i dream of kissing john carter on his cherub cheeks every day
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i dream of kissing john carter on his cherub cheeks every day
javadi doxed herself by using that one audio where itās like āi finna be in the pittā send tweet
my name on your lips | john carter
Summary: When Howard Davis, a friend of Carter's father, stops by the hospital and asks if Carter is dating anyone, you're surprised that Carter says your name... because you're not dating. A tense dinner with Davis leads to Carter's confession.
Pairing: John Carter x fem!readerĀ
Word count: 4.9k
Warnings/tags: inspired by s1 ep23. med student!reader, she and carter are in the same year. mentions of carter's upbringing, wealth, family, etc. davis is a HO! classism, sexism, babygirlism (carter). friends to lovers.
divider
āIām totally making him pay me back for pizza last week. He said he didnāt have twenty bucks!ā
Malik is at the nursesā station, complaining to Lydia, whoās shaking her head.
āWho?ā you ask, not looking up from your chart.
Malik scoffs. āCarter. Dudeās loaded.ā
You look up in surprise. āSince when?ā
āSince birth! His dadās worth, like, two hundred mil. Can you believe he told me heās broke?ā
āThatās how the rich are,ā Lydia says wisely. āMy second ex-husband was a lawyer and he never wanted to pay for anything. I just know heās looking up at us right now.ā
Youāre used to the nursesā gossip; sometimes itās unfounded, so youāve learned to check your sources with Carol and Jerry to know whatās true. You take your chart to the front desk and return it to the stack. You lean on the desk, drumming your fingers.
āHey, Jerry.ā
He nods. āHey. Woman with a head lac in Curtain Two. Shattered a vase and cut herself.ā
āOkay. Do you know where Benton is?ā
Jerry snorts. āSure. Heās tending to His Highness, Howard Davis.ā
āWho?ā
āWe have a medical wing named after him.ā He rubs two fingers together. āYāknow?ā
āOh. Wow.ā
āYeah, and get this: Carter went to school with his son. Davis called him Johnny.ā
āJohnny?ā You grin. Carter is so not a Johnny.
āYup.ā Jerry pops the āp.ā āSwift came in and had me call Chicagoās greats just ācause Davis had a little cut on his hand.ā
āWell, Iām glad weāve got our priorities in order,ā you say, laughing.
āSure. Wish I had a medical wing to donate.ā
The phone rings. You take that as your cue to go tend to the woman behind the curtain. Sheās deeply apologetic, even though you assure her that this is what youāre here for. You need to up your procedure count anyway. Youāre pretty sure Benton will give Carter the surgery internship next year, but Mark Greene had told you that heād be thrilled to have you back in the ER. Itās not your first choice, considering you want to be a chief of surgery one day, but you switched hospitals halfway through your rotation this year. Youāre lucky to be offered anything at Cook County in the first place.
Besides, you like it here. You like the doctors, the staff⦠you like Carter too, even if he can be a little bit of a pain during times like these, when you have to compete for opportunities. But heās been nothing but nice to you since you arrived, and heās shown you all the ropes he could.Ā
And heās rich? Jesus. You wonder why heās even here. Surely, he could do anything, right?
āOkay, Mrs. Maldonado,ā you say, finishing the womanās stitches. āYouāre all set. If you feel dizzy or nauseous, return immediately, okay?ā
She thanks you and apologizes one last time before going to be discharged. You return that chart to the desk, then head for the stairs, on the hunt for Benton. Heād hinted at a chance for you to scrub into a hernia repair, and you want to make sure he hasnāt forgotten.Ā
But Benton comes out of the elevator before you can go upstairs, flanked by Carter and who you assume to be Davis. His hand is wrapped, and heās talking animatedly about horses. Benton looks like heād rather be anywhere else. He raises his eyebrows at you.Ā
āHi, Dr. Benton,ā you say quietly. āCan I still scrub into the hernioplasty?ā
āYeah, fine. One sec.ā He turns to Davis, who has stopped talking, and is now studying you. You smile, and he smiles back, but itās not warm.
