SometimesMyUncleSendsMePuns

Literally, this is just a place I can post all the puns my uncle sends me via text

[sometimesmyunclesendsmepuns]

I used to be addicted to soap but I'm clean now.

[sometimesmyunclesendsmepuns]

Why are nurses always out of red crayons?

Because they often have to draw blood.

[sometimesmyunclesendsmepuns]

We're renovating the house and the first floor is going great.

The second floor is another story.

[sometimesmyunclesendsmepuns]

6:30 is my favourite time of day, hands down

[sometimesmyunclesendsmepuns]

A guy walked into a bar,

and lost the limbo contest.

[sometimesmyunclesendsmepuns]

After dinner my wife asked me if I could clear the dinner table. I needed a running start, but I did it.

[sometimesmyunclesendsmepuns]

Why are elevator jokes so classic and so good?

They work on many levels.

[sometimesmyunclesendsmepuns]

What did the right eye say to the left eye?

Between you and me, something smells.

[sometimesmyunclesendsmepuns]

Have you ever tried to eat a clock?

It's very time consuming.

[sometimesmyunclesendsmepuns]

A guy walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. The bartender says "What an interesting pet, what's its name?"

"Tiny" the man replies.

"What an odd name, why do you call it Tiny?"

"Because... It's my newt."

[sometimesmyunclesendsmepuns]

A polar bear walks into a bar. He goes up to the bar and says to the bartender,

"I'll have a gin and...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

Tonic".

The bartender looks at the polar bear and asks "What's with the big pause?"

The polar bear replied "I don't know. My dad had 'em too".

[sometimesmyunclesendsmepuns]

What's the difference between a Knight and Santa's reindeer?

One slays the dragon, and the other is draggin' the sleigh.

[sometimesmyunclesendsmepuns]

What do you call a Knight who's afraid to fight?

Sir Render

[sometimesmyunclesendsmepuns]

Last night I dreamt I was in a sword fight with a Knight and he cut off the bottom part of my legs.

Sadly, I was de-feeted.

[sometimesmyunclesendsmepuns]

When the cloning machine worked I was beside myself.

[sometimesmyunclesendsmepuns]

Why is Spiderman so good at comebacks?

Because with great power comes great response ability.

[sometimesmyunclesendsmepuns]

Mountain lions are rarely spotted in the wild.

That's because mountain lions aren't spotted - cheetahs are.