Valerie

slytherin | year 6 | she/her | enfp | aries | tired™ Jacob you bitch

[incorrecthogwartsmysteryquotes]

Merula: Since I’m stuck in this cursed vault with your dumb ass indefinitely, let’s play twenty questions

MC: …Sure. What’s your favorite colo-

Merula: Circle. Are you into girls?

[incorrecthpjo]

Tonks: Just because my hair is short it doesn't mean I'm gay

Tonks: I'm gay because girls are so fucking hot

[harrypotterhogwartshitpost]

Charlie: 2 years ago I married my best friend.

Charlie: Her fiancé wasn't amused, but MC and I were drunk and thought it was funny.

[hopelessly-sugar-high-on-youuu]

Y/N: Everyone has their own demons.

Y/N: [pulls Merula closer to them] This is mine.

Merula, voice shaking: Let go of me L/N, I have a reputation to uphold.

[harrypotterhogwartshitpost]

Bill: I like your top

MC: Thanks, it was 50% off

Bill: I'd like it 100% off

MC: The store can't just give away stuff for free Bill

MC: that’s a terrible way to run a business

Bill: That's not what i-

[harrypotterhogwartshitpost]

Charlie: Why would you give a knife to a child!?

Tonks: Fred and George felt unsafe.

Charlie: Now I feel unsafe!

Andre: I'm sorry...

Jae: ...Do you want a knife?

[hopelessly-sugar-high-on-youuu]

Rowan, banging on the door: Y/n, open up!

Y/n: It all started when my brother went missing-

Rowan: I meant the door.

[otherworldly-realms]

MC: Felix.

Felix: Hm?

MC: I’m in the mood for a quickie.

Felix, not missing a beat: Okay, but we really have to be quick.

MC: Oh, so we’ll make one together?

Felix: Like a baby?

MC: You call tarts, babies?

Felix:

MC: 

Felix:

MC: That’s cute but I’m getting hungry, Felix.

[marmotish]

🦅 Ravenclaw - house of snark and dry humour and Blackadder references 

[softcoreslytherin]

i will never shut up about this

[softcoreslytherin]

well, he does have a point there

[electricslytherindog]

If MC bring into final vault McNully, Orion and Skye:

Rakepick: I kill one of your friends here.

Orion: Two.

Rakepick: What

Orion: You need to kill two people. There's four teens. Balance is important.

McNully: Also you can't kill me or MC, because you still need to use MC in your searching, and our universe is not have rating R to kill me, specially with Cruciatus, like you planned.

McNully: And you can't kill Skye, because she is already went for help, while I distracted you.

[iwasjusttryingtogettoclassontime]

so I decided to try and throw this screenshot of good ol' Snapple through faceapp

and it turned out so much better than I could have hoped for

Sour Senior Snape

Scrubby Scruffy Snape

Senorita Snape

What Even Is This Snape

and now for my two cursed favorites:

OH

OH-SWEET-MERLIN-WHY- WHY-IS-HE -SMILING Snape

Bonus:

Young Snape

[electricslytherindog]

Bill: You, come here.

Talbott: What do you want?

Bill: I know, that you're in love in MC.

Talbott: And?

Bill: As protective brother...

Talbott: MC is not one of your sibling.

Bill and Charlie: Yes, MC is one of our sibling.

MC: Yes, I am.

[cokebottlesanddenim]

Celestial ball date: we had such a good time at the ball together, and I was hoping that I was your crush 💔

MC:

[thesarcasticism]

This is actually the funniest thing Jam City has ever done

[hogwarts-pastry]