Goodbye Ordinary @somedaysarelikethatt - Tumblr Blog

Getting ready to say good bye.

Hi all, it’s Madeline. I’m sporting another name change.

Unfortunately, Tumblr is no longer a safe place for me. At least not this blog. I may come back sometime under a new name, but a completely different blog. I will be saving as many of my followers usernames as possible. Especially all of my beloved mutuals. I really do love you so much. You are my friends, I love you, and I am thankful for you.

Someone went through this blog, several years worth of writing, made a packet of the deepest things I have written, and sent it to my parents’ home address, as well as to two of my uncles. Everyone with my last name got it. It was under the guise of concern for me, but honestly I mostly just feel afraid and violated.

My family now knows about my childhood sexual abuse at the hands of my grandfather. I tried to shelter them from that hurt, but someone made that decision for me. Now nothing will be the same with my family or extended family ever again. My family now knows about my past struggle with self harm. I don’t do it anymore, but now they know I did.

I found this out yesterday, Friday. I’ve been reeling since then. Feeling anxious, unsafe, violated, and on edge. I plan to be gone officially by probably Monday. I have seven years of archives to got through and writing to save. If anyone has deleted or reincarnated before and has advice for me, please let me know.

I’m sorry to leave. It hurts me deeply. This blog means so, so much to me, as do all of the friendships I have made over the years. But I really think I have no choice. Again.. that choice was made for me.

I’ll probably post once more before I leave. I’ll figure out a way to stay in touch with those who want to.

somedaysarelikethatt

Hello everyone! Today is the day, I have made a new blog, but I am not going to post the username to it on this page since I don’t trust this particular URL anymore. (I trust you people, just not so much this blog, since someone found it).

I am starting the long process of refollowing everyone. If you’d like to make my process a little easier, or if you know you’d like to follow me, please send me a message so I can get you the link! If not, I’ll find you, it just may take me a little time!

Getting ready to say good bye.

Hi all, it's Madeline. I'm sporting another name change.

Unfortunately, Tumblr is no longer a safe place for me. At least not this blog. I may come back sometime under a new name, but a completely different blog. I will be saving as many of my followers usernames as possible. Especially all of my beloved mutuals. I really do love you so much. You are my friends, I love you, and I am thankful for you.

Someone went through this blog, several years worth of writing, made a packet of the deepest things I have written, and sent it to my parents' home address, as well as to two of my uncles. Everyone with my last name got it. It was under the guise of concern for me, but honestly I mostly just feel afraid and violated.

My family now knows about my childhood sexual abuse at the hands of my grandfather. I tried to shelter them from that hurt, but someone made that decision for me. Now nothing will be the same with my family or extended family ever again. My family now knows about my past struggle with self harm. I don't do it anymore, but now they know I did.

I found this out yesterday, Friday. I've been reeling since then. Feeling anxious, unsafe, violated, and on edge. I plan to be gone officially by probably Monday. I have seven years of archives to got through and writing to save. If anyone has deleted or reincarnated before and has advice for me, please let me know.

I'm sorry to leave. It hurts me deeply. This blog means so, so much to me, as do all of the friendships I have made over the years. But I really think I have no choice. Again.. that choice was made for me.

I'll probably post once more before I leave. I'll figure out a way to stay in touch with those who want to.

12:53am

Me: Alexa, tell me something happy.

Alexa: Warm puppies

Alexa wins.

I'm struggling tonight. Anxiety is gripping pretty hardcore. I'm having to focus on breathing. I'll probably go to sleep soon just to sleep it off.

Not sure if any one thing is triggering this one tonight. It could be a mixture of several things. I've felt stretched pretty thin lately, and I think this is my body and mind finally reacting to all the stressors.

I'm sorry I've been so absent over the last few weeks. I'm trying to stay afloat, and I've been really really busy. I love you all so much.

