for my beloved

life that is truly life

[sousooj]

my sweet son

tonight, as I was doing bedtime with the kids (ages 2, 4), I told them I was sad and needed a hug because I couldn’t find an important paper. L asked, “did it rip?” “No, I lost it.” While coming in for a hug, he immediately said, “I’m sorry you don’t have the paper anymore.”

I was shocked! At the level of empathy he has. I mean, such good listening skills too! He reflected what I said in his own words: I used the word lost and he said I don’t have it anymore. These kids blow me away. E also came and gave me a kiss and then blew me a kiss (ha).

When I feel down or discouraged, they remind me of what’s important. I’m present with my kids, I love on them and get to be their mom. What a joy and privilege, truly. They don’t care about all the silly things I care about. These kids are the greatest blessings in life (besides Jesus, and I often need intentional reminders of that).

Just wanted to document this sweet moment with my beautiful children. I love them so much, thank you Lord!

[sousooj]

I had dinner with my parents and my in-laws yesterday. My in-laws were boasting about how I was so good at golf when we went out to the course, and immediately my parents criticized my form (I sent them a video of my swing). “Soojin, do you know what you did wrong?” Then proceeds to tell me everything off about my swing. My in-laws continued to defend me, carefully, recounting that I learned just three months ago. Like dad, is this even the right time and place to be correcting my swing?

I didn’t realize just how much I do not want to be like my parents until I became one. I am grateful to have another set of parents and hope not to repeat this critical parenting style to my kid(s).

[sousooj]

Roe v. Wade, overturned

I am torn, and I just need to ramble/process.

First of all, as a woman, I feel it is not someone else’s decision to tell me what I can or cannot do with my body or my baby. If I decide to keep or abort a baby, it will be my responsibility to bear. Ultimately, no one really help me and no one else will have to deal with all the repercussions of that decision. No one but me. It’s unfair and it makes me so angry.

Furthermore, as a mom, I love my baby so, so much. I’ve never felt joy like I have as a mother to my sweet child. However, some days (mostly nights) are really, really hard. Like, omg I just want to give up hard. I have a loving husband, I am educated, I am financially stable, I have family support. In other words, I am privileged. And it’s still so, so hard at times. Even with my “easy” baby. So imagine a young, single mother with no education, no job, no family support. We are giving her no choice but to bear the responsibility of having sex and creating a child. Generally speaking, it’s not that hard to get pregnant. It’s damn hard to raise a child. If we care so much of the unborn child, why not see it through and make sure the child is born in a stable and healthy environment? It’s like people’s love and care for these babies stop when they are actually born.

Finally, as a Christian I am feeling so many things. I understand anti-abortion. I truly do. I also am not pro abortion. I believe God forms us in the womb, I believe humans are made in His image. HOWEVER. I don’t believe I can make that decision for others. Because if I care so much about this unborn baby and his right to life, I should care enough to see him through his life to make sure he will be taken care of. But. I don’t believe I’m responsible for that. How can I be responsible for all these unwanted babies who were forced to be born? In the same way, I can’t make that decision for all the mothers who want an abortion. It is ultimately their responsibility and their choice! We can’t just fight for the rights of unborn children and stop caring once they are born. Where are the Christians fighting for postpartum support? Or support for single moms? I find it so hypocritical that there is so much noise around abortion, fighting for the lives of unborn children, and SILENCE around gun control, when it is responsible for the death of humans that are living and breathing on earth. So many CHILDREN have died from gun violence! Yettttt where is the passion, the conviction to make sure our children are safe from gun violence? Or just people are safe simply going to the grocery store? Christians don’t want to be political when it comes to gun control but they feel every right to control every women’s body and force them to have unwanted pregnancies. Again, I get anti abortion. I do. But you cannot just stop there. Don’t claim to love these unborn babies when you can’t even love and support the lowly, struggling, non-Christians around you. If you cannot love those around you whom you can SEE, you cannot claim to love those you cannot see (unborn children). Reminds me of 1 John 4:20.

I also know so many people who have had an abortion. Sometimes it’s traumatizing, sometimes there is guilt and shame, sometimes there is regret, sometimes there is gratitude. It’s different for everyone. But it is never an easy decision. So it’s really hard to say “abortions are bad” or “abortions are good.” Every situation is different; every person is unique. It’s not so black and white. So maybe it shouldn’t be a blanket decision we make for all women in this entire nation.

[oscarwildeboytoy-deactivated201]

Hey, unpopular opinion, apparently. But people don’t just “have pain for no reason” doctors say this all the time (especially to women and chronically ill people) and the truth is, Thats literally not possible. Even if your pains are psychosomatic (a word I hesitate to even use because of the way its used so often) there is a reason you are having those pains whether its mental illness, abuse, etc. If your doctor consistently tells you that “well some people just have pain for no reason” get a new doctor. That’s a doctor who is not going to give a shit what your actual symptoms or experiences are.

[kamorth]

I just wanna add to clarify the psychosomatic thing.

That word DOES NOT MEAN you’re making it up. It doesn’t mean you’re imagining the symptom. What it means is that the symptom ISN’T DIRECTLY CAUSED BY ANY OF THE THINGS THAT WOULD NORMALLY CAUSE IT.

