Ethereal Diaries

Hello world I dedicated this tumblr as my virtual diary. 'It's better to share your heart with a bunch of unknown strangers than a known stranger'.                 -Manasa

[sonderseye]

linkapoodle - @link_toypoodle

See Instagram ‘linkapoodle’ highlights from Link (@link_toypoodle)

Hello guys! Meet my #furbaby Link 🐾😊❤️ if you're a #doglover or a #toypoodle lover, please join him on his #linkapoodle journey on Instagram @link_toypoodle 🐾

Thank you! 😊❤️

[sonderseye]

Entry 14: Quiet Time

Taking care of ourselves, doesn't always mean to spoil ourselves with luxurious stuff that we like.

Self care is more than the material things we bought for ourselves, it is more of taking time on each day to quiet our minds and soul and to reconnect with God. Spending quiet time with God, first thing in the morning- meditate on His Words and pray. This will lead us to a life full of peace and satisfaction even in the middle of chaos. I am speaking through experience here, it's been a while since I started to spend my morning having quiet time with God, it doesn't make life smooth but it gives me security that whatever may happens the Lord will provide for me and my family.

Actually, nobody likes what's happening in the world right now, but for me and my family it leads us back to God and our faith in Him. The Lord gives me peace in the middle of chaos. I pray that through this post, you may be encouraged to do the same as we did and the Lord will meet you wherever you are in life right now.

Ask God to guide and help you to spend time with Him each day, and to help you understand His Words for you on that day 😊

[sonderseye]

Entry 13: Real Peace

Before we truly impart peace to others, we must first start pursuing peace within ourselves- we cannot share what we do not have.

Genuine peace can only be obtained if we have God in our lives, and that is what Jesus brought to mankind. People may get what they wanted, but they never have satisfaction- they always want more than what they have, and inspite of that they do not have inner peace. That is because nothing in this world can satisfy, it's only Jesus and our personal relationship with God, that brings real peace to us.

As Jesus said, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." God is everywhere, come to Him with a humble spirit, acknowledge our sins and mistakes and ask for forgiveness, and He will forgive you. Accept Him as your God and Savior, speak to Him about anything and entrust Him your life and everything in it.

Real peace is not just 'maintaining peace' but it is also fighting for peace- doing the right thing to do in a situation. Peace from God gives us calm and clear mind in the midst of chaos and uncertainty.

Please know that God is with us in every season of our lives, and if we fully trust Him, we will be able to live in the present and appreciate His blessings for us today, instead of worrying for tomorrow and fearing the unknown, or living in the past full of regrets.

[sonderseye]

The 23rd Psalm is a very powerful piece in the Bible, when you really be still and meditate on it.

Most of us tends to worry a lot, and worries comes from fear- fear of the unknown. We're scared of the things that we don't understand.

But the Lord does not want us to worry, scared or be fearful about anything and everything. For as long as we turn to Him and trust in Him, He is the God that will provide all of our needs, He is the God that will give us rest and restoration. He is the God that will guide us in every step of the way, the God that will never leave us nor forsake us, the God whom is our Salvation and Victory. The God that is with us and within us, fighting with us and for us.

And for as long as we intentionally walk with Him, His undeniable goodness and love will follow us for the rest of our lives until His appointed time for us, where we will dwell in the house of the Lord forever with Him.

[sonderseye]

It's Sound and the Cold Wind blows.

I somehow kind of waiting for you, Oh rainy season to come; I somehow kind of waiting to meet you again, my dear friend.

Your voice that is soothing to the ears, your presence that somehow tells my soul: 'come rest your soul', and just you- that makes me feel home, more at home in this roof I'm in, in this four cornered house, I belong. And most especially, you made me feel at home in this life I'm living- this God given gift.

You somehow reminded me to live mindfully, intentionally, and with purpose- to live by God's will and to hope for a better and even greater life ahead of me with Christ in His kingdom.

Thanks for coming in again on time, please fulfill the purpose God has given you in your season, with grace. I believe not everyone appreciates you, but I thank God for you and I believe He created you for a great purpose.

