him doesn't count. It explains none of this bullshit.

Cassian orders Feyre to go home again and then takes off, so she decides to stand in the street and look around.

Around me, hole after hole was punched through that red shield, those winged creatures pouring in, dumping the Hybern soldiers they had carried across the sea. Soldiers of every shape and size—lesser faeries.

.......................................you know, I think it was in Crescent City (can't remember which book though) where I talked a bit about the concept of an "invasion fantasy." Basically where the story is "hey, you know how we invaded and colonised and oppressed these people? Yeah, well, imagine if they did that to us, how awful would that be, right? What monsters they would be!" Why is it being pointed out to us that the soldiers are lesser faeries, as if it's somehow meaningful? Is this the book's equivalent of an unwashed barbarian horde? That the glorious High Fae would never stoop to something like siding with the villain or attacking precious Velaris? It's really giving vibes of the "filthy poor people" breaking into the gated community to do the eeeevil things their "nature" demands, and I don't like it.

Minutes to get there and bring as many inside with me as I could. The house was warded. No one would get in, not even these things.

Okay, two things. One, their magic-destroying gloves let them punch through Cassian's shield, so I have no idea why you think your wards are safe. Velaris itself was warded, after all. And two, this seems to be a recurring thing in Maas's works - a protagonist who thinks along the lines of "get as many people into my safe home as possible and then shut the door," and seeming to think that that's a measure of a good person. And don't get me wrong, it's better than shutting the door in people's faces, and is probably all any of us could do in a crisis - but it's also not exactly protagonist material. We hold them to higher standards than ourselves. It's just interesting that it comes up so often, both Bryce and Feyre do it.

They had done this. Those queens had … had given this city of art and music and food over to these … monsters.

While it stands to reason to accuse the queens, I'd like to take this opportunity to point out that, to the rest of the world, Rhysand is exactly this kind of monster too. That he has a secret rich party city that only the cool kids can go to is irrelevant. The rest of his court, that he is responsible for, is no different to Hybern. At least, based on what we've been told.

Some description of Cassian and Azriel blowing up attors, and also of attors killing people.

This was not an attack to sack the city. It was an extermination.

Porque no los dos? The two aren't actually mutually exclusive.

And rising up before me, merely a few blocks down, the Rainbow of Velaris was bathed in blood. The Attor and his ilk had converged there. As if the queens had told him where to strike; where in Velaris would be the most defenseless. The beating heart of the city.

Okay, it makes sense to accuse the queens of tattling, but this is an absolute reach. All they saw was some drone footage, they don't know shit about which part of the city is what. And, once again, it's only defenceless because Rhys, in his infinite wisdom, decided that his soldiers were too poor and evil to be allowed in Precious Velaris. No one to blame but himself.

Where was Rhys, where was my mate—

Don't know, don't care, frankly.

Amren is also fighting, and then much fuss starts being made over how the Artist Quarter is defenceless. You know, because character arcs, or something.

If I died defending them, defending that small place in the world where art thrived …

Because as we all know, there's literally nowhere else in the world where there is art. Definitely not in the Spring Court's fucking art gallery, or anything like that.

Feyre describes a random faerie lady defending her store (and the people hiding inside it) with a broken pipe, and just with that this lady has shown more guts than any of the Inner Circle have through the whole book. But, I must ask - does no one in Velaris know how to fight except the Inner Circle? Like sure, maybe the professional army doesn't live here, because segregation and Rhys is a fucking idiot, but is there no militia or something? Or even private citizens who just train because they like it? Like yeah, sure, no one knows about Velaris so it's allegedly safe, etc, etc, but like. It still beggars belief. But this little passage is the only indication we've got that anyone not in the Inner Circle is fighting.

Feyre goes back to the river and summons water wolves to fight with her.

Wolf after wolf roared out of the Sidra, as colossal as the one I had once killed, pouring into the streets, racing upward.

Oh look, the brainwashing has even erased Andras's name from her memory. Lovely.

Feyre keeps fighting with her powers, and it's actually kind of a cool scene. These books can do action well.

Ice that was so cold it had existed before light, before the sun had warmed the earth.

When they're not being melodramatic about it, that is.

More fighting, and then Feyre sees the Attor flying away.

It would fly back to Hybern—to the king. It had chosen to come here, to lead them. For spite.

Er, or because it was ordered to? Spite would be very far down the list of motivations, imo. Even evil characters have reasons for why they do things, and spite is rarely it for a reason. It's a weak and petty motivation. Bad guy bad because bad, and all that. Pathetic.

Rhys finally rocks up, yelling in Feyre's head as if his city isn't currently being ripped apart and maybe he should do something about that. Feyre just says a cheesy dramatic line, grabs some convenient poisoned arrows that are lying around, and winnows into the air. But we'll have to find out about that next time.

[snarkformysanity]

House of Flame and Shadow Chapters 74-76

We pick up with Ithan. He's just bitten the Fendyr sword, which split into seven shards because the book thinks that counts as symbolism, and launches into a holier-than-thou speech to Sabine about how the sword was "just a piece of metal." To which my response is... yeah, so? Plenty of things in life are "just" some mundane material or another, doesn't make the emotions people attach to them any less legitimate. This book, for instance. It's "just paper" (well, mine's an ebook, but still), and yet it brings some people immense joy, and others immense pain and suffering. Are any of those emotions lessened because it's "just paper?" Honestly, just goes to show that the book really does not understand symbolism.

Sigrid's also going after the Astronomer, btw.

The Astronomer didn’t get the chance to plead his case. Sigrid, either from spite or lost to her hunger, left the old man no time to scream as she leapt upon him and fitted her mouth against his.

So....... the Astronomer has kept her locked in a tank since she was four, a state of being which last book spent far too many chapters rhapsodising about how it was a "half life" and such, and the only options this book can come up with for why she might want to kill him are "spite" and "hunger?" And not, I don't know, anger???? Just because Sigrid's a villain now???? I really should stop being surprised at the depths this book will sink to.

Ithan and Sabine fight. Well, I say "fight", he disembowels her with one swing and then we stop for some cliches.

“Everything I have done,” Sabine panted up at him, “has been for the wolves.” “It’s been for yourself,” Ithan spat, stopping before her. She sneered, revealing blood-coated teeth. “You will lead them to ruin.” “We’ll see”

In any sane world, he *would* lead them to ruin, but unfortunately for you and I this book is not a sane world. But yes, then he kills her. And then goes on to demonstrate what a great leader he'll be.

But once her blood hit his tongue, red washed over his vision, blazing, burning. He was rage and snarls and fangs. He was blood and entrails and primal fury— “Ithan.” Perry’s quavering voice shook him from the daze. [...] “I yield.” She added a heartbeat later, “I yield to the Prime.” The words struck a chord in him, one of despair and suffocation. But he couldn’t stop it—the instinct to reach forward and lightly clamp his teeth around Perry’s slender throat. To take that cinnamon-and-strawberry taste into his mouth. To accept her submission to him. Her recognition. [...] It was either submit to him, or die. As a potential rival, he’d have had no choice but to kill [Amelie].

Amelie tastes worse than Perry, btw. Because of course she's does, she's a designated villain, donchaknow?

“Hail Ithan,” Amelie said, loud enough for all to hear, “Prime of the Valbaran Wolves.” In answer, a chorus of howls went up from around the Den. Then the city. Then the wilderness beyond the city walls. As if all of Midgard hailed him.

Ugh. And we try and pretend this was an arc by closing it with yet another make your brother proud and a "male wolf" howling from the Bone Quarter, too. Because of course we do. Don't you know? This author was paid by the cliche.

Next chapter opens with Ruhn. He insists he doesn't recognise the city, because it's so Changed with all the Asteri goons there now. He and Lidia are creeping through the sewers, trying to get into the Comitium to find Isaiah and Naomi. But also, Declan and Flynn have gone somewhere else to find them, so idk. Whatever. Ruhn also calls Lidia his girlfriend, there's shmoopiness.

Ahead, Ruhn saw that they were approaching a dented metal door marked Do Not Enter. “Now, that’s practically an invitation,” he said, earning a laugh from Lidia as he kicked in the door.

.....why go to all the trouble of sneaking through sewers and planning to hide in shadows and avoid cameras if you're just going to make a ruckus kicking in metal doors?

POV switch to Tharion, so he can tell us how he doesn't recognise the city because of all the boats on the water.

And right by the Black Dock … the SPQM Faustus. The very Omega-boat they’d barely outrun that day on Ydra.

Ser Pajesty's Qunathion Mhip? I don't think the Romans used SPQR for ship names. Also, er, what omega boat on Ydra? And where was Ydra again? You have way too much padding to be making throwbacks like this, book.

He hadn’t dared venture into the northernmost part of the city to see the damage to Asphodel Meadows. They weren’t here for that,

I mean. We all knew this, but it's nice to see the text explicitly state this. Fuck the humans, amirite?

Well, Tharion is glaring at the boats and posturing about how he should totally blow them up, while Sathia reminds him that they have a mission and doing that would kind of ruin it.

But yeah, not much happens, a random otter jumps out of the water, Tharion asks it to take a message requesting a meeting to the River Queen, it does.

POV switch to..... I thought it was Bryce, but it's actually Hunt. They're arguing with her mum about opening the rift.

“This doesn’t seem safe,” Ember said for the fifth time

I know, it doesn't. We still have no idea why the fuck they brought you. Or Randall, for that matter, given the only "skills" I figured he might have would be survival skills for the trek. Which they bypassed by just flying/teleporting there, so who knows.

“Trust her, Ember,” Randall said, but from the tightness in his voice, Hunt knew the man wasn’t too happy, either.

Wait. Did the book just...... use the M word???????

What is going on???????

Bryce asks Hunt to power her up for some reason, even though, as he points out, she has all her shiny new uberpower from her level-ups. But they're going to do it anyway, because symbolism. And pretending Hunt is relevant, I guess.

Answers—at long last, answers about why he was what he was, about why he and no one else had the lightning. Even the thunderbirds, made by Hel, had been hunted to extinction by the Asteri. With Sofie’s death, they were truly gone.

I bet if you think about it for like two seconds Hunt, you can work out why no one else has the lightning. You literally do all the reasoning right after saying that, you just never connect the thoughts for some reason and pretend like it's a mystery.

Though the Harpy’s resurrection—another thing that was his fucking fault—suggested that the Asteri now had other methods of raising the dead.

They......... used your lightning for that tho...............? That's why it's your fault???

I don't know. The book is somehow making less and less sense as it goes on.

Fuck me, in the very next sentence he acknowledges that they need his lightning for their "other methods." Where the everliving fuck were the editors?

We get a dramatic countdown, and then the chapter closes on this line:

He launched a spear of lightning at his mate.

Which............ sure. I don't know why you need to phrase it like that, but sure. I'm tired.

Next chapter, it is again unclear whose POV we start out in, but I think it's Hunt again. Begging the question of why we needed a chapter break, except for fake tension, of course. And..... apparently they're not opening the portal to hell after all?

The Northern Rift had been fixed on Hel—until now. Until his power had passed through not only the Horn on Bryce, but the star on her chest, too—that link to a different world. Reorienting the Gate, as it had that day in the Eternal Palace, to open elsewhere. That was their theory, at least.

Dear god, no. I thought we were done with Prythian. The only way I'll accept this is if Nesta comes through and wipes out all the Vanir. Also, yes, it is yet another plan we knew nothing about despite being in their heads the whole way here. What else is new.

“That’s enough, Hunt,” Ember warned. Hunt ignored her and sent another spike of power into his mate.

I wonder who cares more for Bryce's wellbeing here?

And oooh, it is Nesta who's on the other side of the portal! But we POV switch to Tharion before anything can happen with that.

The River Queen sat in a chair before a computer panel in the control room connected to the west air lock,

I distinctly remember Tharion saying that the River Queen didn't believe in computers, or any sort of tech, and that's why her daughter didn't know what a double date was. Mostly because it was bullshit.

Tharion tries to convince us that this is Very Dangerous and he's totally going to die, while Sathia displays the book's first actual showing of something approaching royal manners in her greeting to the River Queen. Unfortunately, though, it doesn't really matter, because...

The River Queen’s dark eyes swept over Sathia. “Am I supposed to open my arms to the female who usurped my daughter?”

Yeah. I mean, what did they expect? This is literally what caused the Red Wedding in A Song of Ice and Fire.

The River Queen, mercifully, gets straight to the point.

“I take it,” the River Queen said, “you want something very badly from me, if you have come back to risk my wrath.”

Tharion confirms as much, and the River Queen asks why the hell he thought his wife was going to aid in that cause, once again pointing out that it makes no fucking sense that he brought her. Much like with taking Ember and Randall to the northern rift, I'm just scratching my head at how anyone thought this was a good idea.

But, well, if you thought there would be any actual consequences from this, you've clearly forgotten what book we're reading here, and instead of smiting them both where they stand, the River Queen just wishes Sathia luck.

“I thank you,” Sathia said with such sincerity that Tharion nearly bought it, too. “May your good wishes fly straight to Urd’s ears.” Okay, maybe he’d underestimated his wife. She seemed more comfortable in this setting than he was.

Tharion is flabbergasted by the concept of royal platitudes. How the fuck did he do anything even remotely close to being a spymaster?

Indeed, the River Queen seemed intrigued enough by Sathia’s grace under fire

I'm intrigued, too. I didn't think the book could manage it, but here we are. It's a very basic and surface level take, of course, but at least it's in the right ballpark for once.

Anyway, Tharion says he's here on behalf of Bryce to request that the River Queen take refugees from Crescent City. Why she needs Bryce's prompting to do this when she was perfectly happy to do it off her own bat last time is anyone's guess. I suppose it's to try and make Bryce look important. The River Queen has no particular reaction to Bryce's alleged titles.

