Don't let the dark consume you... [Fic rough draft]
[TW: blood, self harm, mention of past traumatic events, descriptions of disturbing imigary]
(Note1: Soth is a non-Genshin OC of someone i'm collabing with. He'll be introduced MUCH-MUCH later on into the story!)
(Note2: This is still a rough draft, bound to change!)
Plain gray towel in hand, to act as a rug, following Soth's lead, they arrive at a clearing in the forest. Close enough not to get lost, but desolate enough from any sign of human life. Just as Soth requested. Weather, albeit almost combating his homeland's scorching heat, it is bearable under the shade of the leaves.
<Soth> ,,What do you think, Cyno?" He asks, hand on hip, sounding…almost proud.
<Cyno> ,,That the Great God of Bodybuilders was…especially kind to you..." Shrugs in confusion.
<Soth> Glances down on himself, then looks back up. ,,That's…not what I meant..." A light shake of his head, but he can't hide the budding half smile.
<Cyno> ,,Well...the Puberty Gods?"
Ouch. None of them landed. Understandable. He's been getting rusty with his jokes. And even these…turned out cringe…if there was a way-back machine, to erase him saying them…
<Soth> ,,...let me help...okay?" His voice goes quiet and soft, while pulling out his own rug from his seemingly bottomless bag.
Phew…at least the last crumbs of his dignity is saved. But also…
<Cyno> ,,Don't get me wrong…i'm open to any solution that is safe…just…unsure if it will work at all." A sigh leaves him. ,, I'm consistently doing breathing exercises with Nilou's guidence. And even those rarely work the first try… I don't even know…what you're trying to achieve here…"
<Soth> ,,What I'm going to attempt to do is help you release the negative thoughts and energy inside you outward. To a place where it can no longer harm you." He says it like…it's something he should be understanding easily…
Those riddles again… How would one do that? Sure, in movies, they depict it as… Throwing rocks into the river. Or blowing dandelion seeds. Or letting paper boats be drifted away. With the rocks, the seeds, and the paper boats representing the negative things.
<Cyno> ,,How…?" His question comes out weak, suspecting. He didn't intended to…
<Soth> ,,Through direct action, visualize it leaving you."
<Cyno> ,,What? What does all of…this…mean?! Could you be more clear?"
<Soth> After a small nod. ,,Here... Let me...there..." With swift, but graceful movements, Soth gets into position. Back perfectly straight, folded legs aligning with the rug underneath him. ,,Get your mat, and assume a position similar to mine. It is okay, if it's not exactly like it. Whatever feels comfortable."
Okay, that's easy enough… Albeit, knowing he's not as flexible as Soth, he just sits down across the other, legs folded, with his lower arms resting on them slightly. He said ,whatever feels comfortable', so this should be enough…
<Soth> ,,Very good...now, did you come up with a Mantra?" The goofy kid is now gone. In its stead across him, sits a…young man, embarrasingly younger than the General himself, but seemingly twice the experiences of hardships.
<Cyno> Nods once. ,,Yes. You make it sound easy, but it was surprisingly hard, compared to this position." A little bit of an exxagaration, but it WAS quiet frustrating. Given that it was his first time.
<Soth> A small chuckle escapes him. ,,It is alright, the important thing is that it has a meaning for you specifically. The Mantra's role, is to keep your mind grounded against the dark. And the position, it is meant to help you focus on the task ahead."
<Cyno> ,,And that task would be…?"
<Soth> ,,Close your eyes."
<Cyno> ,,They're closed…" He says, a bit confused. But also…starting to feel anxious. Usually, closing his eyes…bring forth all the horrible images…
<Soth> ,,To everything... everything...but right here... right now..." In contrast to Cyno, Soth's voice is calm, peacefully slow.
<Cyno> ,,H-how do I do that?" Peels one eye open, to peek at Soth in confusion.
<Soth> ,,By knowing it will all be here when you are done." His answer comes as a calm reassurance.
Closing his eyes back, Cyno then shifts his focus on his surroundings. The nice, crispy scent of the forest nearby. Cheerful song of tiny birds. Warm, yet gentle sunrays against his tensed back.
He's here…right here, right now. Everything will remain, once he's done. Everything will be okay.
<Soth> ,,Breathe in…" He can hear the instructions.
He's here…right here, right now…
Everything will remain, once he's done…
His breathing speeds up. Not good, not good-
<Soth> ,,Again." His command rings out.
Shifting slightly, this time he focuses on turning his mind off.
