sophia baum. xxi.
❝ how is it so easy for you to be kind to people? – he asked. milk and honey dripped from my lips as i answered, – cause people have not been kind to me. ❞ var sc_project=11032746; var sc_invisible=1; var sc_security="3250852f"; var scJsHost = (("https:" == document.location.protocol) ? "https://secure." : "http://www."); document.write("");
i know i’m late to the goodbye party, but honestly i don’t know how to say goodbye to you all along with amber, your amazing characters and of course, sophia. i swear she’s sobbing at this farewell as i’m typing this (lbr, we all know how weak and how much she hates -- yes, hates -- goodbyes), but anyway; i think i put off this post i’ve been drafting for far too long mostly because i can’t face this goodbye. though it was short, amber will forever be close to my heart. i’m still giggling over the town reviews tbh lmfao. but gosh!!! the characters!!! in this roleplay!!! and the potential!!! i love everyone’s characters to so much??? and i apologize to those i’ve plotted with and was not able to dive deeper than planned, as well as those i haven’t exactly plotted with. i swear, i’m so in love with you all, and the characters you have blessed my life from introducing them to me.
i will be staying (obviously) for the spies roleplay we will be revamping our beloved amberhq into. i will be bringing an old muse of mine and i cannot wait to once again go through the process on knowing your characters, learning about them and plotting; as well as writing with you. if you aren’t joining us, please please please, im me your rp blog, or your aim, or kik, or phone number -- basically any way i can keep contact with you. i am so happy to have met each and every one of you and no matter if you’re joining the new rp or not, i would really love to keep contact with you.
to wrap this post up, i don’t think i will ever find closure with sophia. there’s so many parts of her i have yet to explore and thinking about her future makes me scared, sad and feelsy as it does for her but under the cut is what might have happened.
tw: eating disorder
(it was about time tbh, because this girl can pretend all she likes and play fairy-tale but) sophia probably had a really horrible breakdown. a sudden realization or an accidental glimpse on reality that got her running scared. she prob panicked, and closed herself shut from people. stayed indoors and slept a lot during this time (because it helps her ~dream~), bawled her eyes out till she’s drained, made a big mess of her room, her plants and flowers wilted from lack of sun and water, her forgetting to feed her pets unintentionally on days, barely ate, deadpanned (yikes), exhausted 25/7.
someone (and i have my bets on either eden, declan and theo) most likely noticed her sudden absence and had to stick by her like glue to constantly bring her up and take care of her during that stage. had to make sure she didn’t fully neglect herself and that she ate and drank water to keep her alive lmfao. watered her plants and flowers for her or bought new ones to keep her motivated and recharged -- knowing they make her really happy. feed her pets when she forgets to. call in her work place to explain that she’s “sick” from high fever or some persuasive lie cause she’d be ashamed of telling them she “fell down deep into a well”.
apart from her breakdown, she was offered a second chance to attend julliard, as a student this time. as she screwed up her previous chance by carelessly “ruining herself” from her weight and falling weak and ill, sophia put a lot of pressure on herself to eat healthily at a short duration of time. this was really tough on her. it was an on going battle with herself on wanting to gain weight and lose them at the same time.
she blew off her second chance by ignoring the letter and not telling her dads about it (cause then they’ll start pushing and asking her why and that’s just yiKES).
but!!! she managed to graduate from her event management degree course while she was still working for the dance school and the flower shop.
not long after, she received another letter from julliard; this time she went for it.
she quit her jobs, moved to new york and eventually lived her dream. she was a student at julliard for about four years and while dancing, she worked for an event management company who showed her the beauty of weddings.
while her time in new york, she had her fair shares of breakdowns and slipping back into her old habits with her weight. comparing new york to amber springs, it was a lot hectic; and with the stress pushing down on her together with her own problems, because of that, compared to the other students, she was quite weak in regards of stamina and health. she would faint during classes, get frequent nose bleeds, headaches, etc. she didn’t manage to graduate as planned.