“Am I supposed to be pleased to hear you have yet again defected?” “I did what my morals demanded,” Tharion said.

Lol, what morals?

The River Queen agrees with me, but Sathia gives a little speech about how he's Changed, and.... sure, Sathia. You've totally known him long enough to gauge that.

The River Queen’s eyes narrowed, clearly thinking along the same lines. “And this Queen Bryce thought Tharion the best emissary to beg me for such an enormous favor?”

Yeah, I know. It beggars belief. But then, she is the worst possible queen, I suppose it makes sense that she would send the worst possible envoy.

Sathia’s chin didn’t lower. “She remembered how Tharion and your people so bravely and selflessly carried innocents down here to safety during the attack this spring.” Damn, she was good.

She's doing okay, book. I know it's 5D-chess by your usual standards, but settle down, please.

The River Queen waved a hand toward the window overlooking the depths and the monsters prowling beyond. “And does she have a good reason why I shouldn’t kill Tharion where he stands and send his body out to the river beasts?”

Porque no los dos?

Sathia didn’t even glance toward the circling sobeks. “Because he is now in Queen Bryce’s employ. You strike him down, and you shall have the Fae to deal with.”

Correction: she'll have Bryce's friends to deal with. None of the other fae have acknowledged her. The Avallen fae were even actively rejecting her, if all the gang's affronted-ness at not being offered their homes is anything to go by.

There's a bit more of the book losing it's mind over Sathia's average politicking skills, before Tharion decides he's going to have a crack at it.

Tharion dared say, turning his voice into a mirror of his wife’s poised calm, “Bryce counts the Princes of Hel as allies.” “Then she is an enemy to Midgard.

Yeah, Tharion. No one else knows that the demons are on your side, remember? Fucking idiot.

But, yeah, it's essentially Tharion stealing Sathia's thunder with D-tier quips, and the River Queen is about to comment on opposing the Asteri when her daughter bursts into the room. Naturally, this means it's time to switch to Bryce.

There's a bit of generic freaking out and posturing about Nesta's presence and the whole rift thing. Bryce is the only one who can speak to her, of course, because language barrier.

Some of that silver flame was starting to build at [Nesta's] fingertips. Would it withstand Bryce’s starfire? Especially with the force of that leveled-up power in her body behind it? But she hadn’t come here for that.

"But she hadn't come here for that" yeah, which is naturally why you think of it before anything else. Ugh. Also, it really bugs me how the book refers to Bryce levelling up as levelling up in-universe. Like...... it's such a video game term, you know? Really messing with my suspension of disbelief here. What little of it remained, anyway.

Bryce says she wants to talk to Nesta, and Nesta makes a bid for her to return Truth-Teller before the book decrees she be distracted by Hunt.

Bryce nodded, and motioned Hunt to step forward. “Hunt Athalar.” She’d never fucking use Danaan again. For either of them.

.............when has Danaan ever been used for Hunt? And you only ever used it when you were throwing your princess weight around, Bryce. But, yes, Bryce eventually gets back to the point.

Bryce squared her shoulders. “I need you to give me the Mask.”

........oh, fuck off, Bryce. You do not deserve even more uber artifacts. Hell, you don't even deserve the ones you have already. I seriously hope Nesta tells her to get fucked, but we'll have to wait until next time to find out.

[legendeyesgold]

I'm purposely looking for things to complain about regarding Rhys (if I'm being unfair, it's on purpose lol)

Much is said about the fact that Tamlin never woke up to help Feyre with her nightmares... But little is said about the fact that Rhys spent months knowing Feyre was unwell, and never did anything...He loves Feyre, but even knowing she was unwell and having nightmares, he never used his powers to ease her sleep? He never used the agreement as an excuse to take her to NC and help her?

He was capable, he just didn't do it because he didn't want to... He only comes to help Feyre on her wedding day, and she didn't even want his help... He only uses her thoughts as an excuse on that day!

Tamlin, at least, had the excuse that he couldn't read minds, that he was a heavy sleeper, that Feyre never got sick while he was watching the room, or that he never got sick right after her...Feyre never confronted Tamlin about the matter, she never called him after feeling unwell... We also don't know if he knew and simply ignored it for 404 reasons. Rhys doesn't have those excuses... He knew and did nothing, not even using his powers to help.

@snarkformysanity

[snarkformysanity]

It's a very good point you've made. And honestly, whether Tamlin could or couldn't have done more largely doesn't matter for your main point - Rhys didn't do anything either. It's like, the one time where doing some mind trickery without asking could be framed as okay (easing her nightmares/suffering in general). We know he's capable of such things, because he claims to have done as much for Clare Beddor as she was being tortured. And even if he wanted to "let Feyre Choose(TM)", he could still have eased her suffering without rocking up to take her away.

But then, if we think about it, Feyre's suffering served his purposes. It drove her away from Tamlin and towards him. There's an argument to be made that easing Feyre's suffering might have disguised how bad (according to the book) Tamlin was being, leading to her staying longer than she otherwise would have, and that's a valid point. But, at the same time, Rhys could have stepped in with his bargain sooner. Instead, he waited for the absolute most disruptive moment possible, the middle of their wedding ceremony. When it would have caused as much chaos and friction between Feyre and Tamlin (and Spring at large) as possible. He didn't *have* to wait for precisely that moment. He could have come before, or even after. And yet, that is the moment he chose.

And that's what makes his earlier silence look more calculated imo. If he was genuinely concerned about Tamlin's awfulness, then getting Feyre out of there should have been priority number one, rather than leaving her there to "see for herself." When he does act, it's too... theatrically timed for me to buy it as genuine concern.

[snarkformysanity]

A Court of Mist and Fury Chapters 56-57

Last time, Rhys came so hard he apparently caused an avalanche, and any last vestiges of hope that all the stuff UtM might be addressed with anything resembling dignity were evaporated. This time, we're back in the Illyrian camp, because apparently we're going to meet the mortal queens again soon.

Rhys winnowed us to the Illyrian camp. We wouldn’t be staying long enough to be at risk—and with ten thousand Illyrian warriors surrounding us on the various peaks, Rhys doubted anyone would be stupid enough to attack.

Remember, Hybern tracks his power and uses it to find him. So what he's basically saying here is, he's perfectly happy for the 10000 Illyrians to be his meat shields and cop any residual flak after he's gone. Because if Hybern isn't scared of the Most Powerful High Lord Ever, he probably isn't scared of Illyrian warriors. We all know they're redshirt chaff, so far as the book is concerned.

We’d just appeared in the mud outside the little house when Cassian drawled from behind us, “Well, it’s about time.” The savage, wild snarl that ripped out of Rhys was like nothing I’d heard, and I gripped his arm as he whirled on Cassian.

Yes, I, too, love it when my life partner suddenly behaves like a rabid dog just because we had sex for the first time. Really makes me feel sure of my life decisions.

But no, Cassian thinks it's funny, and meanwhile the entire rest of the camp is fleeing in terror. Ugh. But you guys, he can't possibly do anything about the wing-clipping. Change takes time! Just fucking snarl at them mate, she'll be right.

Anyway, Cassian keeps provoking Rhys and Rhys continues behaving like an animal, but it's all g because it's on purpose, apparently.

[Cassian had] seen the edge in Rhys’s eyes and known he had to dull it before we could go any further. Rhys had known, too. Which was why we’d winnowed here first—and not Velaris.

Because fuck the Illyrians, I guess? It's perfectly fine for them to be in the line of fire for Rhys's little snarly tantrum, but not precious Velaris? The lack of self-awareness of these books truly knows no bounds.

They were a sight to behold, two Illyrian males fighting in the mud and stones, panting and spitting blood.

Only if you're into primal beastman kink, book. Otherwise, it's just fucking pathetic. Grow up and use your damn brain.

If the average male needed a week to adjust … What was required of Rhysand? A month? Two? A year?

Just..... why? Why is this a thing? Why are we so enamored with the idea of our man turning into an utter fucking feral after banging us, to the point where you can't even "let him out" in public because he'll fucking kill people? Why??? I legitimately do not understand. What if I want to have a conversation with him at some point during that week, hmm? Or need help with the chores? Nope, it's not growly-sexy, tough shit me, I guess. And he'll kill me if I don't like it.

Rhys and Cassian continue to fight.

“They’ll be at it for a while,” Mor said, leaning against the threshold of the house. She held open the door. “Welcome to the family, Feyre.” And I thought those might have been the most beautiful words I’d ever heard.

Because when I think "wholesome family vibes", the first thing that springs to mind is a full-blown domestic on the front lawn. Sure. Whatever.

Anyway, we get a summary of the end of the fight, Rhys banging Feyre again, and then winnowing to Velaris. Everyone's waiting for them for dinner, apparently, and they all bow. Because ugh. Then, it's time for banter.

Amren clicked her tongue and instead jerked her chin at me. “I heard you grew fangs in the forest and killed some Hybern beasts. Good for you, girl.”

Hey, remember how Feyre was all traumatised about having to kill those two faeries? And how the IC was supposed to be so supportive and understanding of said trauma? Yeah, neither does the book.

More banter, more wanking over sexy primal mating shit, and then they all fly to the mortal lands (except for Amren).

As we went to show the queens the secret [the Inner Circle had] all suffered so much, for so long, to keep.

It's literally just their bougie party city. It negates absolutely none of the queens' concerns. The CoN still exists and is still doing exactly the same shit irrespective of Velaris also existing. Also, that they'd all suffered "so much" to keep? The Inner Circle haven't suffered shit for it! They were all just sitting pretty in Velaris while Amarantha decimated the rest of Prythian!

Only the eldest and the golden-haired queens came this time.

Yeah, the book is done pretending it can be bothered with icky human side characters. As you can see, they still don't have names, nor do we even know what they're queens of.

Rhys did not so much as lower his head to them as he said, “We appreciate you taking the time to see us again.”

So, Rhys is starting off this important diplomatic meeting where they prove that they're totally secretly good guys by being rude? Good to know. Yes, I'm sure this is meant to be the book getting all hot and bothered over how he's so dominant or whatever. It's just rudeness. Plain and simple. Nothing more or less.

The ancient queen, surveying us all with narrowed eyes, let out a huff. “After being so gravely insulted the last time … ” A simmering glare thrown at Nesta.

Okay, I admittedly don't remember the specifics, but somehow, I doubt Nesta was the rudest of the bunch last time. I mean hell, we've just seen Rhys here, refusing to observe propriety because I guess the book thinks it would make him look like a soyboy. And yet, no such glares will be thrown his way.

I said with surprising calm, “If that is the worst insult any of you have ever received in your lives, I’d say you’re all in for quite a shock when war comes.” The younger one’s lips twitched again, amber eyes alight—a lion incarnate. She purred to me, “So he won your heart after all, Cursebreaker.”

..............what the fuck does that have to do with what Feyre just said? The book just couldn't help itself, could it? I mean, we've gone like..... two-thirds of a page without being reminded that Rhys and Feyre are maaaaaaaaates now, so obviously that couldn't be allowed to stand. But seriously. How the fuck would the unnamed mortal queen know this? And why the fuck would she care?? The aren't meant to be here to discuss Feyre's love life. No one older than a middle schooler thinks love lives are important enough to discuss at diplomatic meetings.

Well, the golden unnamed queen goes off on a tangent about how it's so unfair that Feyre gets to be immortal, or something (only it takes like, a paragraph), and then the old queen tries to get things back on track by asking if the box Mor is holding is the proof they asked for. Thank you, old queen. It really shits me that I have nothing to call you but that.

Don’t do it, my heart began bleating. Don’t show them.

For fuck's sake, Velaris is not that fucking special! No, really, it isn't. I mean sure, I disagree that showing them Velaris actually has a point, since it proves nothing except that they've been lying for hundreds of years, but whatever. If we accept the premise that Velaris is ~*~somehow~*~ going to prove that the queens should trust them, it's still not special enough to be worth all this melodrama. Sorry, book. It's literally just a rich kid's secret party town that his daddy gave him.

Before Mor could so much as nod, I said, “Is my love for the High Lord not proof enough of our good intentions?

Why the fuck would it be? All it proves is that he brainwashed you. His mind-control powers are infamous, after all.

There's a bit of bickering about Elain's engagement and Nesta's presence, which only serves to make me wonder why the fuck we're having these meetings at their house to begin with again, and then we get back on track again. Again.

Feyre continues to bleat about how Bad and Wrong it is that they should be expected to actually prove that they're trustworthy.

War is sacrifice, Rhys said into my mind, through the small sliver I now kept open for him. If we do not gamble Velaris, we risk losing Prythian—and more.

I mean. You didn't have a problem with it during Amarantha's reign, Rhys. In fact, you threw the rest of Prythian under the bus to (allegedly) protect Velaris, and then, by your own admission, were "glad" to carry out her will. What changed?

“This is the Veritas,” Mor said in a voice that was young and old.

God, shut up with these non-descriptors. It doesn't mean anything, and you know it, book. You just think slapping it on there automatically makes your fantasy epic. No. You have to do the legwork for lines like this to be epic, and you simply have not.

Anyway, Mor says some vague, dramatic things about Truth, and also that she's the Morrigan, another non-descriptor. Then Rhys starts talking about how having one (1) peaceful city in his entire court totally proves that he's a nice guy.

But the clouds continued roiling as the truth of it, of Velaris, leaked from the orb,

The truth that it's a bougie segregationist hell?

Anyway, Rhys uses the Veritas to show them some drone footage of Velaris, which..... proves nothing except that it's not a ruin. Like, even this:

People, happy and thoughtful, kind and welcoming, waved to him.

