@soliel-et-lune - Tumblr Blog

this is how i view the people i love btw

i eant a cig so bad it’s not funny

i wish i had actually killed myself at 13

Maggie Smith

why go to the grocery store or to a restaurant when you can just get food delivered why go to the mall when you can get same day shipping on amazon why go to the library when you have kindle why make art when there’s ai why go to the cinema when you can stay at home and watch netflix. we are in a loneliness epidemic btw

divorce-enjoyer

the loneliness epidemic was invented by BIG SHIT to sell you more SHIT

decompositie

#rlly understanding this one today

sometimes i forget people can see this sorry the journal factory did explode actually

i feel like im being catapulted into learning to not depend on people and i don’t think this is going to end well for me

my friends and i were at the police station the other day, (nothing serious) and i’d left my bag inside while we were outside and i was about to rush back and saying oh i need to go get my bag. they all laughed and they and they said your bag’s not gonna get stolen from a police station of all places. i was like yeah you’re right—and this sense of relief washed over me. the same relief i’d felt when i was admitted in the hospital as a patient. it made me realise that i hate feeling responsible for myself. it feels like too much pressure. i am always on red alert, i’m always on edge. it gets really tiring. i don’t remember the last time I felt as safe as i did when i was at the police station. i just want that sense of safety, that sense of letting go to last. i just want to feel safe. i think that’s why when the doctors talked about admitting me in the psych wards, i wasn’t so against it. at least in my head, it’d be a break from all of this, from being on alert all the time. i just want to let go, i just want to feel safe. does that make sense?

anyways. i spiral again. i don’t want to do this anymore. i don’t know what to do anymore. i talk about going home like its something that’ll save me, but home has always been a concept that i have never known well enough. never safe enough.

my therapist told me i need to work on mu dependency but there’s no one left to be dependent on anymore what do i even do?

a has too many other commitments, i’m not high enough on mg’s list of priorities, mm is too into her boyfriend per usual, im not that close with s and she also just focuses on her bf. ar and i just arent close anymore and shes replaced me with someone else and sm was genuinely my exam time lifeline but i think she hates me because shes just been ignoring me and i noticed it and i didn’t do anything and now its too late

isolated so hard i don’t even have anyone left to talk to or hang out with i don’t know what to do with myself

not an ed but trying to be in a cal deficit yes i’m working out but dear god i’m so hungry