[sonderseye]

Hi, I pray and hope that encouragement and refreshment comes to you 😊

If there's a promise that God has given you, walk by faith and not by sight- trust in the Lord who gave you that promise, our God is faithful, He will do what He says He will.

Just don't rush things, the timing of God is right and perfect. Also if you're praying for anything in God's will- if you have faith, it will be done to you (Matthew 9:29b "According to your faith will it be done to you."). And bare in mind that God knows what we need and when we need it.

Let's stand firm in our faiths in the Lord, He will certainly do as He promised, be glad and grateful 😊❤️

[sonderseye]

Holy Spirit filled Quiet Time ❤️🙏

But the Counsellor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.

-John 14:26

When Jesus came back to heaven, the Father send to His people the Holy Spirit- to be our guide in every step of the way.

Before, I didn't really know who the Holy Spirit is, I thought He is just my conscience- but I was wrong, the Holy Spirit is much more than I thought He was. And as I get to know Him better each and every day, I came to realize that the Holy Spirit is the source of my strength and my victory.

I am grateful of the Holy Spirit for guiding me everyday and for always reminding me of all the teachings (through the bible) of God in my life. He gives me peace in chaos, He encourages me when I'm down, He gives me strength when I'm weak, and leads me when I'm lost.

Life with Christ does not mean 'always' easy, smooth and without trials, but instead, the Lord gave us His Holy Spirit to be our guide and to give us strength to overcome the impossible 😊❤️

I believe that you came across this post for a reason, the Lord is calling you and reaching out to you, because He loves you, and He wants to give you strength to move forward. He wants to give you peace that this world could never give you, but our God is a gentleman, He couldn't give you everything you need if you don't ask. All you need is to ask Him in prayer with faith.

I believe we all need the Holy Spirit in our lives, if you really want to experience His presence, all you need to do is to accept Jesus Christ as God and Savior of your life (with faith and truthfulness in your heart), and ask Him to send you His Holy Spirit ❤️

I pray to God that whoever is reading this, will experience His Amazing Grace and wherever you are in life, whatever your situation may be, the Lord wants you to know that He knows everything about you and He loves you so much- He wanted to have a personal relationship with you. He is going to turn your life around and do the things that you thought are impossible, just believe and have faith in Him. In Jesus Mighty Name, Amen.

[sonderseye]

Entry 08: Life right now.

Life is never easy, there are times that you feel like you're in top of it, then the times that you feel like it's just fine okay-ish, and there is this time where things get blurry, you're losing sight of the road.

In the past couple of months I'm battling with myself, I have to fight my mental health issues, I've checked my Depression, Anxiety, and Stress and they all are pretty much in severe level. In addition to that, my anxiety grows with the terrifying news happening around the world. I wasn't fully recovering from my anxiety when my bf's dog (his best buddy, he called him good boi, which is true)- died early this year. I am worried for him, because he's really sad and a bit angry, I know how depression feels like and I don't want him to feel that, I'm scared for him. And then the next day, my grandfather died. I was lost, I don't even know what or how to feel, I'm scared.

I love my grandpa so much, he made my childhood memories even brighter. At that moment, I'm still wishing he's still alive, that doctors must have made ways to revive him, but not. I saw him in the coffin and it hits me freakin hard, he's really dead. I'm scared, I'm mad, I have a lot of doubts. I have trouble sleeping and I just cried myself to sleep, in the morning I will remember him and I cried, and I can't focus on what I am doing on a day. It keeps that way for couple of weeks, till I choose to let go and free him somehow. I love him and it will never change.

Troubles isn't done yet, before January ends bf's grandfather died. Anxiety kicks in again, worried about my bf and his grandma. Stress level is getting higher and higher. I wasn't able to think of anything productive, like I'm having a big break from responsibilities and it's bad.

But as of today, I'm trying to gather all my senses, I need to break through this and I know I will, I'm still doubting myself tho but I know if I'll keep on pushing myself up, I will break free and will succeed in life.

Please, to anyone that will be reached by this letter, remember you're not alone in this journey of life, though it's hard at times but eventually if we keep pushing ourselves it will all get better. #continue

[sonderseye]

Don't want to feel a thing

Feeling confused, do I want to write it or not? I have to get it out of my system anyways.