I am still happy living on my own. It's starting to feel like home. I've been adding little things here and there to make it my own. I keep it fairly clean, which is a huge accomplishment if you ever knew the state of my bedroom before.

Hello, Madeline. It's Matthew Albert Gonzales. This is just a reminder that in the 7+ months I have seen you grown so much. You are so much braver, and intelligent than you may yourself realize or give yourself credit for, but please know that you are. You are such a kind soul, caring, and compassionate, and I want you to know that I am honored to have you as a friend.

Matthew I honestly don't even know what to say. I really needed this. Thank you so much. I'm really trying, and it's been a difficult road. But you know that because you've been helping me through. ❤ Thankful for you.

Valentine's Day, single people style:

Going to bed at 8:00

#I'm so cool

I added some Valentine's Day to my apartment. The garland thingy I bought like that. The two hanging hearts were blank wooden hearts I bought and decorated myself. I'm happy with how they turned out. :)

“No”

I try to give my students opportunities to say no, and for them to see that I take their “No” seriously. I want them to know that it is okay sometimes to say no.

There is one little girl in my class with a backpack that has those “mermaid sequins” on it. I love playing with it, and she knows it. I will ask her if I can touch the backpack, and she’ll playfully tell me “No”, and I’ll immediately say “Okay”, and stop.

I ask them anytime before I touch them. “Can I fix your hair?”, “Can I tie your shoe?”, “Would you like a hug?”. I will always give them the opportunity to say no. Whenever I hear a no, I immediately stop.

Same with kids I’m close to outside of school. If we are playing around, if I’m ever told to stop, I always immediately do. I always want them to know that the words “Stop” and “No” hold meaning. That they are in charge of their own space and their own bodies.

Next week, I have to teach my students lessons from a program called “Teaching Touching Safety”. It’s essentially to help students realize unsafe behavior in adults, and to recognize when you are being touched in a way that makes your uncomfortable, even if it’s just a touch on the shoulder. It’s to teach the kids that their body is their body, and they get to decide to tell someone no. It’s to give them to tools to know what to do if someone ever touches them in a way that makes them uncomfortable. How they should tell someone they trust, and it’s okay to do so.

Last year, as I taught this program, I couldn’t get through it without crying. I had to step out of my room and ask another teacher to finish for me before my students realized I was upset. I happened to be working on my own trauma with my therapist at the time, so it hit pretty hard when I had to teach my kindergartners about it.

Last year, my students only wanted to talk about strangers. What to do if a stranger tried to take them, or if a stranger tried to touch them. As gently as I could, I told them that sometimes, it isn’t a stranger. Sometimes it’s someone you know. And even then, even when it is someone you know, it is important to tell an adult that they trust.

I never had the strength to say no. I didn’t think I could. I never had the strength to tell anyone. I didn’t think I’d be believed. And I wasn't.

I want these kids to be better than I could be. I need them to know that their body is theirs. I need them to know that they can talk, that they can tell someone. That they are worth it. That they will be believed. I need them to know that their words hold indelible weight.

They need to know.

#tw: sexual abuse #tw: molestation

“My secrets are old friends; I would feel like a poor friend if I abandoned them now.”

Dot Hutchison, The Butterfly Garden

queengreendown

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“We never kneeewwwww…”

7thblacksheep-deactivated201907

Lmaooo I love these

thefandomlover2002-deactivated2

U N M U T E

skunkeyemcghee

UN MOTHERFUCKING MUTE

30 some odd seconds of hysterical shit.

“What kind of plan is that?”

somedaysarelikethatt

This is by far the funniest thing I have seen in a long, long time. Watched it once, thought it was mildly funny, then watched it again and again and couldn't stop giggling. This is my new happy place.

#donkey

I took the day off of work today.

It's interesting, being on my own. I've been laying in bed literally all day, and for the last hour or two, I have been listening to an audio book I downloaded yesterday. Alexa has been reading to me on the other side of the room.

