Snot Block Scoring

[snotblockscoring]

Little red grape cafe - Seven Hill SA

Summary - Old Person Taste Buds What would have been a good vanilla slice was ruined by the icing.  Look at it.  There is about 3x too much, and whilst it didn’t actually have coconut, that would have improved it.

Icing: 2/10 - Sickly, Sickly icing.  And way too much. Crust:  6/10 - Chewy and hard to cut. Texture:  6/10 - It was a nice texture, not snotty, but not too creamy either. Creaminess:  8/10 - Yes, just beautifully creamy. Ease of eating:  3/10  Because the crust was harder, it all went out the side when you ate.  And I had to take off the top, because I hated the icing. Flavour:  4/10.  with icing.   7 without.  The icing really ruined it.

Total:  29/60 - or 32/60.  Ruined by the icing.

Summary - Young Person Taste Buds

Icing: 4/10 - Lots of icing, and it is so sweet - it’s finger bun icing and too much of it. Crust: 7/10 - pretty chewy Texture: 7/10 Creaminess: 8/10 Ease of eating: 3/10 - it goes everywhere. Flavour: 6/10 without the icing.  4 with the icing.

Total: 33/60 with icing, 36/60 without.

Scrape the icing off!

[snotblockscoring]

Clare Rise Bakery

Summary - Young Person Taste Buds

Icing: 7.5/10 - Even though I don’t like coconut, I really like this one.  It’s sweet. Crust: 6/10 - I like the chewiness Texture: 6/10 - The chewiness of the crust + the creaminess made a good combo Creaminess: 8/10 - Not remotely snotblockish, really fairly creamy Ease of eating: 5/10 - Don’t try to cut it unless you cut from the middle, unlike SOMEONE Flavour: 4/10 - the custard has no flavour at all.

Total: 36.5/60 - It’s a good one, despite no custard flavour

Summary - Old Person Taste Buds More bloody coconut.. is this a SA thing?

Icing: 7/10 - Really good vanillaey taste, and coconut Crust: 8/10 - Nice thickness, gave a good resistance. Texture: 8/10 - This had an AWESOME creamy texture.  It was fantastic Creaminess: 8/10 - So creamy.  Which meant it slurped out the side when you bit, which means that the next score lost a bit Ease of eating: 5/10 - You will get it all over your face when you bite. But that is OK Flavour: 6/10 - The custard really didn’t have a flavour, except for a bit of an aftertaste.  But it had creaminess (I know I’m repeating myself) which very much made up for it.  Please add more vanilla!

Total: 42/60 - an excellent vanilla slice, and big.

[snotblockscoring]

Vili’s Bakery Adelaide

Old persons tastebuds:

So my brother was saying “YOU MUST GET THIS VANILLA SLICE” and my expectations were very strong here.  To be countered almost immediately by ... coconut.  The young person hates coconut.  This should be interesting.

Icing: 5/10 -The right amount of icing, but as I said... coconut. Crust:  5/10 - I like my crust on the softer side, and this was a soft, but buttery crust Texture:  3/10 - Yeah, this wasn’t a great texture.  I spent a bit of time bouncing a bit of the top crust on the custard, and when I said bounce, I meant bounce. Creaminess:  1/10 - It was not creamy in the slightest. Ease of eating:  8/10  The right size for someone with a gob of my size, and it didn’t fall to pieces when I took the top off.  Or when I turned it on its side.  It basically held together just a bit too well. Flavour:  7/10.  The flavour was good.  Like home made (packet) custard.  It was the best bit of it (I know the ease of eating scores higher but that wasn’t necessarily a good thing)

Total:  29/60 - My brother is full of it, this was a middle of the road snot block.  I bought him one too though, so he better be thankful.

Summary - Young Person Taste Buds

Icing: 6/10 - I don’t like coconut, so that reduced, but it was a good amount of it Crust: 6/10 - I prefer crunchier Texture: 3/10 - It was a SNOT BLOCK for sure Creaminess: 2/10 - this was generous Ease of eating: 4/10 - it was wet, and you need to make sure you eat the icing with it to get the flavour.  And you have to dig your fingers into coconut which is gross. Flavour: 7/10 - but only when you eat it with the icing.

Total: 28/60 - my uncle seriously overhyped this.

[snotblockscoring]

Main Street Bakery - Clare SA

Summary - Old Person Taste Buds At first glance I thought it was the same vanilla slice that I got from Baker Bear, but no, this one is way creamier.  Still too much strangely thick icing though

Icing: 5/10 - Still too thick.  Couldn’t quite work out if vanilla or lemon, which says weird things about my tastebuds.  Not too sweet, which is very good. Crust:  6/10 - Nice and buttery Texture:  6/10 - Soft, easy to bit, not remotely snotty. Creaminess:  8/10 - Yes, just beautifully creamy. Ease of eating:  7/10  Good for eating a full mouthful at one time.  I mean, after the first bite, I still took off the top and ate it separately, but I didn’t HAVE to. Flavour:  6/10.  It was more creamy than strongly vanilla-ey, but again, few things are as vanilla-ey as I like.

Total:  38/60 - 63% awesome

Summary - Young Person Taste Buds

Icing: 5/10 Crust: 5/10 Texture: 7/10 Creaminess: 7/10 Ease of eating: 8/10 Flavour: 6/10

Total: 38/60 (The young person agrees for once.  Amazing!)

[snotblockscoring]

Baker Bear in Port Douglas

Summary - Old Person Taste Buds A middle of the road vanilla slice.  Could easily be made better by less icing and stirring the custard more.  We might have just got a bad batch.

Icing:  4/10 - Too thick.  Soft.  But had a nice vanilla flavour Crust:  5/10 - Held together but a bit soggy Texture:  5/10 - Strangely grainy.  Not overly gluggy, but still a bit snottish Creaminess:  4/10 - Yeah, grainy. Ease of eating:  7/10  Not too large.  Could fit my gob around it, but couldn’t cut. Flavour:  5/10.  Vanillaey, but not quite as vanillaey as I like.

Total:  30/60 - 50% awesome.

Summary - Young Person Taste Buds Overall a fairly mediocre vanilla slice, although I am a snob when it comes to these things. 

Icing: 4/10 - Slightly too sweet, could’ve been due to the sheer amount. It had a good texture though. Crust: 3/10 - As the person who had to try to cut this in half, it was very annoying to handle, and it added no real texture. Texture: 6/10 - Felt like slightly dried up slime, but it kinda worked??? Creaminess: - 4/10 - As I said, it was slimey but I didn’t hate it for some reason. Ease of eating: - 5/10 - Since I’m still pissed about cutting it up, I lowered the score, but it was fine in every other aspect. Flavour: 4/10 - It had a really weird aftertaste and I think it was cornflour.

Total: 26/60 - It was alright.

[snotblockscoring]

What this page is about...

We review vanilla slices.  Our aim is to find the best vanilla slice in the world.  We score according to the following criteria:

icing

crust

texture

creaminess

ease of eating

flavour

We score both “normal” and “French” vanilla slices.   Our score for each of these is out of 10 or from “could have come out of our nose” to “Came straight from Nanna’s kitchen”

If you have any suggestions of bakeries we should score, please send them to our ask box.