half-destroyed

i'll live alone or in between [ . . . ] solitude, the long corridors, 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘢 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦

[solitiare]

hi there     !     you are currently on solitiare   ,   a slow activity blog for theodore nott   ,   a harry potter minor character   ,    run by mace.    rules are located here   ,   about is found here    !!   note that the best way to start interactions with me is through memes   ,   as i no longer post starter calls.   memes i try and answer somewhat quickly and are always open to continue as threads  !! other blogs include (but are not limited to, because i’m a disaster):

boycrowned

perfectioness

sunreliable

prolonglaughter

moonseething

discord (for mutuals, please let me know who you are!):   gay, caffeinated#3583

[alekdar]

I LOVE THEM SOOO MUCH><

[solitiare]

   * ━ ☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ   “ come. you’re staring at ghosts. “

truth be told   ,   he’d only brought her along over convenience.    transporting some left over portraits and knick knacks he now had places for around his flat would be made easier with lightening charms and levitation   ,   of course   ,   but the extra hands would be useful.     it wouldn’t have been a big deal if she’d said no   ,   but he knew she wouldn’t.    in the time he’s known her   ,    it hasn’t seemed her nature to deny requests for help.

nor is it really in his nature to ask for help.     he hadn’t thought it would be hard   ,    to step foot back into a place for the first time since it really belonged to him.    it’s not like the place was ever a carnival   ,   but it seems more dull now than he ever remembers it being.   nothing’s changed   ,   though.    it’s perception is all it is.     the last time he was here he was years younger.    movements methodical as they move aside objects layered in dust.    it isn’t until he finds himself face to painted face with his father that he stops.    it isn’t until then that he feels rooted to the spot.

he’d gotten fairly used to muggle photos   ,   lifeless and still   ,   but this one is all magic.    benjamin nott   ,   grunting in disapproval   ,   as irate as theo remembers him.    displeasure confined to frame though it feels as palpable as ever.   he might’ve never moved again   ,   if it weren’t for evie’s hand in his.   a gentle tug.    they’ve never spoken about his parents.    he wonders if she knows how right she is as he allows her to pull them both out of the room.

      *   featuring :  @girlfaired as evie grimhilde .

[toramona]

James Baldwin, Giovanni’s Room

[solitiare]

i think it’s pretty neat that theo’s apathy towards most things is by far his worst and often most pronounced trait but the care and love he has for  ,  granted  ,  these very few people is equally as strong  !!

[solitiare]

i didn’t intend to spend today listening to harry styles but i did hear the lyric ‘what am i now? what if i’m someone i don’t want around?’ and it sure did make me think of theo

[solitiare]

    * ━ ☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ   “ perfect, time for a quick tour of my failings. “

he’s exceptionally talented at tuning out this particular tone of hers.   it’s one she often uses   ,   laced with a poison that he’s long since become immune to and only really works against those outside of their inner circle.    the edge within isn’t unfamiliar    ,   but it does strike him as far less common than her general sarcasm has always been.    it’s a unique thing that brings him to hold an arm out in front of her    ,   an effective stop to her movements not two step from green flames.  

❛     you are aware we don’t have to go back to yours   ,   yes   ?     ❜     not to say their list of options is long at all   ,   either.   his own home though large and open contains an emptiness that theo hasn’t much had a chance to get used to on his own   ,   let alone enough to invite someone else into it.   it’s an odd thing   ,   given that theo can’t remember a single time him and his father ever rejoiced in being in the same room together.  the same space at all.   somehow   ,   still   ,   it’s a different sort of alone knowing his father’s been carted off to prison.    

❛    draco’ll be a right twat if we show up unannounced   ,   but he won’t make us leave.     zabini  ,   too.  his mum likes me.     ❜    he sees her hesitation   ,   the stop and start of her step closer to the fire.    ❛     i don’t mind either way   ,   but you’re acting a bit like i’m leading you to your untimely death.     ❜

       *   featuring :  @parkinsn as pansy parkinson .

[solitiare]

    * ━ ☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ   “ i go there for the quiet. “

❛     yes   ,   well   ,   i didn’t imagine it was for the company.     ❜      theo doesn’t go for the company either   ,   and even without making reaching assumptions   ,   it feels like he has far more reason to.    outside of hogwarts halls and classrooms that are a foggy   ,   distant memory in mind now   ,   theo’s not sure he can recall the last time the two of them have even been in the same room.   although   ,   admittedly   ,   it’s just as likely that they’ve crossed paths and he hasn’t noticed.    it’s likely he could’ve continued that trend   ,   if the former gryffindor hadn’t stuck out like a sore thumb among a smattering of former snakes.

he’s not quite sure why they fell into step upon exiting   ,   either   ,   except perhaps that theo’s far from shy with his curious looks.   ❛     i didn’t need an explanation   ,   really.     ❜     he continues   ,   conversational   ,   hands tucked in pockets and with no hesitation to suggest this is someone he didn’t even speak to back when they were in the same classes.     ❛     i hadn’t realized how rarely i see anyone there that i didn’t know growing up   ,   i suppose.    that’s probably why it’s quiet.  we’re not a very chatty bunch.     ❜

       *   featuring :  @herbaelogist​ as neville longbottom .

