Still Surviving - Sophie

"Stay afloat the key is hope, I'll never let a motherfucker break me dawg!"

[surrendertowhatis]

You’re the first person I want to run to when I’m sad but you’re the reason I’m sad and I can’t run to you anymore.

Lost (via surrendertowhatis)

[extihnction]

Even you don’t care anymore and that’s really hit me because I thought you would when no one else would but the same thing happened as always happens and now I’m alone

[theinturnetexplorer]

This professor gets extra credit.

[soprana-snap]

GIVE ME STATS WITH THIS PROFESSOR

[littlejane20-deactivated2018102]

[shadows-of-the-ocean]

Trigger Warnings Ahead

I can’t help but keep having these thoughts especially after the terrible night I had with my mother on Thursday. Who would care if I disappeared, not necessarily dead but gone? Would my mom be happy to be finally unburdened? I mean she couldn’t even quietly sit through my event without marking snarky comments into my ear and then making a threat of leaving me stranded in the parking lot and when I did as she told me to and got into her car she told me I was like her coworkers with the difference being that she can hurt me but she can’t hurt them. It hurt me so much. Sometimes I think she takes pleasure out of breaking my spirit. 

I know I haven’t been the best daughter ever. I’ve come with problems: health and mental ones. I try to be as good as I can be. 

But I feel like giving up because I don’t know how much more of this I can take. 

Im not even allowed to complain in front of her because she takes it as defiance and threatens to make me cry “real” tears.I know it happened on Thursday. That was when I last saw her but I can’t help but thinking back to the event and getting sad all over again.

I’ve thought of grabbing a knife and cutting into my skin and let it seep into my sheets. I’ve also thought of the wonderful release that it would be to close my eyes and never open them. I would never have to deal with the obvious resentment my mother feels for me. Then sometimes I just think about how easy it would be to silence her instead of me but then I remember even though she makes me feel like utter crap, I actually do love her and that destroying her would just destroy me and wouldn’t be worth it.

And she’s always mentioning how fat I am and calling me disgusting because I have acne. I’ve considered trying to stop eating to please her but I can never get through a full day without eating at least one thing. and when I get sick and even if I only had one thing, she doesnt believe me and calls me a frantic eater and none of this would happen if i didnt eat as much

[nii-neko-deactivated20160220]

CONSENT IS EVERYTHING - SEX WITHOUT CONSENT IS RAPE

[deeatdark]

✩ cute brat ♡ safe haven ✩

[healthy-happy-lia]

speaking to someone every single day can be pretty destructive because there’s gonna come a day where for the fist time you don’t speak at all and it’s the loneliest feeling in the world

[discolor3d]

[jane-eyyyre]

1. People will promise to never leave you. They will. It’s okay to be sad when they do. 2. It is always okay to cry. Always. Find a bathroom, bury your face in your pillow, and let it out. Cry in the shower. Cry in the car. Cry when you need to. 3. Boys will flirt with you for a while and then ignore you. Then, they will flirt with you some more. It will be confusing. You have every right to stop putting up with it. 4. Pay attention to what people say when they’re angry. When you make up and they tell you they didn’t mean any of it, know that they did. Also know that they wish they didn’t. Forgive them. 5. Never pretend to be someone you’re not. If you don’t like tea and classic novels, don’t act like you do to impress people. If you don’t want to wear leather jackets and combat boots, don’t wear them to please someone else. 6. People will be mean to you; they will spread lies, call you names, and talk about you behind your back. Eventually you will realize that it is petty and stupid and not worth your time. You’ll be right. Move on with your life. 7. Your friends will not always be there for you. When you really need to talk, they will sometimes not want to hear it. That’s okay. Take a deep breath and remember all the times you felt the same way. Exhale. 8. You will wait and wait and wait for your first kiss and your first date and your first relationship. The anticipation will kill you. You will keep trying to find the right person in everyone you meet. Relax. There’s no rush. The best things happen unplanned. 9. Enjoy being young. Love that everything is spontaneous. As you get older, things become more and more scheduled out. Embrace the fact that you aren’t there yet. 10. Tell people how you feel. It will be terrifying in some cases and gratifying in others. It will create relationships and ruin them. But speak your mind, even if your voice shakes, because your thoughts may never otherwise be heard. 11. Sleep. If you go to bed late, sleep in. If you’re still tired when you wake up, go back to bed. If you can’t stay awake during the day, take a nap. Sleeping is a foolproof way of getting rid of your problems for a little while. Utilize it. 12. Talk to people. Talk to your sister about the guy she likes. Talk to your mom about her childhood. Talk to your dad about his favorite books. Talk to your grandparents about their families. Talk to your friends, talk to your pets, talk to the cute waitress at the restaurant. Learn things from them. Be inspired. 13. Always bring a sweater. Even if you think it won’t be cold. 14. Try new things. Eat a new food, try a new kind of juice, switch up the way you dress. You never know what you might end up loving. Life can get boring. Mix it up a bit. 15. Take care of yourself. Wash your hair with that good smelling soap you love. Eat fruits and vegetables. Drink lots of water. Go for long walks in pretty parks. 16. School is important. Try your hardest. If you don’t get something, ask for help. Do your homework. Show your teachers that you’re willing to work hard, and when it comes time to apply to colleges, you’ll be glad you did. 17. There will always be someone prettier, smarter, funnier, or more popular than you. The beauty of it is that it isn’t a competition.

