No Drinks, No Drugs, No Problem

A look into the lives of sober ravers

[soberravers-blog]

Where it all Began

People recovering from drug and alcohol addiction often feel like an outsider on the fringes of the fun. Old triggers like parties and concerts or raves become environments to be avoided. No one embodies identification with a lifestyle and music more than a Deadhead, a group of die-hard Grateful Dead fans that worship Jerry Garcia for his genius and travel the country to follow the band. But what about Deadheads in recovery? A group called the Wharf Rats established in the 1980’s started when some Deadheads feared mentioning their allegiance to the Grateful Dead at their AA or NA meetings because of the negative connotation. They have been supporting sobriety and running meetings at concerts “ an extreme environment swirling with temptation” successfully for decades and they are the source of inspiration for many other sobriety groups.

Deadheads have long held the reputation of going to Grateful Dead shows to experience the ultimate trip while Jerry and the band jam for a three-hour show. But this lifestyle was unsustainable and harmful to many fans who still loved the music and the lyrics. This group of fans began the Wharf Rats AA, originally founded for “drug and alcohol free concert goers.” However, the group got into trouble when they had the AA moniker because the AA general office would have nothing to do with them. Especially after hearing they met only at Grateful Dead concerts. The group changed over time and was open to all people with any addiction including food, sex, gambling or people who can responsibly drink alcohol but wanted to be supportive. You are a Wharf Rat if you say you are- no judgments, no requirements.

Michael C., a Wharf Rat member since 1991, is a living example of the Wharf Rat motto “you are a Wharf Rat if you say you are.” The Wharf Rats have consistently accepted him and supported him throughout his struggle for sobriety. Michael C states, “I was sober in AA and still going to Dead shows and happened to find the Wharf Rat table at the Boston Garden in 1991. I stopped by the table and started talking with people and started going to meetings at the set breaks of shows.” Michael relapsed from 2001 to 2011, but immediately became active again in the Wharf Rats in January of 2012, however Michael “considers [himself] a member since May 1991.”

The Wharf Rats became important to other people in recovery seeking a safe zone at concerts and became a fellowship within a fellowship. Songs from the Grateful Dead took on different meanings essential to the members. With over 6,519 members on their Facebook page, the Wharf Rats describe themselves as a “group of friends sharing a common bond, providing support and information and some traction in an otherwise slippery environment.” Their unusual name comes from the Grateful Dead song “Wharf Rat,” about a wino named August West, who spent half of his life in jail, and the other half drunk on wine. His story includes his hope for redemption and a new start. “But I’ll get back on my feet again someday. The good Lord willin’, if he says I may.” Michael C. lives this and defines these lines as some of the most meaningful to him out of all of the Grateful Dead’s lyrics.

The Wharf Rats have been making themselves visible at concerts by attaching yellow balloons to their member staffed information tables at concerts for decades. Their purpose at shows is to make themselves available to offer “support, strength, and hope” and provide information for people underneath the tell-tale yellow balloons. Michael C. states that “the best part of being a Wharf Rat is the common bond of the love of the music, sober! Acceptance of everybody is welcome, being able to talk someone down from a ‘bad trip’ before (hopefully) authorities get to them, showing love and compassion to everybody at shows.” Michael C. recalls personally assisting a fan getting removed from the concert on a cart by EMT’s. Michael overheard the patient ask “do I have any other options” and that is when the Wharf Rat, Michael C. stepped in. He politely negotiated with the EMT’s and brought him to a Wharf Rat meeting at set break. In an age before cell phones, Michael C. lost contact, but says “it was nice to be able to help Joe, even just for that one show.”

The Wharf Rats are a very structured organization with contacts all around the country and Asia, making it easy to have a Wharf Rats information table at every Grateful Dead concert. The people working the table are members of the Wharf Rats themselves, and they have set rules and guidelines in order to make sure the table is being hosted by the very best. One of the rules for chairing the table includes having at least one year of sobriety, so that they have enough experience to help newcomers with any questions that they may have about addiction. Michael C. has not yet chaired a table at a concert, but he hopes to one day.

