have you ever loved someone? of course you have.
but have you cared about someone with every droplet of your weeping soul and handed someone the darkest corners of your caved mind? have you ever shifted your entire life to make sure that person was happy, just to have it all thrown from balcony and shattered onto the pavement below in a million tiny pieces?
have you had your heart broken? of course you have.
but have you given up your dreams to have theirs become the one and only priority? allowed them to talk down your god-given talents, making you believe that you were only ordinary? made you believe it was them that was extending insurmountable kindness to just “keep you around?”
i guess im the idiot that jumped off the cliff before looking out below to see if he was waiting, arms wide, at the bottom like he was yelling he was. but rather he stayed at the top behind me, pointing and laughing at my lack of ability to sprout wings, and of course he wouldnt want to be down there.
he would confuse details about me and his ex.
he would keep his text histories clear.
he would disappear for days at a time.
he would swear it was just to focus on studies.
not to worry.
he would be seen out without me,
with random girls on his lap,
with her tongue down his throat,
with his hand up her skirt.
he would swear it wasnt him they saw,
and i swore they had the wrong guy.
not to worry.
he would make the same continuous mistakes,
he’d spew the same lies in an endless loop.
he would promise they wouldnt happen again.
not to worry.
he would take film photos of girls,
beautifully captured stills from around the city,
and say they were only strangers.
not to worry.
he would have scratch marks on his back,
ones i didnt make.
not to worry.
he would act like the perfect boy his mother believed that he was.
he would ask why i didnt trust in him.
so, go on.
continue to make up stories.
rub my name in the dirt.
hurt every girl the same way you did me.
it took me years to let go.
but i have those wings now,
and the view is clear up here.
annaxmalina
andulkaphoto
turnnoffyourmind