āMr. Davis, it was a pleasure,ā Benton says. āI hope your hand heals fast.ā
āYou did excellent work,ā Davis says, patting Bentonās shoulder. āIt was good to see Johnny again.ā He gestures to you. āAnd you must be the girl who got Johnnyās heart!ā
Your eyebrows lift. āIām sorry?ā
Carter is slicing his throat with his hand behind Davis, shaking his head urgently. Play along! he mouths. Your gaze flicks from him to Davis.Ā
āUhā¦ā
āOh, donāt be shy. Johnny told me all about you. Dating another medical student, well, I guess that figures. I told him he should catch up with Katrina, my daughter, but he canāt with you keeping him honest. Tell me, where did you go to school?ā
āI went to Illinois State for my undergrad,ā you say.
Davis looks you over. āUh-huh. I see. And you two are in the same program?ā
āThatās right, sir,ā Carter says. āThatās how we met.ā
You open your mouth to correct him, but Benton, by all the graces of God, interrupts.
āIām really so sorry, Mr. Davis, but I need my students back. Theyāre scrubbing into a surgery. You understand, I hope.ā Benton doesnāt sound sorry at all. You love it.Ā
āOh, sure, sure.ā Davis waves his uninjured hand. āOf course, Dr. Benton. Keep up the great work, you and John. Johnny, Iāll see you and this young lady for dinner tonight, yes? Seven sharp.ā
āWe canāt, unfortunately, as I mentioned before, sir. Weāre on-call till midnight,ā Carter says, rubbing his hands like he's washing them. A nervous habit. You've noticed that Carter's hands get cracked and red on colder days like these; you've been meaning to give him a pocket lotion, identical to the one you keep in your coat. āWeāre not able to get off early.ā
āFor one night! I think the hospital can survive. Benton, can you let these kids go for a few hours?ā
Benton smiles flatly. āOf course, Mr. Davis. We can survive.ā
āFantastic! Johnny, Iāll send the car. You know how that goes.ā He nods at you, a little stilted. āAnd you. Donāt worry about wearing your scrubs. Iām sure itād be too much trouble for you to change. Johnnyās always dressed up, arenāt you, John?ā
Carter rubs the back of his neck. āI, uhāhabit from my dad, I guess.ā
Davis laughs like thatās the best thing heās heard in a decade. āYouāre right about that! Well, Iāll see you soon. Take care.ā
He pats Carterās shoulder and leaves. Carter shoves his hands deep in his pockets, avoiding both your and Bentonās gaze.
āDidnāt know Iād stolen your heart, Johnny,ā you say, hands on your hips.
āOh, thereās a lot you donāt know about him,ā Benton says. āCarter here liked riding horses before he came to slum it with us, didnāt you?ā
Carter sighs. āDr. Benton, can we have a minute?ā
Benton rolls his eyes. āBoth of you finish your charting, and then Iāll see you for the hernia.ā He points to you. āGot it?ā
You nod. āGot it.ā
āGreat. We should be finished by the time the car arrives, Mr. Carter.ā
Carter winces as Benton walks away. You tilt your head.
āI need to talk to you,ā he says.
āUh-huh. Since when are you loaded and dating me? All in one afternoon? Should I expect a ring tomorrow?ā
āIām not loaded, my parents are.ā
āYeah, thatās what rich kids say to attempt modesty. You raced horses?ā you ask.
āI didn't race, it was dressage. With an Icelandic pony. Lookāā
āA pony? I thought ponies couldnāt be ridden.ā
āSome are bred to be ridden. Can I just explain?ā
āWait, I have another question. Is caviar really worth the hype? āCause it looks like those decorative beads that they sell at Pier One, and Iāve always thought it was really weird how obsessed some people are with eating animal embryos and babies.ā
Carter pinches the bridge of his nose. āUm, I havenāt had it in a long time, but from what I remember, it was only okay. Can we talk now?ā
He doesnāt wait for you to respond, herding you into an empty on-call room. He turns on the light and closes the door. You sit on the bed and watch Carter pace a few times before speaking.
