how jjk men react to christmas carolers ⋆ ˚ ｡ ⋆
𝗳𝘁. 𝘀𝗮𝘁𝗼𝗿𝘂, 𝘀𝘂𝗴𝘂𝗿𝘂, 𝗰𝗵𝗼𝘀𝗼, 𝗻𝗮𝗻𝗮𝗺𝗶, 𝘁𝗼𝗷𝗶, 𝘀𝘂𝗸𝘂𝗻𝗮
satoru chokes on his ghirardelli hot cocoa, melting marshmallows caught inside his throat—some of the sweetened milk spilled on his ugly christmas sweater from hearing the sudden fbi knocks banging on the door to his mansion. “cough—what in the worl—”
satoru pursed his lips, coughing the last of his suffering into his elbow, sloppily placing his mug on the table.
the luxurious door opens with annoyance, allowing him to see a group of puffy coats of all ages harmonizing with their mouths shaped like ‘O’s.
“jingleeee bell, jingleeeee bell, jingleeeee bell rock~”
satoru slowly nodded, smirking while his forearm leans against the doorframe, listening as they continue to sing. “hey, you guys aren’t half bad. wait—do you guys accept new members? i know a great neighborhood we can stop by.” he’s already grabbing his coat, cheery as ever.
plotting a wonderful plan.
his face deadpans as soon as the knock hits the door.
“daddy, who is that?” nanako asks from the fireplace, sat criss-cross apple sauce beside mimiko, dressed in disney princess pajama’s. currently coloring in a lisa frank book.
suguru pinched his forehead—glittery with silver and blue from the previous snowflake crafts they did, hearing the instrumental of ‘last christmas’ blast through the walls of his estate. “it’s no one, nana.”
“SUGURU, I KNOW YOU’RE IN THERE!”
“i think it’s someone,” mimiko hums, coloring her turtle a shade of fuchsia pink.
suguru lets out an exasperated sigh, violet eyes staring at the ceiling for the lord to give him all of his strength before getting up from the couch.
his hand turns the knob, sighing deeper at the sight of his ex situationship from high-school. “satoru . . .”
satoru was on his knees, holding a jumbo candy cane meant to be a microphone—his face contorted into nothing but pathetic yearning; the rest of the christmas carolers flash recording on facebook live behind him.
“once bitten and twice sHyYyY~ i keep my distance but you still cATch my eyeee~”
suguru opens his mouth to lecture him, but satoru keeps singing off key, voice loud and desperate.
“TELL ME, BABY! DO YOU RECOGNIZE ME?!” he cringingly howls, his free hand reaching to grab suguru’s, “well, it’s been a year, it DOESN’T surprise me . . .”
“you need to get off my porch!” suguru quietly hisses, embarrassed. he yanked his hand away—briefly touched by satoru’s fingers. “no contact means no contact.”
“c’mon, suguru, don’t do this to me, baby!” satoru begs with a sob, his hand running through his fluff of hair, fingers tugging in distress. “don’t you remember last monday? when you let me eat it in front of your cult? THAT MEANT SOMETHING AND YOU KNOW IT!”
the christmas carolers gasp dramatically, one of the elder ones passing out on the stone path.
suguru’s cheeks are flushing like the ripest tomato at the farmers market, mono-lid eyes wide with pure shock.
“alright, you have to go.”
satoru whines when suguru pushes his burberry-coat shoulders back towards the bottom of the porch stairs, now stumbling to run after his purple eyed princess strutting away—mouth agape when the door slams in his face.
“damn!” he sadly groans with the snap of his fingers, glancing back towards the crowd, still live-streaming with entertained looks. “HEY STOP THAT!”
when choso opens the door, he’s wearing a red apron covered in baking flour, frosting, and christmas tree sprinkles—along with his younger brother yuji standing beside him with a fresh cookie in his mouth. “uhm, hello?—”
“you’d better watch out! you’d better not cry! better not pout, i’m telling you why~”
choso raises his eyebrows in amusement, yuji instead cheesing at the christmas group singing their hearts out.
“santaaaaa clause is comin’ to town,” they vocalize, holding their gloved hands together, “santaaaa clause is comin’ to town. santa clause is comin’ to townnnnn~”
after they finished the entire jackson 5 song, the christmas carolers are out of breath, wiping their cold, sweaty foreheads.
“ayyy, ya’ll cooked!” yuji cheers with his voice muffled with thick gingerbread crumbs, clapping his hands together while he looks to choso for his reaction. which is a soft smile and the approving nod of his low, space-buns head, “yeah, you guys did good. thanks for, uh, performing.”
the christmas carolers bow with tired smiles, waving the brothers goodbye as they move on to the next house.