I fought to get a PCOS diagnosis for 2 and a half years. For the ENTIRE time I was fighting, I was dealing with 3 cysts that were not going away by themselves and eventually required surgery to remove. At one point close to the end of the battle, I suddenly went blind. I was visiting my parents and was standing on the veranda looking out over the tree we had planted in memory of my dog and suddenly I got one of the shooting pains that I was quite frankly used to at that point and my vision started to go dark. It was like the sun was setting while being completely hidden behind storm clouds but it was 2pm in the middle of Summer on a clear day. Within about 30 seconds I couldn’t see ANYTHING. I was 27 years old and I was screaming for my mother.

My mum raced me to her doctor (he was a 15 minute drive away as opposed to 45 minutes to the nearest hospital) and he quickly worked out that there was nothing wrong with my eyes and what had happened was totally unrelated to them. Then he said it was psychosomatic and I freaked out, yelling that I was NOT making this up and I definitely wasn’t imagining it. Very quickly he calmed me down and said he believed me and I had misunderstood. He explained that whatever was going on with my abdominal pains (he suggested PCOS which I hadn’t even heard of at that point) had been ignored for so long that my body was starting to do things other than the normal pain response to try to draw my attention to the problem. My sight going was my body basically jumping around in front of me going “HEY ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME HELLLOOOOOOO??????”

He gave me some prescription strength painkillers and my sight started to come back as soon as they started to kick in. About 45 minutes after it started I could see well enough to walk around without help and within a day and a half I was back to normal. On top of that I finally had a scan booked to figure out what the hell was causing all the pain.

Psychosomatic symptoms are NOT imagined or fabricated or happening for “no reason”. Experiencing them DOES NOT make you a liar. It makes you someone who has been battling with something serious for so long that your own body has started to get impatient with you.

[oscarwildeboytoy-deactivated201]

I completely agree. Thank you for sharing this.

[antique-scarecrow]

Psychosomatic symptoms are literally your body flipping random alarm switches just to get any alarm blaring because you’ve been ignoring the regular ones

[seethestarsalittlecloser]

I don’t usually add to posts but I thought it was important to add that this 100% goes for mental health, too.

When I was 18, only a few months after graduating from high school, I started having seizures. Serious, triggered at the drop of a hat, knock me unconscious for an hour or more and leave me dazed for days kind of seizures.

I was rushed to hospital two or three times within the space of a week after passing out in the middle of cooking dinner or talking with my family, but the hospital could not find anything wrong with me. I spent a week in the hospital in a planned admission, connected to an EEG monitor for 23 hours a day with the doctors hoping to catch my seizures in action and finally figure out what they were. I don’t know how many seizures I had during that week, but at the end of it, they said that even after all that, there was nothing wrong with me. After that, they sent me to a psychologist.

I was diagnosed with PNES - Psychogenic Non-Epileptic Siezures. Essentially, it was explained to me, I had been ignoring my anxiety and PTSD for so long that my body was acting out just like @kamorth ’s had. When they started treating me for anxiety and PTSD, my siezures eventually turned into panic or anxiety attacks, and then stopped altogether.

The moral of the story is don’t ignore pain. Whether it be physical, mental, whatever. Pain is your body’s way of telling you something is wrong and it has ways of making you listen to it eventually. Some of those ways are seriously disabling and once you get to that stage, it can be a long road to recovery.

[lifewithchronicpain-original]

Just because therapy might be helpful for some psychosomatic symptoms doesn’t mean it was fake. It means your treatment worked.

[dduane]

This. And a half. With bells on.

[cranquis]

If you are a #medblr, you need to read this post and LEARN FROM IT.

The way the doctor in the first story (blindness, PCOS) explained “psychosomatic” in such clear simple terms is EXCELLENT PATIENT CARE.

[wayfaringmd]

I wanna send this to the NP who told my mom that her persistent toe pain was “just her chronic pain syndrome.” She doesn’t have a chronic pain syndrome. She has advanced-for-her-age osteoarthritis. Which hurts. Good grief.

Pain is NOT a diagnosis.

[sousooj]

This is why I fight for what I believe needs to be further explored. Like the dr who was adamant the pain I had in my lower right abdomen was caused by constipation (which I told him I NEVER am). But I kept pushing and pushing for an endoscopy and, lo and behold, it was a hernia.

I get it- I was a young, healthy female and hernias are rare with this population. But doctors, please listen to what your patients are saying; we are not all idiots.

[sousooj]

____ give(s) me life

My YSL lip gloss

Weekly florals

Decorating the house

Plants

New cookware

No, new glassware

I keep indulging in all these little things to try and make myself feel better for being stuck at home.

But does it really give me life? Maybe for a quick second it makes me feel a little happier. But that joy dissipates even faster than it came.

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” -John 10:10

Only CHRIST gives life-- life in FULL. There are people who have nothing and have ONLY Christ and are so... full. There are people who have everything and no Christ and are so... empty.

God, give me the wisdom to know this, to really know this. 

