Ember

Hey fuckers. My name is Ender. I'm transmasc. I use He/Him. Please try your best to use them. I won't get mad if you unintentionally use the wrong ones. I like snakes. I'm asexual, but not aro. I'm Biromantic. I like to think im funny but i'm probably not. Interests: Harry Potter fanfiction (i fell in love with HP when i was like seven, and unfortunately it has rooted too deep in my brain, so now i read fanfiction because it is the only HP media I can consume guiltlessly), Formula 1, Reading, Theatre, making random noises, drums.

[sonofthanatossonofdeath]

I used to think it was weird and homophobic when they called Cedric Diggory “pretty boy” in the Harry Potter series, but as an F1 fan, i regularly call George Russell pretty boy. It is simultaneously an insult and a compliment.

[sonofthanatossonofdeath]

One thing that for some reason makes me riled up is when people talk about the treatment of George vs. Kimi. In my head, I know it’s true. I know that Mercedes is definitely favoring Kimi. But Kimi is my favorite driver, and I just want to defend him. It’s not attacking him though. It’s attacking Mercedes. We are not blaming Kimi for the team’s actions, and I think George agrees as well.

We all love to hate George Russell because he’s a dramatic little diva, and sometimes a whiny bitch, but he has handled this situation very well.

We don’t see him act terse with Kimi. We don’t see infighting where george is willing to take both of them out. We don’t see the batshit enemies that we saw with Dani Ric and Max. Or Piastri and Norris.

I think in part it has to do with George’s age. The infighting is always worse when the team favors the older driver. But George is able to recognize that it isn’t Kimi’s fault.

[sonofthanatossonofdeath]

my mom really just tried to compare F1 drivers flying in private planes to Taylor Swift doing it. To the grocery store.

[sonofthanatossonofdeath]

I ordered a Mercedes shirt!!!! I’m super excited. It should get here monday. It’s the Lights Out one.

[colemckenzies]

you can make nearly any object into a good insult if you put ‘you absolute’ in front of it

example: you absolute coat hanger

[ggiornojo]

as well u can just add ‘ed’ to any object and it’s sounds like you were really drunk

example: i was absolutely coat hangered last night

[colemckenzies]

#i was gazeboed mate #i was absolutely baubled

[animatedamerican]

Meanwhile, “utter” works for the first (e.g., “you utter floorboard”) but somehow “utterly” doesn’t seem to work as well for the second (“I was utterly floorboarded”).

[nentuaby]

Utterly doesn’t work for drunk because it’s the affix for turning random objects into terms for *shocked*, obviously.

[animatedamerican]

… huh.  I thought that might just be the similarity to “floored”, and yet “I was utterly coat hangered” does seem to convey something similar.

I have to tell you, I am utterly sandwiched at this discovery.

[thepioden]

Completely makes the phrase mean “super tired”.

“God, it’s been a long week, I am completely coat-hangered.”

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Something is

Something is wrong with our language

[rooksandravens]

Is it a glitch or a feature?

[cranberrybogmummy]

Feature

[sonofthanatossonofdeath]

Glitch turned feature

[colemckenzies]

you can make nearly any object into a good insult if you put ‘you absolute’ in front of it

example: you absolute coat hanger

[ggiornojo]

as well u can just add ‘ed’ to any object and it’s sounds like you were really drunk

example: i was absolutely coat hangered last night

[colemckenzies]

#i was gazeboed mate #i was absolutely baubled

[animatedamerican]

Meanwhile, “utter” works for the first (e.g., “you utter floorboard”) but somehow “utterly” doesn’t seem to work as well for the second (“I was utterly floorboarded”).

[nentuaby]

Utterly doesn’t work for drunk because it’s the affix for turning random objects into terms for *shocked*, obviously.

[animatedamerican]

… huh.  I thought that might just be the similarity to “floored”, and yet “I was utterly coat hangered” does seem to convey something similar.

