[soliel-et-lune]

I am Scared of Forgetting

[koiagain]

Stop saying “do it scared” i do everything scared I sleep scared Boy i’ll kill u

[jarring]

asked the guy at the furniture store down the block from me if i could buy this sign once he shut down the place for good and he said i could have it for free

[srdcovka]

the back and front side of nothing’s about to happen to me

[soliel-et-lune]

also stress eating and completely neglecting every possible thing—when it’s really not that deep because i know i will pass i’m just fucking terrified and want a grade that proves that i can in fact do this shit

[soliel-et-lune]

sitting & daydreaming instead of studying for my final the day after tmr i’m so fucking cooked like im genuinely so fucking scared but the executive dysfunction is kicking my ass so bad i can’t move please someone shoot me

[soliel-et-lune]

im actually really saddened by all of it and every couple hours it comes back and lingers and then i don’t know what to do

[soliel-et-lune]

i don’t think about it that much. any of it. i think my skin has become thicker than i realised

[soliel-et-lune]

i feel like i’m nearing a psychotic break my medication is being withheld from me feeling like a #rabiddog

[soliel-et-lune]

one of my friends brought up The Incident again yesterday and i haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since. “bro tera pr thoda weak tha.” what happened to me, i wanted to deal with it in my own way, with my own space and time. he tried to change the narrative and get everyone on his side by changing the positions in the story, and my pr was weak? i’m sorry i didn’t want to advertise how my body was violated just so it could be dissected further—which happened anyways. i was told again yesterday, that it The Incident somehow still finds a way into conversations with groups full of men, and while he doesn’t talk about it anymore, others still do. and yes it’s been a bit over 2 years, and fuck him because this is still haunting me while he gets to leave it in his past; with his lil new gf and his friends, he gets to move past. what happened to me wasn’t my fault. you cannot say i was equally at fault as him. trusting my boyfriend to not do something that he actively knew i wouldn’t like was not my fault—despite him being under the influence. it was not my fault. and i’m tired of having to remind myself of that. 2 years. i still feel fucking stuck.

[soliel-et-lune]

studying consent & rape rn, and by the legal fucking definition of it, it happened to me. i don’t know why people keep trying to convince me that it didn’t.

[soliel-et-lune]

one of my friends brought up The Incident again yesterday and i haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since. “bro tera pr thoda weak tha.” what happened to me, i wanted to deal with it in my own way, with my own space and time. he tried to change the narrative and get everyone on his side by changing the positions in the story, and my pr was weak? i’m sorry i didn’t want to advertise how my body was violated just so it could be dissected further—which happened anyways. i was told again yesterday, that it The Incident somehow still finds a way into conversations with groups full of men, and while he doesn’t talk about it anymore, others still do. and yes it’s been a bit over 2 years, and fuck him because this is still haunting me while he gets to leave it in his past; with his lil new gf and his friends, he gets to move past. what happened to me wasn’t my fault. you cannot say i was equally at fault as him. trusting my boyfriend to not do something that he actively knew i wouldn’t like was not my fault—despite him being under the influence. it was not my fault. and i’m tired of having to remind myself of that. 2 years. i still feel fucking stuck.

[soliel-et-lune]

i like pretending i have a good relationship with my father because maybe that’ll make it real but most of the time he makes me wish i were dead

[soliel-et-lune]

i feel like my views on love & sex are finally getting restored—my hypersexuality phase is over, and once again i’m going to make sure the next person i let into my space is actually worth it. yeah i needed all that to happen so my views on love & sex can finally become what 14 year old me had promised to herself

[soliel-et-lune]

im actually really saddened by all of it and every couple hours it comes back and lingers and then i don’t know what to do

[soliel-et-lune]

this is how i view the people i love btw

[soliel-et-lune]

i wish i had actually killed myself at 13

[girlfictions]

Maggie Smith

[divorce-enjoyer]

why go to the grocery store or to a restaurant when you can just get food delivered why go to the mall when you can get same day shipping on amazon why go to the library when you have kindle why make art when there’s ai why go to the cinema when you can stay at home and watch netflix. we are in a loneliness epidemic btw

[divorce-enjoyer]

the loneliness epidemic was invented by BIG SHIT to sell you more SHIT

[decompositie]