a ghost story

________standing ________in the ________ashes of ________who I ________used to ________be.

[sovieticweapcn]

for @captsteve !!

[ to: headache #1 ] hey.

[ to: headache #1 ] are you busy tonight?

[fyeahthemagicians]

[hallowedmuses]

@amcnds | @ofbartons | @oflokismischief | @captsteve | @thorodinsonuniverse | @daisyljohnson | @sovieticweapcn | @ofmorse 

[blshmonts-deactivated20210305]

@sovieticweapcn​ .

  When someone has a gathering it’s as if they were all obligated to come. Despite her protests it all but went ignored. The bar filled with superheros - it seemed the workers were oblivious or at least pretending they didn’t notice. Half the guys were godly looking so she gave them credit for not staring. However none the less the witch stayed off to the side, nursing a drink in her hand as the other one fiddled with the sleeve. Talking about saving the world was normal, but ‘hey what’s going on in your life now a days’ felt so weird.

   Finally taking a sip she noticed all to late someone approaching. “Bucky – right? You’re Steves friend.”

[sovieticweapcn]

___ bucky hated crowded places, they really didn't make him feel comfortable - the fact that all or most of them were from the same circle as steve, didn’t change the situation. he wasn’t someone who really fit in anywhere. but he had no other choice. he wasn't in the mood for clint to protest and loki to do something against him to please the archer. nope. the ex-soldier looked up before taking a seat, immediately recognizing the girl. "steve’s friend is the best recognition i can get, so i’lltake it." he said with a small smile, feeling that she was not very happy to be in that place either. "bucky barnes. not a fan of these activities, so i guess i’m finding refuge here."

[sovieticweapcn]

cfblackwidow‌:

She smiled softly as he floated out of the shadows toward her. it’s been a while since she’s seen him; their mission schedules kept them at a distance, but she has missed him. “you alright?” she asked as she approached him, taking his hands in hers. memory recall wasn’t always a pleasant process. for people like them, the memories were rarely pleasant ones. “were these good or bad memories?” she asked.

she exhaled softly when he asked if it had been a complicated night. “you can say that,” she nodded as she released his hand. “same old ghosts. marina this time.” when she was still in the red room, she gained a friendship with a girl named marina. one mission saw them going to cuba, where marina went undercover by living with her new boyfriend. she fell in love with the man and because of that the red room ordered natasha to kill them both. the widow did as she was trained to do. “and you?” she asked, looking up at him. “what brings you out at this odd hour?”

___ when natasha's hands took his, bucky felt an almost automatic peace. it had always been that way with her and that made him happy - no matter what happened between them, that bond was always going to be there and that gave him a sense of stability. "yes. they were memories of some of our training sessions. i hadn't seen you dance in decades, i suppose it took me straight to that." almost all his memories next to the spy were good. there were some exceptions, such as when he remembered the time they discovered their little love back then.

bucky nodded when she simply mentioned a name. he didn't have to know the story to get an idea. they understood each other silently. "everything is fine, i guess. i don't know what makes me sleepless these days." and he was being honest. missions at work weren't heavy, rj was fine, even gian was out of town and far from them. he should be fine, not in the gym at almost three in the morning. "maybe it's because i've been thinking about daisy and the whole situation. everything happened... fast."

[hallowedmuses]

｢ @thephoenixstart​  ｣

She couldn’t fall asleep. every now and again the ghosts of past transgressions found their way into her dreams making sleep an impossible mountain to climb. she’d learned long ago not to fight it. so, instead, she found herself alone at the gym at an ungodly hour. natasha made her way to one of the dance studios at the back of the gym and set her bag down. after stretching, the assassin put her playlist on shuffle and let the music take her. 

ballet was one of the many tools the red room had used to make her, mold her, train her, and break her. after undergoing de-programming herself, natasha reclaimed dance as her own again. there was power in reclaiming a tool that had been used against her. natasha felt that power now as she glided gracefully to the music. her movements were fluid and mesmerizing, almost as if she was dancing on air. she stopped abruptly mid-spin when she felt eyes on her. out in the shadows of the doorway she could see a figure leaning against the frame, watching her. “so, how long have you been standing there?” she asked.

[sovieticweapcn]

___ nights were the worst part of the day, the darkness didn't bring good feelings and his brain went into a sort of defensive mode. sometimes he could sleep or at least stay still in bed without feeling the need to run away or something like that - but other times, bucky had to be distracted by something good enough not to feel like he was losing his mind. the gym equipment weren’t resistant to his strength, much less if he used his left arm, but over time he had learned to control himself.

what he hadn't heard on previous nights was music behind the area he normally used.

seeing natalia doing... anything. always stole some air from his lungs - it was mesmerizing, it always was. seeing her fighting was one thing, but seeing her dancing... fist, kick, kick, turn, down, kick... bucky shook his head when he heard her voice, coming back from the train of memories. "enough to unlock memories that were still fuzzy." he said with a half smile, taking steps forward just not to be in the dark. "complicated night?"