Crispy scent slowly evaporates into nothingness…
The chirping is now but a background static. Until fading completely…
The heat of the sun is now a distant memory…
He repeats the steps for one final time. With…success. If he can call it that. He's all alone…in the pitch black darkness of nothingness and everything at once. Inky black, disgusting hands already grabbing onto him. Dragging him even deeper. Drowning his voice.
Drowning the child, screaming for his parents not to sell him off.
Drowning the teen, screaming for his caretaker not to leave him in his room, while needing to be isolated.
Drowning the wounded hunter, screaming for his best friend not to leave him in the hospital.
Drowning the shipwreck of a man, screaming for his friends not to give up on him.
Different time. Different age. Different situation. Same plea…
It's dark…it's dark and unnervingly quiet and chaotic at the same time.
The voices…they're loud. Too loud. Drowning his voice, until it's left unheard.
Inky darkness gnawing at his body, until he's left unseen.
Looking up…if that's even up…
The twisted, grotesque wide grin. Pointy ears and dog-like head. Darkness envelopping the figure, but is unable to hide the…
The smell of…Padisarah…and…Nilotpala Lotus-
No no no no no no! He can't let that happen!
Closing his eyes,clawing his way towards them thru the thick yet untouchable darkness, he tries and tries again and again to call out to them. To not to leave him. To come back. To give him another chance. To let him pruve he changed. That he's still worthy of their trust.
<???> ,,I'm here..." A familiar voice tries to cut thru the chaos…
A piercing pain near his heart…
,I'd prefer if you just die instead!'
His whole body aches, as if being torn apart…
<???> ,,I WON'T leave you." The familiar voice again… Now a bit louder…
Something got a hold on his neck. It hurts… He can't breathe…
<???> ,,I'm here, Cyno-" That voice… That unique smell…
He tries to call out…but there's no sound.
<Soth> ,,-it won't hurt you, nor anyone, but look at it..." Easier said than done…
Cyno does obey… Peeling his eyes open, to be met with the twisted, disgusting, way too familiar figure. It's holding him up by the throat, like a squeeky toy. Opening its wolf-like mouth, inky dark tenticles, dusted with red dots emerge from it. The smells of…
No! No no no no! Let me out of here!!!
No sound leaves him despite his desparate attempts.
<Soth> ,,The Mantra, say it now, believe it, in your heart, in your Soul.."
Bless the Lesser Lord above his command was able to cut thru.
<Cyno> ,,As the winds move the sands through the desert-" Starts to chant, struggling thru the iron grip on his throat. ,,-release this darkness…t-through the land where I sit…so it m-may never stain my Soul again..."
Like a revenge, the grip on his neck gets tighter. He can physically feel it. Cold as ice. Sticky and oddly soft, like bloody flesh. Fingertips sinking into his neck, like tiny, but perfectly sharpenned razorblades.
<Cyno> ,,As- the winds move the sands through the desert-" One more try… ,,release this darkness…through the land where I sit, so it may never stain my Soul again..."
He knew from Tighnari, that Cyno has been having a hard time relaxing. He knew, that's why this meditation is so important. Soth is sure of it, that his mental state isn't just the product of active stress. No, this is the end product of every negative thing bottled up and kept pushed back down.
Everything about the guy screams hardships and pushed back struggle. Clothing, much baggier than they should be, hanging down on him, hinting towards a once more muscular stature. Eyebags sagging down under his eyes, way too prominent for Cyno's age. And the amount of scars…like he was mawled by a hoard of beasts.
Then, he notices how his hands and face keeps twitching. So far nothing out the ordinary. He had seen this reaction from others in the past. ,Just' another indication of stress.
<Cyno> ,,No… Do…n…le…eeave…me…" He mumbles…
And that catches Soth's attention. Okay…less normal, but not that uncommon. However, the plea in itself…
<Cyno> ,,Don't…leave…" And he keeps repeating it…
Something in him drops to his stomach. Why would he need to repeat something like that…?
<Soth> ,,I'm here, Cyno…i'm here…" He reaches out his hand- but retracts it not even halfways thru…
<Cyno> ,,Don't…leave…me…here…" Now he's completely hunched over, making himself as small as possible. Whole body shaking, while his arms are propped against his legs.
<Soth> ,,I'm here, Cyno…i'm here, and I WON'T leave you!" Averting his voice the slightest, he tries to be louder, thinking whatever he's experiencing is louder.
