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The Effects of Social Media on Marriages/Relationships

       Around the globe, ‘Facebook users spend approximately 10.5 billion minutes each day surfing the site, not to include mobile usage. As a whole, that is nearly 20 years per day spent in a virtual world instead of offline.’  And in a survey conducted by Badoo, another social site, it was found that ‘approximately 39% of Americans spend more time socializing online than in person’, according to the article by Sam Laird, Is Social Media Destroying Real-World Relationships? It is hard for me to fathom that incredible amount of time spent in a room at a desk, or lounging with a laptop as opposed to enjoying the blessings of an outside life.  But lately it has become more commonplace for people to communicate online or through text than face-to-face.  This is just like Mae in The Circle,  who spends all day long with some sort of social media technology so close to her that you would think it is a part of her own body.  And then when it comes time to leave work and go to a social event, she has nowhere near the normal interaction with friends, family, co-workers or even sexual partners as she does with people through the internet.  Not to mention that on a few occasions, her sexual escapades started with the use of some sort of ‘connected’ equipment.  Most notably, her relationship with Kalden/Ty, if you would call it that.  Then comes the embarrassment provided by the TruYou program in which she felt did not paint a good social picture of Mae due to information being left out or being inaccurate.  Now I am not saying that social media is totally bad for relationships, but there is an overwhelming amount of bad situations or strain that a relationship will go through due to Facebook, Twitter, Plenty of Fish and the like.

       These types of sites have a high potential for jealousy of the significant other, possibly because there is someone from either side’s ‘past’ and there is always that fear of some sort of infidelity or off-color scenario playing out. Or it could simply be one side or the other reading more into it than they should, in which a multitude of crazy theories manifest themselves.  Similar to Mae’s thoughts when she hadn’t heard from or seen Kalden in quite some time.  All too often, and quite a bit personally, I have seen relationships go absolutely haywire because of a conversation had on Facebook, or a similar site.  And sometimes it doesn’t even have to be a conversation, it could be a comment or a sarcastic post with maybe a slight sexual innuendo, and it’s all over from there.  WW3 starts, probably by some sort of nasty name calling because of a misunderstanding of the situation, when all that had to be done was talk about it in an adult manner.  But then I think that stems from a trust issue as well, or some sort of insecurity.

       Now I am not always saying that there is no one at fault, because there are plenty of people that aren’t satisfied and the want to ‘play the field’, sort of like Mae was doing between Francis and Kalden.  If you are the type to ‘have your cake and eat it too’, well then you deserve what comes from that.  And you should never think that you won’t get caught, sooner or later it will come back to bite you in the ass.  It is called a social network for a reason, and 90% of the time, there is someone who knows what is going on, and is a mutual friend who will call it how it is.  Plus that stuff doesn’t just go away, there is always a trail of some kind where the damning information can be found. Like when a certain picture or video feed of Mae in a very compromising position was captured.  That was out there for the world to see, if you knew where to look.

       I am a firm believer in the fact that there shouldn’t be any secrets when you are with someone, and it seems that these days, the so-called ‘Facebook secrets’ are the ones that will bring down a relationship in a heartbeat.

       Now I am not saying delete your Facebook or Twitter account once you are with someone, that will just look suspicious for one side or the other. Just be up front and honest.  Have the guts to tell the truth to him or her.  Also, if they don’t know already(which if they are any kind of friend, they already will),  tell them that conversations like that cannot happen.  Going back to the fact that if they are any kind of friend, they will understand and respect you for that.  These are just a few of the pitfalls,  whether purposely or not,  that people fall into when it comes to conversations/social interaction on social media that will put strain on a marriage or relationship.  So just communicate with your husband, wife, girl/boyfriend and don’t leave them with questions like that. It’s not a hard thing to do, furthermore, if you aren’t ready to be committed to that person…then why are you in a relationship anyway?  Clearly you aren’t ready or can’t handle one at this point.

Lastly, why not spend more time offline and meet people face-to-face?  Then you can see them as they are and be with them as you should be and/or them for you. In the words of the following video...LOOK UP.

       Research Sources:

The Circle, by Dave Eggers

Is Social Media Destroying Real-World Relationships?, by Sam Laird

Facebook Relationship Problems: How Social Networking And Jealousy Affect Your Love Life, Katherine Bindley

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Social Media and Its Psychological Effects

       Today, social media has become a huge part of our lives. Whether it is reconnecting with distant family or friends, allowing for new acquaintances/relationships to be started, or even just to have passing conversations with people far away that we may not otherwise have any communication with normally. But what happens when these programs are not available due to a computer/cell phone malfunction, internet being unavailable or just simply that social media site is down for routine maintenance?

‘Recent studies show that the internet/social media makes up such a large part of our daily lives, that when it is unavailable for even a short amount of time,  there is a profound negative effect’. Some of these effects are a ‘decrease in levels of happiness, the feeling of being left out/behind’. We are so used to being ‘connected’ at all times that when there is ‘deprivation for any length of time, it is said to create negative emotional feelings when online access is unavailable’. This recent psychological research which is published in the Public Library of Science ONE has termed this negative response as ‘Disconnect Anxiety’.

