being brave and strong
i did some role playing when i was in therapy as a child… that would have been in the 70s. it was weird and awkward for me because i felt like i was being condescended to. but also it seemed like it was an extra unnecessary layer to trying to resolve my problems. i can see how i might have been motivated to make up outrageous scenarios in that context because it seemed so silly and counter productive. but i was desperate and earnest and willing to try anything. i think there are a number of autistic kids who like talking to adults as adults and being treated seriously. which is how it felt condescending to me. what i needed was detailed and clear information about the mechanics of what was causing the problem. and then working out a way to navigate it that worked for me. what i got was cliche and stereotype and dogma.
thinking about that more, the solutions to many of the problems i had always felt like i was breaking numerous rules and expectations in a way that elicited negative reactions from many of the people i was meant to be trusting at the the time. my whole life system was actively working against me. now that i look back on my experiences as an autistic and with hundreds of other autistics, that seems like a common thread. we want to do the right thing, but the right thing almost never works for us, and we either get stuck or have to be so brave and strong that we can oppose maybe even literally everyone around us.
i looked at some of ross greene`s stuff.
https://www.livesinthebalance.org/sites/default/files/2017%20Full%20Day%20Version%203.pdf
i don`t entirely agree that it`s about lacking the skills to interact effectively. unless those skills include tolerating and accepting abuse that can`t be changed or stopped, and that you might not even know is abuse. i do think it`s important that the therapy is collaborative. and i think he`s got a lot of good ideas. but many of the root problems that autistics have are essentially unsolvable without what seem like extreme choices to most people. for instance, never going back to a school, or possibly any school. and the time it takes between role playing a problem in the school and getting to the point of never going back is quite a long process which involves repeatedly going back into that toxic environment.
it seems like what this keeps coming back around to for me, is that the process of therapy or the mechanics or the approach or the supposed success of a given process means nothing if the person using it isn`t able to see and do what needs to be done. and all of those processes and mechanics just make another layer between the problem and the solution. i think this is why some of us (autistics) keep saying that you don`t need any of that stuff to achieve the same or better results. you need to know and understand autistics, and what actually works for them. and often, that`s not a solution that would be acceptable or “right” or “good” in most people`s understanding.