My parents have been wonderful, checking in on me, showing up at the hospital yesterday, texting me to make sure I'm okay, asking if I need anything.

Something is different though about today. I'm lying here in bed with a candle burning, I don't usually even light candles, and I'm listening to this book. My head still has a dull ache, so I have had my lights off most of the day, always regretting when I turn them on thinking I'll be fine.

No one has bothered me today, save for my landlord who knocked on my door waking me up around 10:30 because she wanted me to check on a bird that had flown into her house that she captured and put outside. No, I know nothing about birds, but she knows I'm an animal person, and I think she was worked up from chasing a bird around her house. I saw the cut on the bird's head from running into the window and assured Remy the bird would probably be fine, because birds probably run into tree branches in nature and potentially get scraped. I assured her the bird would be fine, and that we would check on it later to see if it was still there. I went out shortly after, and the bird was gone. She probably got over her shock and flew off somewhere, since it's the middle of the day and I'm sure no other animals got her.

This is not a post about birds. It is, however, the only thing of note that happened thus far today.

It's just interesting to me. This is my first "sick day" on my own. My first work day off where I was not expected to be anywhere else. No one to ask me, "What did you do all day?!" when they get home. This is the first time I have been able to lie in bed all day with no repercussions. I'm reading (okay, listening) a book all day, and no one can tell me I should have done something else with my day. (Not that when I'm home sick I would have been told to be productive, but on any other day off under normal circumstances I would have.)

This just feels weird. Unlike any other day I have ever had. I get to just be.

I had a Puppy Bowl party!

This was my first party at my new place. I was a little nervous because I don’t have a very big place, nor do I have much furniture. But I’ve really learned lately that it’s not about what I don’t have, it’s what I DO. I have friends that love me and support me. I have a roof over my head, a bed, and enough food to eat. No one cared that I didn’t have a table or a proper couch. We sat on my beds and on the floor, and on the random chair I bought at Target this morning. There was barely enough room to walk around with all of us in there, but it didn’t matter at all. Everyone had a good time, and I felt so blessed.

When my last guest left, I was hit with a wave of emotion. I almost cried. I just feel so blessed and so lucky to have what I do. I have a space where I can bring people together and we can love and smile together. It’s so overwhelming.

Footnote: In true Tumblr fashion, it is now Monday, and this was supposed to post 24 hours ago. I wrote this yesterday.

I was involved in a hit and run this morning on my way to work.. so that was great. I sat in my car for a good fifteen minutes when I got to the parking lot and just cried because I was so frustrated and worked up. I just don’t understand why people have the potential to suck so much sometimes.

I was at a red light and when I stopped, the car behind me slammed into me. My visor wasn’t clipped in, so it flew out and I smacked my head into it and got my glasses knocked off. Luckily they didn’t break. I have had a headache all day and its just getting worse. I just got out of work and I decided to go to the hospital to check for a concussion. I probably don’t have one, but I’d rather know if I do.

Here’s to hoping tomorrow is a better day.

The moment of, "Oh darn I'm going to have to eat the rest of this ice cream because there's no room in my freezer" is not a sad monent.

Hey peeps, I just want to send a shout out to my friend, George. If you're looking for a cool dude to follow, he's that dude. Though he wouldn't agree, so don't ask him if he's cool, he'll tell you no.

George is my very first Tumblr friend and I love him. He sometimes disappears, but I know how to find him. Mwahahaha. But long story short, he's back on Tumblr again and I am stupidly excited.

@matchwood is the cool dude.

Edit: I forgot to add that George is the only person in the entire Tumblrsphere who is allowed to call me Maddie. That says a lot.

Took my brother to see Aladdin tonight at the Pantages! I got the tickets for him for Christmas, and we’ve been looking forward to it. It seriously did not disappoint. The costumes were incredible, and it was such a fun show.

#yes i did make him match me

Filed under: Questions you don't want to ask yourself

Why is this public bathroom floor wet?

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