as much as she enjoys dance, she accepted her own failure. she accepted her eating disorder and her own mistakes, but even then, her love for dance could not compare to how distracted and how interested she was leaning towards event management.
she continued dance, but took her time with her classes. this time around, she paid more attention on event management than dance. though she works around the clock preparing one event for another, she enjoyed it and found herself stable within the industry. she eventually became a freelance wedding planner -- sometimes aliasing with other companies.
sophia visited amber springs from time to time. she would stay for a few days when she’s busy. a month or so when she gets too homesick. she might have returned to amber springs??? as the town’s own wedding planner???? who knows???
hopefully life went good for her.
i like to think, after witnessing weddings after weddings she eventually fell deeply in love, got married, and had kids. lived the fairy-tale life she had always dreamed of, and stopped being so flighty and up into the clouds -- i mean, a part of her will always be dreamy, but at least knowing she’s safe and is able to face reality without hiding, that’d be cool.
makes sure her daughter loves herself and know that she’s beautiful. basically every mistake she’s made on herself with self care must not happen to her little princess. teach her daughter the beauty of confidence, as well as learn from it while she teaches.
makes sure her son is an adventurous warrior who is charming as prince eric and would fall in love with mermaids lmfao. stop mE.
i give up, i hate these feels. you know what, the aftermath of that is a different story.
“—hey! have you seen a guy come running past here? tall and bald?” her questions are spoken through pants and she doubles over in an attempt to catch her breath. “fucker ran off without paying. some of my best work, too. fuck.”
sophia’s expression changed sharply; her entire being jumping from the other’s sudden outburst. “uh...” she fumbled while she turned her head around, her eyes wandering for the figure that could match the dark haired girl’s description. “i think -- yeah, no, he went that way,” her hesitant tone changing into one which hinted confidence; a finger pointed towards a direction, before turning her head back around. “he nearly ran me over from how fast he was running -- i guess, from you. do you need help in finding him? maybe we could go file a police report? i’m sorry -- about your art and not getting anything from it in return.”
“i don’t know how accurate those studies are for others, but from my personal experience, i’d say it’s pretty accurate. they make my life extra colourful; i don’t know where i’d be without them. gay couples in general makes my heart warm. they’re so loving, and full of passion. oh! speakng of, neil patrick harris and david burtka, together with their kids slays their halloween costumes every year. i can’t wait to see what they’ve got planned this year.”
in place of pain,
i plant flowers
in the trauma.
the roots absorb
each hurtful memory,
and every nightmare
becomes a thorn.
i plant and plant
until there is a garden
where my heart once was.
when i speak,
dirt spills
from my sad mouth.
i only hope that someday
i may plant enough beauty
to cover every ugly scar.
Ernest’s head snapped up as soon as “the s-word”, as Sophia always called it, left her mouth. “Are you kidding? Now? I wasn’t even recording, come on.” He complained, his frustration doubled at the fact that he’d missed the rare event of Sophia cursing. The two had been at this for years – Sophia openly refrained from swearing, and Ernest made it his life mission to catch her doing it on tape. He’d gotten it once, but in a careless moment, she’d ended up with his phone and the recording ended up being erased. “Don’t worry about it.” He muttered, peeling his strawberry milkshake covered shirt off and draping it over the seat next to him as he grabbed napkins right along with Sophia, the two of them trying in vain to at least put a dent in half the mess. “You know, I think the people here have this covered.” He said finally after what seemed like an endless amount of silence, but was probably only a few short minutes. “Let me just drive you home, you can have the rest of my milkshake since yours is kind of – on the ground.”
it was usual for sophia to shoot him a look; even at a times like this, and from her sudden realization of what had just left her lips, she still found time to give him one of her rare glares. but her ‘strong’ and hopefully for her, ‘intimidating’ stare didn’t last very long. an inaudible gasp escaped her lips as she unintentionally watched him undress; and quickly, to not be any way obvious, she rolled her lips in and adverted her gaze off him -- her eyes wandering off to some place else for a brief moment, her hands reaching out for unnecessary napkins in her attempt to act natural. there wasn’t any reason for her to be flustered -- but with what just happened a few minutes ago, all sophia wanted to do right there and then was hide. “maybe we should just go home” she suggested, ignoring, or to be more precise, not acknowledging his offer to her on his share of milkshake. “i mean, i’ve done enough damage for today; let’s just go home, before i do something stupid-er.” she bit her bottom lip after her rambles, jumping off the high bar stool before forcing herself to make eye contact. “don’t forget your uh... shirt,” she said before scurrying off towards the exit.