I have to tell you, I am utterly sandwiched at this discovery.

[thepioden]

Completely makes the phrase mean “super tired”.

“God, it’s been a long week, I am completely coat-hangered.”

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Something is

Something is wrong with our language

[rooksandravens]

Is it a glitch or a feature?

[cranberrybogmummy]

Feature

[sonofthanatossonofdeath]

Just had an MRI.

Rewatched the Monaco Grand Prix in my head.

Felt like two minutes.

[sonofthanatossonofdeath]

I, much to the surprise of everyone around me, am not ACAB. I am ACASB.

All cops are Schrödinger’s Bastards. They are neither bastards nor non bastards until proven guilty.

[sonofthanatossonofdeath]

I really think the writers of White Collar messed up by making Neal straight. I don’t have many grievances with them, but this is one of them.

That man is too cunty not to be. Like who sees a man who can use guns but doesn’t like them, only wears designer suits, is perfectly put together, charismatic as fuck, an artist, and a history nerd, and goes “ah yes he’s heterosexual.”

I know the show was released in 2009, and that could explain it, but they’ve never shied away from stuff like that. First episode, the second smartest (other than Neal) character is revealed as a lesbian. Bomer was/is an openly gay actor, and already had a kid.

I would have loved to see Neal Caffery be gay, and Matt Bomer to play his most popular role true to himself.

[sonofthanatossonofdeath]

i haven’t been to therapy in a month.

i can tell you for certain my mental health is not doing well.

[sonofthanatossonofdeath]

the only time i’ll read a romance where the MC has to pretend she’s a boy is if she ends up trans.

[sonofthanatossonofdeath]

If you would like to skip my story telling, go to the stars for the funny part

I was in the big city near where I live seeing a musical. It was late at night and I had to take a piss, but we didn’t want to wait in lines (i was with my parents). My dad, the very smart man he is, planned this, and had us park a few blocks away from the theater near his office building. It’s open 24 hours. When I say this building is fancy, I mean it. Marble flooring and walls, elevator banks that only go to certain floors, and turnstiles (ish, they have like glass that opens) that lead to them. We go up to the 45th floor, and go to the bathroom. My dad then shows us around. He takes us to the “cafe” which is a fully stocked kitchen where everything is free. He showed us his office, etc.

********

When we were in the elevator on the way down, I asked who was the head of the *city* office (they have a couple branches). He gave like six people before my mom cut him off,

“He is.”

(I also want to clarify that when I say big company I don’t mean something like amazon. He works at a financial firm.)

[sonofthanatossonofdeath]

When your drum lesson starts at six but you’ve been sitting in the lobby for half an hour because your brother takes speed limits as a suggestion, not a law.

I’d wager that he’d win in a race against Lance Stroll.

[sonofthanatossonofdeath]

I theorize Max Verstappen DNF’d on purpose so his son Antonelli could get points.

[sonofthanatossonofdeath]

Ferrari Engineers: *say something* Hamilton or Leclerc: Fuck Off

Mercedes: *say something* Antonelli and Russell: Thanks :) I value your input.

[sonofthanatossonofdeath]

my mom saw a Mercedes that hit the wall of a store on the saturday of Barcelona. I had a genuine existential crisis about it, think it was an omen for the race the next day. my parents called me ridiculous. WELL WHAT DO YOU FUCKING KNOW? KIMI DNF’D!

[sonofthanatossonofdeath]

ik i seem like a bandwagon F1 fan since my favorite teams are Mercedes, Red Bull, and Ferrari, respectively, and my favorite drivers are Antonelli, Verstappen, and Leclerc, but i can explain.

The first piece of F1 media I saw was the F1 drivers fears video. I thought Kimi saying “pineapple on pizza” without hesitation was hilarious. Then, i started watching interviews, Max Verstappen’s blunt AF answers were fucking funny. Then I saw a picture of Charles Leclerc, he looked dead in the eyes. I thought mood.