The inception of the Wharf Rats has inspired a variety of different groups that promote and support a drug and alcohol free status in other slippery environments such as, The Phish group, The String Cheese Incident, Disco Biscuits and others. Over the years the Wharf Rats have grown immensely and only continue to grow even with an aging fan base. Michael C stated that his favorite Wharf Rat experience so far was seeing how great the organization has become and how large the group is. Michael stated “When going to Wharf Rat meetings in the early 90’s on the East Coast, there were only 7 to 15 people at the meetings during set breaks.” But this past summer at the Fare Thee Well concert he was able to “look down at hundreds of Wharf Rats staying clean and sober at a Dead show. It gave me goosebumps!” Wharf Rats will continue to grow, inspire and support Deadheads staying sober during Grateful Dead concerts.

[photos taken from the Wharf Rats Facebook group] 

[soberravers-blog]

A Saving Grace

Anyone with experience and recovery understands the fragility of sobriety. Social events especially around music and festivals tend to be in conjunction with drugs and alcohol consumption. So where do people who choose to or have to be sober turn to for support? While searching online for an answer myself, I came across an article from the New York Times titled, “Remembering Last Nights Music Festival in the Morning.” The article is about a woman named Grace and something called Soberoo.

The article about this incredible woman and the sober community at a festival hit close to home, as I wished I knew about it earlier. After 3 years of sobriety a close personal friend of mine went to Governeror’s Ball, a festival in New York and threw it all away; he relapsed. Hard. As a friend and sister of people in recovery, my passion to find resources and ways for my brother and his friends to enjoy music festivals and raves sober is strong. After reading this article, I felt grateful and more passionate about Grace’s plight to support others. I had to reach out.

Grace (last name protected) is a 32-year-old graduate student studying Environmental Engineering from Tennessee and has been sober now for 3 and a half years. At the young age of 14, Grace started attending raves and festivals in the heart of music country; Tennessee. Grace’s passion for festivals and raving grew stronger as she got older, but at the age of 29 her need to get clean was most important.  After only 8 short months sober Grace attended her first rave sober. Although she was with friends who respected her sobriety and stayed sober with her during the rave, the experience wasn’t what she hoped it would be. During our interview Grace stated, “I tried to make myself dance, but I was just really uncomfortable.” Despite this hard and uncomfortable experience Grace’s strength and bravery prevailed and she refused to let go of her passion of attending festivals.

During our interview Grace told me that she has been to every Bonnaroo Music Festival (a nation wide popular four-day music festival in Manchester, Tennessee) but two. After getting clean, Grace knew it would be hard to attend Bonnaroo, but it was important to her that she go. At first, she felt extremely nervous, but after a friend told her about the presents of a sober community her nerves began to ease. Grace connected with the Bonnaroo sober community through Facebook, and was able to get some of their phone numbers prior to the festival. At the festival when she found herself struggling, she was able to get in touch with her friends from Facebook and “clung to them for the rest of the weekend.”

The encouragement that Grace received from the Bonnaroo gave her the strength to attend other festivals in Birmingham and New York. At the Governor’s Ball in New York, Grace found a community of people with a group called Soberoo. At festivals such as Governor’s Ball Soberoo sets up booths and sober style meetings for those in recovery. Grace stated that “there are all different kinds of people that are in recovery at these festivals, trying not to act out on whatever behavior they are in recovery from.” Through Soberoo the sober community is able to come together to support one another.

After these experiences, Grace finds that she can have a better appreciation for the festivals and music. She can now remember the concert and the people that she meets leaving lasting memories and friendships. Grace also said that she can “feel the music” more strongly when she is sober. She can feel her heart beat like the base of a speaker allowing her to really feel a connection to the music. Now, Grace, an active member of the Soberoo community, helps work the booths during the festivals to offer her own guidance and support for others at these events.

