Hudson and Rex - Two Hudsons Parody
[Set in a fantasy universe in which Shaftesbury had the bright idea that both Charlie and Mark can stay on the show and they can be named Hudson. Inspired by people who don't actually know how tv works but are talking as if they do.]
INT. SJPD MAJOR CRIMES BULLPEN - DAY
Charlie is back, a bit traumatized, a bit malnourished, but he's back. The precinct feels somewhat normal again. REX is at the bullpen, vibrating with joy, waiting for him to come back from the bathroom. Charlie has established new rules of not following him to the bathroom because Rex has been clingy ever since Charlie returned. Which, in Rex's head is more than justified.
Then, he hears a RANDOM COP's voice.
RANDOM COP: "HUDSON! Can you grab that file?"
Rex's ears perk. His whole soul lights up.
REX (internal monologue): My human! He's back! My Charlie! My-
He charges around the corner at full speed... and sees MARK holding the file.
Rex skids to a halt. Stares.
REX (internal monologue): ...you.
Rex blinks once. Slowly. Like someone dared to question his investigative skills, AGAIN.
REX (internal monologue): That's not my human. Where is the actual one. The soft one. The traumatized one.
JOE: "HUDSON! Got a minute?"
Rex sprints through the bullpen like a torpedo.
He turns the corner and sees Mark again.
MARK: Hey, Rex! You need something?
Rex stops. Backs up one inch. Then another inch. Then another.
REX (internal monologue): Stop answering when they say Hudson! You are confusing me. I am a canine professional. I cannot work under these conditions. Do you even know how many kidnappings my real human got into? I have been chewing bones for longer than you had that name.
LATER - THE TRUE MOMENT OF BETRAYAL
SARAH calls out across the room.
SARAH: "Charlie! Hudson! Can you come here?"
REX (internal monologue): No. No, no, no. Both at once?
He whips his head left, then right, then left, confusion intensifying.
CHARLIE enters from one side. MARK appears from the other.
REX (internal monologue): THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE.
He marches straight to Charlie and sits beside him, refusing to look at Mark. Charlie pats his head, amused.
CHARLIE: …Did you get confused?
Rex snorts at Mark aggressively.
MARK: Hey, I know, bud. This whole two-Hudson thing is weird for me too.
Rex barks once, the bark of "change your last name immediately".
He puts a paw on Charlie's foot, as if claiming his human.
MARK: …Okay, maybe I'll go by Mark H.
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