He physically has to restrain himself from giving Cyno the biggest bearhug a human ever experienced. To let him feel that he's here. That he's not alone. But…that would be wrong. Their energies can NOT come into contact. Cyno already has more than enough on his shoulders… Although he does gets alert, noticing how his fingers are curling inwards…sinking them so deep, it carves long, deep scratches, drawing blood. And the chocking sounds… The dark, negative energy seeping out, seemingly curling around his neck-
Forget it, he needs to interviene, otherwise he's going to cause more harm than good.
Carefully grabbing Cyno's arm, Soth gets pulled into his dark world-
And he actually needs to take a moment to just wrap his head around what he's witnessing… by Gods' names…no wonder he didn't hear him earlier… All these voices, mingling and merging into one chaotic mess…he can't hear his own thoughts, let alone if someone else would to speak to him from outside. He can feel HIMSELF being choked…along with the immense pain all over his body…as if he too, is re-living his own battles all at once, but not as a powerful Inductor…but rather, as a Pureblood Human.
It is not you experiencing it…
Rather, the one in front of you…
The one, who needs your help right now the most…
<Soth> ,,Cyno, I'm here. it won't hurt you, nor anyone, but look at it…" He commands him, in a softer tone, but still trying to be a bit louder, now understanding why he couldn't hear him earlier.
And once he does open his eyes…a real nightmarish view greets him. A dark, shadowy figure, quiet similar to how Cyno described his ancient power… The wolf-like head being the most recognizable feature of it all…but, it seems to be a more…twisted version of the truth. He can also feel the immense hatred towards the figure, overlapping the fear. Hatred, that is not his own…
And as inky black tenticles emerge from its mouth, dusted with red dots…and the stench of blood, corpses, and wet soil twists his own nose, he now realizes what made Cyno physically choke.
<Soth> ,,The Mantra, say it now, believe it, in your heart, in your Soul… Believe it!"
<Cyno> ,,As the winds move the sands through the desert-" Starts to chant, struggling thru the iron grip on his throat. ,,-release this darkness…t-through the land where I sit…so it m-may never stain my Soul again..."
Like a revenge, the grip on his neck gets tighter. Soth too, can feel it. Cold as ice. Sticky and oddly soft, like bloody flesh. Fingertips sinking into his neck, like tiny, but perfectly sharpenned razorblades.
<Cyno> ,,As- the winds move the sands through the desert-" One more try… ,,release this darkness…through the land where I sit, so it may never stain my Soul again..."
<Soth> ,,Cyno...that's NOT you..." Of course it's not working, if his mind is still filled with those self-loathing thoughts…
He needs to find pleasent memories…ones that show the REAL him… But the guy's mind is just a chaotic mess…never in his…albeit yet short life, had seen anything like this… Oh, that's it! He found some!
In that moment, vibrant colors start to sprout from the shadowy darkness of his mind.
At first, it's soft colors of greens and yellows, as the colorful patches paint a memory on the inky canvas. The memory of…when Collei was learning to read. Oh how exited she was, to tell them about the stories she had read.
Then, it swiftly evaporates.
Taken its place are colors of greens and browns. The memory of…when he first mert with Tighnari. He'd be guilty of lying on the highest degree, if he said Tighnari's ears weren't tempting. He himself couldn't resist it.
And as this memory too, fades into nothingness…
Familiar shades of blues and reds are splashed across his vision… And a…familiar light purple plushie…
,I know it looks more like a fox, but… With the purple coloring and…everything…well, makes me think of you.'
<Cyno> ,,N-Ni…louuu…" He breaths out quietly, a soft sob almost escaping, while he reaches out, like an instinct, before the image drifts away…
Yes, that's what he's looking for!
<Soth> ,,Each man carries two wolves inside, Cyno..." His voice rings out in the darkness, like an ethernal guide…
And now, it seems Soth's memories take the dark stage…
The first one, of him holding up the head of a..devilish creature, likely some kind of dragon, like a trophy… Face stretched into a wide, open-mouthed…broken smile. Blood spilling all over him, like rain colored in the most disgusting shade of red.
<Soth> ,,Which wolf is strongest?"
The second one, of him either stretching, or flexing his muscular arms. With his more pleasent, seemingly undying, contagius, innocent grin.
<Soth> ,,The one we really feed..."
The third one, is of him…in what looks to be a modern-day…albeit empty classroom. With the same grin…but radiating the intellect of a professor… Wait, then how come all those dragons, witches, and what not? And also…isn't he legally a minor? Sure, technically only by one single year, but law is still law…
<Soth> ,,No matter what's locked up in there with you... Even the scary stuff.."
