Eight pointed star

[carnalanimals]

† 🥀 𝓉๏𝓍𝒾𝒸 𝓀𝒸𝒹 🥀 † ⠀ׅ⠀ּ⠀〪ㅤֺ࿙〫˳⠀𝖗𝖎𝖘𝖊 & 𝖘𝖍𝖎𝖓𝖊⠀ׅ⠀ּ⠀〪ㅤֺ࿙〫˳⠀

[sofi8star]

I hate it here

Living in this world, in this society, it hurts. Everytime I go out to see friends or do activities I like, the charm fades. Little by little until I despise my friends or hobbies and I have to find new ones. I find myself dreaming if leaving it all behind.

Oh to dig out a hole among some tree roots and spend my days in that dark damp hollow. Freed and safe from the free market.

I weep to my friends and tell them I cannot go on another day. They suggest I could quit my job, and tear my hair out finding another. Some are honest with me and tell me the world does not care. It does not care that it is grating away at my very soul, I have to find a way to pay my bills and buy my food. Maybe there is a job that would suit me better?

And what is worse is I am not alone. I see it everywhere I go, the greyness in people. Thia world was not made for humans. Despite this epidemic the world refuses to change. We will all want different things and it will be too difficult to accommodate us all, so we must go on suffering.

And yet humanity at large do the impossible every day. We consume more, produce more, work more. More more more.

But we cannot make the world we created less hostile to us.

Is simply does not make economic sense.

[sofi8star]

Our society feels so outdated.

I just read a news report talking about how the financial structure may take heavy hits from the environmental breakdown in 2060 to 2070.

Are we all seriously still going to be slugging along paying bills in the ripe year of 2065?? When does it end??

We are making the planet uninhabitable for ourselves but instead of not doing that and finding a way to live life that doesn't give us all zoocosis were all just gonna continue oaying bills, going into debt and loosing our minds?

Even as we now KNOW that the people in power running the show are literally living it up like demons, abusing our children and drinking our blood, feasting on our misery.

Can we Peasants, AT THE VERY LEAST, just band together and stop paying rent by 2026???

[sofi8star]

Fear of burnout

I am unsure when I burned out for the first time. I remember thr winder struggle in school and the feeling of just having to keep a float until the summer holidays which would then be spend mostly sleeping. This would suggest it happened quite early on. But the first clear memory I have of burni lng out was when I was 18 and had a long journey to school. I had to get up at 5am to get ready and be at school 8am since my school was a town over. Taking the bus back home my mum would pick me up from the bus stop and then always have to go by the grocery store while I tried to sleep in the car. I asked her to go to the store before picking me up and while she agreed she never actually followed through. I am sure she actually forgot yet the result is the same wether she did it maliciously or not.

After school the cycle of working until I dropped, quitting and sleeping for about 3 montha while living off my savings until eventually having to apply for jobs again where the stress of interviews would exhaust me before even having the chance to get back to work.

Now I am healed but the fear lives on. I have been doing very well and living a slow but stable life. Socialising, doing my chores and even keeping up my hobbies.

But every now and then I get really tired and it feels as though I am back in time and in a permanent state of tiredness. life itself feels like a chore and I want nothing but sleep. I feel guilty for wanting to drop everything just to rest forever.

But then after a few sleeps I soon am brimming with energy again.

Right now I am so tired and it seems to stretch out before and behind me, my stable life melts quickly away and all I am left with is this tired feeling.

I hope it passes soon.

[sofi8star]

Infuriating education

As I grow into accepting that I am an artist and therefore my views are always tinted by the colour of expression I look back on my education in video games with increased frustration.

From teachers (yes, plural) telling me not to use references, to school putting pressure unnecessarily on production speed, to a general misunderstanding of games as a medium.

I remember one time I sat down starry eyed for a drawing class, excited to learn about shape and style. Our teacher told us to draw a gun that could shoot 1000 shots per second or some such.

Ah yes, because games = guns and violence, how inspired.

My passifist friend, who was about a thousand times more clever than the teacher, drew a camera. HA! very clever, I thought. The teacher said she had done it wrong.

Another time the same teachers critism of a sword I had drawn, he obviously loved weapons or simply had never heard of animal crossing, was that it had "no design". When I asked what he meant he could not specify what "design" was and I am to this day confused about the statement.

He as a teacher left me only more confused.

In fact all teachers I have had in this subject have always made me feel LESS confident in my artistic abilities. To this day I cannot draw anything without a mounting feeling of anxiety and self doubt. They have had the exact opposite effect one might expect from a teacher.

I ask you, artist of tumblr, Is it not a teachers duty to build knowledge and confidence in their students?

[sofi8star]

Did your parents equip you with social skills?? I am 33 and honestly feel more like the bullied teen than I did when I WAS a bullied teen.

Like I have zero defenses, anyone could just saunter in an take my favourite shirt from me and I would not be able to stop them.

What would you do if the ghost of your narc sister started stealing your clothes?

[sofi8star]

That itchy feeling of shame just wont go away.

[sofi8star]

This is how I want to wake up, and honestly I should be waking up like this. I am so lucky to have such space and freedom in my life to be able to indulge my interests and passions.

Even so I cannot find my passions any more than I could while working full time at volvo, slowly burning out for the umpteenth time.

What fuels me and how can I find it?

Sure, sometimes a project takes hold of me and I simply must finish it. When this happens it feels more like compulsion than passion, however.

I am not fueled by it as much as I am gripped by the bollocks and dragged along wether I will it or no.

So where is my passion? When did I loose it and could it be someone stole it?

[sofi8star]

Obsessed with this song by Olivia right now ✨️ can't wait to see what she makes next!

[sofi8star]

My name is Sofi and I am a uk based arts and crafts enthusiast.

Originally from Sweden I have moved around a lot and lived both in the north and south of Sweden.

I spent a few years in Berlin but most of that was during covid so I hardly got the city experience.

Since I believe no one will see this I am hoping that will encurage me to post more and get over my fear of being caught red hamded living my best life.