        This is shown quite a few times during Eggers’ novel, The Circle.  More specifically when Mae’s voice/video feed goes inactive for whatever reason, her followers seem to become either concerned or agitated. To me, those scenarios describe this type of anxiety quite clearly. Most social media sites have also inadvertently become a ‘mirror against which we unconsciously measure/determine our own sense of worth’.  The constant connection is a portal through which we share all sorts of happenings in our daily lives whether it is insignificant or a really big deal.  The need for instant feedback or gratification seems to be like a drug for some people and when that ‘drug’ is not available, these people freak out or go through very pronounced symptoms of withdrawal.         Currently, over ‘73% of adults online use some form of social networking site’.  And those numbers continue to increase, much like the growing number of people in Eggers’ novel who become Circle users. They feel the only way associate with others is through the internet when in actuality ‘they have made their interactions with other people impersonal, and a distancing phenomena is taking place’.

        Furthermore, most people do things or act in ways that they normally wouldn’t in the ‘real’ world.  Whether it be cyber-bullying or infidelity or the multitude of other less-than-pleasant actions that can occur.  These people do this because most of the time they can get away without consequence.  At least they could up until recently.  These different or abnormal actions that are presented calls to mind when Mae ‘borrowed’ the canoe but didn’t realize there was a SeeChange camera that captured her every move.  Much like the cyber-bullies, I believe Mae would not have done this if she had an idea that she would be seen or caught.  But then there are some social media users that have such clouded judgement that they don’t think about the harm that they are causing, or worse yet, they do not care.         And finally, when all of this anxiety becomes too much for that person and they ‘unplug’ for a few days or whatever length of time, they have the online ‘friends’, or should I say, addicts worrying about them.  Which is mostly why they return to their previous ways because they either don’t want to worry anyone, or the absence of those people is too much for them to bear. My thoughts on this whole ‘addiction’ is that there is far too much going on in the world and through life to be constantly living in a fake world.  Yes, in moderation, being on the internet/social media can be good.  But not when psychological effects like this rear their ugly heads due to extreme usage.  If only these social media junkies would realize this,  they would be in a much better state of mind. 

Research Sources:

The Circle, Dave Eggers

Social Media and Its Effects On Our Emotional Well-Being, Alex Beattie

Psychologist: Social Media Causing A ‘Distancing Phenomena’ To Take Place, Regina F. Graham

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Technology/Social Media, and its Impact on Human Interaction & Everyday Life

       Since the dawn of the human race, there has always been the drive to be more efficient.  With today’s technological advances, the previous statement could not be more true.  From robotics on assembly lines in automobile manufacturing plants, and in major hospital operating rooms, to our interaction with other human beings, technology seems to have invaded every facet of our lives.  This invasion, in a lot of ways has made life a bit easier, but in certain aspects has it gone too far?  For example, in the world of social media.  Social media is definitely a great way to communicate with those that you haven’t seen in years, i.e. high school.  Or even to reach those that are not always easily reachable, in this case, deployed military.  Now this sort of interaction is absolutely wonderful, but when it comes to things like online dating/relationships, I believe it can be quite the opposite.                                

       ‘Studies have shown that social media has become more addictive than cigarettes or alcohol’, as explained in an article from DigitalFire entitled “How Social Media Has Affected Human Interaction”.  In this same article, they allude to the fact that people have become ‘alienated from events as they happen in real time’.  They are so caught up in documenting the event, that they miss out on the actual experience.  This was shown very clearly in The Circle at numerous points.  It was like every waking moment of a Circler’s day should to be documented.  And if it was not, people grew suspicious, as shown early on in the book when Mae was in her first few weeks at The Circle.  Furthermore, in regards to social media or online dating sites, there has been a rapid decline in the ‘face-to-face’ interactions, as well as countless failed relationships due to use/misuse of social media.  ‘While there are many positive outcomes are associated with cyber communication, some individuals experience negative consequences’ as briefly outlined in the 27 August 2013 edition of the Clinical Social Work Journal article “Technology, Relationships and Culture: Clinical and Theoretical Implications”.  

        As a user of social media; namely Facebook, SnapChat and on occasion, Twitter.  As well as the recent use of online dating sites like POF(Plenty of Fish), I have seen many profiles that are so far off from the actual person, that it makes you question the honesty of every single user of those sites.  What ever happened to just meeting people through everyday travels, like before the times of social media and the internet?  My thoughts in regards to this question are that in many situations, people just don’t have the time for that ‘old school’ way anymore.  Whether it be because of work/school schedules, single-parent responsibilities, various family situations and the list goes on.  So these sites offer a bit of convenience in this aspect of life, but sometimes not for the better.  So in the end, social media for the most part is a great thing, but it does have its drawbacks as well.  In light of the negative aspects, I believe people shouldn’t be so reliant on it.  Get out into the world and experience it first-hand, not through a screen!  Cultivate new relationships, in whatever capacity, and without the use of so much social media.

Reference Sources:

The Circle, Dave Eggers

How Social Media Has Affected Human Interaction

Technology, Relationships and Culture: Clinical and Theoretical Implications,            Karen Zilberstein                  

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