The next image is of him…with…wings? Huuuh?! They look like how they depict the most generic dragon wings in kids' shows or on book covers. Being honest…it's far from scary. Rather…it actually looks cool. Although Cyno has no idea how that would work. Anatomically it doesn't seem big enough to lift his weight. But, who is he to tell, he Specialized in elemental reactions and martial arts, not biology and anatomy.
<Soth> ,,YOU always carry the key..."
That image too, ripples away…
Coming into his view…is of how he held the purple ,wolf' plush… As it gets covered by the inky tenticles-
Then, for the fraction of a second- A strangely unnerving image pops up, of a clear jar, before it goes away just as fast… Nothing actually unnerving, but Cyno still somehow feels anxiousness. But not his own.
<Soth> ,,Open your eyes, Cyno!" His voice rings out again…but now from ,outside'. With the slightest traces of the anxiousness he felt earlier.
And he does so…although blinking and squinting his eyes a bit, as the sudden light stings them.
<Soth> ,,Now, assume a position like this." Reaching down, he sinks his fingertips slightly into the ground. Waiting for Cyno to copy the position, before continuing. ,,Say the mantra, for one final time."
This time, it has to work. He felt and saw a clear shift.
<Cyno> After a quick nod. ,,As the winds move the sands through the desert…"
<Soth> ,,Now...push... push with your mind, with your Soul, down your arms, to your hands, and....OUT!" His voice almost sounds excited…
<Cyno> ,,…release this darkness, through the land where I sit, so it may never stain my Soul again…"
Shadowy hands coil their way around his arms and neck, buried in pitch black smoke, almost completely obscuring his vision. Like an anaconda, trying to swallow its prey whole.
<Soth> ,,Into the ground, Cyno, push...PUSH!!" Now he can't even hide the anticipation in his voice. It really should work. It NEEDS to work.
And something DOES happening-
The inky, disgusting hands that were clawing on him, are now flooding the ground. Immidietly destroying the soil upon contact. And as he's frozen into place, his whole arm shaking, all Cyno can think of is…
What on the ever living Abyss was that?!
Not that he has the time to recover-
<Soth> ,,Yes! You did it!" He beams.
Then Cyno feels a bone crushingly tight hold around himself, before being lifted up.
<Soth> ,,Your first attempt, too!"
<Cyno> ,,I didn't…succeed...part of it is…still there..." Struggles to squeeze it out, while being spun around, like in a centrifuge.
<Soth> ,,You DID succeed! This battle will be constant, as we struggle within ourselves."
<Cyno> ,,Well, currently i'm struggling for air!" Finally manages, trying to sound playful… But really…he's just still in shock.
And as Soth FINALLY realizes that he impulsively practiced Master Ryan's Bare-chested spinning bear hug on Cyno…especially after Tighnari's hints towards him being very particular about touching, he releases him from the hold.
<Soth> ,,I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" Rushes the words out, seeing Cyno plopping down on the ground.
<Cyno> ,,Don't be…" Manages a small half smile. ,,It…actually felt…quiet soothing in a way…" Then curls up slightly, head buried into his folded arms. ,,Just…need a minute…" His voice cracks at the end.
His heart is still racing…
His whole body still shaking in a fight or flight response…
Those voices…so loud, and they're louder and more chaotic as time passes…
His whole body aches still…he didn't just hallucinate that pain… It's like…his mind relived those memories physically too…
Against his will, the faintest of meek sob escapes him. Muffled my his arms and hair, that fell onto his face.
Then, he hears Soth sitting down next to him.
<Soth> ,,Are you okay- ?"
<Cyno> Sniffs once. ,,I'm okay now…" Then lifts his head back up, then clearing his throat. ,,Were those…things…the dark, negative energy you mentionned?" His voice is now much calmer than it was previously.
<Soth> ,,Correct. It is…a semi-physical manifestation of all the negativity…dark, negative thoughts…anxiety, tensness…negative memories…" Turns his head towards him. His look stern, but also worried. ,,This is what keeps eating you away from the inside. Just look around." Extending his arm, Cyno follows it with his eyes.
And only then does he realize… So much damage. In a 2-3 meter radius…vegetation around him died out completely. Like a much faster version of the Withering's effects…
<Soth> ,,Witnessing the size of the damages, i suspect you never released the burden from your soul, yes?"
A slow nod, before looking down in frot of him. Tapping his fingers on the scratch marks, his blood already staining them.
