content warnings: hurt/comfort, angst, sad fic, crying, jack abbots dead wife haunting the narrative, fluffy ending
summary: jack only sleeps well with you in his arms. but what happens when his dreams haunt his reality?
hi lovelies!! here’s another blurb/one-shot apart of my music series. I’ll be starting a masterlist soon!
please listen to Vamoose by Hana Stretton before/during/after reading :)) (if you feel like it <3)
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Vamoose definition: slang term meaning to depart or leave a place quickly, often suddenly or in a hurry
it was jacks night off, the one night every two weeks where jack could curl around you in bed and feel totally at peace. jack never slept well, one of the reasons he took over the night shift. but you were his saving grace, and jack couldn’t get enough of the feel of you in his arms. you could feel the weight of him at your back, his heat seeping into your skin. his soft breathes rustled through your hair, whispering along your ear. you were still awake, your body and mind just soaking up the feeling of the man you loved. there were fewer of these moments since he’d been busy with swat, so when they did happen you had to make the most of it.
but, something changed. jack started to tense at your back, arms going rigid around your waste as his breathes grew shallow. he started fidgeting, squirming with discomfort. you were no stranger to jacks nightmares, but this one seemed to come on fast. and then he started mumbling words, incoherent whispers in the dark of your shared bedroom. you couldn’t make anything specific out……..not until he uttered a name. her name.
“hannah….” jack whispered, eyes still shut tight in fitful sleep. his dead wife. a mixture of grief and dread swept through you. jack missed her. of course he did. anyone would. you knew how deeply jack loved hannah, his wife who died too young. you could still sense his guilt sometimes when he would tell you how much he loved you. you knew you could never replace her, and that wasn’t what you were trying to do. but…it still hurt. knowing that a piece of jack would always belong to her. the perfect woman he loved first. the woman he loved enough to marry.
he loved you too. you knew that. but you wondered…could he ever hold that same amount of love for you? could jack ever fully move on? be happy with you? these thoughts spiraled through your mind and soon, tears welled in your eyes. this was stupid. you were being that young, naive girl again.
you knew jack loved you…but a part of you still broke hearing her name on his lips, even if it was just in his dreams. it was unfair–to hannah, to you, and to jack. these stupid childish thoughts would only make you seem desperate to him. like a little girl, not the confident younger woman he loved.
composing yourself, you took a deep breath and removed jacks arm from your waste. you got up and lazily made your way to the kitchen, mind still racing with insecurities as you made a sleepy time tea and took two melatonin to hopefully knock you out. you heard jacks uneven footsteps down the short hallway before he came into view, the yellow lamplight making his tired eyes look soft around the edges.
“sweetheart? what are you doing up?”
you swallowed the lump in your throat. his sleepy, gravelly voice made your heart clench with affection. you loved this man, despite any doubts.
“couldn’t sleep.” you said n your own tired voice, nearly holding back a yawn. jack came behind you, arms circling your waist from behind as he pressed a soft kiss to your exposed shoulder.
“i’m sorry angel. was i keeping you up? i think i was dreaming…”
“yea….you were. but i should knock right out after this.” you muttered as you lifted the tea to your lips. jack hummed along your skin, sending vibrations through your body.
“hmmmm good. you know i can’t sleep without you in my arms.”
that clenching sensation seized your heart again, “yeah jack……i know.” you swallowed down your two pills with a gulp of tea and jack could sense the tension in your body.
“just curious…….what was i dreaming about? was i saying army medic stuff again? or just hospital talk?” you gave a half hearted smirk, at least jack knew his issues with sleep talking and was willing to talk about them. it couldn’t be easy….dealing with all that trauma. “no…..neither, i mean.”
you blushed fiercely, swatting him in the peck,
“no! i think you would’ve known if it was dirty.” you shot a look down to his pants, and he just chuckled leaving a stupidly handsome smirk on his rugged face. but then he got serious again. he knew something had bothered you.
“seriously….what was it baby? i’m not gonna be able to sleep until i know.”
you swallowed down a final gulp of tea, the herbal peppermint leaving a bitter tang on your tongue as you struggled to find the right words to tell jack. he let you take your time, resting his head in the crook where your neck meets your shoulder. you turned in his arms, finally coming face to face with him. he looked devastatingly handsome…..even with the bags under his eyes and obvious exhaustion.
“you…said her name. hannah…i mean.”
Jack froze, looking like some sort of wounded animal, “i…didn’t expect that.”
“yea…me either.” you couldn’t stop your eyes from filling with tears once again. you cast your head down in shame, but jack immediately caught it, bringing your eyes right back to his. “hey…..hey angel. you know you’re my girl right? i love you.”
a broken sound left your chest, “i know jack, i know. but you still love her too. and i’m sorry. i’m so sorry you lost her. and i’m sorry i’ll never be her.” your shoulders shook with a pent up sob, voice watery with your tears. jack pulled you into a tight embrace, his head resting on top of yours.
“sweetheart, i don’t need you to be her. i need you to be you. i fell in love with you. sure, a part of me will always love her, and i won’t apologize for that. but, you have to know you aren’t her replacement.”
you breathed deep at his words; you already knew it all, but it sounded so much better coming from his lips.
“yea, i know. it just surprised me. you were all tensed up, you sounded so sad when you said it. i just want you to be happy, jack.”
“i am sweetheart. i am, you make me happy every day.” he pulled your face up, wiping away the tear tracks from your pretty eyes. “listen…..i have my past. i carry it with me always. it seeps through the cracks sometimes. but i never want my past to come between you and me, you hear me? i lost hannah so quickly……i thought i’d never be the same again. i was living a half life before i met you. but, you taught me how to be alive again. how to breath again. how to love again. and i’m never letting that go, baby. i’ll never let you go. you’re my reason.”
more tears flooded your eyes now, but these were happy ones, staring up into the eyes of the man you loved endlessly. jack dragged you into a kiss, wiping away any remnants of sadness you held. he pulled away with a final gentle peck to the corner of your mouth, “c’mon baby, let’s go back to bed. you took enough melatonin to knock out a horse.” and surely enough when you crawled into bed beside him and he wrapped you up in his big arms you fell fast asleep, dreaming your own dreams about one day making this man your forever.
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