All that proves is that people physically waved when Rhys flew past. For all the queens know, not waving to Dear Leader is punishable by death. Showing them Velaris proves fucking nothing. And the Court of Nightmares, the one the queens were worried about, STILL FUCKING EXISTS!!!

“That is Velaris,” Rhys said. “For five thousand years, we have kept it a secret from outsiders. And now you know. That is what I protect with the rumors, the whispers, the fear.

And the actual, real brutality that occurs inside the CoN (and Illyria) every day. Don't forget that part.

Okay. Okay, that's actually (one of) the biggest problem(s) with Rhys's whole "it's just a mask" shtick. The book speaks of his bad guy side using words like "rumours" and "whispers." Which completely overlooks the fact that every single rumour and whisper about the CoN is true. Even the part about Rhys being its tyrant overlord, which we saw with our own eyes! He made the whole room watch, kneeling, as he fingered some girl in front of them! He broke a guy's arm in four places because he spat a middle-school level insult at the girl whose whole express purpose in being there was to bait out exactly those insults. You don't get to play the "it's just an act!" card if it's ACTUALLY FUCKING TRUE, RHYS!!!!

[R]"...But if the cost of protecting my city and people is the contempt of the world,

And the contempt of the rest of your people who you are actively shafting just to protect Velaris, don't forget that part, Rhys. The CoN and Illyria are PART OF THE NIGHT COURT TOO! THAT"S WHY YOU CAN USE THEM AS SOLDIERS IN WARTIMES, BECAUSE THEY'RE ACTUALLY PART OF YOUR COURT! FAILING TO PROTECT TWO-THIRDS (and possibly more, we just don't get to hear about any other parts) OF YOUR COURT IS NOT FUCKING PRAISEWORTHY, RHYS!!!!

God, the hypocrisy is so fucking galling.

Anyway, the golden queen drops her handerkerchief, or something, and it randomly receives so much description that I can only assume that it's going to be important. And the old queen says they'll need to consider, which is honestly probably the most sensible thing to do in this situation. No need to be hasty. You can burst out laughing at them once they're out of earshot.

“There is no time to consider,” Mor countered. “Every day lost is another day that Hybern gets closer to shattering the wall.”

Which is naturally why we had time for a multi-day angst-and-sex break, I guess. Maaaaaaates are more important than the fate of the world.

“Do you not understand the risks you take in doing so?” Rhys said, no hint of condescension.

Just because you say there's no condescension doesn't mean it's not kinda an inherently condescending thing to ask, book.

Anyway, the old queen has something else she'd like to say. Apparently, Rhys sent them a letter a while back.

The old woman read, “I write to you not as a High Lord, but as a male in love with a woman who was once human. I write to you to beg you to act quickly. To save her people—to help save my own. I write to you so one day we might know true peace. So I might one day be able to live in a world where the woman I love may visit her family without fear of hatred and reprisal. A better world.” She set down the letter.

And, while I'm sure it's meant to be "heart-warming" "proof" that Rhys was in love with Feyre before (because she makes sure to point out that the letter was written before they were mated), I'm honestly just flabbergasted why he thought it would work. These are political leaders, Rhys. They've got people to look after. They don't give a fuck about your love life. And that's why you don't write to them as a man (sorry, male) in love, you write to them as a fucking High Lord who is in charge of a state, and explain to them why helping is in the interests of both of your peoples. Your love life isn't fucking relevant to an unrelated nation's politics. Shocking, I know.

This is (part of) why these books come across as so fucking juvenile. No one over the age of 14 actually thinks this would work. Probably a fair few people under the age of 14 wouldn't believe it either. And yet, the book presents it not only as if it's a legitimate argument, given the circumstances, but also as if it's just so shocking that it wasn't enough to persuade the queens. But instead of going "oh no, how tragic!" like it wants us to do, we're all just sitting here going "well, duh?"

But then the ancient one said, “Who is to say that this is not all some grand manipulation?” [...] The golden queen nodded her agreement [...] "...Perhaps you are not who you say you are. Perhaps the High Lord has crept into our minds to make us believe you are the Morrigan.”

And I mean. Yeah. There's literally no way the Night Court can prove this isn't some mind-game of Rhys's. His reputation precedes him, and he has no one to blame for it but himself, because he's chosen to expressly cultivate that reputation for 500 years. Seriously. What the fuck did they expect? You can't go around acting like an evil, mind-controlling dictator for 500 years and then, when people don't believe you when you say you're really a nice guy, be all

about it.

And then, of all people, Nesta is the one who stands up for Rhys and co. Yup. Will she receive even an iota of credit or goodwill for this? Probably not. But honestly, given she was immune to Tamlin's glamours, it's not unreasonable to think she'd be immune to Rhys's mind-control, too (I mean, the book would never allow it, but we can dream). So she's like, the only one whose perspective here I'd kinda trust. There's no way to tell if anyone else is being manipulated.

Anyway, Nesta is concerned primarily with the imminent doom of the world, so she demands the queens give them the book. She reasons that, if they have no intention of helping the fight, they should give it to those who will fight. Seems reasonable enough.

The crone sighed sharply through her nose. “An evacuation may be possible—” “You would need ten thousand ships,” Nesta said, her voice breaking. “You would need an armada. I have calculated the numbers. And if you are readying for war, you will not send your ships to us. We are stranded here.”

And look at that. Nesta has apparently calculated what it would take to get every human in Prythian safely out to the mainland. That's interesting. That's veeeeeeeery interesting. Nesta is here, trying to work out how to save everyone in her land, and she's not even in charge of it. Rhysand could never. But guess which one the book wanks over as being oh-so-caring.....

Nesta’s throat bobbed. “Please.” I didn’t think I’d ever heard that word from her mouth.

I mean, I don't remember every instance of Nesta's conversation with Feyre, but I'd be very curious to know if this is actually true. I strongly suspect it isn't. And also, look at this - Feyre is trying to take potshots at Nesta even as Nesta is demonstrating to us that she actually gives a fuck about the people. It is truly astonishing how fucking biased the narration is against her.

The eldest queen remained unmoved. I had no words in my head.

Yeah, the cognitive dissonance has broken Feyre's brain.

We had shown them … we had … we had done everything.

You've done fucking nothing. All you proved is that you've lied about your secret party city for 500 years.

She was still glaring at the queens, her eyes lined with tears—tears of rage and despair, from that fire that burned her so violently from within.

She has tears in her eyes because these queens are basically gonna leave her whole country to die, and the words you want to use are "rage" and "despair?" I mean, neither is wrong, and they're certainly fitting emotions for the scene, but....... it's very telling, what Feyre chooses to project onto Nesta. Very telling indeed.

Anyway, Cassian decides he's going to show us that the Night Court people are Just Better than the stinky humans.

[C]"...I can think of no better way to end my existence than to defend those who need it most.”

Then why the fuck are you working for Rhysand? He literally sold out your entire country to protect the one city that was already safe. By definition, the people who needed it the least.

I watched a tear slide down Nesta’s cheek. And I watched as Cassian reached up a hand to wipe it away. She did not flinch from his touch. I didn’t know why, but I looked at Mor.

I know why. It's because the book still thinks we give a fuck about this.

Anyway, the queens prepare to leave. Mor offers them money for the book.

The golden queen snorted as their guards closed in around them. “We have all the riches we need. We will now return to our palace to deliberate with our sisters.” “You’re already going to say no,” Mor pushed.

And that's actually a really good point. They haven't actually said no, yet. They said they were going to deliberate. All that drama, and there hasn't actually been a hard no yet. God, it's pathetic.

But, it's all a moot point, because actually, the golden queen secretly smuggled in the second half of the book and left it for them, hooray! Much fuss is made about its whispering, but it's not important, just a feeble attempt at flavour.

Rhys flipped back the lid. A note lay atop the golden metal of the book. I read your letter. About the woman you love. I believe you. And I believe in peace.

And of course, that's the fucking reason. Ugh.

I believe in a better world. If anyone asks, you stole this during the meeting. Do not trust the others. The sixth queen was not ill.

Right, because stealing the book (aside from expressly not working in the case of the human half) is really going to pave the way to a better world, uh huh. As is fomenting mistrust towards all the other rulers. This book is so fucking braindead sometimes, I swear to god. Like, it could just be that the golden queen is a shit-stirrer, but we all know that that's not the case and this is meant to be taken 100% at face value. So fucking pathetic.

Anyway, Rhys offers Nesta and Elain the first legitimate choice he's offered anyone in the series, telling them they can either stay here or go with them to Velaris. They choose to stay.

But my mate nodded—kindly. With understanding.

And of course, we're gonna wank over it. Hoo boy.

And [Nesta] said to me, “That was why you painted stars on your drawer.”

Ugh. Don't remind me.

Anyway, everyone presumably leaves, and the chapter ends.

[snarkformysanity]

House of Flame and Shadow Chapters 72-73

It took too long—way too fucking long—for the gates to yawn open,

Yes, it did. A whole chapter, in fact. Made worse by the fact that it was an Ithan chapter, and once again he has nothing to do with anything that's going on. Almost like it could have been cut so we could go straight to this...

Well, anyway, it is now Urgent that Bryce and Hunt get to the northern rift, unlike before, when it was... still urgent, but the book decided we needed some random extra tension now. It's very vague on why, except that apparently zombie!Harpy is here somewhere (remember that plotline? I didn't), and she ate all the guards, and woe, Bryce cannot tell Hunt it isn't his fault even though his lightning raised her! And so they each grab one of Ember and Randall and fly/teleport right to the rift. Well............ that was easy.

Seriously, if they could just fly/teleport, why make such a fuss about getting gear for a long, snowy trek? Why not just plan to do that from the start? Why bother opening this random gate first and not just fly/teleport past it? This book genuinely hurts my brain sometimes.

But yeah, they land at the rift, Randall fills our vomiting quota for the book, and we once again try to pretend that this is Ominous and Dangerous. POV switch to Ithan.

He starts off trying to make us mad that the wolves aren't mourning the humans, as if he and his buddies weren't doing their damndest to ignore them all last book as well. It also doesn't seem to occur to him that, given it was the Asteri that bombed the Meadows, mourning the humans would probably be seen as a sign of rebellion and get the wolves nuked too, but hey, what do I know. Sabine clearly wasn't enough of a cartoon villain yet, and damn all semblance of sense and reason!

Oh, but don't worry, there's one designated good wolf there! Perry Ravenscroft is conveniently the only wolf on guard duty, because most of the wolves are conveniently away at a heretofore unmentioned traditional autumn getaway, and also she's totally put a little holy symbol in the window that's totally a signal to the city that she, personally, is mourning. Sure, whatever. It's honestly kind of fascinating watching the contortions this book comes out with sometimes. I wonder if it hurts?

We pretend like Perry is going to call the guards on him (the.... absent guards?), but of course that doesn't happen. She's also totally been texting him this whole time. What do you mean we never saw it? The book said it, so it must be true, right? Ithan asks her to gather the rest of the wolves (bar Sabine) so he can talk to them.

“Tell me what you want to talk to us about, and I’ll consider it.” Even as Omega, the lowest of the Black Rose Pack, she didn’t back down. It was for that courage alone that Ithan told her his secret first. “A new future for the wolves.”

Interesting. I'd have thought "his secret" would be his new uberpower, but go off I guess. After a Dramatic Scene Break, we skip to all the wolves gathering without question after a last-second announcement, because Perry's apparently just that awesome. Yes, the book goes to great pains to tell us that the wolves only gathered so quickly because they love Perry or something. Honestly, what did you expect? An actual obstacle? I don't understand why the book bothers with this stuff. You have a scene break anyway - just tell us the wolves all gathered and skip trying to make Perry uberspecial and telling us we should like her for no god-damn reason. It's a time skip. It's all the same length to us. Just unnecessary.

Ithan's hiding, for some reason.

The red and gold trees of the small park behind them swayed in the crisp autumn breeze, the wind luckily keeping his scent hidden from the wolves.

Hmm, yes, that's convenient. Wouldn't want them to smell him, or else.... er...... something bad would happen? He wouldn't be able to step Dramatically out of the shadows? Seriously, why stall this?

People smiled at her, bemused yet indulgent. It’d always been that way for Perry, the resident artist of the Den, who at age four had painted her room every color of the rainbow despite her parents’ order to pick one hue.

She painted her own room........... as a four year old? Who lets their four year old play with house paint? How did she reach the top of the walls? Why did her parents not just overrule her? Does this book ever think about what it writes? Seriously, just make her a teen when this happened or something, and most of the stupidity goes away. These are really easy fixes.

Anyway, Ithan steps out of the shadows after about 0.2 seconds, again begging the question of why he bothered hiding in the first place. Everyone is Mad, until he says Danika's name, then they all start listening, because God forbid this book ever follows through on its threats.

And yeah, Ithan basically recaps everything so far, the wolves make all the right noises at the right times, except for Amelie, who is our stock evil wolf in lieu of Sabine.

“Queen Hypaxia Enador can verify all I’ve told you,” Ithan said. “She’s not queen anymore!” a wolf called. “She’s been kicked out—like you, Holstrom.”

The unnamed wolf raises a valid point. Sure, we know that our protagonists are right, but the wolves have no reason to just believe two random traitors just because they happen to be spinning the same story. They could be in cahoots! Which, you know, they *are*.

Ithan foreshadows his inevitable alphaness by growling to make all the wolves shut up, then tells them there's another Fendyr. And then Sabine rocks up. And Sigrid and the Astronomer are with her. Er, okay then.

Next chapter opens exactly where we left off. Everyone is freaking out because reaper. Sigrid is apparently wearing the clothes she died in, because they have Ithan's blood on them as well and she presumably wants to incriminate him. I thought this seemed a bit implausible, but then remembered that it's only been like, two or three days tops since she died, so maybe it's not that far-fetched. God the timeline in this book is borked.

