@heartvalor : “ i’m with you. always. no matter what happens, i will be right by your side. do you understand? ”
he has grown accustomed to not needing people, to finding replacements whenever needed, to keeping them feet away from his heart ( rumour has it he was born without one ). and yet he takes responsibility, for his gang, even far before it was his, and for his crows. it’s him they follow, after all. not fool enough to think he can stay on the top of the pyramid of power in ketterdam alone, but also not fool to offer his trust. convenience and survival, those were the motivators in the city.
𝑨𝑵𝑫 𝒀𝑬𝑻, 𝑨𝑵𝑫 𝒀𝑬𝑻, 𝑨𝑵𝑫 𝒀𝑬𝑻…
she had been an exception. one that keeps growing inside, found a warm place under his ribcage, so stealthily he had only realised when there was already no way of making her leave. with time he has admitted to himself that he trusted her, that he had depended on her more times than he ever should’ve, that her safety and happiness had replaced every other necessity, every other goal. he is not the man who will declare those things, who will proclaim beautiful words for the world to hear, he’s not even sure if he could come up with the proper ones regardless. 𝐻𝐸 𝑊𝐴𝑆 𝑁𝑂𝑇 𝑀𝐴𝐷𝐸 𝐹𝑂𝑅 𝐺𝐸𝑁𝑇𝐿𝐸𝑁𝐸𝑆𝑆. but he is trying to build himself anew, to mend the parts of him that are broken, to battle his demons — it’s the bare minimum of what she deserves.
and so the sound of the water that keeps raging against his ears as he moves closer is ignored, the breath that is caught on his throat is slowly released, ungloved digits find her side and he keeps the same chant going in his mind — this is okay, he is okay, he is safe. living, breathing, warm. the memories that keep trying to find his brain are pushed away as he reminds himself that this is something entirely different. living, breathing, warm. her. so he leans down just enough, the scent of her hair a gentle reminder that grounds him in the moment, and his lips gently press against her temple. it’s quick, his heartbeat rapid, breathing shallow, PANIC threatens to rise and so he pulls back enough to regain control, unconsciously applying tension to the hand that remains on her side. but no step back is taken. he can do this. living, breathing, warm.