#dailythoughts

Just one girl, venturing the earth. Seeing the world, one city at a time.

[cwote]

take care of yourself today and every day :)

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

“You don’t have to have it all figured out to move forwards.”

— Unknown

[soupandthoughts]

Dream journal 2.7.19 7:22 AM

I had a hard time falling asleep last night. When i did I saw myself talking to someone, perhaps it was Jeff. I was discussing a discomfort on my back. When we took a look, my back was cover in blisters like it was burnt. The blisters fitted inside an upside down triangle. In my dream, I said “no wonder why I felt so uncomfortable”. Then I dreamed that we moved into a 4 stories house with one single ladder to climb up and down into each room. I saw myself climbing up and down. I was scared. I have always afraid of height, I was afraid in my dream climbing up into each floor to look at. Beds, clothes everything seemed to be moved already. I cried. I was in a car, driving as I was looking back at the house.

[soupandthoughts]

Another day.

Just waiting and waiting.

Woke up, put the laundry in, went to the gym, went to the store, spent the money that I don’t have, went home, made food for the dogs, did not feel like making food for myself, waited for call from interview, sad, promised myself to write more.

Here.

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

“Until you heal the wounds of your past, you are going to bleed. You can bandage the bleeding with food, with alcohol, with drugs, with work, with cigarettes, with sex; But eventually, it will all ooze through and stain your life. You must find the strength to open the wounds, Stick your hands inside, pull out the core of the pain that is holding you in your past, the memories and make peace with them.”

— lyanla Vanzant

[soupandthoughts]

That one chick at work.

Out of all the people at work, this one FUCKING PREGANT CHICK is the most annoyed! I can’t fucking bringmyself to like her or pretending to like her is fucking hard. Such a fucking asshole, can’t wait for her to go on maternal leave. How could one person could be so fake and annoyed! UGH.

[cwote]

Even if you don’t feel like it, you are worth it. I promise.

[soupandthoughts]

What is up with life?

Life is tough.

Since after the Vietnam trip, we fought more often, I cried more often. I stressed out.

The house is always dirty. Too many lazy ass people in the house. The parent is coming.

I am stressed to the max but trying to box it in and continue to move on.

Love is drying out. Emotions, feelings, dreams are crushed and shattered. Everything is crumbling...

What to do?

[anonymousaneurysm]

The hardest period in life is one’s twenties. It’s a shame because you’re your most gorgeous and you’re physically in peak condition. But it’s actually when you’re most insecure and full of self-doubt. When you don’t know what’s going to happen, it’s frightening.

Helen Mirren, Esquire interview  (via stupidbeliever)

[soupandthoughts]

My mind is too loud.

Laying in bed at 11:30 PM right now. My mind is louder than ever and I am full with insecurities. Trying to talk to myself and get all that into streght. Work, school, life, parent, everything. Am I tired? I don't feel like it...

[soupandthoughts]

School, work, emotions,unbalance

Grad school has began. I am heading into week 5 of the first semester. J took off for a few days last week and it was a train wreck of emotions. with everything going in the world out there, I could not sleep well at night, I could not chase away the negative thoughts, I cried, I was tired. I am still tired today but I know there is not other choice to continue on with life.

Last week, I was sad. H's wedding is finally here. We ordered the bridesmaid dress 6 months ago, it was a bad situation. In 6 months, I gained 40 pounds. Of course, the dress did not fit anymore. It was a moment of sadness but I had to find the solution instead of sitting the the pool of sadness. I found a seamstress in town to fix the dress up. Hofully it works...

Lost 4 pounds so far out of 40 pounds. 60 days away from Vietnam, might be I can shred at least 20 pounds more.

I am shattered this week. Every thoughts, abstract. Emotions, so overwhelming.

[soupandthoughts]

Work Place Drama

I love my work place and I have a great manager and some great co-workers. Today, the assistant manager told me about a new coworker who has been badmouthing with other coworkers about me. Other coworkers work great with me and honestly I have no problem with any other coworkers. Let's call this one specific new coworker AB. So AB told a NOC staff that I have been provoked behaviors in client. Well... this client has behaviors with every single staff. My strategy with this client is walk away every time the client has a behavior and just let the client figure out her own feelings and emotions. Provoking behavior is a really big accusation from my perspective. I want to stay out of dramas as much as possible from work and honestly working with this high behavior client is already putting myself at risk for many other things. One thing goes wrong with this client might result in bigger thing with DHS and potential leading to me not being able to obtain my counselor license in the future. That is a huge risk. I am considering just to go and talk to the manager and request to solidly working with my other clients and avoid the whole drama all together. I know I am a great worker and a great resource for this workplace. I might sound over confident to say that this AB coworker badmouth about me just because she feel hopeless about her situation and because she was emotional unstable in her personal life. But is it worthy to continue working this high behavior client and putting myself into all different kind of risks? I can't wait to go live out in the country side with just my hubby and the dogs. People just make me feel sick sometimes!

[mypsychology]

Here to help y'all gorgeous children

[soupandthoughts]

The day before the interview

After months and months of waiting, tomorrow is the day JK and I go in for our interview. The weight that I carry on the shoulder, hopefully, soon will be lift up. The past two days I did not sleep well. Toss and turn and bad dreams. I started walking the dogs again these days in the morning. 40 pounds is a large amount of weight that I gained and is my goal to lose in the next couple months. So far, I maintain consistency with my long morning walk. But my food intake is just all over the place. I crave sweet, I crave carb, I crave everything because of the damn period at the end of this week. Ugh. I feel disgusting after I consume the foods and just constant thinking about my body, in a negative way. My struggles. I know, I need to put in at least two hours at the gym like before to get back at 135. I don't know. How do people learn to love their weight? Probably not love, just "feel ok" with their weight. Well... I am ready to go home and sleep for now. My goal for tomorrow, walk the dogs, eat breakfast, head to Portland, get the interview done, good or bad, no matter what, I must stay strong and I must stand tall.

[thestudentcounsellor]

It’s sad to say that being in a relationship can break a person, but that’s why I’m a therapist… because being in a healthy relationship can be the most healing form of recovery

My tutor (via thestudentcounsellor)

[soupandthoughts]

It is a hard day at work

Today is definitely a fucking rough day at work. First, the country fair. Second, 2 staffs with 3 residents. Third, seizure 1 minute 5 seconds. I can't wait to go home! I feel like I don't get pay enough to do this job 😭😭😭😭😭

[psych-facts]

Let someone love you just the way you are – as flawed as you might be, as unattractive as you sometimes feel, and as unaccomplished as you think you are. To believe that you must hide all the parts of you that are broken, out of fear that someone else is incapable of loving what is less than perfect, is to believe that sunlight is incapable of entering a broken window and illuminating a dark room.

Marc Hack (via psych-facts)