without growth we are nothing, welcome change and believe in the process it might just set you free.
Many hair colours, many homes, many loves.
I’m so incredibly proud of where I am today because I fought for that shit. I’m a manager in a job I love, my family has rallied around as my aunts been diagnosed with MN diseases and I’m moving to Cyprus to be with my love.
I’ve also made mistakes, loved people who haven’t deserved it and dug myself into bottomless holes. No one is perfect but at least I’m not an alcholic, yet. Without those mistakes I wouldn’t of learned the massive lessons that I’ll need moving forward, everything happens for a reason and the bad things that were lobbed at my head for a solid six months means so much. I hope to make more mistakes but this time as a wallflower.
Looking back on the year I’ve learnt so much and life just seems to be coming full circle. For example a guy who treated me like dirt a couple years ago completely out of the blue sent me a long message apologing and it was sincere - now I seem to be a big believer in karma. It’s given me a sense of calm I never thought I would have.
Physically - I have lost a shit ton of weight and instead of comforting myself with food, i channel that into my workouts with Becks - another person who just popped into my life recently who I just absolutely adore. My hair fell out in clumps in august so I dyed it a dark brown colour to hide in and my hair is getting thick again, it feels like my body is finally getting itself back into wack. I feel comfortable in clothes and when my other half is home we train together, either dog walking through bedgebury or doing CrossFit with his brothers.
Mentally - I have a diagnosis for why the reason I am the way I am, it’s so liberating being able to understand myself in a way I haven’t for years. A couple of tablets just make me see straight. Looking back I don’t hate my dad for the way he was anymore because he was just like me but he was untreated for fourty plus years, he must of been living in his own world just slowly loosing his shit. I’ve let a lot of things go towards last year and that was one of them.
However it’s time to close a chapter and start a new sentence. I know I’ll be able to look back on all the photos, thoughts, diaries I’m keeping and know how I felt. To reflect back and understand more about myself and others.
Summer 2020 you’re mine x
