At the Movies with the Llama

Welcome to the Llama's movie blog! Here you will find all the movies I have watched, started in January 2013. Included with each movie post will be a photo from the film, the title, the stars, and my rating.

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April 2017 - Fun Size Horror (2015) Theater Mode Starring Rene Bordelon, Alex Choate, Lani Akuna, Curtis Andersen, Sheldon Anderson, and Yuri Lowenthal

The Llama’s Rating: 2/10

The Llama’s Review:

A bunch of super short stories packed together. A lot is going on and none of it is interesting. For some reason, Yuri Lowenthal makes an appearance.

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April 2017 - Ghostkeepers (2012) Theater Mode Starring Jenny Costanzo, Anthony D.P. Mann, Sherri Paterson, and Christian Pawlowski

The Llama’s Rating: 1.8/10

The Llama’s Review:

The gang spends the night in a house where a movie was filmed. Nothing happens.

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April 2017 - All Sinner’s Night (2014) Theater Mode Starring Brittany Jessee, Tom Sparx, and John Dugan

The Llama’s Rating: 2.1/10

The Llama’s Review:

Unless I missed it in all the darkness and terrible audio, there is never any explanation that connects David’s wife’s suicide with Lana’s brother. There are so many loose ends. Is that little girl whose mother was abducted and subsequenty killed just wandering the streets with that handgun? What happened to the other cultists? Did her zombie brother get killed or is he still out there somewhere? And then there is the Vietnam vet who shows up to swear a lot and then stab a cultist and disappears into the night. Why were you even there, buddy?

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April 2017 - Nightbeast (1982) Theater Mode Starring Tom Griffith, Jamie Zemarel, Karin Kardian, George Stover, and Don Leifert

The Llama’s Rating: 2.6/10

The Llama’s Review:

It’s really dark, everyone is a terrible shot, and there is no explanation as to why the Nightbeast is there or what it wants, other than mass murder. It also sometimes uses is disintegration gun but other times just tears people apart and there is no rhyme or reason as to when he does what.

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April 2017 - Beauty and the Beast (2017) Starring Emma Watson, Dan Stevens, Kevin Kline, Ian McKellan, Ewan McGregor, Josh Gad, Luke Evans, Audra McDonald, Gugu Mbatha-Raw, Stanley Tucci, and Emma Thompson

The Llama’s Rating: 8.6/10

The Llama’s Review:

It’s a pretty faithful remake of the animated film. The acting was great, the songs were lovely, and overall it was very enjoyable. There was more meaningful backstory, such as Belle’s mother’s death and Beast’s cruel father. I was particularly fond of the scene where Belle was teaching a young girl to read. As for the Stockholm Syndrome controversy, just check out what Emma Watson had to say about it.

And can we just acknowledge that Disney decided not to release this film in Malaysia because Malaysia wanted the scene where LeFou dances with Stanley censored and Disney was like no.

Also, how is everyone talking about the 2.5 second dance scene and not the scene where the wardrobe dresses the three dudes up in women’s clothing and one of them is super happy with his new look. Seems just as important to me.

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April 2013 - Time Barbarians (1990) Theater Mode Starring Deron McBree, Joann Ayers, and Daniel Martine

The Llama’s Rating: 3.8/10

The Llama’s Review:

The best thing I’ve seen on theater mode so far. The acting is actually pretty decent and the lighting was pretty good, except for the scenes in that bar or whatever. The plot left something to be desired. Doran is searching for Mandrak after the latter murdered his wife and will not rest, but then he gets to LA and kind of puts his mission on hold so he can wear modern clothes in the home of his reincarnated wife and bang her. Then after he completes his task he returns to his own time and ??? There is no final resolution. You don’t get to see what he returns to. Or when he returns. Does he return to the moment he left? Does he go back in time to save his wife? So many unanswered questions.

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April 2017 - Curse of the Cannibal Confederates (1982) Theater Mode Starring Steve Sandkuhler, Christopher Gummer, Rebecca Bach, Judy Dixon, Jum Ball, and Mimi Ishikawa

The Llama’s Rating: 2.1/10

The Llama’s Review:

Awful. The lighting was ridiculous. It goes from day to night to mid-morning 62 times in one scene. The 4+ minute scene of the zombies eating Bill and the cops was just ridiculous and over the top. All the zombies wanted was their stupid journal back and Mel was to stupid to do it and got everyone killed except for two people.

