snzfucker extraordinaire

Juli (she/her 25) I'm just here to save sneeze stuff

[snz-enthusiast]

I am not a very sneezy person and I'm so fascinated by my sneezy coworker. Where does he keep 'em all?

For the first time in my life i've had to spend a lot of time in close proximity to a person whose nose is just always bothering him. I do feel bad, but I'm also trying to have a little fun with it.

[snz-enthusiast]

"Welcome to *my place of employment,* where the employees are in awkward unspoken denial about the fact that we are currently all sharing a cold!"

[snz-enthusiast]

It finally got acknowledged! I was trying my hardest not to succumb to coughing (obviously failing) my poor work friend was mid sneezing fit.

Then Patient Zero (feeling better, btw) joked " Hold on, the two of you aren't allowed to die at the same time!/s"

And I think that counts!

[snz-enthusiast]

"Welcome to *my place of employment,* where the employees are in awkward unspoken denial about the fact that we are currently all sharing a cold!"

[snz-enthusiast]

More of a general sex thing than a sneeze thing but...

Y'all I am feeling some sort of way today, this is unreal. I don't think I've ever been this turned on by nothing in particular in my life! Holy shit. I feel like my soul is over caffeinated , I am shaking with desire, miserably distracted.

Like y'all ever been horny to the point that something as mundane as taking a sip of soda clouds your vision with ecstasy. Am I okay???

At least I'm getting my time's worth out of all the content on here!

[snz-enthusiast]

I'm fully aware that this is out of the blue, and that I do not often post here, and that this is only tangentially related to snz, but I have this horrible need to vent to something that feels a little more anonymous than the rest of my life, for just a little bit of understanding that I will not get if I tell my friends.

I am having a bit crisis in my sexuality, but not only that, it's mutating into something I do not trust myself with and this fetish is changing with it. I feel like I have to tell someone the whole story and not just the bits and pieces those close to me have stumbled into

(Trigger warning for substance abuse, obsessive unhealthy emotional state, sexual themes relating to my fetish, and just... sad)

Hi I'm 24 years old! And for nearly a decade I have firmly been a lesbian, this is common knowledge, most people in my life are aware of this, especially my coworkers (which will be very relevant later!!) I have never had any relations with a man, and I have had countless relations with other sapphic people. I don't really want to get too deep into identity politics at the moment, just know that in every relationship I have ever been in I have been stone top, and that is almost entirely because of this fetish. See I'm very attracted to women in almost every way, but this pesky little thing for sneezing has made it nearly impossible for me to reach completion while having normal gay sex, but I do still enjoy the sex I do get to have. So I am mostly satisfied pleasuring myself. And as far as men go, I just haven't been able to see the appeal. Maybe a couple of time a months I will see a man do something vaguely attractive and my body does occasionally uh react?? for like a split second. BUT NEVER in my life have I ever held long term romantic feelings or sexual attraction to a man.

Except..... something must have broke within me. I became horrifically attracted to my coworker. At some point in mid October this absolute dick starting pulling some shit. My only impressions of him that I have until this point are as follows

He is a bland cishet man

He is 41, but seemingly lacks any maturity

Although good at his job, overly cocky about it

Not particularly kind to the women he works with

Sorta funny, in a crude self absorbed way

Dealing with not-so-subtle substance abuse problems

And lucky me!!! I seem to be The Exception to the the being mean to women thing, no he does something a little bit more sinister around me. He likes to vent about all of his issues to me! Which includes complaining about our lady coworkers (aka MY FRIENDS) to me. Which is weird as hell! and means that basically every girl he works with is pissed at him at all times, he is being yelled at by them all the time! But not me, I have no reason to go off on him, and frankly with the age difference and size difference and the fact that he is MY COWORKER I am a little scared to actually start drama with him for as long as I can tolerate his immature ramblings.

This did not last long, because for the first week of November I got to have a long weekend, and returned on Tuesday to an absolute shit show. See he also had a bit of a long weekend when he had called out on Monday, and it didn't take a genius to figure out why! I rock up to work at 9 and see a husk of human will be my companion for the day! He is not looking well (and I don't mean that in an "actually I'm attracted to him because he maybe has a cold" kind of way) He is looking close to death in a sort of uncanny valley sort of way, serious shit. And because I'm not as naive as he may have thought I was, I knew within 30 seconds of looking at him that these were withdrawal symptoms, and my best guess (which turned out to be correct) was opioid withdrawal.

Instantly I am filled with rage, I am not one to get angry, it had been years since I had been this angry at anyone. This is some seriously triggering shit! I have to spend 8 hours in close proximity to someone sweating and shaking and trying not to vomit. And I am ANGRY about it. The moment this asshole tries to make an excuse, and lie about what is actually happening to him I gotta hit him with a dangerously calm, condescending " Is now a good time to mention that you look like shit??" and immediately follow it up with the rant of the century about how everything is his own fault and the fact that he even tried to mislead me into pitying him does not make me his friend and that I would prefer if would just fuck off and leave me alone for the rest of the day. Which he does.

