In the days leading up to our parting, we had more frequent bouts of long, silent hugging, words failing us when emotions took over. However, for the most part, we acted in denial right up until our last night together. Like someone once said, it really was weird, we knew the end of something great was coming, but we wanted to hold on, just one more second, just so it could hurt a little more.
On our last night together, however, denial was no longer possible. It finally hit us both and we channeled our all, our emotions, our sadness, our everything into one amazing night.Ā
Then, all too soon, it was time. The dreaded morning had arrived. We stood there, hugging, looking at each other, saying nothing. But it was the kind of nothing that meant everything.Ā
We were finally, finally over.
I looked at her, and I felt so sad, because this thought occurred to me: ' I'll never again feel your lips on me or your arms around me. You will never look at me the same way again. I'll never again be that girl for you.'
I couldnāt even be mad at myself or her, because this was who we were. Runners. We'd never lied about that.
I felt it in the pit of my stomach, the familiar ache, that overwhelming soaring, heartbreaking feeling only she could give me. I didn't know if I could ever bear to feel it again.Ā
I looked at her, and I thought, 'If I was very brave or very honest, I would tell you.'
I would say it, so she would know it and I would know it, and I could never take it back. But I wasnāt that brave or honest, so all I did was look at her. And I hoped that she knew anyway.
'I release you. I evict you from my heart. Because if I don't do it now, I never will.'
We both started speaking our final goodbyes at the same time. But I think that the words that left our mouths were not what either of us wanted to say.
One final kiss. Then we pulled away from each other forever, eyes still locked together.
In the end, I was the one to look away first and I was the one who walked away.
