so what

[sorrehiamstilldrunk]

a short definition of love

Lately I found myself struggling with finding a definition of love. The argument in my head starts in an typical English course a couple of weeks ago. In one lesson my teacher asked us what would be a reason for us to marry someone and if less taxes would be reason enough. The answer was disturbing, at least for me. A big majority maybe 2/3 of my class mates said it would be a proper reason. I don't agree but today I won't discuss the sense of marriage but of Love even if, so much can be said, if you ask me the first one can't work out and shouldn't exist without the other.

The thing is that I believe that I have never experienced real love myself, and still I have a very defined picture of it. I am certain that love is easy. It's never complicated or questioned. No words are needed and no flaws to complain about. Love means respect and honesty and to be passionate about eachother. It's about only caring about your lover, while being able to put yourself first, because making them happy, comfortable or whatever, is what does the same to you. Love is like the perfect dress. It suits you always in every size and is working for every occasion. There are a lot of things that doesn't matter when it comes to love. Like who cares what size you wear or if you're from different social classes or if you look nothing alike. What really matters is the fact that you both feel like poles circling around each other with the certain feeling that the other could not exist without that. I'm talking about intimacy. About not being afraid of doing something embarrassment and losing them through it. I am talking about good sex, and not that one you experience with a stranger and is exciting because of the adventure. But the one where you feel everything about your partner. Love should make you feel alive and immortal and young.

While I have my own definition of love, I must say that I don't believe in an ever lasting love. I believe that at one point in your life you'll meet your true one, it can last a life time, but time changes everything, even feelings. So the thing is that this experience will be the best you'll ever get .

And if you already experienced such thing, enjoy it now. And if it is already over, don't be but and be happy about it. Other, maybe less heavy feelings for someone new will come. And if you're reading this now, without having found your love yet, just wait. Never lose hope, it will find you at least.

[sorrehiamstilldrunk]

What to do, Who to be Now your soul May finally be free. Left everything behind No longer will you be blind. Is there I secret of life? A key to a door? Please guide me a way Take me with you Because for me There is no reason to stay.

After going through a loss we often begin to think about what comes after our death. I personally, while remembering my loved ones who had to pass away, like to think of them like if they are still around me. Observing us and checking us. Suffering with us and laughing with us.

Like the air that we breath or the blood in our veins, always there without us being aware of it all the time.

This is not my romanticized vision of heaven nor what I wish it to be for me when my time comes. At least if our soul keeps living in eternity with all the memories we made still stuck to it I wouldn't like the thought of being a part of this world without having influence on it. That I only imagine my lost individuals to be and do so, is simply for my own comfort.

Life has a funny way of proven our will and strength, and it breaks my heart to think of me being unable to support or give hope for examplewise my niece or my future children.

To set I statement I like to believe that our souls are eternal, because otherwise what's the point of living if everything you've done and felt in your life turns at one point into nothing ? So when it comes to me I hope that when I'm ready I'll join a place, a completely new one but with my memories still kept but also chances to make new one. And this I wish to do with people I haven't seen in a long time and those who I'd never had the chance to lay an eye on.

[sorrehiamstilldrunk]

Scared of being alone Scared of having no home I don't want you to be stressed But when it comes to me It takes one look to see What I am, is a mess You don't see it Because you don't want to That is why there is no one I really can talk to"

This is an older one. I was going through tough time back then, but as you can see I got better and that all by myself

[sorrehiamstilldrunk]

You make me feel safe But I won't dare To say that I need you. For if I do My heart may break. It's fine if you need me I won't do you harm. Since I am with you My oh so cold heart Became filled with warmth.

This is my first personal poem to publish. I hope you like it even if I might not be the best in writing poetry, they still help me to challenge my emotions.

I wrote this one for someone I grew really close to, at least it feels to me so. I'm not at all certain if it is both sided. And since I'm better at playing a safe game I am used to put my feelings in secret words rather than into loud actions.

[sorrehiamstilldrunk]

Time well spent

There are people who try not to waste a second of their time, and others who don't even recognize what they are losing. I only can speak for myself and I'm definitely one of the first kind, at least most of the time. But at what point do we consider time as wasted or well spent? Everything we do, where we are productive, mentally or physically, can not be called a lost of time. If it is householding, doing sports, going to work, help a friend, be a shoulder to cry on, or simply do something we passionately love. These examples might look productive at first but what I really think, what makes a well spent time is, that it does not come with the need of physical moving or the surrounding of others. If we'd like to, we, and I mean every human being alive can spend our life without having a second of lost time on the bill waiting for us in front of the doors of heaven. Sounds good, right? To be sure about having your life lived to the fullest ?

The key to that goal is as simple as complicated, it has something to with speaking. But there's no need to be talkative all the time, what we often forget is that it can be healthy for us to talk to ourselves. And to do that we do not need more than that . Your thoughts are your greatest weapon and so we must keep them save. The mind needs to be cared about and to be treasured, we shouldn't let it get wasted or abused. Imagine your mind like a giant room full of boxes with different kinds of thoughts. As long as it's all neatly cleaned up and standing in order everything is fine. But when you feel that you're beginning to mix up the boxes and are no longer able to find what you want it's time to get back to the usual form and get the goods separated from the bads.

That process sounds harder than it is, try to sit down and let your mind wander, let the thoughts come and go like the winds of change. Don't write anything down, your mind will take notes for you. Don't lie down, you might fall asleep.

For how long you will rest in this situation is yours to decide, so let your thoughts wander, through emotions, memories and the beauty of life.