Soft Depression

Here's a list of thoughts and expereinces from my travels through the time sphere

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#not historically accurate but still funny

Bacon for the bourgeoisie, pancakes for the proletariat.

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That moment when you accidentally call Cuba for Pizza

“. . . do you deliver . . .?”

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Gotta love Snapchat, Instagram's shy cousin

Me or someone . . . I honestly don’t remember

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A Toy. A Kid. And A Funny.

So the other day I was waiting at an on the spot doctor visit because my body decided to momentarily stop working properly.

And I was waiting in the waiting room and this parent walks in the tiny office with a full sized shopping cart with the child in it. The mom says here let's open our present while the kid starts wailing (I will assume he was getting a shot.)

So the mother wheels the cart out and opens the toy she just bought the child. It was some toy that you squeeze it and a ball pops out. She gets all excited so the child will become excited even though he's crying and wants nothing of it.

The mother points it at the child and squeezes it. Naturally, the toy works just fine and pegs the kid dead in the face at close range. It sits there for a moment and starts crying harder as the mother grabs the kid and cradles him, feeling bad about making him worse.

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Avengers Infinity War Netflix out on Christmas Day

Father Thanos has given the universe a grand Christmas gift:

He has blessed us with a second chance.

#the savior we deserve

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The Real Santa

Kid goes onto Santa’s lap.

“So little boy what you do want for Christmas?”

“I want a new video game!”

*Santa leans in real close and whispers*

“You’ll never amount to anything.”

*Takes picture while kid is horrified. Kid is thrown off lap.

Next.

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Heres a little quote by my buddy Keanu . . . I dont CARE about KEYAANUUUU!!!

My sister when I was trying to say a Keanu Reeves quote

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Bathroom Phone

When you’re taking a poo and accidentally lock your phone after being on it for 20 minutes

and you see that black screen

and that hopeless face staring back at you asking what have I become

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Google Searches

I was reminded the other day of a story that happened a few years ago.

I was in college and I had a paper to submit but my internet stopped only on my laptop. I freaked out and instinctively went to my computer to search "help, my internet went out on my laptop" on Google.

After clicking enter, Google gave me the message that there was no internet, and I found myself in the loop of foolishness.

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Know your books

I just finished reading Swiss Family Robinson. Half way through I realized SFR is not the same book as Robinson Crusoe.

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Apple Mice

Apple branded computer mice are very interesting. Whenever I scroll I feel like im petting it. Lol

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"Once you get pass the asshole, you get the chocolate"

- a take on difficult people

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#krispykreamin

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"This is why we can't have nice things"

- Leviticus 25:4

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"This phone in my pocket is vibrating so much its giving me an errection"

-- My Coworker

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Being Upfront

So at #work we get alot of #spam calls.

And finally my boss had enough. He was in a meeting, having a pretty #crappy day as it was. The phone rings. He picks up the phone and asks who it is. The spam started spamming.

You could see his face scrunch up with frustration and says really angrilly into the phone.

"If you call me again I will find you and cut your #balls."

And then hangs up. And proceeds to continue the meeting as if nothing

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The Grocery Cart Mishap

So the other day I went grocery shopping and I momentarily stepped away from my cart. At the time I didn't think it was that bad of a choice, but no. It was a fatal #error.

I come back with some items and its just gone. My cart and all my stuff. So I frantically look around and see a few isles down a middle aged woman pusing it. I run over and awkwardly explain the situation. She apologizes and walks back to her cart embarrassed.

I have two thoughts on this:

1. When we shop we don't pay attention to anything. We just throw shit in a rolling box and continue to do so until we reach the end.

2. Did someone else take her cart while mine was in incorrect possession? And if so, is it just a continuous cycle of people taking other's carts?