As awful as I was to him, it felt amazing. He needed a good yelling at from me in particular. He was a little dumbfounded by my capacity for seething rage as I'm small and extremely nonthreatening. It felt good to have the upper hand on an asshole, even if I did kick him when he was down. Plus he did apologize to me a few hours later (although it didn't seem all that genuine). I became the workplace MVP for the week, and that also felt really good. I felt like I had power over him, and I liked it.

Except now I can't sleep. The adrenaline rush of actually standing up to someone lasted for days, and when it faded I was left with terrible dread. I hadn't known I could be mean like that??? The more I thought about it, the worse I felt. He did do so many shitty things to me and my friends. It felt good to get my frustrations out, but it also made me feel like shit that I specifically yelled at him for his addiction issues, maybe he did deserve a little bit of pity in such a fragile state? I mean he was obviously in a lot of pain, and I took advantage of that. And these thoughts are haunting me all night, every night.

So now the roles are reversed. He's seemingly "recovering" in some way, shape, or form (not really any of my business but I'm guessing he got some sort of fix after being a little strapped for cash previously.) I'm showing up everyday with a max of like 3 hours of sleep while the guilt is eating me alive, I look like shit and he has definitely noticed! He's treating me different now, he's trying to be kinder to everyone, but especially me. He has spoken to me in an actually sympathetic tone, despite me not exactly telling him about the insomnia, he is trying to help with it and give me advice (apparently I do not wear sleeplessness well.) He is giving me so much grace and encouragement and sympathy that sometimes I almost start crying.

So 10 days after I went off on him, I am in fragile state of overly emotional sleep deprivation. I am definitely losing a tether on my sense of self, and I spend most of my time at work stuck trying to distract myself with daydreams as an ill advised replacement for real REM sleep. And this is when I hear a vaguely familiar noise behind me. A sharp inhale.

Oh No. Do I turn around? I kinda want to? In my horrid stupor my terrible brain has forgotten my complicated situation. I am running on caffeine and the dregs of my own life force, we're pure Id at this point. Curiosity gets the better of me, after all it's not like I've seen Him sneeze before. Maybe, against all the odds, I'll like it.

the sharp inhale was perhaps half of a false start, that within a second resolved itself into being not false at all. I turned around just in time to see the momentary glimpse of relief on his face before he was once again overtaken by a daze. Just.... Ugh..... Oh my god the most gorgeous, rough, vocal, failed-to-be-contained-by-his-elbow, double and I am standing there fucking staring, his eyes remained closed as does the classic sniffle, groan sigh, combo. And I am melting.

Fuck I turn around just in time and take stock of my situation. I am now becoming aware of a certain spreading warmth beneath my waist. This has only happened to me once before in my life. I have literally, spontaneously, had an orgasm in public. I'm actually in shock for a good 5 minutes, trying to hide as nonchalantly as possible.

I don't think I ever recovered from that to be honest, that was 4 months ago and I'm.... in love?? it was like instant rose colored glasses. The anger I had felt so strongly, instantly turned around to be a different type of passion. I have never been attracted to a real life man before, before this happened I found his personality revolting, the misogyny, the arrogance, the fact that he obviously didn't take care of himself, the anger issues, were all the deepest of red flags! and as far as looks go.... He's 17 years my elder! bland and pale and freckled! At one point in early January he attempted to grow facial hair! It did not suit him at all!

And yet I was able to ignore it all, there was a certain aspect of mutual pity (me for his addiction, him for my newly onset insomnia) that leveled the playing field enough for us to engage in the "oh so dreaded" witty banter. When I did get any sleep, he started showing up in my dreams. More and more I started noticing subtle features I hadn't before. Lovely thick eyelashes, nice eyes, a general patheticness that I found hopelessly endearing, and most importantly I finally noticed the most perfect aquiline nose. He gained the tiniest bit of respect for me, and I gained the ability to ignore all the red flags on some subconscious level. I started to catch myself volunteering to help with his workload, and giggling at all his stupid jokes. When he would go on break I would find an excuse to go through his stuff, to smell the scent of him on his jacket.

I was not subtle, I could barely control myself around him, my other coworker started to tease me this, calling it "Baby Deer Mode" because of the fawning I was doing. I started speaking to him in a much more girly tone. And everyone knew he was taking advantage of me. Not only was I a boost to his already large Ego, I was also taking over on a lot of what should have been his responsibilities. At this point my lovely manager had become aware enough of the situation to try to help me. Unfortunately I was utterly charmed.

I'm stuck in two worlds, my brain knows that this is bad, like really really bad! But unfortunately the rest of my judgement is clouded by... Love? Lust? Limerence? I had thought this would have to eventually fade away, and maybe I'm being impatient, but it has been 4 months???