While doing my own research it was easy to see that there are a lot of people in recovery seeking out these resources in order to find ways to attend festivals and raves comfortably. From Grace’s personal experience people who seek her out have been grateful and all responses have been positive, but the idea of a visible booth at a festival or rave helps those who are not aware of the support from the sober community.

Through Soberoo Grace has made connections with people from all over the country. Grace told me about these two men from California, and Las Vegas that have sober tables at rave parties. Grace was quick to help me make connections with this close-knit community. Her willingness and eagerness to help made it obvious that the community is very close and open to meeting new people and supporting anyone looking to become a part of it. 

For more details please read my interview with Grace below.

Transcript:

M: Ok so do you mind if I record this?

G: It’s quite alright.

M: Ok awesome. So first tell me a little bit about yourself. Where are you from? And what do you do for a living?

G: I live in Tennessee, and I am a grad student at a University, I have been doing that for the last couple of years. I study environmental engineering. What else do you want to know?

M: That’s basically it, that’s fine. So I know that something that you enjoy is going to festivals and raves.

G: Mhm

M: Can you tell me a little bit about how you first got into going to raves and festivals.

G: So I, I don’t know if being 32 matters but I am 32, and when I was about 14 I started going to raves, and I went to some in Lebanan and Nashville, Tennessee and they were fun and I enjoyed going to festivals more so around the time I was 18 because I was able to go to them by myself and I have kind of been going. The rave side of stuff has fizzled out for me a bit, I have been to one sober in the last few years, but I have been to a lot of festivals sober in the last few years.

M: Awesome, and if you don’t mind me asking, how long have you been sober for?

G: I have been sober for 3 and a half years.

M: Awesome, awesome. So what gave you the strength to go these festivals and the one rave sober. Because I am sure you attended some when you weren’t sober so was that hard the first time?

G: Yeah, the rave that I went to sober, I went to with some friends that aren’t sober, but they didn’t drink or anything with me, they stayed sober while we were there, but they are not normally sober, and that I was uncomfortable at. It was New Years Eve and it was down in Atlanta and I don’t know if it was because I had the flu a little bit or what, but I just felt so uncomfortable and I tried to make myself dance but, at the time I just wasn’t ready, I was only sober eight months, well I don’t know if it was that I wasn’t ready, I was just really uncomfortable. But at the festivals I have been to I have been to about four Bonaroos sober, because I went to one when I was 30 days clean, and I have been to some festivals in New York and even Birmingham sober and there was environment at those festivals where there were booths set up that held some sober style meetings, and people that were in recovery from one thing or another, didn’t necessarily have to be alcohol or drugs, or sex recovery, I mean there are people in sex recovery I mean there are all different kinds of people that are in recovery at these festivals trying to not act out or whatever behavior that they are in recovery from. And there is a full support system and being around people that I was able to relax much easier than in other situations alone in the beginning.

M: Right and that’s all awesome. And going off of that, I know that you are involved with something called Soberoo and can you tell me a little bit about that and how you got involved with that and what its all about?

G: So Soberoo, I found out about that through a mutual friend of mine, who I had just had a few weeks clean and I wanted to go to Bonaroo because I had been going for years. Being from Tennessee, I have been to every Bonaroo, but two. And so a few years ago would have been my first one Sober and I was really nervous about it because I was going to work this little job there. But a friend of mine told me that there was a sober community there so I found them on Facebook and connected with a couple of the members. I got their phone numbers and when I arrived I was actually really struggling because I really wanted to drink and then I got in touch with somebody from the group and they said to come on over and hang out with them and I pretty much clung to them for the rest of the weekend and kind of became friends with them on Facebook and as the years have gone by kept returning and kept returning and for a few years actually. But this year I actually worked with the Soberoo group, to help have meetings and sit at the booth and stuff like that.

M: Right awesome, that great. Is there anything that you see at these festivals that you appreciate more now that you are sober than you did before?

