@softcryjng - Tumblr Blog

elevan-deactivated20250122

Addiction is something that people use in order to push away the feeling of existing. Existing is an extremely odd concept to grasp, especially after years of suppressing that feeling. It becomes horrifying. Sometimes you’ll just be in your kitchen and your vision shifts and you’re like “woah... I’m real.” You blink a few times to push down the anxiety that’s creeping up and continue to make your 3am maruchan. Other times it’s not that easy. You sit alone in your room trapped with your thoughts, staring at the posters on your wall with shallow breathes. With only your salt rock lamp emitting light, your eyes dart around acknowledging every single shadow formed in your room and seeing what’s responsible for the odd shapes on your walls. Reminding yourself constantly that your mind is not making this up, this is your reality. The way you placed every object in your room is your free will and you created these shapes. These are your shadows. You turn on your leds because you become overwhelmed. You need to stop thinking. That sensation in your stomach that makes you feel like you want to throw up but also run a marathon kicks in. This is around the time you want to put something in your body to distract you. You want that wide eyed hyperfocused energy to fade. Craving that mindset of not caring about your surroundings. Knowing a single pill, a single line, a single sip can change everything.