[wounded--dog]

i think one of the worst things about abandonment issues is that you spend your life in a constant cycle of expecting someone to leave, consequently doing shit that’ll make them leave, and then affirming to yourself that they were gonna leave the whole time because of who you are as a person

[dre4ms-v-reality]

I actually think the saddest thing I’ve ever done in my life is beg someone to love me as much as I loved them

[borderlinepdfeels]

[yesbpdbabe-deactivated20210115]

[soittareine]

whatever is meant to be for you will never leave you, cherish yourself.

[soittareine]

no matter how much my heart breaks or how much I fall, I will never fight for someone to love me. If you can’t match my energy then you can’t have it. I’m not here to change you, I’m not here to make you the one. If the love is mutual there is no fight or chase. If you’re trying to chase and change someone I promise it’s not true love.

[soittareine]

let them know your truth, and if they decide not to confront their wrongdoings then that’s on them. Let out your half for your healing to begin, confront the fact that you don’t need their approval to heal. Healing is a process, it doesn’t happen because you say it or make a new playlist. It happens when you decide to confront and let go, it happens when you decide on putting yourself first.

[soittareine]

remember that they owed you unconditional love and you did nothing to betray that, you were a child. you will always have deserved better.

[perceptions3key]

“As children, internalizers [of emotional neglect] tend to take on the role-self of the rescuer, feeling a responsibility to help others even to the point of self-neglect. Their healing fantasy always involves the idea ‘It’s up to me to fix this.’ What they can’t see is that they’ve taken on a job nobody has ever pulled off: changing people who aren’t seeking to change themselves.”

— Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson, PsyD

[memes-to-show-my-therapist]

Literally though

[soittareine]

It’s important to talk about the highs and lows of healing. A month after moving away and not communicating with my parents I felt this weight lifted off of me, I felt happy and myself for once in my life. I didn’t think about my trauma, I didn’t remember it, and it felt good to not be reminded of the pain for a moment. Two months later I’m crying again every night, there’s no new words of hatred, no new neglect, the past isn’t replaying in my mind, but the pain is still there. I don’t understand why I cry, and maybe that’s because I wasn’t allowed to feel. As children our emotions were pushed aside, so even in those time frames where you think you’ve moved on, it’s truly just learned repression. Therapy is important, getting help is important. Pretending the trauma never happened is not healing, it’s neglecting your own feelings. Take care of yourself, allow yourself to heal. Allow yourself the time to heal. It doesn’t happen overnight, it’s okay to cry sometimes. It doesn’t mean you’re not trying.

[yourvisionboard]

“The minute you decide you want better for yourself is the minute the entire universe begins to shift in your favour.”

—

[faronmckenzie]

[icreatewhatibelieve]

I am proud of myself and all the progress I continue to make.

[selfconstructedself]

Maybe it's not that I don't have enough memories from childhood so much that I have too many, but they are fragmented pieces that do not fit together or flow from one to the other.

Why do I remember what I do? Why did I forget what I did, and how do I know that it's forgotten? Is it truly forgetting if the memory was never encoded to begin with? What if all I see is all that's there?

What if my childhood isn't really forgotten, just locked behind closed doors in my brain waiting for me to find the key?

[frownclown]

I wish I could look at childhood photos and think to myself, “life was so easy and enjoyable back then.” but I can’t and I never will be able to.

[cptsdraw]