āOkay, so, I went to school with Mr. Davisā son, Greg, as you might have heard. And Davis started talking about Katrina, his daughter, whoās a year younger than Greg and I.ā
āGreg and me,ā you say.
Carter stops pacing. āWhat?ā
āIām pretty sure itās āGreg and meā ācause it wouldnāt make sense if you said āKatrina is a year younger than I.ā Well, I guess you could say that, but it sounds really weird, like strangely archaic and formalāā
āSeriously? Now?ā
You shrug. āOkay, whatever. I guess I expected more fromāwhereād you graduate? Vanderbilt?ā
āBrown. If this is you trying to soothe my nerves, itās not working.ā Carter's a little unkempt, which isn't unusual after a full shift, but you're only three hours in. His stethoscope is slung unevenly around his neck. You reach up to pull one end down so it's even. He blinks at you.Ā
āYouāre right,ā you say solemnly. āThis requires drastic measures. Iāll tell Alfred to fetch the smelling salts immediately, Mr. Wayne.ā
That gets a laugh out of him, and you smile, happy heās a little less tense. Tense Carter is never fun to witness. He sits next to you on the bed. You pat his back, encouraging him to keep explaining.Ā
āDavis was asking me about my life and⦠yāknow, women in my life. He started talking about Katrina, and how sheās āmanaging a bank, but sheās still unmarried! Aināt that a damn shame!āā
You grimace. āWhat century is this guy from?ā
Carter scoffs. āNot ours or the last. Heās really old-fashioned. He told me that Katrinaās visiting him in Chicago for work and heād love for us to catch up, and I⦠I panicked.ā He groans, running his hands through his hair and tugging the ends. āIām sorry. Your name was the first I thought of. I said weāve been together for a year.ā
āWhy donāt you just go out to dinner once with Katrina and then tell her you donāt feel a spark, or whatever?ā
Carter blows out a slow breath. āNo, that wouldnāt work. Sheās⦠God forgive me, honestly, I donāt like saying this about people, but sheās crazy. She set this girlās hair on fire in her junior year because the girl slept with Katrinaās boyfriend. Katrina was drunk, butā¦āĀ
āYeesh,ā you say. āI take it there was no disciplinary action?ā
āThe dean tried, but Davis just threw money at him, and it all went away. Katrina was back in school a few weeks later. Even Greg would warn his friends not to get involved with her. She was out of control for years, and I canāt imagine sheās much different now.ā He looks at you, eyes big and pitiful. āIām really sorry. Maybe we can say we have to be quarantined for tuberculosis or something.ā
You hum. āWe could. Or we can just go to dinner for a few hours and then Jerry can page us back to the hospital. That way, Davis wonāt hound you to meet him again.ā
Carterās eyebrows lift. āYouāre taking this really well, considering I just threw this at you.ā
āOh, well, you had a fantastic reason. Johnny Carter is never caught unawares!ā
He shakes his head. āI always hated when he called me that. I never felt like a Johnny.ā
You bump his shoulder with yours. āYeah, sorry. I think itās either John or Carter. Do you have a middle name?ā
āTruman.ā
āYikes.ā
He snorts. āMy dadās John Truman Carter Jr. Soā¦ā
You smile slowly. āOh, Carter. You cannot tell anyone else that. They will literally never let you live down John Truman Carter the Third.ā
He flops back onto the bed horizontally. āTell me about it. I thought I could graduate without anyone finding out about my family. I donāt want anyone to treat me differently just ācause he has money. Iām still the same guy you all know.ā
You lie down next to him, propping your head on your hand. One of his suspender straps has slipped down his shoulder, so you pull it back up. You smooth his tie.Ā
āYouāre still Carter to me,ā you say. āBut the suspenders make a lot more sense.ā
He smiles and looks down at his shirt. Youāve never noticed how long his lashes are; this close, you can see that they cast shadows on his cheeks.
