Titley Title

Sofa; she/they

[tiktaalic]

Arugula is some crap they found on the ground for real

[creepymutelilbugger]

thats because its plance. there are others as well

[dahlia-molinas]

if christopher nolan was really the visionary and ground-breaking director everyone claims he is he would have cast ben affleck as penelope

[transfemininomenon]

the phrase really should be "eat your cake and have it too" im with the unabomber on this one

[jewish-joy]

Last year, I befriended a Catholic seminarian. We've gotten to be pretty decent friends. Seeing as he was staying in town for the summer and I wasn't, I entrusted him with caring for my plant.

He did a wonderful job, but as he was returning my plant to my custody, he explained "I watered her every other day, I gave her new dirt, moved her into the sunshine, prayed the rosary-"

"What?"

He looked at me, confused. "Isn't she a plant you pray with?"

"No," I said slowly. "She's a prayer plant. That's the... colloquial name of the plant."

Upon seeing his stricken face, I realized something went wrong. Turns out, this entire time, he's been including my plant in on his prayers and leaving her near icons.

Listen, totally cool. My plant becoming Catholic is a great deal for her not dying over the summer. But now I must navigate this interfaith household. Keep me in your thoughts.

[your-dewey-decimal-number-is]

282 and 635.965

catholicism and houseplants

[desk-drawerr]

He eat a nemon

[markatoto]

dodge this

[segamascott]

[anti-parent]

teamwork makes the dream work. and dreamwork. makes shrek

[anti-parent]

fantastic. i love it. i posted this after my wife said it yesterday and as i was doing it i was like "this can't be an original thought. as soon as i hit post someone's going to say 'you stole this from a tweet from 2014' and i'll say 'no, i stole it from my beautiful wife.'"

[tumblerculosis]

I’ve been obsessed with this tiktok for days now

[coffeedcait]

Person: "Hello sir." he pets the frog with one finger.

Person: "Have a good day. Actually wait a minute. You missed a bug, but I got you home boy. Hold on." he picks a bug up and throws it next to the frog.

Frog: turns around and eats the bug.

Person: "OHHHHH-" sings high pitched and angelic like he witnessed a miracle.

[segamascott]

[catchymemes]

[vaporsnake]

they should rewrite the bible so that jesus would be a hot 5'2 girl with a creampie fetish from missouri

[vaporsnake]

would you prefer if she had a different fetish tumblr user nutsacktorturer

[cinturongazo]

im not using wojaks. get on my level

[deathdaydreamm]

Went to a fabric store yesterday and saw a sewing machine that did embroidery of photos and the example was of a newborn baby and it was so fucking insane looking I asked an employee if I could buy it and she looked at it and was like “oh my god eugh what the fuck… i think that’s my bosses grandkid….I think you should just take it” so I did

[deathdaydreamm]

[deathdaydreamm]

I love it so much you guys

[nyanletnest]

bwaow

[boxheadpaint]

had a bad low blood pressure moment last night and messily asked my partner for saltines and water before realizing i should probably ask for the Blood Pressure Medication I Need To Take. while they went to go grab it though i still had water and crackers so in a daze i took a swig of water but didnt swallow and then tried to cram 2 saltines in my mouth. full of water. in bed. with mouth full of water

[boxheadpaint]

[spidermanifested]

Boxhead Devouring Two Saltines, 2024

[optillusions]

This optical illusion is driving the internet crazy! The Daily Mail reports that this “Seemingly simple optical illusion will have your brain doing somersaults.” Though it seems like there are more, there are in fact only five bars in this diagram.