[bunnieresources]

gone girl screenplay sentence starters.

“ what have we done to each other? “

“ if you don’t talk, i’ll fill silence with: an excruciating story by ____. “

“ i’m so crazy, stupid happy. i met a boy. “

“ i prefer men who are funny, not ‘funny’. “

“ so tell me, ____. who are you? “

“ you know i have to kiss you now. “

“ i’m not someone who hits the panic button but—it’s weird, right? “

“ perfect, time for a quick tour of my failings. “

“ i love having strangers pick at my scabs. “

“ you surprise me. you challenge me. “

“ i go there for the quiet. “

“ everyone told me—and told me and told me—marriage is hard work. “

“ sometimes i want to punch us in the face we’re so cute. “

“ i feel sick. it’s just so bizarre. this is exactly the kind of thing that would happen to ____. “

“ i’ve sworn to never be one those wives. i think i’ve done a good job. “

“ let’s swear we will never be like them. “

“ we have each-other—everything else is background noise. “

“ ____, i don’t get it. it’s like you’re daring me to be someone i don’t want to be. “

“ that’s very sweet of you and very unnecessary. “

“ everyone is studying me, everyone is projecting their bullshit onto me. “

“ i’m going to go benadryl myself to sleep. “

“ you’re happy to be home, but i don’t know if you’re happy i’m with you. “

“ i feel like something you loaded by mistake. something to be jettisoned if necessary. something disposable. “

“ i feel like i could disappear. “

“ can you at least say you love me? “

“ i love you. but, sweetheart, we have to be real careful right now. “

“ i don’t want to fight. i just want to be with you. that’s all. “

“ i went from desperate to pathetic. i became someone i don’t even like. “

“ you’re really just going to walk out now? you are such a coward. “

“ we can’t go on like this. i won’t. “

“ promise me we’ll talk every day from now on. no matter what. “

“ you’ve been lying to me for over a year. “

“ i was so scared for you before. now… i’m fucking petrified. “

“ for valentine’s day, i thought i’d buy a gun. that’s how crazy i’ve become. “

“iI’d have to tell them the truth. and i don’t even know if i believe the truth. “

“ can i really think ____ would hurt me? i’m being paranoid. crazy. “

“ you have to fucking talk to me! “

“ i just don’t believe you anymore. “

“ ____, why have you kept this stuff? it’s like a little box of hate. “

“ i’m not going to be scared anymore. “

“ i’m so much happier now that i’m dead. “

“ you took my pride and my dignity and my hope and my money. you took and took from me until i no longer existed. that’s murder. “

“ you loved a girl i was pretending to be. “

“ i will admit: for someone who likes to win, it’s tempting to be the girl every guy wants. “

“ i made you smarter, sharper. i inspired you to rise to my level. i forged the man of my dreams. “

“ we were happy pretending to be other people. we were the happiest couple i knew. “

“ you actually expected me to love you unconditionally. “

“ you think i would let you/____ destroy me and end up happier than ever? no fucking way. you/____ doesn’t get to win. “

“ you need to learn. grown-ups work for things. grown-ups pay. grown-ups suffer consequences. “

“ i don’t know how decent i feel. “

“ that’s the most disgusting thing i’ve ever heard. “

“ sure i believe you! it’s just the craziest thing i’ve ever heard. “

“ you’re reading it again? you know how it ends. “

“ ever heard that phrase, ____: the simplest answer is often correct? “

“ knowing you were out there was the only thing that’s kept me going these past few years. “

“ why are you so good to me? “

“ why is it that when i need someone to save me, i always think of you? “

“ come. you’re staring at ghosts. “

“ ____ brings out the best in me. “

“ you are so good to me. and i am so exhausted. “

“ i’m so happy you’re here. and i don’t want you to worry for one moment. “

“ you’ll be very safe. i won’t let you get away again. “

“ you scared me. don’t do that. i need to feel safe. “

“ come home, ____. i dare you. “

“ stay with me. i don’t want you to go away/ “

“ you fucking bitch. “

“ stop pretending. “

“ i’m not pretending. you were perfect. “

“ you’re a murderer, ____. “

“ i’m a fighter. i fought my way back to you. “

“ you begged for me to save your life on national tv. and i obliged. “

“ if two people love each-other and can’t make it work, that’s the real tragedy. “

