Every day I wake up to a tiny person, his tiny hands on my face or arm, smiling at me and waiting to see what kind of day it will be in my eyes. My peace is his peace. What I have to give is what my baby gets. Creating peace— making peace with what is… it’s no longer a choice. It’s my job.
With PTSD, the alarm was triggered by one huge fire. Even after the fire is out, the alarm keeps going off when it detects anything that reminds it of that fire.
With C-PTSD, the alarm lived in a house where there was smoke every day for years. It learns that danger is constant, so it stays on high alert almost all the time. Over time, it can change not only how you react to danger, but also how you see yourself and other people.
PTSD: “Something terrible happened to me.”
C-PTSD: “Terrible things kept happening to me, and they changed how I experience the world and myself.”
“❕❕ I understand hormones change after birth and postpartum depression is a REAL medical condition; but I SWEAR some postpartum depression diagnoses need to be CRAPPY MEN DIAGNOSES ❕❕
These women battling TERRIBLE men while trying to recover from having a baby!!!
They’re sleep-deprived. They’re bleeding. They’re in pain. Their hormones are changing. Their bodies are healing. They’re feeding a newborn every two or three hours.
And somehow they’re still expected to cook, clean, wash bottles, care for the older children, schedule appointments, manage the house, and explain to a GROWN man what needs to be done.
Then, when she finally breaks down, everybody blames the hormones.
“She’s emotional.”
“She’s hormonal.”
“She hasn’t been herself since the baby.”
Well…has anybody EVEN ALLOWED her to BE herself?
Has anybody made sure she slept for more than two consecutive hours?
Has anybody brought her a meal before 4 p.m.?
Has anybody taken responsibility for the baby without calling it “helping”?
Has anybody cared for HER?
Because nobody talks enough about how much a woman’s postpartum recovery depends on whether the people around her actually ALLOW her to recover.
Two women can have the exact same C-section and come home to two completely different recoveries.
One comes home and is encouraged to stay in bed. Someone brings her food. Someone makes sure she takes her medication.
Someone washes the bottles, changes the diapers, handles the laundry, cares for the older children, keeps track of what the baby needs, and protects her sleep whenever possible.
The other woman comes home from the SAME major surgery and immediately becomes responsible for an entire household again.
She’s walking up and down the stairs.
Picking up laundry. Preparing bottles. Trying to breastfeed. Getting up every two hours. Making food. Taking care of older children. Keeping track of appointments.
And answering questions nobody should be asking the person who was just CUT OPEN.
Then people look at both women six weeks later and wonder why one is healing better than the other????
We talk constantly about whether a woman had a vaginal birth or a C-section.
Whether she breastfed or used formula.
Whether she “slept when the baby slept.”
But we don’t talk nearly enough about the invisible factor in postpartum recovery:
Did anyone take care of HER?
And I don’t mean someone held the baby for 20 minutes while she took a shower.
I mean; did someone take responsibility without waiting for her to assign every task?
Did someone notice the bottles needed washing? Did someone make sure she ate?
Did someone get up with the baby even when they had work the next morning?
Did someone remind her that bleeding, pain, exhaustion, and struggling emotionally were not things she needed to “push through” just to prove she was a good mother?
There is a difference between helping a postpartum mother and becoming her recovery partner.
“Helping” still leaves her in charge.
She still has to notice what needs to be done, ask for it, explain it, and make sure it happens.
A recovery partner sees the need and takes ownership of it.
Because the truth is, some mothers aren’t “stronger” than others.
Some simply had no choice but to function before their bodies were ready.
They weren’t given time to heal.
They were given a newborn, a list of responsibilities, and praise for how quickly they got back on their feet.
Then we call that strength.
But sometimes it isn’t strength.
Sometimes it’s survival.
And sometimes what people dismiss as a woman “just being hormonal” is a woman who is exhausted, resentful, lonely, overwhelmed, and completely abandoned by the person who was supposed to help her recover.
We need to stop treating postpartum support like an optional kindness a woman should feel lucky to receive.
Partners need to be prepared.
Families need to understand what recovery actually requires.
A new mother should not have to reach complete exhaustion before someone decides she has earned the right to rest.
She should not have to beg people to notice that she is bleeding, hurting, overwhelmed, sleep-deprived, and trying to keep another human alive while her own body is still healing.
If we want healthier babies, we have to start caring for their mothers with the same urgency.
Taking care of the person who just brought a baby into the world is not “helping.”
It is a responsibility.
Mothers deserve more than discharge papers and a six-week appointment.
Mothers deserve actual recovery.
And it is FAR past time we demanded better for them.”
ellievsbear
tangentwithtanner
amandla
discoholicmusic
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