āMy dad made me wear them for most of my life. Never thought twice about it, honestly.ā
āI think theyāre dashing. Do they get the ladies hot? Do said ladies snap them against your skin?ā
āOh my God,ā he says, cheeks pinking. āNo comment.ā
āThatās absolutely a yes!ā
āNew subject. Are you sure you want to do this? I can find a way to get you out of this. You shouldn't have to suffer just because of my stupid mouth.ā
Carterās mouth isn't stupid at all, though you don't say so. He's got a perfect mouth, actually. It's pink and when he smiles, his mouth turns upside-down, which you didn't expect the first time you met him. When he shows his teeth, it's even better. Carter has the cutest grin. You look at his mouth now, how it's pulled into a frown. You want to trace his lips until he smiles again.Ā
āI don't mind,ā you say. āHe's a super important guy, right? Donated a lot to the hospital? We should keep him happy.ā
Carter scowls. āThis is exactly what I didn't want to happen. I thought the days of meeting my dad's friends and listening to their ridiculous, out-of-touch problems were over. I chose my own path, and I still can't escape them.āĀ
He presses his palms to his eyes. You take a moment to look at the shape of him: his long legs bent over the edge of the bed, his striped white shirt tucked into his pants, the lean lines of his torso. His chest rises and falls quickly.Ā
You savor moments like these, despite his freakout. Carter's the only one who makes you feel like a person at work. He sat with you last month when you lost a little boy in emergency surgery and held your hand while you cried. He's brought you countless bagels and coffees and vending machine chips. Sometimes you just sit together, when you have a second to spare.Ā
āCarter.ā You touch his chest. It's warm. He runs so warm, and it surprises you every time. āIt'll be fine. You're still on your own path. One dinner won't derail your independence.ā
It's beginning to click now, why Carter takes mistakes so personally, like he's failed himself over and over. Why he was desperate to move out, why he never speaks about his family, and why he never has any plans for the holidays. He's mentioned his brother's cancer once to you, nothing else.Ā
He lifts his hands. āI know. It's just, Davis can be a little much. You shouldn't have to deal with it.ā
āI can be couth. Address the one percent.ā
āI didn't mean it like that. You're amazing. He can be brash. There's a reason Greg moved across the country to be away from him.ā
āI think I'll be okay,ā you say. āDon't worry, Carter. You will owe me, though.ā
Carter nods like he was expecting that. āOf course. Anything you want.ā
āI have to think about it.ā You hop off the bed and extend a hand. āC'mon, Kentucky Derby. We need to get back to saving the world.ā
Carter takes your hand and stands. āThat doesn't even make sense. I didnāt race.ā
āWell, I don't know any famous dressage competitions. That's outside of my tax bracket.āĀ
The hernia repair goes well. Benton lets you go with minimal grumbling, maybe because he realizes that Swift will be on his ass if Davis complains. You change out of your scrubs, Davisā comment still ringing in your ears. You dress professionally when the occasion calls for it, and you always have a set of work clothes in your locker. Mostly, you wear scrubs or t-shirts you donāt mind getting blood on.
Benton has never commented on it, nor has Mark, so you stuck to it, prioritizing comfort and hygiene over anything else. Itās a hospital, not Fashion Week.
Thereās a knock on the door. āHey, almost ready? I think the carās outside.ā Carter.
But as you change and look yourself over in the bathroom, youāre wishing you had the means to make more of an effort. Your hair is styled efficiently, out of your face, protecting it until the next wash. Your face is plain, skin free of jewelry. Itās too much of a work hazard with grabby or drunk patients, and you sweat frequently, running around the way you do.
You lean in to inspect your skin, the hair on your face, natural discoloration around your features. The change of clothes helps; youāre in a nice pink blouse and dark pants. The last time you wore this was for a meeting with Morgenstern about a scholarship opportunity.Ā
āIs this okay?ā you ask, trying to sound casual.
āYep, ready!ā You smooth your shirt down and grab your stuff, opening the door.
Carterās got his coat on, in his usual digs, but thereās no reason for him to worry about appearances. Now that you know about his family, itās easy to imagine him in a room full of elites, wearing a sports jacket and drinking expensive scotch or champagne. Hate it or not, youāre sure Carterās really good at mingling with people like that. He was one of them. Is.