The Astronomer was grinning at Ithan. How had the old bastard managed to get her away from the Under-King? He’d somehow orchestrated this, right down to bringing his former mystic to Sabine. All for vengeance on Ithan.

And you know that how, Ithan? Can you read his mind? How do you know that Sigrid wasn't the one who orchestrated this for revenge, given you, ya know, killed her and all. The fact she's wearing her bloody clothes seems to suggest as much.

Anyway, Sabine basically tells the wolves that Ithan is a liar who brutally murdered her niece. Honestly, most of what she says isn't untrue, and would make a lot more sense from the perspective of the other wolves.

“It’s the truth,” Sabine sneered. “I have the video footage of it, courtesy of the Viper Queen. I’d be happy to show everyone how brutally you executed a defenseless young wolf.” [...] “He then tried to have a necromancer raise her from the dead,” Sabine went on, gesturing to the Reaper. “So she might be his puppet for usurping me.”

Again, it's not untrue. He did brutally execute Sigrid (though despite being an emaciated girl floating weightlessly in a tank since she was four, she wasn't quite defenseless, because the book doesn't understand how badly that would fuck a body up), and he did indeed try to raise her from the dead so she could usurp Sabine for him. Get rekt, Ithan.

Sabine goes on to say that Sigrid has come to the Den to be her heir, and that she chose the existence of a reaper so she could continue to protect the wolves, or something.

He’d been a stupid fucking fool to think that Sigrid would be like Danika, that she might have chosen to be a Reaper and still want joy and peace and what was best for the wolves—instead of the pure hate that now gleamed in her eyes as she glowered at Ithan.

Er......... what has she ever done to make you think she'd be like Danika, except share a last name? Sabine's a Fendyr too, you know - you should already know that not every Fendyr is like Danika. Also, how does the fact that she hates you preclude her wanting peace and happiness for all the other wolves? You fucking murdered her, Ithan. Why wouldn't she hate you?

Well, looks like Sabine is pulling right from the Evil Overlord List, by declaring Sigrid her new heir right in front of Amelie, her old one. Pretty sure there's a trope name for this, but it escapes me. Also.... Amelie isn't a Fendyr, yet she's apparently Sabine's heir. So why was Ithan so hung up on Sigrid, specifically, taking over? He never even considered another wolf for the role, to the point that it apparently made more sense to resurrect Sigrid than to put a non-Fendyr in charge. Baffling.

They bicker a bit, and make the whole House thing even more pointless by saying Sigrid has defected from Flame and Shadow to Earth and Blood, and then, the Prime rocks up to say he never approved any of this. You can probably imagine how this scene goes, it's pretty stock.

But Ithan knelt before the ancient Prime and bowed his head, lifting the [Fendyr] blade in offering. “I have no intention of usurping the Fendyrs,” Ithan said, keeping his gaze on the ground. “I only want what’s best for our people. I thought Sigrid might be … different, but I was wrong. I was so wrong, and I am so sorry.”

He says, as he hands over the sword he stole from them. Also, bold of you to assume that the Prime sees anything wrong with either Sabine or Sigrid, Ithan. He's left Sabine in charge this long, after all. He clearly doesn't have any problem with how she runs things. But no, of course the Prime is on Ithan's side, and he gives a big speech that essentially boils down to how he's known everything all along, but obvs hasn't done anything about it because otherwise our protagonists wouldn't be special for doing it now.

The old wolf let out a heavy sigh. “Danika might have led us back to what we were before we allowed ourselves to be collared by the Asteri. I have long believed that she was killed for this goal—by the powers who wish the status quo to remain in place.” The Prime looked down at the wolf kneeling at his feet. “But it must be broken.” He extended the sword to Ithan. “Ithan Holstrom is my heir.”

Ah yes, more of that breaking the status quo by.......... keeping everything exactly the same, just changing who's in charge of it. Uh huh. GG, book. I don't even have the energy to rant about it anymore. It's all just lip-service and self-congratulation.

The Prime leveled a cold look at his daughter. “For too long I’ve left you unchecked.”

Yes. Does beg the question of why, if you were totally such a good guy all along.

Ithan pretends to be humble about the offer to become Prime for a while, so that Sabine can snatch the sword from her father and stab him in the face. Just so the cycle of cliches and caricatures is complete, I guess.

Oh, never mind, then Sigrid jumps on the body and noms his soul. Now the cycle is complete.

Sabine cut off [the Prime's] head anyway.

Seriously, how can you make even your caricatures feel like they're going too far, book? This is getting ridiculous. Oh, also, the book has repeated make your brother proud in Ithan's narration a few times, because this is meant to be a Symbollick Climactic Moment, I guess.

Sabine spouts some more canned villain lines, and then swings the sword at Ithan. But, after assuring us it will totally split his skull in two, he bites the sword so hard it shatters, and the chapter ends.

God, what a silly chapter. Even with this whole book being so shallow and try-hard with its villains, that somehow felt like the worst of the lot. Probably because Sabine is largely absent from the story, so it cranks it up to eleven whenever she does have pagetime.

[snarkformysanity]

A Court of Mist and Fury Chapter 55

TW - yes, it's rape again. Because the book wants to talk about "reclaiming" certain things from Amarantha, so naturally, we have to take a look at its BS.

Feyre has given Rhys the food. Because of course. You know what this means, right? We get to read an entire chapter of them banging! Yey...... can't wait.

“I love you,” I said again. I hadn’t dared say the words in my head.

.....what words in your head? Are those words not "I love you", which you literally just said? What does this mean? She's not thinking about any other words in her narration, mind, just says this like it's supposed to mean something. Unless she's talking about saying "I love you" in her head to Rhys? Idek.

He went still as I leaned in, kissing away one tear. Then the other. As he had once kissed away mine.

*Licked. Without your permission, after tormenting you for months on end... the fact that Rhys managed to talk about what happened UtM for so long last chapter while managing to completely avoid the words "torture", "drug" and "assault" is honestly staggering to me. The sheer fucking audacity on it.

And make no mistake. It's manipulative as hell. Towards us. The book confesses that he dressed her up in the clothes, and made her drink the wine - but in no way does it recognise that he fucking assaulted her. It's very careful to only admit to lesser offences, things that (it thinks) we've already forgiven him for, due to Feyre being "okay with it" when they went to Hewn City. And also, the fact that he's owned up to some of those things tricks our brains into thinking that he's acknowledging the whole thing, and so when Feyre forgives him, it's means it's all been discussed and sorted. So fucking insidious. I think this gif sums it up best, honestly:

Just completely unbelievable that it still won't say that he assaulted her. For completely bullshit reasons, as we covered last time. But, we need to move on, or we'll never get through this chapter. It's quite long.

They start kissing.

Mate—my mate.

Oh, and assume this bullshit is happening every paragraph or two. We've jammed 96 instances of the word into this last ~20% of the book or so, after all. That's almost one per page.

The sound [Feyre groaning] snapped whatever leash he’d had on himself, and Rhysand scooped me up in a smooth movement before laying me flat on the table—amongst and on top of all the paints.

What could possibly go wrong. I mean, the house is already covered in paint thanks to Feyre's vandalism, so whatever, I guess?

I plunged my fingers into his hair, and he braced a hand beside my head—smack atop a palette of paint. He let out a low laugh, and I watched, breathless, as he took that hand and traced a circle around my breast, then lower, until he painted a downward arrow beneath my belly button. “Lest you forget where this is going to end,” he said.

Have you *asked* her if she wants to have sex yet, Rhys? Making out is not consent, you know. Bit presumptuous.

I snarled at him, a silent order,

Snarling is not silent. Words mean things, it turns out. Authors are expected to know how to use them.

But I mean, honestly, there's not a lot to say. It's a Maas sex scene. Which means it's cringy af and probably lets us know a bit too much about her own personal fetishes. Not much to do except pull out particularly cringeworthy lines and laugh at them.

Rhys pulled back again, and I let out a bark of protest—

Like this one, for instance. Arf!

Such a ridiculous image. Also, apparently there's a lot of really hilarious gifs of angry chihuahuas that I need to remember to pull out the next time the love interests are getting snarly. Just so we can appreciate how ridiculous they look.

[Rhys] Knelt on those stars and mountains inked on his knees. He would bow for no one and nothing— But his mate. His equal.

Lol. He's *not* bowing, Feyre.

The first lick of Rhysand’s tongue set me on fire.

God, if only. Put us all out of our misery.

Actually.... maybe there is something substantial to comment on. The book is making a point of reminding us that there's paint all over the table, that they're smearing it all over each other, etc. You know... just like Rhys did to her, Under the Mountain....... ........the book is actually trying to make a parallel with his sexual assault of her, and make it fucking cute. That is actually disgusting.

Just... I'm tired, guys. There are no depths to which the book will not sink.

There's shattering climaxes, apexes of thighs, feasting, you know the drill.

He looked me over, naked, covered in paint, his own face and body smeared with it, and give me a slow, satisfied male smile. “You’re mine,” he snarled,

I really, really fucking hate this whole "male smile" thing. Just, what the fuck does it even mean? Feeling satisfied at getting your partner off is not a purely male experience, nor is smiling in satisfaction. What, specifically, requires the "male" part of the descriptor? We are very, very painfully aware that Rhys is male, book. We won't be confused if you don't specify that his smile is male, too. Just feels fucking skeevy.

...but he carried me into the room I’d been using and set me down on the bed with heartbreaking gentleness.

Presumably getting paint everywhere as he does so. But it's okay. He won't be the one who has to clean it, after all. Ass.

Wholly naked, I watched as he unbuttoned his pants, and the considerable length of him sprang free.

"Considerable length."

Such a fucking cliche description, made worse by the fact that the book obviously thinks it's clever. Also, the image of it just "springing free" is cracking me up. Cartoon sproinging noises and all.

My mouth went dry at the sight of it.

Now, my ace ass is probably not the best one to ask, admittedly, but I feel like it should be doing the opposite of going dry? You know, salivating, self-lubricating, all that jazz? Dry mouth sounds more like a fear response to me. Even Rhys's dick is scary-dangerous.

He didn’t say anything as he came over me, wings tucked in tight. He’d never gone to bed with a female while his wings were out. But I was his mate. He would yield only for me.

How do you know? The only thing he's said on the matter is that he didn't want to fuck you in the seedy inn because there wouldn't be room for the wings, which insinuates he's aware of how much space they require during sex. Which implies he's had them out for it at least once before. Although... the book does specify that he's never gone to bed with a female with them out before. #JiltedTamsandConfirmed?

Anyway, blah blah, more wing fetish shit.

Rhys laughed in a way that skittered along my bones, and slid in. And in. And in.

And then he crushed all of Feyre's organs and she drowned in her own blood, the end. God, I wish.

I opened my eyes to find him staring down at me. “Say it again,” he murmured.

I felt it then, the bond between us, like an unbreakable chain, like an undimmable ray of light. With each pounding stroke, the bond glowed clearer and brighter and stronger.

This honestly just reads like him using this access to make his spyware even more devious, ngl. As if unrestricted 24/7 access to her mind wasn't enough.

My friend through many dangers. My lover who had healed my broken and weary soul. My mate who had waited for me against all hope, despite all odds.

The guy who tortured and drugged and assaulted you for months on end, because he thought that taking a particular interest in you means the villain wouldn't suspect he'd taken a particular interest in you........

...until I felt and saw and smelled that bond between us, until our scents merged,

This will never not be fucking weird.

...and I was his and he was mine,

Jon and Ygritte did it better. And I'm not even all that into that ship.

....and we were the beginning and middle and end.

This is what is know as a non-descriptor. It sounds like a description, but doesn't actually tell you anything useful about what's going on.

We were a song that had been sung from the very first ember of light in the world.

And this is just melodramatic. The book only rarely uses (vaguely) poetic language like this, and it sticks out like a sore thumb as a result. It just feels forced and tryhard instead of emotional and poignant, as I'm sure the intention is.

Rhys roared as he came, slamming in to the hilt. Outside, the mountains trembled, the remaining snow rushing from them in a cascade of glittering white, only to be swallowed up by the waiting night below.

Oh right, I forgot about the "cumming so hard he caused an avalanche" nonsense. What can you do but laugh?

Hope there weren't any innocent villages on the mountainside or anything.

Anyway, yeah, avalanches, explosions, the usual. For some reason there's a scene break before we go to the afterglow.

“I think I fell in love with you,” Rhys murmured, stroking a finger down my arm, “the moment I realized you were cleaving those bones to make a trap for the Middengard Wyrm.

Which is naturally why you decided to twist her broken arm, then parade her around in front of the villain while drugging and assaulting her right after that. That's definitely what you do to someone you've fallen in love with. Also, didn't you say you fell in love with her when you picked up the dagger before? Make up your mind, Rhys. This is why everyone thinks you're a liar, your story changes at the drop of a hat.

[R]"...Or maybe the moment you flipped me off for mocking you. It reminded me so much of Cassian.

I mean... your words, not mine, Rhys. And honestly, it'd be perfect. They could keep each other away from the Archeron sisters.

I huffed a laugh, sliding my paint-covered hand over his tattooed chest. Paint—right.

Wait.... is she going to acknowledge......?

We were both covered in it. So was the bed.

Lol, whoops, silly me. Of course not. That would be far too much like insinuating that Rhys did something wrong, and we can't have that. Well, I say that, but at this stage, it's more that the book legitimately thinks there's nothing wrong with it, and..... ugh, there's only so many times I can say the same thing over and over. And that's the book's goal - to wear us down by insisting on its unreality often enough, until we no longer have the energy to question it. Classic gaslighting narcissist.

Anyway, this is all a pretext for them to move to the bath for sexytimes. Well, probably eventually, we have to have a "tender" scene where she washes the paint from his wings, first.