17 things I learned by 17 (via yayhaz)

[imjihlitmoe-deactivated20170829]

parents don’t realize how much they fuck their kids self esteem up just with simple shit like not paying attention when they speak, or telling them to stop being goofy. like let your kid be them. everybody already gon give em a hard time, why they gotta get that from they parents?

[thelastmessagereceived]

i met her through tumblr, and i’ve known her for almost four years. we got into a lot of shit with a catfish, one that fucked with her so badly that he gave her PTSD.

we were incredibly close friends, and told each other everything. she believed in me when nobody else did, and that meant a lot to someone that didn’t want to keep on living (and still struggles with it to this day).

over the years, though, we grew apart, mostly due to my mental illness and unwillingness to get better, and me constantly saying stupid, insensitive shit that i regret now more than anything

i got really high the other night and was listening to a song by a band she’d introduced me to, and it made me think of her, so i emailed her and told her i missed her, that i was sorry for everything that’d happened between us.

this was her response.

[thelastmessagereceived]

He told me a month after he broke up with me. This was during a lot of family and friend drama and I ended up laying in bed most of the rest of the semester. He had been my everything and made me feel loved. Just one misunderstood sentence and everything collapsed. I say I’m over him. I’m not. I won’t be for a long time yet.

[mosaicofemotions]

Sometimes I don’t know whether I should starve myself, cut myself or kill myself. Cause no one hates me more than I do and it fucking hurts.

[thelastmessagereceived]

When I didn’t answer on text, he tried me on facebook. We were in the same friend group at a summer program and had made out before, just as friends. I drove out to visit him months later (in March) for a few days and it seemed that all he wanted to do was hook up. The December before, something bad happened that made me unable to have sex. This guy I was visiting kept trying to have sex with me and I told him no at least 4 times in a day. That night, I woke up to him humping me and trying to make me drink some tea. I kept pretending that I was asleep until I just thought, “Ok, make out with me. Get it over with.” He wasn’t getting the hint. Also, I was too shy to be assertive and push him away. I did tell him again and again I wouldn’t have sex with him, but then he forced it for a second until I leapt away in pain. The last time I responded to him, I told him to make sure with other girls that it was consensual. I don’t even think he truly felt bad; he just didn’t want me to be mad at him. I found out later from friends that he is creepy and a narcissist. That, in addition to what had happened in December, still impacts my sex life to this day, even though I have a loving boyfriend. I don’t think I’ll ever have a healthy sex life. I blame myself for it every day.

[thelastmessagereceived]

Don’t kill yourself cause then people will blame me for it

Said my ex boyfriend when we were breaking up. All in one night I found out he lied to me about being with other people, that his feelings changed and he no longer would ever love me. He told me not to kill myself because people would blame him. Not because he didn’t want me to die. Because he didn’t want to be held responsible for my depressive state and if I went over the edge. We were together for 2 years. I moved 3,000 miles away from family and friends to be with him. I just got sick after a bad car crash and grew extremely depressed and fell into bpd. These were the results of that in my love life. (via thelastmessagereceived)

[thelastmessagereceived]

My best friend of three years. She was depressed, suicidal, and had an eating disorder the entire time we were friends. I talked her out of suicide more times than I can count, and had to commit her to a hospital against her will. I gave her everything I had and was always there for her even though she never returned the favour and helped when I needed it. I helped her out of the holes she dug so many times that I started to get depressed myself. I distanced myself because I needed to do it for my sanity, but I still feel guilty every time I see these messages. I guess it is funny how much changes in a year.

[thesonder-deactivated20170302]

do you ever have that one song that reminds you of everything that you miss and it hurts to listen to it but you do anyway just for that nostalgic feeling or just keep it in your playlist because it’s like a memory you don’t want to lose