Comments on Women's X3church Blog 5 Sept '12
(This is my Comment on this article.) There's a little problem with teaching that the metaphor "to know" meant anything other than to have sex, whether married or not. If you've read the Bible more than you've read Christian marriage teaching, then you should know what I'm talking about.
I've never heard of "fake sex". I've heard of faking it. I've heard that when a man cleaves to his woman they become married, one flesh. They aren't married until they do, afaik. Sex was considered a valid means of acquiring a wife in the Bible. I think it still is in most countries.
I believe women are more emotional and men are more rational. Women seem to have better brain networking and left/right hemisphere communication than men. I don't buy the various motivations that will elicit a desire for sex in men. There are certainly comfort issues involved in sexual desire. Men in their twenties get horny nearly every day and that's all the reason they need to want to "know" their wife. I agree that men experience sex as a need rather than just a display of love and affection. I believe orgasm is a health need in humans as valid as sleep and healthy eating.
Agree that intimacy, including keeping no substantial secrets, is critical to an enjoyable marriage. The practice of karezza could be a good variation on a theme to learn. From what I've read, atheists can have just as happy and intimate a marriage as Christians.
I'm still pondering whether sex is a spiritual act. I've commented maybe a month ago on the men's post about the new book "Surfing for God" which espouses this theme. My response continues to be one of disgust and disagreement. I believe that all Christians are already one spirit in the Lord; I don't believe marriage augments that. Suggesting that marriage unites the inner man of the spouses though is somewhat misleading. Yes, they are mentally and emotionally attached and have strong feelings for each other.
The scripture text simply says that they are "one flesh", she is bone of his bone, etc. nothing about a spiritual union. Without a sexual consummation the marriage isn't considered valid usually. Paul said that even sex with a prostitute creates a one flesh union. When a husband dies, the widow is permitted to remarry because marriage is a physical union, not spiritual. If it were spiritual union, then it seems to me the widow would still be considered married to her departed husband.
Recently, though, I was considering that Eve was basically a female clone of Adam; soul and body, she came out of him. Obviously then, the longing for a female in our lives as males would logically be more than a mere desire for sex; it would be more than just a desire for companionship. It would be a desire to unite with our original psyche, in the image of God. I guess it was in the 90's that Newsweek did an article "Men's brains are different than Women's." In the feminist age, that was considered heresy.
Adam's companionship need was met by creating a dearth in the male and a desire in the female to be valued, fulfilling that need in the male's life. It seems that the "take away" from all of this is that under normal conditions, when a female cohabits sexually with a male, there is a union of souls created that is signified and possibly enhanced by the sexual act. Oxytocin and vasopressin released during orgasm are hormones that physically underlie pair bonding in humans. I think its unwise to overly insist on all of this though, because there is an implication that singles are only half a human or inadequate in their representation of the image of God. I think that some people have more balance of the male and female characteristics in their life and psyche than others, so for that and other reasons, they sense less of a need for marriage, though they still might want sex.