I can't make up the title

I just want to give the honour to many things that help me to believe in incredible adventure that life is.

[sorussiandamnginger]

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[sorussiandamnginger]

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[sorussiandamnginger]

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[sorussiandamnginger]

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[sorussiandamnginger]

January 9th 

I’m listening to Dave Matthews Band and feeling overwhelmed 

Not digging into the lyrics yet, just exploring the music 

I took me 14 years to finally get to this band, and really take a listen 

The timing couldn’t be more perfect - the neighbours are at it again, and blasting the music out of my Bluetooth speaker is the only way to dampen their debauchery. 

I’ve had a free evening today - unusual. Time to reflect, cry a little, and take another attempt at understanding life. So cool 

I have the strange sense of being where I’m supposed to be, feeling how I’m supposed to feel. Breathing evenly. 

Too bad tomorrow comes and down goes this magical feeling. Still, thank god tomorrow comes, I must hope. 

[sorussiandamnginger]

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[sorussiandamnginger]

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[sorussiandamnginger]

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[sorussiandamnginger]

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[sorussiandamnginger]

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[sorussiandamnginger]

i wish for the following:

i wish i said what i think at the time when it bothers me i wish i swallowed my fear of being rejected i wish my perception of myself didn’t spoil our evenings i wish you glass eyes wouldn’t make me feel so neglected i wish to look in the mirror and not get disappointed i wish not to build up expectations of your behaviour i wish my gut wouldn’t be so right all the time i wish i wasn’t so stupid when i’m with you and alone - so clever i wish you wished for us to work on us i wish you would help me like i tried to help you every single minute of my life this year i wish i didn’t wish for so much at last i wish i hadn’t met you, of course i’m lying, goodnight

[sorussiandamnginger]

Так круто читать это спустя два года, понимая, что того человека, который это писал, писал из жалости к себе, из инфантильности, из неуверенности, больше нет.  Он вырос, осознал свою ценность (полноценность), свою чистоту. Он отпустил  Кайфово. 

[sorussiandamnginger]

Надеюсь, кто-то поймет это чувство. Не знаю, может это из-за экстровертности или каких-то конкретных черт характера, но аж тошнит от этого непреодолимого желания каждую секундочку быть услышанным!!!! Не получается просто подумать и оставить это себе. Любое переживание, умозаключение, глупость (для всех, но не для тебя, для тебя это что-то вселенское) - выкрикнуть, написать, запостить... И вот он, момент, когда изложил все в словах, отправил в истории или на стену вк, смотришь со стороны И получается, что оголил себя. Рассказал тайну, открыл что-то интимное о себе. Зачем? Зачем это всем знать?  Жуткий парадокс.

[sorussiandamnginger]

i wish for the following:

i wish i said what i think at the time when it bothers me i wish i swallowed my fear of being rejected i wish my perception of myself didn’t spoil our evenings i wish you glass eyes wouldn’t make me feel so neglected i wish to look in the mirror and not get disappointed i wish not to build up expectations of your behaviour i wish my gut wouldn’t be so right all the time i wish i wasn’t so stupid when i’m with you and alone - so clever i wish you wished for us to work on us i wish you would help me like i tried to help you every single minute of my life this year i wish i didn’t wish for so much at last i wish i hadn’t met you, of course i’m lying, goodnight

[sorussiandamnginger]

‘That night couldn’t get any better’, I thought. Here I am, at the coolest place in town, with the coolest people in the world. Sharing little secrets, catching up on our lives, laughing like crazy, drinking a little and feeling this atmosphere. And then she talked about their friendship. I envied it, how they talked every day on the phone, discussed books and boys and new clothes. Why couldn’t it be me that was that friend? The best one.

I am 21 now. I believe very firmly there’s no such thing as a BFF. If I even use the term occasionally, it’s just that it’s an easy thing to understand. I don’t believe in bffs, though. I believe in close friends. Close is so much better than best.

I know my close friends. Through thick and thin I’ll always love them. But am I a close friend to somebody? Or a best one?

What do people do to deserve this kinda status?

I’m writing this and I keep deleting sentences. And then writing them again, letting them out. I guess these are just some of the thoughts popping up in my mind when I’m alone, when I feel sorry for myself.

[sorussiandamnginger]

I used to love watching clouds float away. Have you noticed the way all the world turns bright and dark when wind pushes them towards the sun and further? And their shapes. Animals, face profiles, sometimes a whole freaking jungle park in shapes of clouds! Do you remember those road trips in your childhood when you just look out the window and start looking for those shapes. I once saw a scenery of clouds shaped like Zeus getting ready to throw lightnings. I don’t do it anymore. Hardly ever. That is one thing I left in childhood, with playing outside and standing in the corner after some mischief. There are so many things we leave in our childhood years. It’s like old furniture left in a previous home. You only care about it after some years have passed and you suddenly reminisce and regret you left it there. We also leave people there, right? I wish I could come back to childhood, to new experiences, to feeling everything so deeply, so expressively.

[relatablepoetryandquotes]

via @extramadness

[sorussiandamnginger]

Correction: you shouldn’t wait for such a person. Be such a person for somebody. 

[sorussiandamnginger]

I would just love to sit there on the bench, watch people walk past me and smoke Marlboro Red. Some music in the earphones would be nice, and maybe a can of beer. And some pretty person by my side. But that’s not mandatory.

Cigs and sunsets. And not worrying about the future.