i love women's hockey. someone had a sign that said "i [heart] lesbians" and when the dancecam showed them the entire stadium burst into raucous applause.
Male announcers, I would like to propose a deal. You can continue bringing up men’s hockey on PWHL broadcasts as long as:
Broadcasters mention Jesse Compher on every Red Wings broadcast, Sarah Nurse on every Oilers broadcast, and Dara Greig and Mae Batherson on every Senators broadcast
Any time a Hughes brother breathes, remind the audience that Ellen was part of the first ever IIHF women’s world tournament team in 1992
When referring to the accomplishments of players like Cale Makar and Cole Caufield, be sure to mention that the Hobey Baker Award is “like the Patty Kaz”
Also when mentioning Caufield, take every opportunity to bring up that the year he won the Hobey Baker, the Badgers won a national championship. What? No, the real Badgers. The men lost in the first round.
If a goalie does a double pad stack save, someone comments, “Saw a little of Ann-Renee Desbiens in that!”
Any time a man complains about these decisions, tell them to get over it and smile more!
i see the amulet has claimed another victim. do u think its whispering to people in the toronto maple leaf locker room like the one ring did to boromir
people shit on empty net goals for not being real goals sometimes and thats how i know theyve never had to watch their stupid ass team repeatedly try and fail to shoot the puck into an empty net. they've never had to know real suffering
if i was a coach, i would make it my life’s mission to develop a pk that was so good at shorties just so i could abuse my coach’s challenge. i’m challenging every goal cause fuck you thats why.
I’m taking a class dedicated to zine making and self-publishing this semester - and I made this for my first assignment. It’s twenty eight pages, printed on cream coloured paper, and saddlestitch bound with blue linen thread.
You guys seem to love goalies so I thought you might like this. I also love goalies, but in a sort of narcissistic way.
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Full transcript with page numbers below the cut
(3) Under normal circumstances, there are six players on the ice from each team. One of these players is a goalie.
Hockey has a lot of rules, but to understand goaltending, you actually don’t need to understand most of them. All you need to know is that your team’s objective is to put a vulcanized rubber disk into your opponent’s net. This is called a goal. If you’re a goalie, then all you need to do is to stop your opponent from doing that to you. Most goals wins. Simple.
If items in pairs are treated as a single piece, then my goalie equipment consists of eleven pieces. They are as follows:
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(4) It’s called a jock or a jill depending on your personal plumbing. This is the one that keeps you from getting hit directly in the junk.
They make ones specifically designed for goalies, but I don’t have one. After thirteen years as a full time goalie, this is the only piece of equipment designed for players that I still own.
“Jock and Jill went up the hill…”
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(5) They look like shorts but they call them pants.
Goalie pants have extra padding to protect the front of your legs and very little padding on the back. If you fall on your ass, it’s gonna hurt. Ask me how I know.
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(6/7) In comparison to the skates worn by players, goalie skates are shorter. The boot sits in this hard plastic dish called a cowling that keeps your feet from getting broken. New goalie skates have these built in.
Skating technique for goalies is based on pushing laterally rather than gliding forward, so the blades are straight instead of curved.
I’ve had my skates for almost ten years.
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(8/9) Big, box-shaped pads made of synthetic leather that attach to your legs with straps, designed to take up as much space as possible. Hard enough that pucks bounce off, but soft enough to move in. Smooth on the sides so they can slide across the ice.
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(10/11) If I needed a visual metaphor for goalie pads, I would represent them as wings.
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(12/13) A piece of cut resistant fabric and padding that wraps around the neck and is secured with velcro, protecting it from cuts and from the impact of getting hit.
There’s an additional piece of hard plastic that hangs off the goalie mask by strings so you won’t get hit in the neck at all. These are known colloquially as danglers.
Neck guards are not mandatory in the NHL or PWHL. Some players wear them, but most players don’t. It’s your life, but I think you should wear one.
It is mandatory to wear a neck guard in minor hockey.
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(14) One big piece of equipment that covers your entire upper body. A lot of little plates all connected to each other.
There is a lot of padding on the front.
And no padding on the back.
Goalie equipment is like a turtle shell, but in front of you instead of on your back. You have to learn not to be afraid. You won’t get hurt if you let yourself get hit head on.
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(15) Why do they wear jerseys in any sport? So everyone looks the same, but with numbers to still be identifiable, I guess. In hockey, the number 1, but also the number 30 and 31 and other numbers in the 30s are widely considered to be numbers specially for goalies.
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(16/17) A lot of goalie masks have custom paint jobs. My dream is to someday paint my own. If you know someone who could help me with that, please give them this zine.
I want to cover it in hands, because I love drawing them - but I’m worried that would make me look like a freak. Maybe that’s the point, everyone always says that goalies are weird.
Goalies wear pads and goalies wear art and goalies have special numbers just for them. Goalies do not have to look the same.
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(18/19) It’s loud when you get hit in the head. If you get hit hard enough, the material of the mask will flex to mitigate the force of the impact and the straps keeping it attached to your head will pop off. So you don’t get hurt, your mask is designed to fail.
I once heard someone say they could never be a goalie because they aren’t mentally strong enough.
I don’t think this is true. Every kid cries at first when they get scored on and then sooner or later they stop. You will learn how to fail.
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(20) Called a catcher or a trapper, but sometimes just referred to casually as the glove, it has a pocket to catch the puck. You have to break it in like a baseball glove. My dad and I spent years playing catch to break in my first glove.
My parents have two daughters and no sons. After we were born, people would ask my dad if he was disappointed to have no sons.
I don’t know why. You can play catch with your daughters.
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(21) The blocker goes on your dominant hand and is the one you use to hold the stick. It’s a glove with a literal block of padding attached to it. If you position it properly, pucks will bounce off.
Like your pants, like your chest protector, like your mask, you have to face the puck head on. If you’re afraid, then you’ll get hurt. Do not be afraid.
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(22/23) Hockey sticks are made out of molded carbon fibre and are hollow on the inside. Goalie sticks have a wider section at the base referred to as a paddle. The ideal paddle length varies depending on your height. You wrap the blade and end of the stick in tape for increased grip.
When I was fourteen I subbed as a goalie for another team at a tournament. My first crush on a girl was on a player on that team. She was blonde and wore glasses. I don’t remember her name. I haven’t seen her since.
There is a company that makes hockey tape with a rainbow pattern explicitly as a symbol of inclusion.
Last year the NHL banned its teams from wearing specialty jerseys in support of causes, any cause, on the ice. Later, they banned players from using pride tape on their sticks. When Travis Dermott used it anyway, the ban was overturned.
Marie-Philip Poulin is the captain of the Canadian national women's team. She plays on the same team as her wife, Laura Stacey.
We’ll get through this, please don’t be afraid.
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(24/25) Goaltending works by covering as much of the net as you can. Obviously, the taller you are, the easier this is, but the way it’s actually achieved is with angles.
The closer you are to the puck, the less net there is to see. The better you face the puck, the less net there is to see. And of course, the faster you get to the puck, the better.
I am not tall, but I can get to the puck anyway.
If I needed a visual metaphor for goalie pads, I would represent them as wings. Why else would they call it the butterfly?
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