G: Yeah, I mean I have more energy. When I come home I don’t feel nearly as terrible, and I can remember things and, relationships that I make with people while I am there are the kind of relationships that can I can continue outside of the festivals or when I see them again, it’s the same camaraderie so it holds strong, when before I would meet people and it would be for that day, and that was it. So that has been kind of a cool side effect of recovery, the lasting relationships and obviously the memories. And I feel like I can feel the music better, I don’t know if that makes any sense.

M: No yeah, it definitely does.

G: I feel like, I can, the first couple of times, I didn’t because I was nervous, but after practicing, I mean like keep showing up and participating, eventually I was able to relax and then really just lose myself, it was awesome.

M: Yeah that’s great. And I mean it takes a lot to do that after feeling uncomfortable so I give you a lot of props for that definitely.

G: Thanks dude.

M: And so I know, that you mentioned to me that you attend more festivals than raves, but you did say that you went to one rave sober, can you tell me what the big difference between a rave and a festival are?

G: In my mind, a rave is kind of just like an isolated electronic music dance party, and I mean like even at festivals, you can have a rave style environment, but to me at a festival there is more things to do than just a dance party. There can be like, in my mind I think of a festival as something that might also have art involved and it’s more art relative I guess, and maybe more chilling music. I guess I have never had to define it before. But when I envision a rave, I picture more standing up in an enclosed space and at a festival there’s more space.

M: Yeah I feel like a rave is more like a mosh pit.

G: I wanted to tell you though, that I do have a friend, I don’t know if you know of any of the other people that are involved with Soberoo. Do you know or have you connected with any of them at all?

M: No I have not.

G: I have a friend who has been with Soberoo longer than me. He’s actually one of the people that I met when I first started going a few years back but he also out in the Western part of the country like California, and Las Vegas, they do a lot of sober tables for a lot of the rave parties out there. He’s younger than me, hes about in his twenties and hes been sober this whole time, and I was wondering if you would like me to reach out to him, he might also help your blog. When I get back home or even tomorrow, I can ask him if he is interested and connected you guys with information.

M: Yeah, definitely, that would be awesome. For sure thank you so much.

G: Yeah!

M: So, through your experience, with the booths and other sober resources at festivals and raves like the meetings have you seen that it has helped a lot of people who are living a sober lifestyle and maybe would have been more uncomfortable had they not had groups or people to reach out to?

G: Oh yeah, time and time again, people have come up to the booths and especially during festivals where there is overnight camping, there’s also sober campers that are sober too and that can actually be very challenging. I mean one of the struggles that I had the first time I went is when I camped out in the general population and there were a lot of people partying around me and there was no concert that I could be distracted with and that was when the temptations really rised for me then, and its nice having a group of people to camp with who are sober, that made it so much easier. And when I have worked some of these booths, like at Governors Ball in New York, so many people have come up to the table and said that they wouldn’t have even come to the festival had it not been for the sober table. And there have also been people that have come up to the table who didn’t know about the sober table and were super grateful that somebody was there because they either had friends that relapsed or they had friends that were partying, and they really wanted to party too. And they were uncomfortable dancing and they wanted somebody, and so some of the sober people will go hang out with these people. So yeah, I have definitely seen good feedback.

M: Yeah that’s awesome, and I know that, from experiences that I have heard of, and I mean the main reason that I got into this is my brother is in recovery and he has been sober for four years now and one of his very best friends is really into raves and going to festivals around the US and he was at one a few months ago and he was really having a hard time because the person he used to go with actually relapsed at a festival when he was with him, and seeing that was really hard for him so he kind of went on Facebook and found these different things to be a part of so that when he goes he has people that he can reach out to and see when he is there and he said it definitely makes him feel more comfortable. So when I saw the New York Times article about you and about raving sober and having Soberoo, and different things that I didn’t know of, that he now is exposed to I thought that was awesome.

G: Yeah cool thank you! No problem!