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April 2013 - Atrocity (2015) Theater Mode Starring Luke Wright, Ryan Claxton, Brittney Karbowski

The Llama’s Rating: 2.3/10

The Llama’s Review

This was not a good movie. At all. The acting was sup par, save for a few instances (i.e. Brittney’s crying). Way too much of the movie was dedicated to the set-up and was just a bunch of guys hanging out, drinking, and being idiots. At one point, main dude Zach says they can’t bring a gun because things would get out of hand, but then they stop at creepy camera dudes house and pick up a bunch of crazy bladed weapons and a flail. Then the investigator guy is explaining everything to a institutionalized Bobby and every time Bobby asks a question he says “We’ll get to that later.” Why even have him ask the question then? Things also seemed to escalate out of nowhere. I would not recommend this movie.

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Hello, again!

So after a four year unintentional hiatus, I have decided to revive my movie blog, with one small change! I am going to add short reviews about the movies I watch.

I also watch AH’s show “Theatre Mode” and I am on the fence about whether or not I should include ratings of those movies or not. I technically did watch them, and am leaning towards I should record them...

Anyway, it is good to be back.

EDIT: Reviews will be under a cut, so no need to worry about spoilers, unless you click to keep reading.

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April 2017 - Maximum Ride (2016) Starring Allie Marie Evans, Patrick Johnson, Lyliana Wray, Luke Gregory Crosby, Gavin Lewis, Tetona Jackson, Zayne Emory, and Peter O’Brien

The Llama’s Rating: 5/10

The Llama’s Review:

While it’s definitely not the worst movie I’ve ever seen, it’s definitely not great. My main complaints are:

1. Fang is blond 2. Angel barely speaks at all 3. Nudge and Max argue about Nudge going into town for a jacket, and while I remember something like that happening at some point in the series, it was not at the beginning of the first book 4. Fang is blond 5. Nudge doesn’t go with Fang and Max to get Angel, she is left behind with Iggy and Gazzy 6. Iggy and Gazzy don’t booby trap the shit out of the house in anticipation of the Erasers returning 7. Fang is blond 8. There is no mention of why Gazzy is called Gazzy (aka The Gasman) 9.They spent way more of their budget on fancy cages than the needed to, since they were kept in dog crates 10. Did I mention FANG IS BLOND

The acting was decent enough though, and I think Gavin Lewis did a particularly good job as Gazzy. I also dig Max’s Rancid shirt.

If I am being completely honest, this movie probably deserves a lower rating but I just watched three episodes of Theater Mode and comparatively this movie is a masterpiece. Plus, I love the books so much anything associated with them that has any amount of quality gets some credit.

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October 2013 - Jurassic Park (1993) Starring Sam Neill, Laura Dern, Richard Attenborough, Jeff Goldblum, Ariana Richards, and Joseph Mazello The Llama’s Rating: 10/10

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October 2013 - Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (2005) Starring Robert Downey Jr, Val Kilmer, and Michelle Monaghan

The Llama's Rating: 10/10

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October 2013 - Hocus Pocus (1993) Take 2 Starring Omri Katz, Thora Birch, Vinessa Shaw, Bette Midler, Sarah Jessica Parker, Kathy Najimy, and Jason Marsden

The Llama’s Rating: 10/10

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October 2013 - Hocus Pocus (1993) Starring Omri Katz, Thora Birch, Vinessa Shaw, Bette Midler, Sarah Jessica Parker, Kathy Najimy, and Jason Marsden

The Llama's Rating: 10/10

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August 2013 - Olympus Has Fallen (2013) Starring Gerard Butler, Aaron Eckhart, and Morgan Freeman The Llama's Rating: 6.2/10

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August 2013 - Titan A.E. (2000) Starring Matt Damon, Drew Barrymore, Bill Pullman, John Leguizamo, Nathan Lane, and Janeane Garofalo

The Llama's Rating: 9.4/10

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July 2013 - RED (2010) Starring Bruce Willis, Helen Mirren, Mary-Louise Parker, John Malkovich, Morgan Freeman, and Karl Urban

The Llama's Rating: 4.8/10