My face heated, but my gut tightened. Illyrian males and their wings—so sensitive.

This also will never not be weird. You have to slap those things against the air for them to work, making them basically penises is an absolutely braindead choice.

But yeah, washing. And banter.

[F]“At least the rumors about wingspan correlating with the size of other parts were right.”

Which she knows after seeing exactly one (1) Illyrian penis.

More shmoopy talk about falling in love with the guy who drugged and assulted you, but don't tell the book that, and feeling sorry for Rhys because poor baby thought he didn't deserve love. He doesn't, but whatever, the book clearly disagrees with me.

They start talking about what to do next, which seems to revolve around officiation and celebration of their mating bond.

[R]“We could also go before a priestess and be declared husband and wife as well as mates, if you want a more human thing to call me.”

...I was under the impression that faeries did husbands and wives as well? You know, since mates are so rare and all that? And also (allegedly) don't always work out? And politics are a thing anyway? Well, whatever, the book's changed its mind, apparently, husband/wife is a "human" thing now, that Rhys is so generously going to allow Feyre to call him. Oh, wait, that's why it changed its mind, so Rhys could get brownie points for magnanimously granting something that doesn't need to be granted. I should have known.

Well, apparently Feyre was actually asking about the plot when she asked what they should do next, but it's forgotten about again as soon as she brings it up, so I don't know why the book bothered. We all know it doesn't really care about that.

Oh, Rhys is also periodically reading her mind and responding to her thoughts throughout this, btw. No, he didn't ask.

“Which is good,” he added, “because [on Calanmai] you thought I was the most beautiful male you’d ever seen. So it makes us even.”

Oh, and he's even retroactively confessing to reading her mind back then! Also without permission!

Anyway, Rhys says we'll deal with the plot later, and then Feyre starts literally glowing. It's honestly weird that Maas seems to like making her women glow during sex like this. Bryce does it too. Like once, sure, whatever, but two completely different characters doing it? Hmmmmmmmm.....

Well, no sexytimes in the bath apparently, back to the bedroom.

The sheets had been changed by the domestic magic of the house,

I'm going to be forced to assume that it's beleagured house-elves, book. They were never seen or heard either.

Anyway, this time Rhys is dropping a glamour he apparently had on himself, so that he unleashes his "full power," or something. Whatever that means. Mostly lots of mental flailing from Feyre about the stars and the night and etc, etc. Nothing that's actually useful for working out what's going on.

Anyway, time for Feyre to give him a blow job, complete with twitching cocks and hissing. It's fascinating, honestly, the menagerie we see on display during Maas sex scenes. But, Rhys only allows it for like a minute before he grabs her and flips her over and starts rawing her from behind. Great. The descriptions become even more vague and melodramatic.

I could die from this, I decided.

Promise?

Alas, she does no such thing, of course. But we do get.... this:

He twisted us, pulling out only long enough to lie on his back and haul me over him. There was a glimmer in the darkness—a flash of lingering pain, a scar. And I understood why he wanted me like this, wanted to end it like this, with me astride him. [...] But right now … I wouldn’t think of why this position was one he wanted to end in, to have me banish the stained dark with the light.

Yeahh. Hoo boy. Okay, first of all, let's just get out there what the book is trying to imply but doesn't have the balls to say: it thinks that the idea of the woman being on top was "dirtied" by Amarantha, and Feyre is now "reclaiming" it on Rhys's behalf. And just. Bruh. That is not how that shit works at all.

For starters, why fixate on the particular positioning of the bodies? Sexual assault is sexual assault, regardless of who is on top. I could see an argument being made that the one "on top" is the de facto perpetrator in cases where physical force is used - they use the weight of their body to pin the other in place, makes sense. But in Rhys's case (well, in his case before we learned that there's a non-zero chance he mind-controlled Amarantha into it, but, for the sake of argument) his assault occurred through coercion. In that case, physical force is irrelevant - he's just as assaulted whether Amarantha made him top or bottom her.

But of course, I doubt the book understands this. It goes back to its whole "dominance" shtick, and the idea that the man always has some measure of control over the situation, even if he's the victim. Because this is where the book thinks it's "ceding" Rhys's control to Amarantha. It thinks that the person on top is the one who is "dominant" in the relationship, and that, if it's a man on the bottom, he is somehow "demeaned" or "victimised" by default. No, book. Rhys was victimised because Amaratha forced him into sex (again, ignoring the possible mind-control for the sake of argument). That would be just as true whether he was on the top or the bottom throughout.

It's also complete bullshit that the one on the bottom is automatically "submissive" or "demeaned" or whatever as well, of course. The book has clearly never heard of a power-bottom, and in any case, there's absolutely nothing wrong with traditional bottoming, either, even for men, nor is there anything wrong with a woman being a traditional top. Just ignorant nonsense on full display for all.

But, all that being said, it is perfectly plausible that Rhys might want to "reclaim" his sexual identity from Amarantha. There's nothing wrong with that. But the fact that the book flags this specific position and this specific position alone as the one needing "reclaiming" is very telling. It seemed to have no problem with him giving Feyre oral, for example, and I'd argue that that's probably more stigmatised as being "submissive" for a man to do in our society than bottoming is - at least when a woman is riding him, his dick is involved, right? Not so for oral. And if Rhys has issues regarding sex because of Amarantha, well, it stands to reason that it would extend to more parts of sex than just this one position, right? But, again, not so. It's only the one where the woman looks "dominant" that needs to be "corrected" by Feyre. And that..... is honestly very disturbing. Just a complete misunderstanding of what the actual issue with sexual assault is.

Also notable - Rhys and Feyre have not discussed this. At all. She's just assuming that this is what's going on. Sexual assault is a very complex issue. It is crucial that partners communicate, even more so than for regular relationships, especially if they're trying to reclaim particularly triggering acts. And it wouldn't need to be much, given the mood of the scene and all - even Rhys saying something like "let me try something" before moving them into this position would probably be enough tbh. But instead, we've got... this.

But yeah, anyway. A Maas book with creepy heteronormativity and a complete failure to understand sexual assault, what else is new, right? Moving on.

Rhys barked my name,

Again with the fucking barking. I'm going to be forced to assume that the book is low-key into bestiality. It makes sense with how it has it's men (sorry, males) act.

Anyway, orgasms, awkward banter, scene break, summary of more sex, skip to next morning, where we learn about the "frenzy."

[R]“When a couple accepts the mating bond, it’s … overwhelming. Again, harkening back to the beasts we once were.

Those are your words, book. Not mine. I can't be held accountable for the holes you dig yourself.

[R]“Some couples don’t leave the house for a week. Males get so volatile that it can be dangerous for them to be in public, anyway. I’ve seen males of reason and education shatter a room because another male looked too long in their mate’s direction, too soon after they’d been mated.”

And yes, Feyre does make the parallel! But only so Rhys can assure us that he totally has more control than Tamlin (because obviously he'd never lie to her about a little thing like that, only about big things like the most important thing in her immortal life or whatever), so that Feyre can brush it aside and we go back to them being horny. Consistency and self-awareness are for other Main Characters.

Oh never mind, not horniness, we're gonna talk pregnancy now. Mostly so that Rhys can look Better than Tamlin once again, because I guess we haven't hammered that point home enough yet.

[F]“If I am a High Lord’s mate, I’m expected to bear you offspring, aren’t I? So perhaps I shouldn’t.” “You are not expected to bear me anything,” he snarled.

Give it time. It's astonishing how quickly she goes from not wanting kids to wanting them. Almost like her mind was changed for her.....

But, it's a moot point for now, because there's a magic birth control tonic, and also Maas didn't have her first kid until 2018, so of course she can't write about pregnancy plotlines yet. Coincidentally, the same year the book where Feyre changes her mind was released......

And it's such a shame, because honestly, all the things Feyre says:

I turned back to him. “I want to live first,” I said. “With you. I want to see things and have adventures. I want to learn what it is to be immortal, to be your mate, to be part of your family. I want to be … ready for them. And I selfishly want to have you all to myself for a while.”

are all perfectly valid reasons to not want/delay having kids. Normally I'd flag the whole "ruler of a nation" and needing heirs as a thing she hasn't considered when deciding she wants to be with Rhys, but, the way things actually work in Prythian, the next High Lord is chosen by the land - it isn't strictly hereditary in the same way it was in our world. And the fact that it's all been hereditary in Prythian so far speaks more to Maas's lack of imagination than anything. Even if Feyre and Rhys never have kids, the next High Lord of Night will still be chosen once Rhys is dead. And even if they did have kids, there's no guarantee their child will be the one to inherit the power.

...........okay, now I want a situation where Rhys dies, and Feyre is puffing herself up waiting for the power to go to Nyx (or even herself), and then it goes to Nesta or something instead. We're told a lot how powerful Nesta is, and apparently future High Lords can be guessed at based on their power. Oh, please. I would do anything for this situation.

Anyway, that's kind of the chapter, it's implied they have more sex, and then the chapter ends.

[snarkformysanity]

House of Flame and Shadow Chapters 70-71

Ithan was thoroughly sick of playing bodyguard,

And I'm thoroughly sick of reading about it. Yet here we are.

He's angsting about how Hypaxia hasn't found a cure yet, and I want to say well, duh, of course it takes longer than a few hours to do something like this. But then, he goes to see her, and lo and behold, she's found a cure already! How convenient! But oh noes! She had to use the lightning from the crystals to do it! Mercifully, Ithan doesn't angst about this as much as I feared, because yeah, they have an inexhaustible supply and also bigger things to worry about. Don't get me wrong, he still angsts, but just not as much.

We spend a bit of time establishing that the book doesn't know what "unstable" means and also doesn't understand how parasites work, before it gets on to the main thing it's concerned about - the imminent level-up for everyone.

“If we remove this parasite, what will it accomplish? What will you do with the extra power?” “I’ll help my friends, for whatever good it’ll do.” “And the wolves?” “What about them?”

Fuck me, Ithan, could you be any more of a selfish prick? Also, though I said an imminent level-up for "everyone", I'm starting to get the feeling that I should have said an imminent level-up for protagonists, instead. Otherwise, the wolves would be in the exact same situation they are now, only with everyone having more power.

“If you get more power, it could put you beyond Sabine’s abilities. Make you strong enough that you could challenge her.”

So, no antidote for Sabine? It's literally just for protagonists? You're suggesting that Ithan win through what is essentially sports doping?

“You might be able to end Sabine’s tyranny, Ithan.”

What fucking tyranny? The Prime is in charge.

He stiffened. “I’m not a planner. I’m a sunball player, for fuck’s sake—” “You were a sunball player,” she said. “And I suspect you haven’t thought about the implications of having the most power among the wolves because you’re avoiding thinking about what you really want.”

Yeah, wow, we're moving forward with the assumption that Ithan will have the "most power" of the wolves, which basically means they have no plans to give anyone else the antidote. Hypaxia, I've mostly been neutral towards you, but you've just made it onto the shit list with everyone else. What selfish pricks. Literally, how is this any different from the Asteri hoarding all the extra firstlight for themselves?

Well, they argue for a bit, then Ithan snatches the antidote and chugs it. There's a Dramatic Scene Break, but he's fine, and yeah, of course the antidote works and he's even stronger than before. What books do you think we're reading?

Somehow, a barrier had been removed. One that had ordered him to stand down, to obey … It was nothing but ashes now. Only dominance remained. Untethered.

Oh my fucking god. Really? The parasite was also nomming on Ithan's inherent alphaness or some shit? Every time I think it can't get any stupider...

Oh, wait, it can get stupider. He can summon snow now. No, I don't know why. We don't get an explanation, just lazy descriptions about how it's an old and strange song, or something.

Ithan said roughly, “We need to get this to our friends.”

Not the world. Their friends. Just their friends. Fuck the whole lot of them to hell.

Cut to Bryce, Hunt and her parents in Nena. There's banter between Bryce and her mother about how it's cold, but notably missing is still any fucking reason for why her mother is there. Also, the book tries to cram some magic symbolism in there, and also, the guards are all conveniently missing, just in case we were worried our protagonists might face any hardship on the way there. Oh, the book tries to play it off as Ominous, but I'm disinclined to believe it.

They go into a guardhouse, also conveniently empty and seemingly abandoned for a while.

Hunt glanced to Bryce, her eyes teary with cold, the tip of her nose bright red. In these temperatures, they wouldn’t last ten more minutes before frostbite set in. He and his mate would recover, but Ember and Randall, with their human blood …

Yeah. Why did you bring them, again? I mean, at this point I know it's going to be either a Heroic Sacrifice or some bullshit secret plan we're not privy to, but the book hasn't even bothered trying to explain why Ember is here, nor has it given any reason why Randall's skills are more valuable than Fury's.

They find a conveniently working heater in the conveniently empty guardhouse, which also conveniently has the bits of cold weather gear they were apparently missing, then Bryce and Hunt go to look around outside.

She’d found some pairs of snow goggles in the booth, and the world was sharp through the stark clarity of the lenses. Was this how it had looked through Hunt’s Umbra Mortis helmet?

Er, no, probably not, Bryce. That was a random-ass reminder of the helmet's existence. Also, admittedly I've never really been anywhere there was need for snow goggles, but do they really make things clearer? I figured they were just lenses to stop you getting snow in your eyes. Maybe they also kinda work like sunglasses, because of glare off the snow or something, but I don't know if I'd describe that as clearer, let alone compare it to something like a helmet (and helmets also generally don't make vision clearer, btw).

The book makes some more attempts to make things seem Ominous, and also muses on what sorts of nasty things might have been getting through without any guards. Er, the rift opens to hell? Who are your allies now, remember? What is up with this?