M: Ok great so those are basically all of the questions that I have for you. But thank you so much for all of your insight.

G: Yeah, of course.

M: And I would definitely love to speak to your friend and do another piece on the rave side of it and see what he has to say if he would be interested in that. That would be awesome.

G: Yeah sure! Can you message me on Facebook about your blog, so I can look for it.

M: Yeah absolutely.

G: Cool, thank you so much Molly, I appreciate it.

[soberravers-blog]

Party Sober on YouTube

For people trying to seek like-minded folks that choose to party sober, it may be difficult to find helpful resources and tips from others who can empathize and understand this choice. However, there are wonderful resources that can assure you that you are not alone and can provide some insight into partying sober.  Social media sites like YouTube can be a used as a tool for people that choose to commit to a sober lifestyle whether they are in recovery, or just dislike the affects of alcohol on their body, mind and spirit.

While searching for good resources on YouTube, I came across a number of spoofs about maintaining sobriety at a party. These parodies poke fun of the person who is not drinking, and either make them appear as a freak or a geek, or the videos lampoon the miserable sober driver at the fun party that needs to eat ice cream in an isolated corner while everyone else has fun. These videos are a mirror for the reactions of partygoers in real life to a person who chooses not to partake in drinking and the feelings of alienation of the sober partier.

JamesChats expresses through his vlog what it’s like to be sober. In the video the camera focuses on twenty four year old James wearing a baseball tee, whoop-dee hair and a day old beard. He presents himself as an average 24 year old man, and his ability to speak right into the camera with no other distractions, makes his audience buy into his authenticity and honesty. James “opens up a bit to talk about what its like for me to go to a party when I live a life of sobriety.” His goal is to make people understand how difficult this choice can be, based on people’s harsh reactions when he declines a drink. These reactions range from the simply, “Oh why don’t you drink?” to the extreme, “What the f**k is wrong with you?” James explains how these reactions make him feel “isolated, alienated and down right a freak.” Despite the discouraging and uncomfortable experiences, James keeps trying in the hopes of finding like-minded people who understand and accept him. 

Klean Radio, another YouTube source is an excellent channel hosted by Andrew Spanswick, and Pat O’Brien. The show deals primarily with the issues surrounding recovering from drugs and alcohol, and brings in different guests including comedians, musicians, actors and doctors. Although the show is geared mostly towards those in recovery, some of their programming focuses on staying sober at a party, and provides tips and advice for those hoping to feel a little less left out. One great tip offered on Klean Radio by Andrew Spanswick was “show up with a drink in your hand.” A guest suggested bringing a cooler of Mountain Dew, something he practices on a regular basis.

Spanswick offers additional advise to continue socializing at parties if you can get past the “first two drinks” people start to lose their inhibitions and do not pay attention to your lack of alcohol. Spanswick wisely provides insight into why there is peer pressure for everyone to drink at the party, and essentially it is based on the drinkers wanting to feel “comfortable.” The drinkers do not want to be judged, but neither do the sober partiers.

The stories and experiences shared on YouTube about partying sober are real people who simply choose not to partake in drinking alcohol for many the most essential part of partying. YouTube can be a great resource for the person who needs support or encouragement about choosing sobriety. Although you may come across some ridiculous videos on YouTube, in the midst of it all you can find some extremely helpful and insightful videos on how to party sober, and not feel alone. The people posting true authentic videos sincerely create a comforting and inspirational resource for sobriety; and they succeed because they understand the struggle.

[soberravers-blog]

Being Sober is Still Fun!

Some may believe that the only way to have a good time while raving is to be drunk or high, but believe it or not raving sober is still fun! These three blogs share the author’s experiences at raves sober.  

Early Morning Rave

In this article author Kate Hakala explains how her experience at a sober rave was life changing. It was different from most raves and because of that her experience was more enjoyable. Kate states, “It’s easier when the filter of possible drugs and drunkenness is removed. You know everyone around you is in control of themselves and that’s kind of comforting.” 

