#the journal factory exploded

[puppiegracie]

sometimes I wish I had a penis but like I don't even like penises and I also wouldn't wanna give up my pussy cause I do like pussies and I feel like I should just be allowed to shapeshift my genitals whenever I want

[byersfold]

Something is wrong with Emery Walsh. More than usual.

Her migraines were back, exhaustion wracking her body harder than ever. She had gotten home passed out on her bed the night prior, not even bothering to get under the covers or get ready for bed. She simply crossed the threshold of her bedroom door, kicked her shoes off, and flopped down an inch from Samira's still body and crashed, body shutting down and refusing to move. Samira had to force her upright and prop her against the headboard just to get her shirt off.

"I don't know what's wrong with me." Emery's voice cracked. Tears pooled in the corner of her eyes, refusing to fall but still clouding her vision.

"That's ok. You don't have to know. Hands up." Samira replied, earnestness mixed in her words.

Emery obeyed, holding her arms above her head in surrender as Samira pulled the shirt over her shoulders. The cool air hit her fast, goosebumps forming immediately and sending a twitch through Emery's upper body. Her arms drop, hands shaking violently in her lap.

Samira notices her wince as her arms fall. She manages to get Emery into a loose t-shirt and sleep shorts without anymore fuss, the latter following her instructions without question. Samira's hands cradle her face for a moment before slowly moving to Emery's ears. She looks her wife in the eye, waiting for a small nod of approval before removing Emery's hearing aids. The noise muffles significantly but the buzzing in her head stays.

She eases back into bed beside Emery carefully, seeing her wife still sitting up on the edge. Samira rests her hand at the base of Emery's spine.

"Em."

"Hm?"

"Lay down, baby."

"Oh, right."

Emery mumbles a quick love you, Mira before her head hits the pillow. She's dead to the world as soon as it does.

Samira doesn't follow her into sleep immediately. She stays awake, cataloging every twitch, every hitch of breath, every soft snore that escapes her wife. She doesn't know how to help her, doesn't know how to make this pain go away. So, she does what she knows best. She curls up next to Emery, hand finding her hip, and stays there. She feels Emery's breath against her neck, hears her heartbeat through her chest, and she rests.

-

It's cold when Emery wakes up. And loud, which doesn't make sense. Her eyes open fully, head spinning slightly, and she nearly chokes. She's surrounded by webs, covered head to toe in a tight cocoon. Confusion swirls in her head. She breaks through the web in front of her face, now getting a clear view of the street below.

Way below.

"What the-" her body shifts forward, the opening in the web ripping apart and slipping down before the webs catch her. Cool air hits her bare arms and abdomen first, sending goosebumps up and down her body.

Where the hell is her shirt? Thank god she wore a sports bra to bed.

She slips out of the cocoon more, webs sticking to her waist, now dangling her completely upside down. She goes to press her web shooters down into her palm, desperate to anchor herself to something nearby so she didn't plummet. Her stomach drops

Where the fuck are her web shooters?

"What-" she falls. The webs rip away from her waist, sending her straight down. She hits the ledge of a fire escape, pain shooting through her side and sending her tumbling faster.

Suddenly a sharp pull, her hand wrapping around a string of web jolting her up and down as the line pulls taut. Her legs dangle as she hangs in the air, a good 30 feet above concrete. She looks up, eyes landing on the web string coming out of her wrist.

"What the fuck?!" she screams, swatting the web off of her wrist, sending her plummeting again. She hits a window terrace, slowing her fall before she hits a pile of cardboard on the ground. The breath is knocked out of her instantly.

Her head spins, bile rising in the back of her throat as she sits up and wipes the dirt off of her hands.

What is happening?

-

The apartment is covered in webs. She walks deeper into the apartment, every sliver of light reflecting any surface it could catching her eye and intensifying her headache.

"Samira?"

No answer. She must be at work.

Webs cling to everything possible. They line the walls and cover the furniture, painting the room a dusky gray as the morning light pours in from the windows.

Emery spends the next two hours cleaning the mess. There's a constant shake in her hands, something that's never been there before. She's jumpy, body reacting to every sound and change in the air out of pure instinct. She feels like an exposed nerve, constantly waiting for something to happen that might set her off and cause some kind of irreversible reaction that she can't control.

She knows when Samira makes it home before she's even inside the apartment. Emery is laying in her bed, covers drawn to her shoulders, hands covering her ears, and black-out curtains drawn leaving her in the pitch black when she hears Samira's keys in the door. Even with her hands over her ears she hears the metallic jingling as if the keys were an inch from her ear. She clenches her jaw, sending another wave of pain through her head but not caring enough to stop.

It's just so loud.

The goosebumps come back, chills forming on every inch of skin. The hair on the back of her neck stands up and her body starts shaking harder. Her teeth chatter together so hard she thinks she might chip a tooth. Fresh tears spring in the corner of her eyes as she curls in on herself, pulling her knees to her chest.