They come to some shut gates (which are made of lead for some reason) and wonder how to open it.

“There’s a button inside the booth,” Hunt said. “Nothing fancy.” Bryce nudged him. “Easy-peasy, for once.”

"For once," she says. As if everything they've done hasn't been easy-peasy.

Anyway, Ember and Randall have apparently found a working screen of some sort, which is playing unspecified security footage. We don't get to find out what it is, save that it's Bad, and means they have to get to the rift now. Sure, whatever. I was under the impression you were already on a time crunch with this, but whatever. Go do the thing you were going to do anyway faster, I guess. For, er, reasons.

Obviously, we don't get to know about that, next chapter opens with Ithan. He's packing boxes for Jesiba, because yeah, now is really the time. Aren't you meant to be bodyguarding Hypaxia? Well, he's apparently planning on going to see the wolves.

“But if Hypaxia and I are heading off to the Eternal City, we might … die.” He choked on the word. “I want them to know the truth.”

Wait, you're going to tell them about the parasite and that, so they can continue the fight if-

“The truth of what I did to Sigrid. That Sigrid exists, I guess, even if she is a Reaper. That—”

Oh. Of course not. Silly me. Ithan isn't allowed to be involved in the main plot, after all. I should have known.

“So it’s about you easing your guilty conscience.”

Thank you, Jesiba, yes, it's all about Ithan clearing his conscience. Not that the book will acknowledge this, because it then goes on to have Ithan justify it as needing to let them know they have an alternative to Sabine, because apparently, even reaper!Sigrid is better than her.

Jesiba asks why.

“Because the wolves have to change. They need to know they can choose someone other than Sabine.”

And, and hear me out here, Ithan, maybe they could pick from one of the literally hundreds (thousands?) of wolves that live in Lunathion? Why are the only choices Sigrid or Sabine?

“They need to know there’s an antidote that might grant them powers beyond hers. That they don’t need to be subservient to her.”

Yeah, so, definitely no antidote for Sabine. What the everliving fuck is this? Are the main characters the final arbiters of who is worthy of antidote or not? That is so fucked up. Even if they were decent people (which they absolutely are not), it would still be fucked up. I really hope I don't need to explain why.

Well, Hypaxia's already had a vial, too, and he offered one to Jesiba, but she refused, because, ya know, she's human and the parasite doesn't affect humans. At least I assume that's why she refused, the book doesn't say as much.

They start arguing about whether the wolves will believe Ithan, whether they were nice to Bryce, whether Danika would have killed them all (including Ithan) for being mean to Bryce... it's all so Ithan can catch up to where the rest of us have been ever since he started crapping on about a Fendyr heir.

“Danika would have …” Ithan trailed off as a thought struck him. “Danika questioned the wolf power structure, you know. Even she thought it was weird that the Fendyrs went unchecked for so long.”

Yeah, congrats, Ithan. You finally understand the concept of a regime change. Well done. Unfortunately, this revelation is like a book overdue, so you don't get a gold star.

Ithan turned toward the sorceress’s desk. “Bryce and I found some research papers Danika had hidden. She wanted to know why the Fendyrs were so dominant—I don’t think she approved of it, either.”

Is that what the research papers were about? I thought they were about bloodlines? Eh, who cares. I'm just glad we finally seem to be moving this subplot forwards. Even if the book is taking its sweet time about it.

Or......... fuck, maybe I spoke too soon.

“I have to get those papers. I’ll bring them to the Den to show everyone that it’s not just me questioning this, but that even one of the Fendyrs disagreed with their unchecked dominance. It might help sway them toward accepting an alternative to Sabine. Sigrid’s a Fendyr, but she’s not in the direct line. That might help them accept her as an alternative.”

So, after realising that Danika thought the power of the Fendyrs was bullshit, your solution is to..... use that to convince the wolves to pick this Fendyr instead of that one. Okay. How about this, Ithan? Use it to convince them to pick someone who isn't a fucking Fendyr, did you think about that at all???? Because let's be real here, we all know Ithan is going to end up as the wolf leader. The book is fooling no-one. And all it's doing by stalling this revelation (presumably to keep it a "surprise") is making Ithan looking like a fucking moron who doesn't understand that the ruling family can change. Wasn't he meant to be a history major?

It's the exact same fucking energy as Ruhn's whole "I'm going to end the monarchy and the evil fae royal line by making my sister queen." You're changing fucking nothing, Ithan. It's still a Fendyr in charge.

Jesiba makes a number of very reasonable arguments against Ithan charging off to the wolf den, but he just goes "it's a risk I have to take" (like, three times, at least) and leaves anyway. Sure. Whatever. I'm too tired to care.

Ithan snuck over to Bryce’s apartment using the House of Flame and Shadow’s unnervingly accurate map of the sewers. He didn’t want to think about who else made regular use of those tunnels.

Er, the sewer maintenance people, maybe? Not that the book thinks of them as people, I'm sure.

Apparently Danika long ago gave Ithan access to Bryce's apartment. Er, how convenient? Why explain this? I assumed Bryce gave him access some time recently, but no, that wasn't convoluted enough for this book, I guess. Also, the papers are exactly where they left them, in Bryce's junk mail drawer, apparently. Well, how very lucky! God, we can't even have enemies sneaking in to steal vital intel, that's how allergic this book is to having anything actually exciting happen.

Also..... a junk mail drawer? Does Bryce collect her junk mail or something? Why? I just dump mine straight in the bin.

And, yes, Sigrid is a Fendyr—but she’s also different—she could be a step in the right direction.

I mean. "Different" is one word for it. She's a girl who was locked in a tank at age four, and existed in the real world for about three days before her death, at which point she became a reaper. She essentially has a four year old's understanding of how the world works. Naturally, the kind of person you'd want in charge of your people. The only thing that would be different is that it would be setup for Sigrid to be a puppet for a shadow Holstrom government. But I don't think the book really understands that that's how it looks.

Ithan angsts for a bit about everything, and then looks at Bryce's door and thinks about how he doesn't have to go in unarmed. I strongly suspect he'll be taking the wolf sword, because this book really does not understand how symbolism works, either. *sigh* But that will be for another time.

[snarkformysanity]

Rhysand and the Status Quo UtM

Something that occurred to me in the wake of answering comments on my latest chapter post, the infamous chapter 54 of MAF. In a lot of ways, Rhysand's actions in TAR can be read as him trying to maintain the status quo (and the power of his position) UtM. This is obviously not what SJM intended, but alas for her, she's a terrible writer, and managed to make it look that way anyway. I'll elaborate on my reasoning for it below.

Firstly, let's look at what Rhysand made of the situation UtM. He tells us in chapter 54 of MAF about how he came to be Amarantha's sex slave - he noticed she was making eyes at him, and decided to approach her as a result. There's a whole thing about how he confesses to using mind-control and his agency and the absolute number that does on any claim of victimhood on his part, but for the sake of staying on topic, I'll leave that for now. What this incident boils down to is this: Rhysand uses Amarantha's sexual interest in him to claim a position of relative power for himself in Amarantha's Prythian. Allegedly to protect the already-hidden city of Velaris.

Speaking of Velaris, that's up next. Rhysand tells us in MAF 54 that he used the last of his power to create a shield around already-hidden Velaris, and tie that shield to the presence of the Inner Circle, essentially taking Velaris hostage to ensure they remained where they were. Now we know, on account of being repeatedly bashed over the head with it all throughout the series, that the members of the Inner Circle are the Strongest Ever. Likely, even just one of them would be capable of at least standing up to Amarantha, let alone if all four went after her at once. And yet, Rhysand traps them in Velaris, making sure they can't interfere and free him from his newly-acquired position as Amarantha's favourite lackey.

Now, we get to Feyre herself. Rhysand tells us in MAF that, as part of his visit to gloat over Tamlin in Spring, his goal was to convince Tamlin that he (Tamlin) couldn't protect Feyre, and thus nudge him into sending her away. Again, the implications that has for Tamlin's agency and morality will be ignored for the sake of staying on topic. Because the thing is, Rhysand knows the details of the curse. He knows sending Feyre away would mean the curse would never be broken. How are we to take it, other than that he's perfectly fine with how things are? "Oh, but it was to protect Feyre!" I'm very glad you said that. Let's move on to UtM itself now.

So essentially, Rhysand doesn't show a whole lot of interest in Feyre until after she clears the first task. I.e. after she's shown that she may actually have what it takes to clear Amarantha's tasks after all, thus breaking the curse and freeing everyone from Amarantha. So what does Rhys do in response to this? Well, he comes along to torture Feyre into his bargain, for starters. Ensuring that, if she does survive, she'll belong to him. And then, he starts on his nightly torments of her. Two months straight of painting her body, parading her in front of the villain who hates her, getting her blackout drunk, assaulting her, and making her dance till she was sick. She woke each morning in her cell feeling awful and miserable, hungover from the wine, weak from the constant vomiting. It's the perfect state to cause in someone if you're trying to help them figure out a riddle, right? Or if you want them to be ready for potentially physically/mentally demanding tasks? Yeah, nah, said no one ever. It looks like outright sabotage of her abilities - as soon as it looked like she might actually win, after her victory over the worm, in swoops Rhysand, to keep her in a drugged stupor for the rest of the trials. No time for her to think about the riddle. No time for her body to recover from its torments ahead of the trials.

Rhysand didn't want her to win. He wanted things to stay as they were, and only switched sides at the last moment, after Feyre cleared the third trial *despite* his interference. Only then does he defy Amarantha openly, after it's clear she lost and only hasn't freed everyone yet because the time wasn't specified in that part of the agreement. Only then does he step forward and pick up the ash dagger - when his position as Amarantha's lackey-in-chief is already void, and it was only a matter of time until she had to uphold her end of the bargain and free the High Lords (leaving him at their mercy to answer for his crimes against them, done in Amarantha's name from the position he secured for himself at their expense). And nowhere is this more clear than after Feyre finally answers the riddle and frees Tamlin immediately - Rhysand is the *only* High Lord who attaches a condition to his resurrection of Feyre, and that condition is that he not be punished by the others for his actions UtM. Self-serving to the very end.

And he has the nerve to claim he was trying to help Feyre the whole time! Please. This worm was only ever out for himself, and only jumped to the winning side after Amarantha had already lost. And it's a testament to his masterful gaslighting abilities that he makes so many of us think otherwise.

[snarkformysanity]

A Court of Mist and Fury Chapter 54

TW - It's time. It's that chapter. Which means more of Rhys's Tragic Backstory, which means even more discussion of rape. And an (alleged) addressing of what happened UtM.

Last time, there was a knock at the cabin door, and someone who wasn't Mor was there. This time, to the surprise of no one, we find out it was Rhys. And you know what this means.

Mate. My—mate.

Yup. Fucking shoot me, please.

And I knew that one word from me, and he’d go flying off into the crisp night. That if I shut the door, he’d go and not push it.

Do you know that though, Feyre? Do you? You already told him you didn't want to be found, and yet, here he is. If he's willing to ignore that, why do you think he'd suddenly decide to listen to you now, when you're in an isolated area and only one of his lackeys knows where you are...?

This beautiful, strong, selfless male … Who had sacrificed and wrecked himself for his family, his people, and didn’t feel it was enough,

Well, it obviously wasn't, two-thirds of his people are still suffering horribly, after all.

I could have sworn I felt a pulse of knee-wobbling relief through the bond.

And yet, we're expected to think he's in no way using mental tricks to manipulate this situation. Uh huh.

But Rhys took in the painting I’d done, gobbling down the bright colors that now made the cottage come alive,

Oh look, and now she's low-key shit-talking his house (well, his.... fourth house? Fifth? I've lost count tbh). She didn't graffiti it, see, it was just so dull and dreary and now she's made it come alive! But, while any sane person would be asking "what the actual fuck have you done to my house", Rhys is nothing but thrilled, of course. I don't know how he manages to simultaneously be such a simp, and also the most domineering, manipulative alphahole of them all, but somehow, he does.

Well, we gloss over the fact that Rhys fucking lied to her about the "most important thing in her immortal life (or whatever tf she called it a few chapters ago)" and start talking about how he got here instead.

He nodded. “Mor wouldn’t tell me where you’d gone, and there are only so many places that are as secure as this one. Since I didn’t want our Hybern friends tracking me to you, I had to do it the old-fashioned way. It took … a while.”

Right. So. Despite Feyre wanting to be left alone (assuming Mor passed on that part of the message, which I don't think is unreasonable if she refused to tell Rhys Feyre's location), Rhys decided no, no, he knew best, and he was going to go and find her instead of give her space to process it for herself, and it's only because of plot contrivance that he wasn't there immediately. Right. Remind me again why he's meant to be Better than Tamlin? I keep forgetting. Oh, also... he can read her mind. 24/7 access. Her shields are useless. I can only assume he didn't come to her immediately so he could maintain plausible deniability about just how little she can hide from him.

Anyway, Feyre randomly assumes Rhys must be hungry, and offers him food, because we've got to contrive this next bit somehow.

Rhys straightened. “You’d—make me food?” “Heat,” I said. “I can’t cook.”

Begs the question of who was doing the cooking while you were living in poverty, then. It obviously wasn't Feyre. But we can't let that detract from the everyone-else-sat-on-their-asses-but-we're-only-gonna-blame-Nesta-for-it narrative.

Anyway, we all know why the book is really being dramatic about it, and Rhys explains the whole food-offering thing between mates. Because this is 1950s America, I guess, so obviously one shows devotion by doing generic domestic woman shit. Whatever. It's too cliche to really properly be mad at, tbh. But, apparently Feyre decides she wants to be told "everything" while she heats up the soup (in a fantasy microwave, I guess, there's no mention of fire), and so Rhys launches into his Tragic Backstory. Which I thought we already knew, but whatever. Guess we're hearing it again. Also, note, the issue here is that he lied to her about the bond, not that his backstory isn't tragic enough or anything. And yet, he goes for trying to make her pity him instead of apologising or anything. Because of course he does. Classic fucking DARVO.

