I’ll never forget the feeling of
embracing someone at a funeral
sometimes she pissed me off
or half assing our school project
but none of that mattered in that building
when she asked to sit by me
I never once thought of her small annoyances
or how I felt sorrow sorrow for her teen pregnancy
I just thought “isn’t it nice to not feel so alone”
isn’t it nice we can be together
and eventually we walked up that isle together
it was so scary, everything felt so real all of a sudden
she cried into my shoulder
I felt like a man that day
but it was a sorrowful feeling
trying to protect someone from what’s already occurred
facing what you’re shielding them from
walking into the frigid cold air on shaky legs
I had no plans, I just needed to leave
to stop being a comforting shield
pink & orange hair that couldn’t hide my face as I cried
pink & orange hair that had no place in a funeral home
pink & orange hair that distinguished me
friendly, somber conversation on a cold metal bench
I don’t think we had talked for awhile, but I don’t really remember anymore
with you, I wasn’t the shield
I could be an equally soft body pillow
that had tear streaks down their cheeks
and cried loudly, in an overly expressive way
we were sad little pillows together
shivering in the cold, wearing black tuxedos
you made me smile at the worst occasion ever
a beacon that shone through the thick layers of snow
with you, I could fall apart as I giggled and shivered
you never told me to be a soft pillow
just like she never asked me to be her shield
it’s just what I became in those moments
I think that’s what I needed
whether I was a brick wall
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