Sober Tents 

In this Magnetic Magazine article, Jordan Calvano talks about how more festivals are supporting and promoting more substance free areas. Largely popular festivals such as Electric Daisy Carnival, Bonnaroo, and Governor’s Ball all have sober stands to help those attending the events who want some extra help and support to stay sober. 

6 A.M. Rave 

6 A.M. may not seem like the best time to rave, but this article proves that it is! Author, Rebecca Greenfield talks about her experience at Daybreaker, a 6 A.M. rave and how it forever changed her life. This incredible experience opened her eyes and showed her how to dance and party with coffee at 6 A.M. 

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The Man Behind Sober Ravers

The dictionary definition of a rave is “A lively party or gathering involving dancing and drinking,” but what if someone at a rave can’t drink? Cody Polchlopek knew that he couldn’t be the only one who was at these raves sober, so he created his own support group, Sober Ravers.

At the young age of seventeen Cody woke up in a jail cell and realized it was time to sober up. Cody remains tight lipped about the circumstances surrounding his arrest, but he describes how drugs and alcohol played a large role in his life, and as a result he became addicted. Cody is now four years, but at and the age of twenty-one living a sober lifestyle is difficult. For most twenty-one year olds social gatherings center around alcohol and recreational drug use leaving Cody feeling isolated. But Cody is passionate about attending raves despite their notorious drug and alcohol fueled crowds.

A rave is a type of music festival consisting of all different types of electric music. While some raves may be small and held at clubs or private residences, other raves can be at larger outdoor venues that hold thousands of people. Raves vary in length. Some raves are a single day event, and others are all weekend long event. Raves are held all around the world year round. Cody himself has not yet gotten the chance to travel outside of the United States for a rave, but he has traveled across the country.

Knowing that it was hard for Cody to be at raves surrounded by so many people who were high and drunk, he wanted to create something that would bring sober people together. He wanted other people who had similar struggles as him during raves to be able to “Know that they are not alone and that they have support.” The sober ravers Facebook group page gives the members a platform to connect and support one another no matter where they are in the country. Cody remained skeptical about gaining a following when he first created the page, but after only one month there are over two hundred members of the group from all over the country. On the page member’s network and post information about upcoming raves, support meetings, sober living, and personal experiences.

Cody envisioned a support group to be present with a sober raver at any moment or time to be able to contact fellow group members for support in those weak moments. When sober ravers are having trouble with their sobriety and have an urge to drink or do drug at a rave they reach out. Cody himself has had this experience. Cody stated that he posted on the sober ravers page, “Hey I want to get drunk right now, if I could get some help I need to be reminded why I’m sober,” and in response he received a lot of positive and helpful feedback. By posting his concerns in a place with people who are rooting for his sobriety, he was able to get the support he needed and still enjoy the show.

Cody has multiple resources in place to stay sober and when he is home he attends TSDD meetings. TSDD stands for “Tough Shit Don’t Drink”. These meetings are organized like AA meetings, following the same twelve-step program, but geared toward a younger population. The group has supported Cody, but when traveling for raves at different locations around the country he might need a closer support group. Through the sober raver page, people are able to post information about meetings near by for those who would like to attend. Although Cody has not used these resources so far the option gives him a sense of security when he finds himself struggling to choose sobriety. It also gives other sober ravers access to nearby resources.

Although Cody didn’t start attending raves until last June, he has been to over 20 raves. Cody goes to these raves for his love of the music and the great feeling of “Everyone vibing to the same thing,” but unfortunately, that is not always everyone’s reason for attending raves. Cody stated “So many people go to raves specifically to get drunk and high, and that stinks for people like myself who are there for the music and to enjoy themselves.” Cody wishes the reason people attended raves was for their love of music, but in reality a majority of the crowd is drawn to this experience fueled by drugs and alcohol. But the rave community includes fans that embrace sobriety, and Cody is helping them find each other and with that he discovers help for himself.