The only reason that I'm even clear headed enough to vent about this is because he actually got fired a little less than a month ago for issues semi-relating??? to my above story. Obviously he couldn't get away with taking advantage of me forever without my other lovely coworkers and managers noticing. Him being gone has deeply saddened me, plus the insomnia has not at all gone away. In the long run I know that this will be good for me, but I genuinely cannot shake the feeling that I am in love with him as fucked up as it is. It is still obviously stressing me out.

What does this mean for my sexuality? Was I actually just stupid enough to fall for a mentally ill man's manipulation? Am I just sad and desperate and horny enough that my standards have gotten this low? I don't even like the man! So why do I seem to love him?? At least I could never bring myself to physically do anything with him (although I got dangerously close a couple of times.) I feel very tricked, and yet the immense haze of joy that washes over me when I think of him seems so real.

Hopefully things get better, I'm so sorry about everything I just wrote. I had to, it's been a lot. Maybe I want advice? Maybe I just want to feel normal for once in my life, and not like shit keeps happening to me??? Idk

Honestly I could Ramble Further, but this is getting pretty ridiculous already.

[sicklymadscientist]

Character in any book I’m reading: *sneezes for whatever reason* Me: THIS AUTHOR MUST HAVE A SNZ FETISH THERE IS NO OTHER LOGICAL EXPLANATION THEY ARE ONE OF US

[maladyinpink]

Dian/a Wynn/e Jon/es: …That one chapter of Ho/wls Mov/ing Cas/tle.

Me: …I know what you are.

[hitching]

doing lines of chhinkini in the club

[absolute-snzaster]

I just had the thought of two kinky partners roleplaying one of them having a cold when they don't actually have one and it's fucking sending me for some reason

like they're just so into it that they can't actually wait for one of them to catch the sneezes. one of them just gets off that much on being fussed over and fed soup and the other one kinks on doing the fussing

the "sick" one could even act out their symptoms... all their sniffles and sneezes and stuffy talk... god if someone did that for me I think I'd fucking die

[snz-enthusiast]

In all my time having this fetish, this is the first time i get to tell my personal feelings on illness with people that have a chance to share my feelings.

So i’m sick at the moment, it’s just a cold, but it’s embarrassing as hell. The way this fetish works has always been funny to me, the longer you know a person the more likely a sneeze or a sniffle will enter conversation. at all times i am bracing myself for someone to mention *something* i mean the common cold is common after all! and worst of all, sometimes i am the subject of conversation. I know they all mean well but I cannot take being surrounded by conversation that i see as basically porn, and that they see as normal. something as simple as my coworker telling me to “feel better soon” is mortifying. especially when i am most definitely not feeling better now. I feel like i can’t tell anyone anything. Anyway my sinuses are killing me and i’ve rambled enough. god there is so much more and none of this seems correct all written out, i just cannot explain it all

[snz-enthusiast]

bitches just walking around sounding cartoonishly congested and having no other symptoms (it’s me, i’m bitches)

[coniferchills]

god this kink sounds so fucking funny when u say it aloud like “sneeze kink” “sneeze fetish” homie SNEEZING???? THATS WHAT GETS U???? @ me ur a loser simp

[head-colds]

[veersnz]

Making a Snz Poll!!

Okay so I’ve been really curious as to how many times people sneeze per day for some reason (//▽//)

So reblog/answer, if you’d like, with how many times you snee each day on average I’m really curious~?

(For me it’s about 8/10 times (o´ω`o))

[kushami-hime]

Honestly a few years ago it was none, I’d sneeze like once a week, if not less. Now however, it ranged between 1 a day, to 4 depending on the weather and how badly it affects my sinuses xux;;

[snz-enthusiast]

For an entire year (2019) i kept track of every single sneeze, in the 365 days, I sneezed a disappointing..... 217 times.... and that includes inducing that i would do for fun 

[head-colds]

wakes up opens twitter sees this going on in there

[snz-enthusiast]

I’m starting to gather that most of us have a bit more than a snz fetish in us, and I realized that i think I have a voice fetish? Like honestly one of the biggest things about sneezing i like is the loss of control of the voice, and congestion is probably my biggest turn on for this reason. Just imagining that a person not only *feels* miserable, they *sound* miserable.

And it’s quite easy to just mix and match different symptoms and ways of speech and accent like a formula designed to make me melt. This may sound crazy but it’s like a game where i have to find a way to limit individual sounds a person can make. I’ll use my self as an example

I already sorta have an accent where i don’t pronounce Rs, I also have a lisp so S and Z are out. I speak quite lazily anyway slurring and sometimes straight up dropping consonants whenever i feel like it, Now if i had a cold suddenly M and N are out too..... and it’s fascinating, on many levels, to me that this is what i find attractive, people speaking “improperly” for various reason just does something for me

[sickromancer]

All I want is to hear a man with an attractive voice talking, while he has lost all his n's and m's to a massive head cold.

Real, acted, doesn't matter.

[snz-enthusiast]

Another day of begging the universe to either give me more people sneezing or to let me be attracted to anything else. Because being in Horny Fetish Limbo is not a good look on me