It was a little after midnight when Mina plopped herself on the sand of the now empty beach. If she lived anywhere else, it might be dangerous for her to be out on her own so late at night, but she lived in Amber Springs. She knew just about everyone in town and they all knew her. There wasn’t anything to fear from her neighbors outside of an embarrassing moment that would more than likely spread to the whole town by sunrise. So, Mina wasn’t wary of sitting on the beach alone – in fact, it was something she did with semi-frequency. There were nights when her brain wouldn’t shut up and it would go on for hours and she’d never get any rest. Those were the nights she grabbed a jacket and started walking around the barren streets of Amber Springs.
Mina wasn’t exactly a girl who had many problems in her life. She knew she was extremely fortunate. She had two parents who loved her and supported her. Wonderful friends. A beautiful hometown that she felt safe and secure in. The worse thing she had to deal with was her terribly clumsy nature that Mina blamed on karma. You couldn’t have everything. Still, with that being said, there was still a lot on her mind that kept her awake. Past mistakes, concerns for her future and loneliness. A loneliness that wasn’t easily healed because she wasn’t exactly sure how it formed. So, she came out to think always feeling better when she was actively doing something rather than sitting at home and moping.
The beach was her favorite spot – she’d build a fire, sit on the sand and just contemplate life to the soundtrack of the waves crashing on the shore. This particular night was no different than the others. Mina pulled her knees to her chest and closed her eyes, listening to the sounds of the beach and inhaling the scent of salt in the air. The wind was blowing gently, but it caused her hair to whip around crazily nonetheless. She didn’t bother to do anything to it, prefering to focus on the sounds of nocturnal animals in the nearby trees. She heard one sound that she had trouble identifying – a squishing sound that grew louder and louder until it abruptly stopped. Mina opened her eyes and turned her head, finding the source. The sound of footsteps on sand. She found the feet and her eyes lifted to see the owner of said feet. “Oh,” she began, surprised to see someone that seemed to be practically conjured up by her own thoughts.
there's something about the silence filling up the empty streets which calms sophia. she oddly found comfort from the dim lights offered by the tall street lamp posts; the main source of it all shining above her, accompanied with dazzling stars which never fails to swallow her up whole. the simple sight of just her shadow keeping her company and dancing along with her every time she chooses to get on her toes got her floating on clouds. and if she gets lucky, on some nights, she gets to witness two individuals getting lost into their own world, sounds of their soft giggles and their lips clashing against one another slowly warming up her heart. it seems, as though how lonely she would feel at times, being alone at these rare moments are what kept her sane. besides confrontations, being alone allowed her imagination and thoughts to run wild.
she spent her night out on the empty streets; roaming it alongside with her shadow who had shared numerous dances with her as she walked down a single street. she wasn’t paying much attention to where she was heading; all she had in mind was to walk, or dance to be precised, and though she knew she should probably get back home at this hour, she found herself discovering the the fresh smell of salty seawater as well as the sound of waves crashing; begging for her and her tail to stay.
now, who dares tell a mermaid to stay away from their home?
it didn’t take too long for the blonde to have her feet sink into the cold damp sand. with her fingers hooking and holding onto her ballerina flats, she walked along the shore; stopping from time to time to pick up shells and draw whatever she could on the sand with her toe. the sound of waves crashing invited her for a small dip, and as she stood there, allowing the waves to backwash and feeling the coldness of the water, she took in a deep breath -- in that moment she was invincible.
her journey didn’t stop there. as she continued to walk further down, her focus was captured by a small fiery light. the crackling sound and orange flame drawing her attention, which adverted immediately onto the dark haired girl seated before it. she was on her beach -- the beach she would come down late at night to clear up her mind, the beach she would often wander off to, the beach she would build her own bonfire at. a rush of realization hit the blonde; instantly making her want to run from where she had rooted herself -- but there was too a part of her which missed her little talks with mina, or just the girl in general; and soon, after bucking up the courage she approached her.