āYou look nice.ā He smiles, but itās a little confused. āYou didnāt have to change, though.ā
āNo one wants me in my stinky scrubs,ā you say breezily, turning to put on your coat so you donāt have to look at Carter.
He sighs, and when you look at him, heās frowning. āAre you sure you want to do this?ā
āCarter, donāt be a silly goose. You said the carās waiting, right? Letās go.ā
He reluctantly follows you out, through the hospital, and into the cold February air. You tuck your scarf tighter around your neck. Carter takes your hand and points at a black towncar.Ā
āI think thatās it.ā
Carter touches your wrist gently, and you look at him.
The seats are soft and leathery. Youāre almost afraid to sit, worried youāll ruin it. Carter chats with the driver, and if heās nervous about dinner, it doesnāt show. You watch the city blur past, content to let Carter take the lead. At work, youāre clever and ambitious, and you and Carter have even gone toe-to-toe a couple times.
The medical field is already difficult enough; going into surgery as a woman is about twelve times harder. Benton respects you⦠you think he does, anyway. Heās tough on everyone, which comforts you. But you know most surgical residents arenāt like him. Thereās a certain demographic that enters this field.Ā
āYou okay?ā he asks.
You nod. āIām fine, Carter.ā
He laughs a little. āProbably shouldnāt call me Carter at dinner. None of my girlfriends called me Carter.ā
At least now you have no conflicts. Youāve accepted how you feel, you just bury it.Ā
Itās just pretend, just for tonight, but Carter calling you his girlfriend sends a jolt of electricity through you. Youāve seen and even met a few women heās dated, or, more accurately, had flings with. Heās affectionate, clingy when he thinks he has privacy.
For a while, you hated how your body reacted to the sight of him with women. Carter is technically your competitor, and liking him is only a distraction. Now youāre friends, but it was frustrating at the beginning, trying not to like him. Carterās sweet, which made it worse.Ā
āJohn, then.ā Itās unusual coming out of your mouth, but itās nice. āI guess you should call me by my first name too.ā
He nods. āFor sure. I told Jerry to page us at eight.ā
āOnly an hour?ā You grin. āNo faith in me?ā
āNo faith in me,ā he says. āIād rather do a hundred rectal temp checks.ā
āOh my God, it canāt be that bad!ā you say, laughing.
āNo, it wonāt. I havenāt done this in years. Iām just intolerant, I guess.ā
The car pulls up to the establishment: Gibsonās, an upscale American bar and grill. Carter gets out and comes around to your door so you donāt have to slide across the street. He opens the door and takes your hand, helping you out.
āSuch a gentleman,ā you say.
āSometimes,ā he says, a little bashful. His cheeks are flushed with cold. āRemember, weāve been dating a year. We met at school.ā
āGot it.āĀ
Carter links your arm with his. You walk in together. Carter gives his name and helps you out of your coat to give it to the coat check attendant. You rush to unwrap your scarf, and Carter pats your shoulder, a silent message. Relax. You slow down. You deserve to be here too. You were invited, after all.
Youāre brought to the table, where Davis is already seated. He waves, calling Carter over. Carter pulls your chair out for you, then pushes you in. He takes his seat next to you.Ā
āIām so pleased you could make it,ā Davis says, like you had a choice. āNice having a break from the hospital, eh?ā
āWe like our work, but itās nice to have a break,ā Carter says diplomatically. āWhatās good here?ā
āOh, donāt worry, I already put an order in for three ribeyes.ā He points at you. āItāll knock your socks off.ā
āMr. Davis, we appreciate that, but she doesnāt eat red meat,ā Carter says.
Davis squints at you. āSince when? Some fad diet?ā
āNo, itās just a personal choice. We see a lot of heart problems in the ER, so Iāve been cutting back. But itās okay, I canāā
Carter interrupts your excuse. āMr. Davis, surely you understand. Sheād really prefer to eat something else.ā
Davis sighs like he killed the cow himself. āSure, fine. A little beef does you some good, you know. John here loves steak! Shouldāve found yourself a steak-lover, Johnny.ā
Carter just presses his lips together. You awkwardly fold your hands in your lap as Davis waves over a waiter to give you a menu. You order quickly, not wanting to prolong the tension.Ā
āSo, tell me, what do your parents do?ā Davis asks.Ā
āMy mother is a teacher, my dad was a mechanic. He retired.ā
āHm. They must be glad youāre becoming a doctor.ā
āYes, theyāre very proud,ā you say.