“ remember: don’t turn your back. “

“ i’d never hurt you. i do need you to participate though. that’s fair, right? “

“ you can’t make me raise a child with you, ____. i don’t love you. “

“ we are toxic. we complete each-other in the sickest possible way. “

“ you think you could ever be happy with a nice, normal woman? no, * baby. i’m it. i complete you. i’m the only one who can. “

“ i’ve killed for you. “

“ you’re breaking my heart. “

“ i was with you before you were even born. “

“ what are you thinking? how are you feeling? what have we done to each other? what will we do? “

[whhyyyyxdddhackme122]

“ur so quiet” thanks i do not want to talk to you

[cordyceps-brain]

[storiesmade]

“I was not a lovable child, and I’d grown into a deeply unlovable adult. Draw a picture of my soul, and it’d be a scribble with fangs.”

— Gillian Flynn, from Dark Places (via lifeinpoetry)

[solitiare]

     * ━ ☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ   “ you drool when you sleep . ”

blindly is his shove at other’s face   ,   where such an obviously false claim has just come from.    eyes still closed and lacking any real urge to change the current state of them   ,   warm in a way most unusual for the slytherin dungeons   ,   even to those that have had years upon years to get used to it.  in the back of his head is drifting thought of the increasing risk every moment they don’t move.   it’s a quiet thing   ,   though   ,   more pesky than concerning.    the curtains are drawn   ,   he’s relatively sure he could pull off reasonable memory damage to anyone that dared an attempt in opening them.   finally   ,   a single eye opens to be met with bright blues.    it’s wonderful.   it’s terrible.    ❛     sod off  ,   creep.     ❜

        *   featuring :  @triwizrd as cedric diggory .

[solitiare]

━☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟtheodore nott + inheritance / mansion

after mr. nott goes to azkaban when theo is sixteen   ,   theo has limited access to some of their families assets   ,   i.e he’s able to live in their family home   ,   purchase school supplies and generally has enough to be comfortable assuming he doesn’t suddenly decide he wants to buy a building or something which he does not.   it’s not until his dad’s death some four years later   ,   however   ,   that theo has full possession of everything including the nott mansion and a hefty inheritance.

even after he has it all   ,   theo keeps his job because it’s something he enjoys and keeps him busy enough   ,   even though he could easily live comfortably on nott money alone.   most of that stays in a vault   ,   but he struggles with what to do with the home he grew up in for a while.   he doesn’t move back into it   ,   he has his flat that’s nothing crazy but spacious for him and seldom visits.   for the most part   ,   for a few years all it does is collect dust.   

in his late twenties theo finally makes the choice to sell it.   he held onto it because in some ways it feels like the last connection he has to his parents   ,   but ultimately he realizes that there’s a reason he never wants to be there and it’s because it’s just ... not a place with good memories.   it wasn’t   ,  even when he was young   ,   ever somewhere he wanted to be.   he just kind of realizes he was holding onto the idea of something that never existed   ,  and he can do that anywhere   ,   and so the house goes.

[qaunxi]

THEODORE NOTT, AESTHETIC.

harry saw malfoy lean close to nott and whisper something; both of them snickered.

[solitiare]

      * ━ ☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ   “ i know , i am an idiot . a brilliant idiot , but still an idiot . ”

❛     only half of that is true , but i’ll let it pass only because you look a bit pathetic.     ❜      half against his will   ,   certainly without his intent   ,   he reaches forward to run fingers through the mess his hair’s become in the transfer from pitch to hospital wing.   it’s very like cedric to think of the move he’d pulled as brilliant so long as it won him a game.    no matter that it’d gotten him landed here   ,   too   ,   and no matter that it all translates to daft in theo’s head.   it takes a moment before he’s deemed the other to appear reasonable once again.    a second longer before his hand actually drops.     ❛     i’ve never had a problem with quidditch   ,   you know   ,   but your matches are beginning to give me hives.     ❜

         *   featuring :   @diggry as cedric diggory .

[solitiare]

       * ━ ☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ   “ don't i get a kiss for luck ? ”

❛     should you   ?   you might recall you’re playing against my house.   it would be incredibly disloyal of me.     ❜     spoken as though the extent of his school spirit doesn’t start and end with the green scarf wrapped around neck.    clearly   ,   theo’s mostly alone in his lack of enthusiasm for competition if the noise from crowd is anything to go by.    already loud enough to hear   ,   though they’re still inside and the bloody game hasn’t even begun yet.   try as he might to tamp it down   ,   lips twitch into something far warmer than what he typically wears.    to whom his loyalty really lies would be a fairer question   ,   but one unfit for a cool day ten minutes before a match.   he steps back instead of forward   ,   amusement crinkling corner of eyes.     ❛     there might be a kiss waiting for you if you win  —  good luck.     ❜

          *   featuring :   @diggry as cedric diggory .