“hi,” sophia quietly and hesitantly greeted mina. she swallowed as she waited for a reaction, but found herself quickly flashing a small smile the second the other had lifted her head up to have her eyes meet with sophia’s very own. “can’t sleep?”
speckled sunlight dances across her shoulder,
darling tendrils of hair curl against her nape,
warm threads tangle together down her back,
her charcoal lashes lift on a melodic laugh,
she was sprinkled radiance among stars.
“I always feel weird asking for ID at work, I mean it feels really hypocritical,” Graham said, playing with the end of her braid as she spoke, “I’ve been drinking since I was 14 -what right do I have to ask probably legal adults for ID when I’ve been breaking the law for so long? It’s weird, y'know?”
“that is quite hypocritical, yes, but i mean, it’s work -- so it’s pretty much compulsory, isn’t it? you’d get yourself into trouble if you don’t ask to check them. although, i think we all can agree that nowadays majority of the kids, including us back when we were underaged, faked our id cards. either that, or they get someone who’s legal to get them alcohol. i don’t think anyone really waits to be legal to have their first drink.”
“ i’m not being bitchy. i’m not a bitch. i don’t get angry. i only get angry when there’s a reason for be to be angry and that doesn’t make me a bitch, does it? that makes me human. very fucking human. i’m sweaty. my throat is dry, and i’m getting a heartburn. if i were to swallow cookie dough right now, it’d bake going down my asparagus. i feel disappointed, honestly. did you wake up today thinking ‘oh yeah, today? today i’m going to drag sloane on a path to hell.’ and i thought you were decent enough not to make innocent people suffer. do you have sadistic tendencies? do you derive pleasure from cruelty? my shoes are sinking into the pavement. do you know what that means? that means, stay the fuck inside. if i wanted to do cardio today, i could’ve paid to go to the gym. at least, they have air conditioning. ”
“no... no, of course not,” sophia unintentionally interrupted; shaking her head quickly while her voice eventually drowned itself from the other’s. her breath hitched as she listened to sloane’s annoyed ramble, her lips parting for a brief second before it closed itself back shut. perhaps it was better for her to keep quiet -- and just listen. it was all she’s ever good for anyway. while she continued to listen, she nodded her head in agreement; waiting for the other to be fully done before she uttered a word. “sorry,” she apologized, “we could.... we could maybe go get you a nice smoothie or ice cream -- something... cold? you know, something to make it for the hot weather. it’ll be on me?”
“yeah, i did! honestly, next time i go.. you can totally join me. my aunt is obsessed with getting tickets to every show but she never actually ends up going. she’s weird but seriously, come with me next time!” kieran grinned, fingers gently tugging at the hem of his shirt as he spoke. “i probably won’t be able to finish the whole cake and i don’t think it will… really do anything.. i mean, my body already hates me, so i highly doubt eating a shit ton of cake could damage it.. or well, add onto the damage that’s already been done.”
