Me: I'm going to hell. I'm such an asshole.
Barbara: That's okay. I'll go with you.
Me: HAHAHAHAHA you're a really good friend! No one has ever said that to me.
Barbara: *hearty laugh* Yeah, I'll go with you.
almost home
Misplaced Lens Cap
hello vonnie
styofa doing anything
ojovivo

oozey mess

❣ Chile in a Photography ❣

tannertan36
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"

@theartofmadeline
Monterey Bay Aquarium
sheepfilms

roma★
Claire Keane
trying on a metaphor

Kaledo Art
i don't do bad sauce passes

JVL
art blog(derogatory)

JBB: An Artblog!
seen from Türkiye

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@sojusays
Me: I'm going to hell. I'm such an asshole.
Barbara: That's okay. I'll go with you.
Me: HAHAHAHAHA you're a really good friend! No one has ever said that to me.
Barbara: *hearty laugh* Yeah, I'll go with you.
Michelle: I also found 10 most commonly asked interview questions.
Me: That's good. It's good to be prepared.
Michelle: It's been a minute since I've interviewed for anything.
Me: Which hand do you use to wipe your butt?
Michelle: That depends on where you're from. Because if you're from --
Me: I'm not asking you all of that. I asked which hand! You're not listening, Michelle!
Michelle: I am! It all depends on where you're from. Some countries you wipe with your left and in some you use your right. It all depends on the culture and customs --
Me: You're not listening to me or the question. The question was directed at you. It's for YOU. What hand do YOU use to wipe your butt? It's not a generalized question.
Michelle: Both! Depends on which way I lean. If I'm leaning to the right then I'm using my right and if I'm leaning to the left I'm using my left hand.
Me: As the interviewer, I cannot offer you the job.
Michelle: Why?
Me: You have your hands full. How are you gonna get any work done?
Michelle: Hahahahaha I have my hands full of shit.
Me: Are you gonna shop on Black Friday?
Ronda: Lots of stores aren't going to be open!
Me: I'm still gonna do it.
Ronda: No stores are open.
Me: *holds up finger* We're building pillow forts and camp out in the living room. Everyone's gonna stay up on their laptops. That's how we're gonna shop on Black Friday!
Ronda: HAHAHAHAHA
Me: See, you weren't expecting that, were you?
Me: Take me to BJ's. I'll get you bubble tea.
Brother: I'll be ready in 2 minutes.
Me: *surprised* Well now...that wasn't hard.
Mom: The subtitles are broken! Why is it in English?
Me: You understand what they're saying! I don't. I have to read to be on the same page.
Mom: Point taken. You can keep the broken subtitles.
Sarah: Don't you ever want a boyfriend?
Me: You gonna find me one?
Sarah: I'm just asking. Because you need to repopulate. You need to have your kids carry on your legacy. You should try having a boyfriend.
Damn. She's only ten and talking about my legacy.
Chase: You can eat water.
Me: Yes, on the rocks.
Chase: You cannot eat rocks but you can have water with ice.
Mom likes to keep the home well stocked with essentials in preparation for my stay whenever I can afford time away for a visit.
I asked her to get me some pads (sanitary napkins) and even took a screenshot of the product. She takes a photo of her purchase, which is bizarrely different from what I had sent her.
Me: Did they not have the one I sent you in stock? I wanted wings.
Mom: Wings? None of them have wings.
Me: The picture I sent you have wings.
Mom: What? *silence*
Me: Yeah. It's right in the photo. Lower right hand corner.
Mom: I don't see it. Hold on. *chuckle* I see it now! I thought that was a bag of fertilizer. It's got a big flower on the packaging!
Me: *pause* HAHAHAHAHA
This is why design is so important. She had a point.
Sarah: I was being sarcastic. You do know that, right?
Me: Were you? I absolutely had no idea. Couldn't even detect it.
Sarah: You're now being sarcastic. You're the queen of sarcasm. I know you know when I'm being sarcastic.
Mom: What are your plans for the weekend?
Me: I need to clean my room and start packing. My room is a massive mess.
Mom: A mess? It can't be. No matter how messy you are nowhere like Kai. I know you.
Me: It's a collosal mess. *pause* You know, you're right. But it's getting there.
Mom: I know you. There is a threshold to your tolerance for messiness. So it can't be that bad.
I have the body of an undeveloped 13 year old boy.
This is how I know my father is more English than he realizes. Most Americans would use # or lb in place of spelling out pound.
Dear Daddy uses £.
Damn, son.
The struggle is real.
This is life. You just can't plan a period party.
The Silence was a MASSIVE let down.
Amanda: She is what she eats. Pussy! I'm what I eat. Asshole!
Me: Ohh...
Amanda: I meant to say 'dicks!'