<Cyno> ,,Yes. Although i AM open to any safe solution…as i said…i have no idea what am i doing. For all my life, i've perfected my physical abilities day and night. And studying law. To create an absolute weapon…against wrongdoers that plague this land. However…" His voice trails off in shame…
<Soth> ,,Taking care of your mental health did not fit into the training." He finishes off, by saying the unspoken words out loud. To which Cyno merely nods. ,,That explains the size." Curling up his right palm, he drops small rocks into it with the other hand, while Cyno watches it. ,,The more negativity you keep locked in your soul, the more it will be filled up." And as his hand gets full… ,,Until it can hold it no more. Causing pain on others around you." As he stacks up more rocks, most of them falls back down. ,,That is why, you must release that negativity to somwhere else, where it cannot cause harm to others. An isolated place, where you know, there's little foot traffic, or preferably, none."
<Cyno> ,,So that's why…you specifically requested a place like this…"
<Soth> ,,Exactly. Worry not, the dark energy will disperse eventually, as it has nothing to keep it contained now. And since it's isolated here, no one will stumble on it until it's gone. But, this battle will still be constant. You will need to repeat this over and over again, so the negativity that is poisoning your soul, will leave. One wave after another, with each session. Of course, the damages and the visibility won't be as severe as this one…unless you neglect this routine." He slowly picks out the rocks in his hand, until there's only a small amount left. ,,Of course, the negative energy will never truely leave. There's no perfect life, without the shadows of death, sadness and anger. But, this is a way to keep it from overflowing. Naturally, there will be times of relapse, when you are unable to do the routine, it is to be expected. But, building this into your everyday-life routine, it will be much easier on you. You will feel much lighter too."
<Cyno> ,,Hm…that kinda…makes me think of detoxication therapies and relapses… Except, i never did drugs…not that…this…is any better…"
<Soth> ,,Actually, it's more like instead of relying solely on yourself, you share the burden with a higher diety. And that leads me the next, and also final point." He then puts down the rocks. ,,After each session, make sure to thank your diety of Nature."
<Cyno> After some incoherent blabber. ,,Wait what?!" Shoots his head to Soth, eyes full of shock and concerne.
<Soth> ,,Yes, you heard me right. But you don't need to worry. As long as you make sure to thank them, the energy will disperse from the soil and the vegetation that was damaged, will be healed faster too."
With lightning speed, Cyno then scrumbles to his knees, putting his hands together in a praying motion.
<Cyno> ,,Oh great Lesser Lord above, may you be blessed, and- Forgive for my act of ignorance!" He bows down slightly towards the ground…before hearing a familiar, child-like voice in his mind.
,Don't apologize, General. I am merely glad, that it isn't the Withering coming back to plague the land.'
Then the voice goes away-
<Soth> ,,I've heard that too! See? There's nothing to be ashamed of, about relying on others for help." His grin comes back again… Shining as always…
<Cyno> ,,I just hope…the damages weren't too big…" With a long sigh, he then stands up, wiping off the dust. ,,Yes, i- … I accept the help…but still…i don't want others, to take on too much of my own burden…"
<Soth> While he himself getting up as well. ,,Then make sure to do the meditations. Rotating between spots. And thanking the Lesser Lord. With time, this ,burden' will mediate. But the most important of all: do NOT bottle it up again."
<Cyno> Nods. ,,I'll…try my best…" Although…now that things had calmed down, he can't help but think… ,,Also…if you're okay with it…i would…have two questions…"
<Soth> Already having an idea what he will ask, his grin dies down rather fast. ,,Of course." Nods robotically.
<Cyno> ,,What was that…jar? I suspect it had something to do with your kind…? Just yes or no is more than enough!" Waves his hands slightly. ,,I won't pry any further than that. And…what's with the wings…? You never mentioned your kind has one…"
<Soth> ,,The jar...yes...I should be more...open-" He starts, voice turning staticlly formal and almost robotic. ,, - let's just say it will only one thing...and yet hold many things… The time will be soon, we all must face...a rather unique challenge, and I will, for the good of my kind."
Those riddles again… What does he mean by… ,yet hold many things' exactly? WHAT time will come soon? What unique challange? Yes, he remembers that his kind is controlled in many ways, but… His senses scream at him, to pry into the matter. To know, if this means danger on the…boy…man… But, he promised to him, that he's not going to. And, promised himself, that he will never break a promise or a vow ever again.
<Soth> ,,As for the wings, sadly, I have let mine go lately, but luckily, like everything else, they can grow strong again, and with instruction, I might feel the wind again." His smile creeps back in a more gentle manner, as he looks up, and lets the warm wind carry the scent of the forest towards his face.