“oh gosh, wow -- are you serious? i mean, i appreciate your offer, but those tickets... they’re hard to get, not to mention, probably really expensive -- and by expensive, i mean ridiculously-over-the-moon-worth-selling-your-soul kind of expensive and i wouldn’t want your aunt to fight through crowds just to get you an extra one.” she shook her head with a warm smile on her face; the thought of her possibly joining kieran the next round got her easily excited, but though she appreciated it, she didn’t want to push her luck or be any way greedy. the small smile on her face faltered slightly, but even then her eyes were kept sparkling. she shrugged with her lips rolling in slowly, her eyes not able to keep constant contact with the male for obvious reasons. “well, to be fair, i don’t think anyone can,” she assured the male -- as well as herself. it wasn’t a lie though, is it? it’s impossible to finish a whole cake without feeling... sick. “cake’s good though,” she quickly continued, her eyes instantly lifted back up out of bravery; for not only herself but for kieran’s sake. it’s been said that if you keep eye contact with someone it’d increase confidence -- that much she knows when it comes to persuasion. “we could share a small slice if you like?” her brows raised as she lightly questioned. she couldn’t even pin point the last time she ate a piece of cake -- probably at one of her student’s birthday party. “you know what i like to do? i like to chop them up into tiny square pieces, like... mini lego cubes,” she advised kieran -- playing with food, as people like to call them, happens to be one of her many tricks.
“what? wha– no, i’m micah. not declan. he is my twin brother.” he tried to explain the girl once again. he had dealt with people thinking he was declan playing a prank, but after few moments they would realize the two were too different. “foundation? maisie? what? what? i’m sorry. i can’t— why would i need to put on makeup? and who is maise? you are– i’m sorry. i don’t know what you are saying.”
“twin.... brother?” it took sophia a few minutes to register what left the male’s lips -- her eyes once again searching and studying him for answers she hope that would make more sense. the more she examined him, the more she realized that his skin wasn’t ridiculously coated with layers of foundation or make-up in general -- there were no signs of tattoos. and his facial expression, along with the tone he spoke in, it felt some what genuine. “twin brother,” she repeated in a soft whisper, pulling her gaze off the male while her brows were cocked, her eyes blinking numerously. “that’s not possible--” she was speaking to herself now; her voice breaking into a light scoff while her eyes wandered. “that’s not possible -- i’ve known declan for years... he--he would have told me.” her gaze eventually focused back onto the male, causing her chest to rise immediately as she took in a deep inhale. “sophia-- i’m uh... sophia.”
“put my dads on the top of your list please -- they’re the greatest of all greatness. did that even make sense? probably not, but you get my point. but nessies are extremely cute! if i could, i would adopt them.”
——- “ seaweed is actually super good for you & it’s super healthy because it’s low-fat. so eating that when sick was probably a good choice on my behalf. a full course meal sounds like a lot & i don’t think i need that much food. ”
“are sunflower seaweed any different than seaweed seaweed? i’ve tried seaweed on its own, like seasoned seaweed -- those japanese strips types with different flavour and such, my dad would buy them for me when i was younger, but i don’t think i can say the same with sunflower seaweed. i don’t even know why i’m talking so much about seaweed right now, sorry but are you feeling better? i hope you weren’t that ill. ha, yeah, a full course meal does sound quite a lot, doesn’t it? but uh... you could have them in small portions?”
I can’t write the show for the moulin rouge! I dont even know if i am a true bohemian revolutionary. Do you believe in beauty? Yes. Freedom? Yes, of course. Truth? Yes. Love?
“i’m finally back from my trip to new york. hamilton was amazing.. don’t ask me how i got tickets.. i just know people. and you know what the best part is? maggie has been blasting the soundtrack all day because she loved it so much. but anyway, as a reward for being such a great father, i feel like it’s the perfect opportunity to now address this thought that has been rattling my brain for a good hour. okay, so if carrots are true vegetables then does that mean i can eat this whole carrot cake i made and it’ll count as one of my five a day?”
“you got to see hamilton? lucky -- both you and maggie! my fathers are such big fans of musicals, and yet here i am, still waiting for the day they would ship me over to new york again just so i could get the chance to see hamilton. maggie’s a lucky girl though -- god, as much as i love the soundtrack, i can’t imagine how it’d be like to watch them perform live, in such a beautiful theater. what a dream!” sophia shrugged at his question, squinting an eye as she answered through a hesitant pace. “i guess? i don’t know how someone can finish a whole cake on their own -- i mean i know i can’t. is it even possible? but uh-- it’s worth the try?”
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