[safelyendangered]

WEBTOON | SHOP | PATREON

[sousooj]

SOML

[worshipgifs]

[womanintheword]

I was reading through Ephesians 2 the other evening and got to verse 4 which begins, “But God…” and I had to stop reading. I just stared. Those are two of the most powerful words I’ve ever read. And so I paused and I stared at those two words for a while, and then I read verses 4-7 out loud. And then I read them again. 

“But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.” - Ephesians 2:4-7

But. God.

I just can’t get over His love for us. 

How great is our God?

[sousooj]

BUT GOD

[sousooj]

that your faith may not fail

Luke 22:31-34  31 “Simon, Simon, behold, Satan demanded to have you, that he might sift you like wheat, 32 but I have prayed for you that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned again, strengthen your brothers.” 33 Peter said to him, “Lord, I am ready to go with you both to prison and to death.” 34 Jesus said, “I tell you, Peter, the rooster will not crow this day, until you deny three times that you know me.”

What did Jesus mean when he prayed that Simon Peter’s faith may not fail? Did he pray that Peter would have enough faith to not deny knowing Jesus? It wouldn’t make sense that Jesus contradict his own prayer by subsequently saying “the rooster will not crow until you deny three times that you know me.” Jesus knew that Peter would deny knowing Jesus, yet he still prayed for him that his faith may not fail. 

So what did he mean by that? Jesus prays for Peter that his FAITH will not fail and WHEN HE HAS TURNED AGAIN, to strengthen his brothers. Jesus knows Peter will stumble in his faith, that his flesh will fail, but he prays that his FAITH will allow him to TURN BACK TO GOD and receive FORGIVENESS of sins.

I think that’s what faith is. I think God wants us to know, He wants us to remember that no matter how hard we try, we can’t be perfect people. And that’s not what He wants. I think He wants us to have FAITH in JESUS, the ONLY HOPE of our salvation. That when we mess up, we REMEMBER, we hold onto our faith that we do not and cannot save ourselves. We didn’t save ourselves in the first place, why do we think we can save ourselves throughout the rest of our lives?

Jesus knows that we will stumble, that we aren’t perfect people and he doesn’t pray for us to be. It seems like they’re not so concerned about us not making mistakes and not being these perfect, holy people. I mean, look at King David! He commits adultery, he kills someone, he’s not a great father, but what was his title in the eyes of God? A man after my own heart (Acts 13:22). David constantly turned back to God and repented for sins. David asked God to have mercy on him and blot out his transgressions, according to God’s steadfast love and abundant mercy (Psalm 51:1). He remembers the Lord and he has FAITH that God WILL have mercy on him and God WILL forgive him, not because David deserves it, not because of who David is but BECAUSE OF WHO GOD IS.

THAT is faith. To trust in HIM, to trust in HIS PLAN for salvation (JESUS, not you), that HIS SAVING GRACE, that JESUS’ PRECIOUS BLOOD, is GREATER THAN ANY sin we commit, ANY mistake we make, ANYTHING we do or don’t do. 

So have faith and turn again to the Lord... He is PRAYING for you to come back!

[feministism]

[strengthins0lidarity]

Fun things they don’t teach you in sex ed.

[teaboot]

Talcum powder has asbestos in it. Has for years. Leave it be

[wayfaringmd]

Reblogging to save myself from having to answer more hoohah questions.

[babyanimalgifs]

This kid’s living the life I wanna live 😭😁 @gffkennel

[sousooj]

self-care

things that make me feel good: writing reading friends good food exercise full night of sleep eating healthy laughing being productive dancing laying out in the sun worship dressing up

Find your feel-good activities and start investing in yourself.

[sousooj]

lately

I’ve been catching myself talking badly about people lately. I don’t know exactly why, but I read this today:

Luke 6: 45 “The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.”

Maybe I’m evil and have evil treasures in my heart. I know my old man has died, but maybe it’s because I’m living according to my flesh and not by the spirit (Romans 8:13).

It’s something to consider.

[semperreformanda]

Occasionally, weep deeply over the life that you hoped would be. Grieve the losses. Feel the pain. Then wash your face, trust God, and embrace the life that he’s given you.

John Piper (via semperreformanda)

[tohkyo]

[chanoxitd-deactivated20220119]

omg kskskskddkl

[rob-walks-deactivated20210614]

God, I wish that were me.

[onlyblackgirl]

I wanna be this relaxed.

[thegoodvybe]

[sousooj]

God rewrites our history

15 When Joseph's brothers saw that their father was dead, they said, “It may be that Joseph will hate us and pay us back for all the evil that we did to him.” 16 So they sent a message to Joseph, saying, “Your father gave this command before he died: 17 ‘Say to Joseph, “Please forgive the transgression of your brothers and their sin, because they did evil to you.”’ And now, please forgive the transgression of the servants of the God of your father.” Joseph wept when they spoke to him.18 His brothers also came and fell down before him and said, “Behold, we are your servants.” 19 But Joseph said to them, “Do not fear, for am I in the place of God? 20 As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today. 21 So do not fear; I will provide for you and your little ones.” Thus he comforted them and spoke kindly to them.