I want to hurt myself in any ways possible, hoping in that way I will stop feeling this indescribable emotion crawling in my veins, lingering in my head. Is this pain? Is this emptiness? Is this what I wanted?

Just want to escape, I want to leave this situation I'm in and start to live a life, a life free from anxiety, overthinking, caring too much about how others think and feel, depression. All these pain won't go away with just telling myself to stop.

My life is revolving, I hope it's evolving into something strong and beautiful.

[sonderseye]

Entry 07: 'Begin Again'

I am glad I'm getting out of the gloomy weather in my head- one step at a time girl, just give your self some space to breathe and give your self a break from time to time- you deserve it. Though sometimes life looks unfair to you, still it didn't change the fact that you're worthy too.

You're worthy to live life to its fullest, you're worthy to choose and build a life of freedom, you're worthy to succeed in life, you're worthy to be loved and of all the good things life has to offer. Just like everyone, we all are worthy of all the good things in life, we are important and special. We are PRICELESS and PRECIOUS!

I'm happy in the place where my heart is at right now, I'm on the way to recovery, I'm feeling better and better every day. A bunch of thanks to Tumblr and the people using it for allowing me (and people like me) to have a place such this, to tell and share our stories in the world with these beautiful strangers, without feeling judged and being underestimated. And of course to the love of my life who always understands me and for accepting my flaws and downsides as much as of my strengths, for not belittling me or look at me as a weak little poor girl, but instead overlooked all those things and see me as strong and capable person equally made as him.

I am somehow having a grip on life now, and I'm trying to fix it and start over again, hopefully to look at life in fresh eyes soon. I have inspirations and motivation flowing in my veins, I have plans on how I will achieve my goals and dreams. And I got my courage back to apply for jobs again, and hopefully to land a job soon.

Adulting is not easy, life is never easy, but with the right mindset and goals and dreams and with the help of the people who loves you unconditionally and with the kindness strangers are showing us, we can definitely make it in life. And let's give ourselves some place to grow, let's not stop learning, if we fail we can take breaks from time to time but never give up.

I know it's not perfect, I know it's still foggy at some point, but just be brave.. be brave in choosing and building the life that you are dreaming of- the life that you know you deserve the most!

Have a great journey!

[sonderseye]

Entry 06: 'Striving Artist'

I'm scared to lose myself in the process. I feel more free and myself when I work freelance, with minimum supervision, or work for myself.

This is not a secret, but I would like to share my goals and dreams with you, I would like to have a stationery line where I will design stickers and notebooks and cards and papers and more and sell it on my own online store (but for now I have few designs on my Redbubble account) then eventually have my physical store.

I love to draw, before I just draw traditional but when I had my graphic tablet I learned to draw digitally as well, and I find it more easy to illustrate in digital with the help of the magic of layers 🤩

Here's a mini video for you 😊:

I'm glad I am able to think about my dreams in life now and not focused on my depression and the negative thoughts I have in my head. I have a lot of "I think" great ideas for my illustrations/ sticker designs and I hope to achieve my goals and dreams in life, I hope to finally get myself together soon.

I hope to get a job, wether freelance or commission based, for me to be able to pay bills and buy food and start on building my business. If any of you or anyone you know is interested in Commissioning me for cartoonish illustration or just wanna help me somehow, please let me know. I can work as a Virtual Assistant, Internet Researcher, Data Encoder, Email Sorting/ Management or of course I can work on Drawing Commissions- Digital using Photoshop only (for now) or consider buying me coffee by donating $3 or more at my kofi account, and help me decide how I can pay you back- I was thinking of a free printable that I'll send in the email you'll use to donate your money for me, what do you guys think about that?

You don't just donate (if ever) but you'll help me to continue creating and pay bills.

If you are interested, please check my links here: https://linktr.ee/ely_illustration

Linktree. Make your link do more.

or message me here on Tumblr or in my Instagram account, whichever made you comfortable. Thank you ☺️

I wasn't even sure if how many people will reach this message (I'm kinda thinking, none) but there's nothing to lose in posting it anyways. At the back of my head I'm still hoping for it to reach the right person or people somehow? But words of encouragement will mean a lot to me. Thank you all so much for taking time to read this long entry, and God bless.