“did you know they were stopping by?” choso asks with an awkward look, walking back into the messy kitchen.
yuji closed the door with a silly expression, happily chomping on the rest of his cookie. “mhm. i hired them last week.”
choso’s face went straight, subtly shaking his head.
“. . . why am i not surprised.”
“what?! you needed more social interaction!”
sparkly snow was falling slowly to kiss the top of nanami’s plaid slippers, his housecoat body stood on his festive doormat, not expecting to see a small orchestra group playing nat king cole’s ‘the christmas song.’
his hollow cheeks felt the breeze of winter caressing him cold, fingers holding his shawl collar together as he admired the performance before him.
no one was singing, just letting the music speak to the chivalrous blond instead. a woman with a mini harp, twins that had bass and a guitar, and a man with a stage piano. all of it warming nanami’s overworked heart.
once they finished, nanami had something of a smile on his face, handing each person a tip of $20.
“no, no, sir! thank you, but we were already paid.”
nanami hummed in confusion. “paid? by whom?”
nanami scoffed, his smile still there. “i see.”
silently grateful for his talented student to have done something so thoughtful as sending a mini christmas orchestra to his humble home.
the heavy knocks pounding at the storm door had a half asleep toji jolting to stand with his snot bubble popping. glock 19 in one hand, his empty hennessy bottle in the other one. “. . . shit, they hic found me again.”
he cautiously approached the chipped door with wide steps, yielding before holding his gun up—ready to swiss cheese everyone on sight. “whose there?!”
the only answer he got was muffled, overlapped yelling. not from any cop, but from civilized people. surprisingly.
toji lowers his loaded blick with a content grunt. he hid it behind his muscular thighs visible from the pajama shorts, now opening the front door with narrowed eyes.
the door shuts immediately, so hard it shakes the whole house; a sarcastic grin spread across his slit mouth.
“ain’t nobody wanna hear that shit.”
just to fall asleep stomach first on the couch again. meaty leg hanging off the furniture, dad snoring so loud it rumbles his black-hoodie chest. “snore . . . snore . . . snore.”
the christmas carolers gulp as they timidly approach the heian estate. coquette boots shaking, teeth chattering, and their hearts begging in erratic beats for the group to turn around from the hellish scenery.
human skulls staked on the pathway, topped with elf hats. the lingering scent of metallic meat unnatural to the average nose, smelt with fear. and the aftermath of arson burning a few miles into the woods behind the estate. an outdoor fireplace maybe, but no doubt it was evilly linked to the raw blood smell and elf decorated skulls.
“babes, i think we should—” “how’d you all get inside?”
they all stop and stare wide eyed at a man sexy monster packing four extended arms, a flesh plate on the side of his face, and a devious look of murder. no, hunger.
hunger that licked across his lips, red irises pricking at each human, trying to determine the best meal.
“the g-gate was open—w-we—uhm—s-sing!—” sukuna leans down quick to glare the christmas caroler in the eyes, making her fall into the snow with a fearful shriek.
he sits his torso back up, silk robe parting to reveal his second mouth grinning, the one on his face chuckling low with the tilt of his head. “sing, huh?” he steps forward to tower his wicked shadow over the woman—moonlight shining on his back—the rest of the carolers frozen in place. “get up and sing then.”
she scrambles to her feet, everyone else stood in formation as sukuna crossed a pair of arms, waiting.
“hurry up,” he roughly states, “i’m starving.”
“santa baby, just slip a sable under the treee for meee~ been an awful good girl~ santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonighttttt~”
every verse they sung was perfect, not a single stutter daring to sputter at performing for a literal demon. a demon who looked quite unenthused, waving one of his tattooed hands for them to stop mid-lyric.
“alright, enough. what is this? a mating call? ha, who would’ve thought christmas would gift women to my estate in an attempt to seduce me,” he darkly smirks, watching as their pastel coats start trembling.
some from excitement, some from terror.
mixed arousal most likely. #realasf
“it’s just p-protocol for our community,” one of them smiles nervously, sukuna getting up in her flustered face as she yelps from how close he was.
“what a splendid protocol,” he drawls, all fangs shown from how his smirk grows wider. “wives, all of you.”
she innocently blinks, along with the rest. “excuse us?”
“all of you,” sukuna husks, his nails grabbing her face with assertiveness, “are my wives from this moon forward.”
© starinsight 𝖺𝗅𝗅 𝗋𝗂𝗀𝗁𝗍𝗌 𝗋𝖾𝗌𝖾𝗋𝗏𝖾𝖽.
hope this was funny lol, it definitely helped my writers block (shout out to my glorious lily who gave me the headcanon idea a while ago) happy holidays everyone :)
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