Apparently, he was captured by Amarantha's forces during the war. Apparently the magic-stopping shackles are a particular invention of Hybern's.

[R]"...So they chained me up between two trees, beating me when they felt like it, trying to get me to tell them where the Night Court forces were, using my warriors—their deaths and pain—to break me. “Only I didn’t break,” he said roughly,

Yeah, because he's a fucking sociopath who doesn't give a fuck about his people. Silly Hybern, thinking he cares at all about his soldiers. And note, we are once again using the deaths of bit characters to heap more pathos on a named character, because it was just so hard for them to watch. Rhys wasn't the one being killed, book. Sense of proportion, please. These are meant to be people, not disposable tools to make your faves more pitiable.

“and they were too dumb to know that I was an Illyrian, and all they had to do to get me to yield would have been to try to cut off my wings.

And it conveniently never once occurred to any of them to try it, despite being lolevil sadists who are perfectly happy to cut wings off as trophies. SJM hadn't realised she could get away with just making them grow back yet. But also, Rhys... you don't actually have wings. You make them appear via magic. I checked. Just disappear them if you don't want anyone to chop them off. This angst isn't needed.

Rhys tells us that Amarantha basically didn't give a fuck about him and ignored him, because she was preoccupied with Jurian and her dead sister, but Rhys insists that it was All Her Fault and tells us how he plotted her death. He was even willing to risk the wings for it, you guys! He tells us all about how he was forced to watch Amarantha fight Jurian (even though she's been ignoring him this whole time, she still forced him to watch for... some reason). And then how he listened to Jurian's screams while Amarantha tortured him (Jurian), and it's all told in a way that sounds like we should be feeling so sorry for Rhys, but....... he's not the one being tortured here, book...

Well anyway, his daddy eventually arrives to rescue him, and because I guess the book realised that there was very little that directly happened to Rhys here, made his father insist on leaving the ash bolts in his wings (because we're doing that again I guess, it was just so clever the first time!) as "punishment." And Rhys had to miss the last fights to recover. The indignity! Poor... baby......?

I mean sure, it sucks, but like. I don't care. And I also don't see what this has to do with Rhys lying to Feyre, which is the actual issue here, remember. This shit happened 500 years ago. It isn't relevant to why he isn't being honest with her *now.*

“They made the Treaty, and the wall was built. We’d long ago freed our slaves in the Night Court.

Because of course. Wasn't your father meant to be just as evil a dickbag as every other High Fae? You're trying to have your cake and eat it too, book.

"...We didn’t trust the humans to keep our secrets, not when they bred so quickly and frequently that my forefathers couldn’t hold all their minds at once.

.......what? No, really, what? Are you telling me that all the Night Court slaves were mind-controlled?

“They stayed with me when I roared at the stars that Amarantha, for all she had done, for every crime committed, would go unpunished. That the King of Hybern would go unpunished. Too much killing had occurred on either side for everyone to be brought to justice, they said.

And you say, as if you haven't used this exact same excuse already in this book. I fucking hate the "both sides" shit that seems to be in all SJM's works. It isn't even close to a "both sides" situation here.

"...And when my father slaughtered [Tamlin's father, who was apparently Amarantha's friend], I was so damn smug that perhaps she’d feel an inkling of what I’d felt when she murdered my soldiers.”

I mean..... wasn't her whole thing with Jurian because she was furious that he murdered her sister? I think she knows, Rhys. And also, weren't you trying to milk pity about how killing Tamlin's family was like.... idk, not your fault or something, somehow? And here you are saying how you felt smug when it happened. The mask comes off, indeed.

My hands were shaking as I stirred the soup. I’d never known … never thought …

And look! The guilt-tripping is working. Feyre's forgotten all about how she's meant to be mad at him for lying about "the most important thing in her immortal existence." Victim-Offender successfully reversed. How dare Feyre be mad at him when he has Suffered so much!

[R]“When Amarantha returned to these shores centuries later, I still wanted to kill her. The worst part was, she didn’t even know who I was.

Looooooooooool, that's actually fucking hilarious. Literally this:

And yet, here Rhys is, trying to make it all about him, even though it's sounding more and more like it was just war stuff happening during war, and not anything Amarantha herself was personally responsible for. Actually....... is he just trying to hijack Tamlin's vendetta against Amarantha now? Because she straight-up groomed and harassed Tamlin, remember, making his grudge a bit more understandable. Whereas Rhys here just seems to be projecting his generic wartime capture onto her, even though he's repeatedly said she paid no attention to him and doesn't even know who he is. Just trying to appropriate the last little bit of Tamlin's angst, I guess.

Anyway, he tells us about how he went to that party where Amarantha stole everyone's powers with the express intent of murdering her, even though there was apparently real risk of that action plunging Prythian into war with Hybern. But he just cares so much about the people, you guys! The Velaris people, of course, who would be the only ones spared by merit of living in a hidden city while everyone else got slaughtered. Anyway, it doesn't work, because Amarantha had been trained against his skillset, apparently.

"...I didn’t think about the drink in my hand. I hadn’t wanted Cassian or Azriel or anyone else there that night to witness what I was to do—so no one bothered to sniff my drink.

"No one bothered," you can't sniff your own damn drink? Entitled fuck. Also, Rhys, you can't deliberately not bring a food taster and then be mad that no one tastes your food for you. Who is meant to "bother" sniffing it for you? No one else is obliged to! The lengths this book will go to contrive pity, I swear. Also, the way he's phrasing it there, it makes it sound like Cassian and Azriel are usually his food tasters... it's probably obvious to the rest of us, but you generally don't have your general or your spymaster tasting your food. Because it's pretty disruptive to your kingdom if they keel over, too. If anything, they'd have food tasters of their own.

"...I flung [his powers] out one last time, wiping Velaris, the wards, all that was good, from the minds of the Court of Nightmares—the only ones I’d allowed to come with me.

So. He went fully expecting a bloodbath to result from his killing Amarantha. And he made sure to only bring CoN people with him. Yeah, again, remind me why we're meant to think hating him makes them evil? He is a literal fucking tyrant who has absolutely 0 problem with just throwing their lives away.

"...I threw the shield around Velaris, binding it to my friends so that they had to remain or risk that protection collapsing,

Anyway, after Rhys does this, Amarantha apparently slaughters half the CoN, just to prove she could, which Rhys uses to retroactively justify his decision about Velaris. I'd be inclined to think it proved the opposite, that maybe the already-safe city would be fine and he should have protected the rest of his court. But, apparently, I'm wrong, I guess. And then...

Oh, look, he's even trying to absolve the IC from blame for sitting on their asses for 50 years despite being so allegedly uberpowerful. And all of this just highlights that Rhys gives 0 fucks about anything but Velaris. Even the rest of his court. That is not heroic or admirable. And also - robbing them of the ability to choose for themselves whether they want to sit on their asses or try and help! But he's all about the choices! Give me a break. He is, and always has been, full of shit.

(Of course, the real reason it happened like this is a meta one - SJM hadn't invented the Inner Circle yet in book one, and needed to come up with an excuse for why they weren't involved in anything UtM, despite it making absolutely no sense. So we get this bullshit, which is really not a good look for Rhysand)

"...And that night, when she kept turning her attention to me, I knew what she wanted. I knew it wasn’t about fucking me so much as it was about getting revenge at my father’s ghost. But if that was what she wanted, then that was what she would get. I made her beg, and scream, and used my lingering powers to make it so good for her that she wanted more. Craved more.”

...........................you know, I've already spoken earlier in these reviews about the weirdness of Rhys's situation with Amarantha. Specifically, about how the book made sure to ensure he still had agency in it, so that he could get victim cred without being perceived as "weak" for it, because it was ultimately "his decision" still. And here, we see a continuation of that theme. It wasn't that Amarantha used her power over Rhys to force him into being her sex slave - he noticed her making eyes at him and decided to use it to his advantage. He could, presumably, not have done that, but then he wouldn't get his cheap victim cred, I suppose. But more than any of that, this part.....

"...and used my lingering powers to make it so good for her that she wanted more.

Uh, yeah. So, what, did he fucking mind-control her into being his abuser? Is that what this is meant to mean? Because that's what it fucking sounds like, book. I just... just...

I really don't know what to make of this. Is Rhysand's victim status actually something he contrived for himself? He claims to have been "forced" to be Amarantha's slave, when actually, it was him forcing her to want him as a slave in the first place?

I mean. In a vacuum, there's nothing wrong with seducing the enemy in order to accomplish your goals. It's a plan that can work. I don't agree that it was necessary in this case, but, in a vacuum. And there's nothing wrong with the character doing the seducing not liking it. What *is* wrong, though, is then going on to claim that said enemy raped you (without using the word tho, don't want Rhys to look like a beta cuck or smthn, I guess) and then using that status as a rape victim to try and leverage pity from people (both in and out of universe). Just... what the actual fuck? And I mean, it's not even that he's seducing her here, he's using literal mind-control to twist her thoughts into wanting him. That.... honestly re-frames the nature of their relationship a lot. Fucking hell.

And the worst part is, I don't think the book even realises what it's implying here. I think it was just intended as an off-hand statement so that we know Rhys is mind-blowingly good at sex. It has no fucking clue that it basically just erased any claim he has to victimhood. And it makes me feel unclean to say that because, on paper, he *should* be her victim. There shouldn't be any question at all. But, turns out he may well have orchestrated the whole thing himself. With mind-control. Isn't mind-controlling someone into wanting sex just a smidge rapey? When the entire foundation of Rhys's angst is meant to be that Amarantha raped him, not the other way around? Again, I ask: what the actual fuck?

But then, the cherry on the shit sundae, is the earlier claim (which Rhys reiterates for us in the next paragraph) that he can't actually hurt Amarantha with his powers because of her training. Which fucking one is it, book????? Can he mind-control her into thinking he's amazing at sex, or can he not??????

This is honestly such a fucking mess. And it just would not be a problem if the book would just chill on trying to make Rhys the best at everything ever, but also simultaneously an underdog victim. Holy shit. But, I need to move on, because Rhys is still fucking talking.

"...Especially when I proved what I could do to her enemies. But I was glad to do it. I hated myself, but I was glad to do it.

Yeah, that "I hated myself" bit isn't doing as much work as you think it is, book. He says he was glad to explode innocent people's brains. Twice.

Anyway, Rhys says he randomly started having visions of Feyre three years ago, though he claims not to know it was her. Basically seeing vignettes of her human life, including of her painting.

[R]“And that time, I pushed a thought back. Of the night sky—of the image that brought me joy when I needed it most. Open night sky, stars, and the moon. I didn’t know if it was received, but I tried, anyway.”

And oh, look! Even Feyre's fucking painted decorations in her human home only came about because of fucking Rhysand. Can we please just fuck him off into the sun already? I'm sick of him. And I fucking hate the trope of trying to force love interests into every facet of each other's lives, even before they meet. And if this is true, well, how can we say it's proof that Feyre is meant to be with Rhys? He put the thought of the Night Sky into her head himself! If he hadn't done that, she may well have painted something else! It wasn't destiny, he was orchestrating the whole thing from the beginning!

Well, anyway, Rhys goes on to tell us that he could tell when Feyre arrived in Prythian, and basically dug through all her dreams and thoughts trying to find where she was. You know, like a stalker.

[R]"...But then one night, you dreamed of standing amongst green hills, seeing unlit bonfires for Calanmai.”

Ah! There it is! I thought I remembered some BS about how he already knew who she was when he went to the Spring Court, and here is the fucking proof. Yeah, it really adds an insidious layer to those faeries who tried to attack her, with him swooping in just in time to save her, huh? Especially since we've just learned he's apparently not above contriving such situations for himself, after all.

“I got there, and I could smell you. So I tracked that scent, and … And there you were. Human—utterly human, and being dragged away by those piece-of-shit picts,

............."Pict" is not a name of a fantasy creature. The Picts were real people who used to live in what is now Scotland. What the actual fuck is this?

There you are. I’ve been looking for you. His first words to me—not a lie at all, not a threat to keep those faeries away. Thank you for finding her for me. I had the vague feeling of the world slipping out from under my feet like sand washing away from the shore.

In a better book, that vague feeling would be her realising that he has just catapulted himself to a new extreme of creepy stalker and that she should be running for the hills, but oh no! She is alone with him in a location where only one of his lackeys has seen her! But, no. We're meant to think it's "sweet" and "romantic" instead. I think I've transcended outrage at this point, it's too fucking horrifying.

[R]"...And I knew … I knew we were on dangerous ground, somehow. I knew that I could never speak to you, or see you, or think of you again.

Which is naturally why he came to the Spring Court that one time to gloat, I guess. Because it was Too Dangerous for him to be around Feyre. You are full of shit, Rhys.

[R]"...Right then, deep down, I think I knew what you were.

Uh huh. All that shit he did to Feyre UtM? Twisting her broken arm, drugging her, assaulting her, using pain to make her choose the right answer instead of just telling her, making her dance til she puked, having to get something out of giving his power to revive her? And even before that, when he essentially mind-raped her in front of Tamlin so that he could torment him? He did all that apparently knowing that she was his mate. How the actual fuck is this supposed to be romantic???? No, really, I want to know, how can anyone look at this shit and come away with even vague thoughts that there's nothing wrong with it??????