[mybuckymybuddy-deactivated20200]

Sebastian Stan as Frank in ‘Endings, Beginnings’, (2020). Dir. Drake Doremus.

[sovieticweapcn]

ofbartons‌:

            “i’m one of a kind buckmeister, can’t find anyone else like me.” clint grinned before sipping his drink. he knew he probably got under bucky’s skin, and at times he probably only stayed alive because of being so close to nat. “i mean, this one is pretty nice but the whole shifting plates thing the silver one did was pretty hot.” at bucky’s last statement, clint’s eyes widened slightly oh, i’m totally fucked “uh, yeah… what do you want to know?”

___ bucky found a vacant table and sat down, one of his eyebrows arching perfectly. "pretty hot, huh? kind of kinky, aren't we?" he said with a hint of a mocking tone to clint's comment. it wasn’t something new and he didn’t know if that was precisely good or bad. the ex-soldier had read certain comments on the internet. "what do i want to know? i want to know what kind of shit you have in that head. and you know perfectly well what i mean." it hadn't been long before natalia told him about ronin. things had happened and  kept them busy for a while, but now that that had calmed down, it was time to listen to the man. "and you know perfectly well that excuses and lies are useless with me." 

[sovieticweapcn]

captsteve‌:

            “no, it’s mostly my art… but people have been commenting about wanting workout pictures.” he rolls his eyes before downing the rest of the drink as another was placed in front of him so much for a two-drink limit. “it’s nothing like that… it would make things complicated and that’s the last thing i want pal.” to be honest, steve wasn’t really sure how to put what he was thinking into words. of course, it was only a matter of time before bucky got him drunk enough for him to start talking.

___ "of course they want that." he said with a shrug. nowadays it was... very normal to see that kind of thing, some even did it for free, but he was only joking to steve. he knew he wasn't going to accept something like that. at least not without being persuaded. "are you sure it would be complicated? or is it complicated only in your mind?" bucky didn't know why he was so interested in knowing that kind of information... or maybe he did. if he was honest enough with himself and delved into his feelings from almost eighty years ago. "If you talk, I talk. that way it’s uncomfortable for both of us. i’m a good friend."

[sovieticweapcn]

ofdvths‌:

          there weren’t many humans that caught azrael’s attention, to her their lives were fleeting and before she knew it their soul would be going up to heaven or down to hell… but there were a few that caught her attention and bucky barnes was one of them. she had met him once, well him and the soon to be captain rogers, back before the war turned their lives upside down. over the years she’d run across him as the winter soldier, seen his handiwork with her own two eyes. hearing him speak to her she tore her gaze from his arm, smiling softly “my apologies sergeant barnes, i was just admiring your arm. much better than that gaudy silver thing you were stuck with.”

___ bucky's expression waned when the title he used in the war was mentioned. yes, most knew who he was, but then she mentioned his arm with a kind of naturalness. there was something that didn’t fit much with the girl in front of him. "am i supposed to know you?" a valid question, since there were many people out there who he didn’t remember. with someone else, he would have already left after a stare, but he was intrigued. "i lost the right to be called a 'sergeant' long ago."

[sovieticweapcn]

ofbartons‌:

          clint looked up from his coffee cup when he heard bucky’s voice, his eyes following his friend’s gaze. people staring didn’t faze him anymore, the number of stares he’d get when he was out with hayden had him learn to ignore it but he knew it bothered bucky. “hey fuckwad! you don’t see us staring at your ugly ass face, move along.” he glared at them as they walked off “people, i swear… you ever thought about joining the circus buckaroo? throw you next to a bearded lady and no one will look at you twice.”

___ “would i find people like you there? no, thanks.” his friendship with clint had come from nowhere - a few s.h.i.e.l.d mission were all it took. which was honestly a bit surprising, since bucky wasn’t really friendly and clint... he was clint. “at least this one doesn’t shine.” said while looking at his vibranium arm. the once-soldier couldn’t be more grateful with the people from wakanda. “but it’s actually good that i got to see you. there’s a conversation we left hanging.”

[sovieticweapcn]

___ bucky really tried to ignore stares. he was used to them by now. but some days were wore him out so much, that his patience simply ran low. “nothing to do?” he practically growled at the person staring at his arm, watching them go and not paying attention if someone else was watching. the vibranium arms didn’t even shine like the one hydra created and still, people had the nerve.

