Even before COVID hit, I was having some major difficulty keeping a routine. When I think back to freshman year of college and the habits that I kept consistently and kept track of, there was a discipline there that I don’t think I’ve had since. I also gained a lot of weight that year (freshman 15? More like freshman 30), and then the following summer I had an unfortunate bout of depression and lost it by eating close to nothing. I’m also rather scrawny. I don’t have any muscle mass, my TMJ makes my face look a little lopsided, and my skincare is lacking, to say the least.
I went to the doctor a couple of months ago because I have really poor circulation in my legs. My feet get purple/cold very, very easily, to the point where I’m embarrassed when I wear sandals. Anyways, she told me I needed to start exercising more and get some cardio in. I have not done that. My water intake is super low. I don’t have the discipline to get out of bed on time even when I’m not tired. I’ve been neglecting my bible too, which normally gives me a lot of joy and comfort. I’ve even put off re-dying my roots for weeks even though my natural blonde is really visible against the brown.
And I can’t stand any of this about myself. I hate that I don’t have the self-discipline to exercise or drink water or get up on time. And the truth is, I hate the lack of discipline more than I hate the fact that I feel like my body is weak and looking prepubescent.
What I’m scared of, more than anything, is that I’m about to say that I’m going to commit to a Chloe Ting challenge and drink more water and consistently wake up at 6 for the rest of the week, and then I’ll just quit. Not just take a cheat day, but quit and then never get back to it. That is what I have done every time I have made a weird announcement like this and I don’t even have the confidence right now to say that I won’t do it again.
Complete Blogilates’ 28-day workout plan for beginners
Consistently drink 68 oz of water a day for the whole 28 days
Wake up at 6 a.m. on the weekdays, 7 a.m. on the weekends.
Starting next weekend (March 21), meal prep for the following week.
I’m sharing all of this here really for two reasons: I know that there are others out there who are feeling the pandemic AND academic burnout who might get a little comfort from this, and because I am really hoping for some accountability, with this being on a public forum. Here’s to me being who I’m supposed to be!(?)
gummygunk
kianamaiart
origamiaround
romaincrisis
andulkaphoto