āCostly, though. You must be drowning in debt.ā
You stutter, surprised at his bluntness. āOh, um, I was fortunate enough to get some merit scholarships, and other aid, but yes, itās expensive. I have loans, but who doesnāt, right?ā
Davis is silent. Right. No one at this table shoulders loans. You glance at Carter, who looks exhausted already.
āKatrinaās on the board for PNC Bank,ā Davis says. āNo decent guys at work, though. Youād think that the higher you go, the better the options, but no luck.ā
āIām sure sheāll find someone,ā Carter says.
āHas she tried those matchmaking services?ā you ask. āI had a friend who got married through one of those, and sheās happy.ā
Davis raises an eyebrow. āMy daughter can find a good fellow on her own.ā
āIt was only a suggestion,ā Carter says. āThe Maynors did the same thing with their daughter.ā
Davis hisses through his teeth. āYeah, I remember. Thatās because Alexis Maynor had nothing going for her. No looks, no charm, not even a viable career. I suppose if youāre that desperate, you have to rely on those kinds of things.ā
Jesus. If this is how Davis is, youād hate to meet either of his children.Ā
āSo, a teacher. What does your mother teach?ā Davis asks.
āShe teaches high school biology.ā
He raises a brow. āAnd she didnāt want to become a doctor herself?ā
āI think she liked teaching more. She likes the kids and the schedule.ā
āAh, well. Not everyone can do. Some must teach.ā
You tuck your tongue into your cheek, trying not to snap. āRespectfully, Mr. Davis, all of historyās greats would never have become great without a good teacher.ā
āAnd yet we never hear about them,ā Davis says, chuckling.Ā
The waiter arrives then with your foodātruly wonderful timing. You wish you had a clock to know how much longer you have to put up with this. Hopefully not long. You can weather through it; heās not much worse than the smarmy classmates and older doctors youāve dealt with.
āSo Johnny, when are you getting married?ā
Carterās cutting his steak with laser focus. He glances at you, then clears his throat. āWe havenāt really discussed it, sir.ā
Davis guffaws. āJohnny, I didnāt mean you two. Oh, Iām sure youāre a splendid girl,ā he says to you. āBut Johnny, you need a family woman. Someone whoāll take care of you at home.ā
āI take care of myself just fine,ā Carter says, the muscles in his jaw jumping. āAnd weāre very happy together.ā
āTwo doctors? Your schedules will never work. Youāll fall apart within a year. Not to mention, Jack and Eleanor wouldnāt approve.ā He waves a hand at you. āSurely, you can find someone more your speed, huh?ā
Your eyes widen. āExcuse me?ā
āSomeone who shares your background! You canāt have much in common, besides the hospital. What are you specializing in, anyway? Pediatrics? Gynecology?"
You canāt believe it. Davis saw you right next to Carter and Benton. He saw Benton speak to you, address you as his student. And he⦠what? Assumed you were lost?
You take a slow breath. In, out. āNo, actually, Iām studying surgery. I want to be a chief of surgery.ā
āA female chief of surgery, wow. Someoneās got big dreams. Johnny, this is what I meanāyou donāt want a girl whoās competing with you for the same spot.ā
Your and Carterās pagers beep then, and youād laugh at the timing if Davis wasnāt turning an interesting shade of red. Carter turns the alert off.
āYou know what?ā Carter throws his napkin onto his plate and stands. Several peopleās heads turn.
āMr. Davis, youāve been unbelievably rude tonight. Just because youāre a friend of my fatherās doesnāt mean you have any right to judge what I do or who I love. This woman here is fantastic. Her. Right here.ā
Carter thrusts a hand at you. You lower your eyes briefly, not wanting to see Davisā irate expression. But then you look at Carter, and his intensity steals the air from your lungs.