[thepersonalquotes]

[sonderseye]

Anything.

[sonderseye]

Entry 05: 'Life behind the mask'

Earlier I wrote the ideas and concepts that I want to work on the next couple of days or weeks.

I tried to paint digitally today, it wasn't easy I'm not satisfied with how it looks. I think it's ugly because it didn't look like how I envisioned it to be. But I will redo it in the next days, not sure when though but I will, I'm just a little upset and frustrated about it, but I think it's just fine at least my mind's kinda busy and I wasn't thinking much about the things that made me feel sad-- I'm not sure till when I'm going to feel this pain.

We've seen him, I've seen him again and I have mixed emotions, I'm happy to see him again and sad at the same time cause he's not going home here. I'm kind of happy for him cause he finally explore the world and do things he wanted, but I'm also sad because now he realized that it's never easy, I'm also worried if he's just fine or is he doing great, good, just fine or what? I hope everything will work perfectly fine for him and for me and for everyone. I don't know how long it will take before everything will be okay and go back to normal, or is it going to happen?

I'm still hoping that PLEASE what's happening today is just a long dream and I will wake up in the morning, nothing's wrong-- that my family's still whole, that we're all still together, but we're not.

A lot is still going on in my head, I'm still trying to act normal, like everything's fine-- I think everyone one does that. I hope we all find happiness in our hearts and choose to be happy for each other.

I hope one day I can live life to the fullest with a peaceful heart and mind, that even when challenges come, I'm still strong and at peace.

I hope to find the answers to all the whys, whats, and hows of this situation and that I will be able to choose happiness in life.

[sonderseye]

Entry 04: 'Self care'

I'm living with anxiety for almost half of my life, I get anxious thinking if what I did is right or wrong, even when I just tried to explain my side. Overthinking is not an easy battle, you can't just tell yourself or anyone to 'just stop thinking about it' or 'just get over it' because believe me it's not that simple.

Anxiety and depression is hitting me so hard this past few days, to the point that I felt I'm in a dead end. I felt like I am suffocating, that my world is getting smaller and smaller, it's like my mind just wanna explode. But I can't let them know, there are times that I cried even when I'm trying to cheer myself up and I can feel sorrow in my heart, there's also times that I'm being irritated with just simple things or I just woke up feeling like that, but I have to show them a different face, I need to laugh-- look for something that I can laugh about, when I had my serious face on and they talk to me, my mind's quickly telling me to turn a smile on even just a little.

I am aware of myself, how I feel and what I feel. I just hope I know how to get over it, I hope I can be passive about things I know I can do nothing about or I can't change.

Today, I made a little step to escape from my current situation. I tried to be creative, I played with paints and stamps and I doodle too, it didn't transform me, but at least it helps even just for a while, because I felt like I'm about to explode anytime soon, giving my heart and mind a little break is a great help for me already.

No man is an island, we needed at least one person that we can trust and lean on, and I'm grateful I found my person, my best friend, my listener, my adviser, my love.

This week has been a tough week for my mental health, and a little compassion, understanding, and escape is very much helpful and appreciated.

I hope everyone will have an open mind and heart to understand people battling mental health issues. A little understanding is what we needed the most in times like this, it's not always like this but I hope you'll understand that when we do it's like we're drowning in the middle of the sea (or maybe it's just me). Thank you and have a great day.

[sonderseye]

Entry 03: "Letter to My Past Self"

Dear younger me,

You haven't expected something sad as now will happen in your life. You've always thought of a brighter day to come, I hope you are still here with me but I'm not sure about anything at all.

I won't lie to you, I'm not feeling fine, I am depressed and my anxiety grew.. but I have to keep going, I can't let anyone know how I'm feeling or what I'm going through right now. What I'm scared most about is that if I will tell them about how I'm feeling they might think that I'm just making or faking it or they might think I'm just overreacting? I'm scared that what if they don't care at all or what if they will judge me?

I'm super down right now, I'm scared, I'm sad, I'm confused, I'm mad. But I can't let them see because I believe we all are having or experiencing different emotions, and I'm not the only one that's hurting. It's not all about me..