She feels the bed dip beside her. She doesn't open her eyes. Samira had turned on the bathroom light and cracked the door, allowing just enough light in to see Emery and hopefully not make her headache worse. Her fingers brush Emery's hair out of her face lightly.

"So loud, Mira. It's so loud." she slurs. Her voice cracks, exhaustion bleeding through clear as day.

Samira's hands travel to Emery's, resting over hers that are still firmly covering her ears. She taps the back of her hand, needing Emery's eyes on her. She sees Samira sitting upright on the bed, leaning slightly over her. Her eyes are bloodshot, lack of sleep apparent and tears falling freely now.

"You don't have your hearing aids in." Samira signs. She knew if she spoke Emery likely wouldn't hear her which added to her confusion. "What's loud?"

"Everything." Emery sobs. "Your heartbeat, my heartbeat, the AC, the fridge buzzing, I hear everything. It happens so fast and I don't expect it then it's quiet again and I-I get so s-scared and..." and trails off, choking back her sobs and staring at her wife through clouded vision. Her voice shakes with every word, jaw still quivering.

"It's loud and then it's quiet. All the time."

"Is it loud right now?"

Emery nods.

"How long?"

"When you got home. I heard your keys."

"Both ears or just your good one?"

"Both. And I never expect it. I hear everything and feel everything so intensely at the same time. It's like the world is amplified."

Her shaking is slowing down, teeth chattering less. Her words are coming out stronger now, less wavering. Samira notices immediately.

"Is it quieting down?"

Emery doesn't respond for a second, just looks at Samira with the most vulnerable look she's ever seen, before nodding slowly.

"Feeling anything?"

"Not as much. Just like normal."

Her body stops shaking, going completely lax as her muscles release. God, her jaw aches. Her tears have slowed, sobs no longer wracking her body.

"Still ringing?"

Emery sniffles. "No."

Samira's hand moves and covers hers, resting there for a second. She slowly pulls it away from Emery's ear and holds it in her own. She positions herself so she's lying down on her side, face inches from Emery's. Her hand never leaves her wife's.

"Can you hear me?"

Emery nods.

"A little or a lot?"

"Enough."

The corner of Samira's mouth lifts, smile fighting its way to the surface.

"When did this start?"

"Couple weeks ago? Wasn't nearly as bad, though. Thought it was just my migraines coming back."

Samira just watches her, catalogues every twitch she can see. A wave of déjà vu hits her, and not the pleasant kind.

Emery shrugs, exhaustion seeping into her bones. "I don't even know what's wrong with me. I don't know when it will go away."

"We'll figure it out. We always do."

Emery nods before a yawn tears through, eyelids starting to drop.

"Ok, bed time."

"It's 5:30?"

"And you're about to fall asleep mid-conversation. Rest will make you feel better."

Emery can't argue with the logic. She rolls on her back, stretching her legs out as another yawn rips through. She's starting to drift off when she feels Samira's hand slip out of hers as she gets off the bed.

"Where're you goin?" her words blur together.

Samira leans over and captures her lips in a quick kiss.

"To change. I'll be right back."

And she does. Emery's nearly asleep when she comes back, feeling the bed dip beside her and an arm wrap around her waist. Samira's pressed right against her back as if she's trying to crawl into Emery's skin, no space left in between them. She presses a kiss to the back of Emery's head.

"I love you, Emmy."

"I love you too, Mira."

[mossworth]

I am very tired of patrons in my physical library looking at me with a sense of having "cracked the code", telling me they don't need to access the free thousands of audiobooks/e-books my library offers (and the thousands more we will order on request) because they have [insert number here] of audible credits. They have [insert number here] of books on their Kindle. They're "an expert" at buying books online. They're a member of [insert online book program here] and get their books for free [monthly fee].

You didn't look through an evil trick! You're being tricked! Amazon has monopolized access to art and information and made you feel good and superior for letting them! This sunk-cost fallacy won't kill you but it certainly won't help you live! Fuck!

[drmonstersdungeon]

I can't believe I'm still letting my mom piss me off at my grown ass age.

[cuntbitchandthebottlemen]

i miss my prime wdym i looked like that 3 years ago???

(river plate ofccccc)

[dogeuphoria]

okay i lied i dont want to have sex i actually just want to be loved and cherished and taken care of. I also want my current fear of intimacy to be understood. it's not something that has always been there, people have just shown me time and time again that they dont find me worthy of being taken care of and treated like something to be truly loved. i am working on it, though. im always working on myself and trying to be a better person than i was yesterday. sorry for inviting you over with the intention of not having sex. it wont happen again. actually yes it will.

[crypticranger]

Went to the doctor today and we came to the conclusion I’ve been going through serotonin syndrome. The symptoms have steadily worsened, hence why I made an appointment. It wasn’t severe enough I needed to be hospitalized thankfully, but headed that direction.

[pansy1993]

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