āIām in love with her! Iād be proud to call her my wife someday. Sheās a great doctor, and if she became chief, it would be well-deserved. I am more than my family. I barely see my parents these days, and even if I did, I wouldnāt give a shit about what they think. This is my path. My life. Sheās in it, in a big way, and you arenāt.ā
āThatās the hospital. We have to go.ā He pulls out his wallet and tosses a few bills onto the table. āFor our share. And by the way? Katrinaās a bully, and so are you. Thatās why she canāt get married.ā
Carter helps you out of your chair, then rests an arm around your back as you go to the coat check. Soon enough, the restaurant resumes its usual bustle, letting you leave in peace. Carterās quiet the whole time. You follow him outside where he tries to flag down a cab in vain.Ā
āCarter,ā you say softly.
He checks his watch and grumbles, failing to wave another cab. āWhat, do they have somewhere to be?ā he mutters.Ā
āJohn.ā
Carter looks at you, mouth twitching at the name. āYeah?ā
You sigh. āYou should go back. Apologize. Heāll complain to Swift. What if you get kicked out?ā
āHe wouldnāt go that far,ā Carter says. āMy dadās a jerk, but if he ever found out Davis was the reason I got dropped from the program, heād go after him.ā
āStill, it wasnātāIām not worth all that trouble. You can still smooth things over. Say you had a hard day, say we fought or something.ā
Carter blinks at you. āNot worthāwhat are you talking about? Of course youāre worth it. He was totally out of line. That shit he said about your mom? God, who the hell does he think he is?ā
āIt was out of line, Carter, but you and I are just friends. We were pretending, remember? Itās not like any of that stuff about you loving me is true.ā
Carter glances at the road, the pavement, anywhere but your eyes. Your heart thumps in your chest.
āCarter?ā Your voice is weak. āIs it?ā
āThereās a reason I said your name,ā he says, and bites the inside of his cheek. āIt was⦠wishful thinking.ā
You take a careful step forward. Itās freezing. You want to be wrapped in Carterās warmth.
āYouāre in love with me?ā
He nods, staring at his shoes. āYeah. Sorry.ā
āDonāt be,ā you say, not daring to breathe in case you fill your lungs and it all melts away. āI just thought of a way you can pay me back for tonight.ā
The look Carter gives you tells you that he knows what youāll say, but he needs to hear it anyway. āHow?ā
āKiss me.ā
He takes your face in his hands tenderly, thumbs rubbing your cheeks. He kisses you, his mouth warm and firm. Not stupid. His bangs tickle your forehead. You close your eyes and push his bangs back, raking your fingers through his hair. He makes a pleased sound and pulls you closer. Youāll never be cold again.
Carter pulls back just enough to rest his forehead on yours, nose bumping your cheek. āYou are worth it.ā
You kiss him again.Ā
waiting patiently for my delicious soups (nude yoga fics) of many flavors (ships) to cook
Your 20s are for lusting after furniture you canāt afford actually
I am, as the novelists say, in need of seaside air
love when women are like im sooo sleepy and its literally 5 pm. i love you
december 2nd?? what the fuck. whatās next? december 3rd?? a 4th of december???? give me a fucking break.
i rlly enjoy reading all ur little diaries on here i hope u all have a nice life
canāt believe itās fucking october i mean whatās next, november? fuckās sake
life is good again (ordered something online)
life is bad again (account was charged)
LIFE IS GOOD AGAIN (PACKAGE ARRIVED)
U ever wanna just take your own brain out and soak it in a nice ibuprofen solution for a little bit
book dedications are so tender here is this piece of art i made for an audience of thousands. but really every word is for you
taylor swift / a woman under the influence / the politician / alan moore / all about eve / clementine von radics / cameron awkward-rich / andrƩs cerpa / ocean vuong / taylor swift
girls be like *he is my comfort character* and whamm! it's the most emotionally traumatized fictional man you've ever seen!
ig: darciadele