Honestly, I am feeling worthless, hopeless, lifeless. I sometimes just want to die but I'm scared of dying. You know what, you should give all your heart when you're with your family because now? I don't feel whole, I felt like my family now is broken. How this things happened? Why did it has to be like this?

You've worked as a VA but your project has ended already and you're currently unemployed having self doubt and insecurities. A lot is going on in your head now, but you have a very supportive boyfriend anyways who knows you very well and have seen you at your best and loved you even more at your worst. He knows everything about you, things you don't tell anyone.. he is your best friend too! The best thing that ever happened to you, for if it wasn't for him, you might not have direction now + you might not learn the outside world. He is both your strength and weakness. He is annoying at times but he can make you laugh too, and comfort you, and make you feel at home in his presence.

I'm having disorganized thoughts and I'm sorry if I disappointed you, I never become who you thought me to be at this age. I'm sorry you don't have a job or savings. I'm sorry you still don't have that coffee shop we dream of. I'm sorry I am not confident, sorry I can't find a job. I swear I'm doing the best that I know but no one's hiring me and they don't give constructive criticism on why I wasn't fit for the position. There are jobs that you get hired but just a day you're fired already. Maybe I didn't know what I was doing? Maybe I'm not giving my best? I'm sorry.

I hope I still have the wisdom and understanding you have, because I'm feeling lost in this time of our lives. I hope to know what I really wanted to do and to give all my life in pursuing it. Please bring back the hope and faith that we once have.

Again, I'm really sorry for disappointing you.

Sincerely, present you.

[sonderseye]

Entry 02: “Everything looks shady”

It’s raining here almost all day, I actually loved every thing about it, its sound, smell, the cold weather it brings. The rain makes me feel more at home with myself, I just want to close my eyes and listen to every sound it makes while bringing me to a place that is more peaceful than I were.

I would want to be alone with my thoughts and be drowned with my feelings, I would like to cry my heart out but I cannot let other see me. I don’t want anyone to see that I’m hurting, I’m tired, I’m scared, I’m lost, I’m hopeless, because I’m not ready to know that they don’t care at all or that my feelings will be invalidated.

I’m sad because I can feel an emptiness in me, there is something missing, and the rain makes me feel more at home with myself and makes me forget the pain I’m feeling even in just few seconds.

Life will never be the same, it becomes more shady now. But life must go on regardless of what I’m going through, it’s hard but I have to move-- it suppose to be forward but I’m not sure where my feet is bringing me, is it forward? Is it backward? Which path am I heading? am I going to left or right? Not even sure which way is the right one. I’m lost in this shady place I’m at-- hopefully I’ll find my way out.. soon.

[sonderseye]

Entry 01: ‘A Troubled Heart’

 I hope life is easy, that things are smooth, situations are less chaotic, my heart is screaming for peace, because life gets harder as you get older. People come and go and it’s hard to let go of all the the good, sweet, and fun memories you’ve shared together through the years. As Heraclitus once said, “You cannot step into the same river twice”, that’s exactly what I’ve been thinking and regretting for the past couple of moths now. 

I once lived in a house full of fun, loud, happy noises, I still live in the same house though, but the experience is never the same. People are moving out and this four cornered place becomes more and more unfamiliar. One got issue with the other and so on and so on, truly home isn’t just the house itself but the people living in it builds a true home.. a home that is now full of empty spaces. 

I hope someday that these people, these people who once built a beautiful home will find their ways into forgiveness, forgiving themselves and forgiving one another. I hope we all meet again in this same place where we built a home and found a family with one another and with love, forgiveness, and understanding with each others differences and situations. 

I hope I will be able to forgive my self for not living in the moment and for not appreciating more the things, people, and the memories that the moment is creating for me. Once it past, it’s gone forever, we can never undo or redu anything. Your present will become soon a memory, when you don’t fully live in the moment, you will regret it sooner or later.

But I’m still hoping for a brighter day though, wishing this dark gray clouds will end and peace, love, forgiveness, joy, and everything good will prevail.

Wishing everyone a great life!