sosforselflove

[sosforselflove]

no sabía que el dolor me ocuparía tanto tiempo

me estoy fosilizando en el sillón

[sosforselflove]

habito veritablement la meva vida?

[thebeautiful-andreagibson]

I Sing the Body Electric, Especially When My Power is Out-Andrea Gibson

This is my body I have weather veins They’re especially sensitive to dust storms and hurricanes When I’m nervous my teeth chatter like a wheelbarrow collecting rain I am rusty when I talk- it’s the storm in me

The doctor said some day I might not be able to walk It’s in my blood like the iron My mother is as tough as nails, she held herself together The day she could no longer hold my niece she said “Our kneecaps are our prayer beds Everyone can walk farther on their kneecaps than they can on their feet”

This is my heartbeat Like yours, it is a hatchet It can build a house, or tear one down My mouth is a fire escape The words coming out don’t care that they are naked There is something burning in here When it burns, I hold my own shell to my ear Listen for the parade when I was seven The man who played the bagpipes wore a skirt He was from Scotland- I wanted to move there Wanted my spine to be the spine of an unpublished book My fate, the first and last page

The day my ribcage became monkey bars For a girl hanging on my every word They said “you are not allowed to love her” Tried to take me by the throat And teach me I was not a boy I had to unlearn their prison speak Refuse to make wishes on the star on the sheriff’s chest I started wishes on the stars in the sky instead

I said to the the sun “Tell me about the big bang” The sun said “it hurts to become”

I carry that hurt on the tip of my tongue And whisper bless your heart every chance I get So my family tree can be sure I have not left You do not have to leave to arrive I am learning this slowly

So sometimes when I look in the mirror My eyes look like the holes in the shoe of the shoe shine man My hands are busy on the wrong things Some days, I call my arms wings While my head is in the clouds

It will take me a few more years to learn Flying is not pushing away the ground Safety is not always safe You can find one on every gun I am aiming to do better

This is my body My exhaustion pipe will never pass inspection And still my lungs know how to breathe Like a burning map Every time I get lost behind the curtain of her hair You can find me by the window Following my past to a trail of blood In the snow

The night I opened my veins The doctor who stitched me up asked me if I did it for attention For the record, if you have ever done anything for attention, This poem is attention Title it with your name It will scour the city bridge every time You stand kicking at your shadow Staring at the river It does not want to find your body Doing anything but loving what it loves So love what you love

Say this is my body It is no ones but mine This is my nervous system My wanting blood My half tamed addictions My tongue, tied up like a ball of Christmas lights If you put a star on the top of my tree, Make sure it’s a star that fell Make sure it hit bottom like a tambourine Cause all these words are stories

For the staircase to the top of my lungs Where I sing what hurts And the echo comes back Bless your heart Bless your body  Bless your holy kneecaps They are so smart You are so full of rain There is so much that is growing Hallelujah to your weather veins Hallelujah to the ache To the pull To the fall To the pain Hallelujah to the grace And the body  and every cell of us all

[edwardsaidpdf]

gentle earth // retroluvv // andrea gibson, I sing the body electric; especially when my power is out

[sosforselflove]

em sento en bucle aferrant-me a una tristesa perquè en realitat és l’únic que m’aferra a tu

[sosforselflove]

el que queda entre tot i res, el que no diem: el desig

[sosforselflove]

Principi d’incertesa_

Observes l’objecte en la foscor

i per voler-lo tot hi aboques llum.

Escalf que sacseja

partícules tranquil.les,

sense algoritmes

que ens prediguin la trajectòria:

ja no saps dir-me

quina és la urgència dels àtoms

ni l’espai concret que ocupen.

La realitat objectiva

acaba d’evaporar-se

He desterrat el miracle

i allò que creia inequívoc:

com més precisió anhelo

més fonda és la incertesa.

Com més llum,

més difícil saber on sóc.

— Míriam Cano

[sosforselflove]

Caye: ¿Sabes que el mar aquí es muy importante?

Zulema: No hay mar aquí. 

Caye: Por eso, es donde más se piensa en él. 

Princesas (2005)

[worshipgifs]

Jefferson Bethke

[sosforselflove]

[distractful]

[sosforselflove]

Ahir vaig veure La vie d’Adele i em va sentar fatal.

[love]

The Heavenly Tenants by Ilonka Karasz (1896-1981)

[llavorsilletres]

protegir-la

se’m desfigura el cor si parlo de tu.

estic cansada, però em queden prou forces per rebutjar l’amor.

no vull que m’estimi ningú.

[sosforselflove]

Quan anava a l’escola m’era igual equivocar-me. Ara amb perspectiva, sé que no vaig ser gaire bona estudiant: aprovava, sí. M’hi esforçava? Gens. Reconec que equivocar-me, en una época, m’importava poc.

Quan era adolescent tenia moltes pors, moltes. Em faltava, però, la por més important: la por de fer-me mal. Anava fent com si el meu cos no tingués cap mena de valor. Sobrevivia? Sí. M’hi esforçava? Gens. Reconec que cuidar-me, en una época, no era cap opció.

Fa mitja hora estava de festa, he estat tota la tarda bevent. He fugit cap a casa perquè l’ansietat se’m cruspia. He guanyat el meu FOMO quan he decidit que necessitava estirar-me al meu llit. Mentre justificava que marxava amb que estava cansada, que ja no em trobava bé, i altres excuses, la Marta m’ha mirat als ulls, i com si m’estigués llegint la ment, m’ha dit fluixet: cuida’t. I ha estat l’embranzida que necessitava.

Puc assegurar-vos, noies*, que la por a equivocar-me que sento en aquest precís instant no l’he sentit mai abans. Sento, i ara de debó, que tinc l’abisme a un pas en fals. Que si ho havia dit abans no ho sabia de veritat. Tinc una fisura dins que significa la fisura amb casa. Me n’adono de com de gran és ara: ja hi era, amb la mare, ja hi era, amb el pare. Ara es triplica i no para de créixer. Estic lluny; Lisboa em cuida però jo no ho faig prou; ja no podràs estimar-me mai igual; hi ha persones que m’estimo que no podran entendre’m més; fa temps que no m’abracen com m’han abraçat sempre els meus amics.

Em fa pena perquè me n’avergonyeixo. Volia que aquesta aventura fos diferent.

El meu erasmus estarà tacat per sempre d’aquesta merda.

*Les noies sou vosaltres, la veritat. Avui he necessitat dirigir-me a algú concret, algú que sé que pot llegir-me. Tumblr com a sortida però lectores de carn i ossos com a punt d’auto-trobada-col.lectiva.

[medievalswords]

when lizzo said “self love is survival” and when hannah gadsby said “do you understand what self-deprecation means when it comes from somebody who already exists in the margins? it’s not humility. it’s humiliation” and when mitski said “i used to rebel by destroying myself, but realized that’s awfully convenient to the world. for some of us our best revolt is self preservation”

[gnascher]

when audre lorde said “caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare”

[darkalleysunflower]

when Jenny Slate tweeted, “As the image of myself becomes sharper in my brain&more precious, I feel less afraid that someone else will erase me by denying me love”

[sosforselflove]

Tinc el compte de Tumblr ple d’esborranys des de fa un any i després sóc capaç de culpar-me perque ja no m’agrada el que escric???????

[llumiombres]

Com si poguessis salvar naufragis només mirant el mar. T'has fet onada i lluny d'acompanyar els vaixells prop de terra, has generarat el temporal. Ara, bufa fort i fes escampar el núvols. Que surti el sol altra vegada i eixugui les veles que han quedat amarades d'humitat salada.