"...And when you were gone, I found those three picts. I broke into their minds, reshaping their lives, their histories, and dragged them before Amarantha. I made them confess to conspiring to find other rebels that night. I made them lie and claim that they hated her. I watched her carve them up while they were still alive, protesting their innocence. I enjoyed it—

And no, the fact that he adds "because I knew what they wanted to do to you" doesn't make this better. They had scummy intentions, but intentions are not crimes in and of themselves. They didn't actually *do* anything wrong. The situation was defused before it got to that point. He's literally gloating over torturing innocent people to death for thought crimes.

Ugh. Well, anyway. Rhys goes on to claim that he totally didn't know Feyre was living at the Spring Court (he thought she walked all the way to Calanmai from the human lands for shits and giggles, I guess), and he went to the Spring Court that next time just to mess with Tamlin, honest, but then bam! There she was. All right, sure, I'll roll with that Rhys. Care to explain why you saw fit to mind-rape her? No? Oh, wait, he is going to explain, my bad.

“And I decided that I had to scare Tamlin. I had to scare you, and Lucien, but mostly Tamlin. Because I saw how he looked at you, too. So what I did that day … ” His lips were pale, tight. “I broke into your mind and held it enough that you felt it, that it terrified you, hurt you. I made Tamlin beg—as Amarantha had made me beg, to show him how powerless he was to save you.

.........so................ he deliberately hurt her that day, for the express purpose of hurting her................. and hurting Tamlin by extension................... because he could see that Tamlin loved Feyre............................................................... naturally, the only sane thing to do is to lash out and make Tamlin beg and feel powerless. Yeah, this motherfucker just gets off on power trips, there's no other explanation. Oh, he tries:

"...And I prayed my performance was enough to get him to send you away. Back to the human realm, away from Amarantha.

Oh, also. You know how Tamlin was afraid that Feyre might be abducted and tortured by the other High Lords? And he'd be powerless to stop it, and that's why he went all hyper-overprotective? Yeah, can't imagine what might have made him think that. Mystery.

Because we're even going to hijack that part of Tamlin's decision making and instead attribute it to Rhys. It wasn't that Tamlin cared enough to choose Feyre over his people (which I disagree is a good thing, but w/e), no! It was all because of Rhysand's little performance! He orchestrated it!

And note, Rhysand also knew the details of Tamlin's curse. He knew that if Feyre said she loved Tamlin, then Tamlin would be free to kill Amarantha and thus save all of Prythian. A goal Rhys later claims to have had all along. And yet, here he is, claiming to also have deliberately sabotaged their best chance of accomplishing that goal. And it's nothing to do with wanting to keep Feyre safe, no matter what he says. He was perfectly fine with parading her around in front of Amarantha, the villain who wanted to kill her, when Amarantha seemed otherwise content to leave Feyre in her cell. He was fine with drugging her and assaulting her and making her dance till she puked, making sure she was hungover and miserable the whole time she was there. He was fine causing her pain, not just by twisting her bone to torture her into agreeing to his bargain, but even when he's mind-speaking to her in the second task and could have just told her the answer instead of hurting her! And yet he expects us to believe he was concerned about Feyre's well-being? Fuck off. Fuck right off with that. There are no words for how much I fucking hate this guy.

“But I was so selfish—I was so stupidly selfish that I couldn’t walk away without knowing your name. And you were looking at me like I was a monster, so I told myself it didn’t matter, anyway. But you lied when I asked. I knew you did. I had your mind in my hands, and you had the defiance and foresight to lie to my face. So I walked away from you again. I vomited my guts up as soon as I left.”

So............. you wanted to know her name, and thus asked, even though you knew it was a bad idea...................... but you also knew she lied to you, because you were reading her mind.................. could you not just have read her name from her mind? And no, the puking afterwards doesn't make it better. Some murderers do that too, the people they killed are still murdered. Also...

And you were looking at me like I was a monster, so I told myself it didn’t matter, anyway.

So, you knew that finding out her name would be dangerous. But because she looked like she didn't like you, you decided that made it all fine and dandy to put her in danger like that? Feyre doesn't like him, so that makes it okay if she dies, then??? Only people who like Rhysand deserve life? Fuck, this guy is such a selfish prick.

Oh, he's also going to dodge responsibility for Clare Beddor, saying he thought Feyre made her up. Bitch, you were reading her every thought and knew she was lying, surely you could also tell that she didn't make the name up! But, that part aside, I honestly don't mind his description of how he handled the situation after Clare was brought there - using his powers to essentially wipe her mind so she didn't feel the pain. It feels much more like that kind of shitty, trying-to-make-the-best-of-a-bad-situation vibe that the book has been trying to go for all this time. He figures he's powerless to stop Amarantha from killing her, so he does what he can with the tools he has instead. I mean, it's kind of undermined by the fact that he's the Most Powerful High Lord Ever and probably had other options, but, whatever. Whatever.

“I thought it was done after that. With Clare’s death, Amarantha believed you were dead. So you were safe, and far away, and my people were safe, and Tamlin had lost, so …

One-third of your people were safe. The rest were being mercilessly killed by Amarantha, by your own admission. Also, that last bit about Tamlin.... he really did do all this just to fuck with him, huh? This guy, man. He doesn't even have the excuse of Tamlin being abusive towards Feyre yet. Rhysand was literally fine with leaving things as they were at that point, because Velaris was safe and Tamlin had lost. Fuck the rest of Prythian, I guess? Fucking disgusting.

Anyway, as we know, it wasn't over, because then Feyre arrives UtM.

[R}"—I didn’t know you. I didn’t even know your name.

You literally rummaged through her head, and also all her dreams after she arrived at Prythian. Bullshit you didn't know her.

"...But I thought of those painter’s hands, the flowers I’d seen you create. And how she’d delight in breaking your fingers apart.

Something pointed out by @consultingundergroundrainbow in the comments of one of the posts from last book. Rhysand used painting, something Feyre loved, to defile her body in preparation for his roofie lapdance sessions. And here, we have textual proof that he fucking knew she loved painting. He knew, and he still chose that as his method of torment. Remind me again why we're meant to feel bad that Amarantha *might* have broken those painter's hands, when Rhys was the one using the very thing she loved to torment her?

“I decided, then and there, that I was going to fight. And I would fight dirty, and kill and torture and manipulate, but I was going to fight.

And, naturally, fighting means..... painted roofie lapdances.......

“So I watched your first trial. Pretending—always pretending to be that person you hated.

"...When you were hurt so badly against the Wyrm … I found my way in with you. A way to defy Amarantha, to spread the seeds of hope to those who knew how to read the message, and a way to keep you alive without seeming too suspicious. And a way to get back at Tamlin … To use him against Amarantha, yes, but … To get back at him for my mother and sister, and for … having you.

Rhys. You weren't "pretending." That's just the way you were. You can't twist someone's broken arm and say "but I was just pretending to be mean!" NO YOU FUCKING WEREN'T, YOU WERE ACTUALLY, LITERALLY, PHYSICALLY TWISTING HER FUCKING ARM! CAUSING HER ACTUAL, LITERAL, PHYSICAL FUCKING PAIN! NOTHING ABOUT IT WAS "PRETEND!" AAAAAAAAAAHHH!

It's like the book thinks that evil deeds only count as evil if you did them for the sole purpose of being evil, and your intention was 100% to be evil and nothing else. My brain actually cannot process how fucking stupid that is.

Okay, 1) who were you spreading those "seeds of hope" to? Who the fuck knew how to read that message? And 2) once again, to get back at Tamlin. For daring to fall in love with someone Rhys perceived as belonging to him. Only half a sentence in that paragraph is devoted to anything to do with helping Feyre for her own sake, and even then, with the context of the rest of it, he's only "keeping her alive" to further his own ends. This guy does not actually care about her as a person at all. Only as a thing that he wants that Tamlin has.

“So we endured it. I made you dress like that so Amarantha wouldn’t suspect,

Who's "we?" And what does dragging Feyre out of her cell and making her give you lapdances while you sexually assault her make Amarantha "not suspect", that she wouldn't also "not suspect" if you just left her in her fucking cell, oh my god! Amarantha was literally perfectly happy to just let her rot, and if you'd done the same, there would have been no cause for her to be suspicious at all! THERE IS LITERALLY NO REASON YOU HAD TO PAINT HER, DRUG HER AND ASSAULT HER, RHYS! NO FUCKING REASON WHATSOEVER, EXCEPT YOUR OWN SICK AMUSEMENT! SHE. WAS. LEFT. ALONE. IN. HER. CELL! THE ONLY REASON AMARANTHA HAD TO BE SUSPICIOUS IS BECAUSE YOU WOULDN'T LEAVE FEYRE THE FUCK ALONE!

"...And that last night, when I found you two in the hall … I was jealous.

Yup. That's all it was. Rhys was fucking jealous of Tamlin, and so, he forced a kiss on Feyre in order to stake his claim, I guess. Fucking sickening. Oh, also, notice how the book has once a-fucking-gain glossed over the fact that he regularly sexually assaulted Feyre? He mentioned the drugging at least, finally, saying this:

"...and made you drink the wine so you would not remember the nightly horrors in that mountain.

The nightly horrors that he fucking inflicted, mind! That she'd never have been subjected to if he just left her in her cell! But no mention of the lapdances and the groping and who knows what else. Oh, and also no mention of him torturing her into the bargain, using her very life as leverage to get what he wanted out of her! And his only flimsy excuse was that "Amarantha might suspect" AMARANTHA LEFT FEYRE IN HER FUCKING CELL RHYS, SHE'D HAVE HAD NO REASON TO SUSPECT ANYTHING IF YOU JUST LEFT HER THE FUCK ALONE! If anything, parading her around like that just makes it more suspicious! You've taken a sudden interest in this human, why is that? It's all just such a colossal steaming pile of bullshit.

He summarises the rest of the bullshit up to Amarantha's death, and it is indeed bullshit.

[R]"...you were my mate, my mate, my mate.

Shut up. Just shut the actual fuck up.

If we could get free, then all seven of us were there. We could bring you back. And I didn’t care if I had to slice into all of their minds to do it. I’d make them save you.”

Which is naturally why you were the very last of the non-Tamlin lords to do it, and also why you're the only one who had to be assured he'd get something out of it for himself first. Ass. Literal scum-sucking ass.

Home. Home had been at the end of the bond, I’d told the Bone Carver. Not Tamlin, not the Spring Court, but … Rhysand.

He planted that thought himself too, remember, with his music stunt. There's nothing his slimy little hands haven't touched.

“So Amarantha died, and I spoke to the High Lords mind to mind, convincing them to come forward, to offer that spark of power.

He moans about it for another paragraph.

No you fucking didn't. Feyre was in your head at the time. You did no such thing. Beron decided to offer his power first, and the others followed suit. Except for Rhysand, who only agreed to do it on the condition that Tamlin wouldn't kill him for repeatedly sexually assaulting his girlfriend first.

And also. Rhys trying to claim the credit for this himself really kind of undermines the impact of the moment? Like, it takes it from the High Lords recognising the impact this human girl had in saving them, and choosing to save her in turn, and makes it that they only helped because her future boyfriend forced them to. It's not because Feyre genuinely wowed them with what she did or anything. Nope. Just god-damn motherfucking RHYSAND! And now, he can even claim that Feyre owes him her life!

“I almost told you then [during their last scene in ACOTAR], but … You were so sad. And tired. And for once, you looked at me like … like I was worth something.

So, naturally, you decided to prove her wrong by lying. I mean sure, I agree it wasn't really the time or place, but still. The reason it wasn't the time or place was in no small part due to how you yourself treated her UtM, Rhysand!

"...So I promised myself that the next time I saw you, I’d free you of the bargain.

"...Because I was selfish, and knew that if I let go right then, he’d lock you up and I’d never get to see you again.

Also a fucking lie, he only locked her up when she was threatening to go charging off into a warzone, and after you yourself had locked her up already. Twice. Also, "I'd never get to see you again" as if Rhys hadn't been able to just waltz into Spring and kidnap Feyre multiple times at that point. Tamlin couldn't stop him. Probably why he was freaking out so much about his defences, tbh. They couldn't keep the monsters out.

"...But I felt you through the bond, through your open mental shields. I felt your pain, and sadness, and loneliness.

Ooooh, I see what you're doing there, book. Using "the bond" to try and conflate the mating bond with the spyware bond. Very sneaky. All this does is confirm for me that the mating bond was 100% artificially created by Rhys. If it's apparently so interchangeable with his spyware.

"...I winnowed to the wedding, and barely remembered who I was supposed to be, the part I was supposed to play.

Er, no, you remembered that part perfectly fine. You were as much of a smarmy ass as ever.

"...Not just because you were my mate, but because I … ” He glanced down, then up at me again. “I knew … I knew I was in love with you that moment I picked up the knife to kill Amarantha.

Interesting how being in love is considered completely separate to the mating bond. I wish the books actually had the balls to explore this. Could be a proper horror concept. Also, he knew then that he loved her, after he'd been drugging and assaulting her for months.....

"...I wouldn’t let you out of the bargain, because your hatred was better than facing the two alternatives: that you felt nothing for me, or that you … you might feel something similar, and if I let myself love you, you would be taken from me.

God, make it more about yourself why don't you. Fuck. "Yeah, I know the bargain forced you to go somewhere you expressly didn't want to be, but have you considered how hard it was for me to kidnap you????? And also, it would be so hard for me if you felt nothing for me, so imma just torture you mentally so that you're forced to feel something. God I'm such a romantic."

And then he spouts some BS about how he didn't tell her about the bond because he didn't want to force it on her (like how he forced her to live with him by kidnapping her), and here we are. What an absolute crock of shit. But of course, we all know what's going to happen.

And I said, “You love me?” Rhys nodded. And I wondered if love was too weak a word for what he felt, what he’d done for me. For what I felt for him. I set the bowl down before him. “Then eat.”

Yup. I hate everything.