@thephoenixstart​

[sovieticweapcn]

captsteve‌:

          steve snorted “just because he gets on your nerves doesn’t mean he’s a punishment, deep down you like him.” having sam and bucky in the same room was always amusing to steve, they both seemed to know how to push each other’s buttons in just the right way. “good. clint helped me make an instagram… i just got my reputation back, don’t need to do something ridiculous again.” the blonde took a sip of the drink, shaking his head “oh no, i’m not drunk enough to start unpacking that.”

___ bucky couldn't help but chuckle at the mention of instagram. it was easy to laugh around steve, always had been. "instagram? and what do you post there? daily routines? steve, are you one of those who posts stuff while shirtless?" he said teasingly, finishing his drink in one gulp and giving another one to his best friend even if he hadn't finished the first one. "well, if you don't unpack those things with me i would feel betrayed. i mean, i would just as well know if you tell nat or clint, but you get the point."

[sovieticweapcn]

amcnds‌:

“What?” RJ has a look of shock on his face, sitting up straight slowly even if it hurts — obvious by the expression on his face while he moves. The bruises on his ribs too fresh, but all he could think about was the fact his father and mother weren’t together anymore. He didn’t ever expect that to be something that could happen. He was foolish enough to think that they’d be together forever, but his whole world is coming crashing down. He starts to cry, tears falling down his cheeks even when not wanting to — it always seems to happen when feeling anything intense. “You’re not breaking up because of what I did are you?” RJ lifts his bandaged hand to wipe away the tears falling down his cheeks. He could get used to this new normal, his parents being separated, even if it hurts at first. “Does this mean no more family dinners?”

___ when rj started crying, bucky felt something hit him hard in the chest. he still hadn't finished fully processing his breakup with natasha, but the guilt of seeing his son like that was definitely worse. ten times worse. "no, rj. of course not. you have nothing to do with it." and honestly, he couldn't explain what happened - sometimes things just didn't work out. but his son still held an innocence that he didn’t want to take away. "just because we're not a couple doesn't mean we don't get along. we're going to have more family dinners, as many times as you want." bucky pulled his chair closer to the other and took the boy's hands in his, being more careful with his left of course. "nat, you, me, loki, clint, hayden, steve... if gian behaves, he can come too." 

[jamexmcavoy-deactivated20150919]

[28recsons]

@sovieticweapcn

[sovieticweapcn]

captsteve‌:

            “she’s great, we’re just better as friends. plus there’s the whole thing with her not being a man… should we set her and sam up?” last he knew both were single… nat would know for sure though, she always knew these things. steve narrowed his eyes slightly, knowing that he’d have more than two but at least he tried. “of course. i don’t want a repeat of last time, that was embarrassing enough for both our lifetimes.” he laughed before grabbing the glass, holding it up as well “happy birthday pal.”

___ "poor woman. why would we give her such a strong punishment, like dating sam?" after the time he shared with sam, he could admit that he was fond of the man. so much that he considered him a friend, which for bucky was a pretty important thing. but he wasn't going to stop bothering him - even if he wasn't there to listen. "i promise that if I see you take out the phone, i will keep it safe for you. that little dignity you have left must be protected." he smiled a little and took another sip of his drink, feeling the asgardian alcohol burning as it passed down his throat to his stomach. "someone special that interests you right now? so much to message him drunk?"

[sovieticweapcn]

amcnds‌:

It was only through Bucky giving RJ a normal life after rescuing him from Hydra that the boy was able to hold onto some joy still. He knows there was still pain in his heart, always going to follow him around like a ball and chain. “Just fine?” RJ is a little worried, since that seems like a safe answer. He wonders if there’s something going on that he doesn’t know about.  “Oh. I hope everyone is okay, especially you and mom.” RJ doesn’t like knowing that there was something going wrong at such an important organization. What comes next is a surprise. “You have? What made you start thinking about it? I thought you were clear that it was a no.”

___ bucky had to consider which of the two things he was going to say first. generally, he believed that saying the bad thing before the good one was better. the latter could be used to make the emotional shock of the former feel better. or at least that's how it worked for him, he didn't know if it could work for rj. but he couldn't hide something so important from him - even more so, when the boy considered them as his parents. "well... i don't want to go that deep into this, you know i'm not good at giving long explanations. but the thing is, natasha and i decided to break up." the man put the cup of coffee on the table, looking at his son with a calming gaze. "that doesn’t mean that we are in bad terms and much less that she is going to move away from you. we are friends, partners, outside of the romantic part, nothing will change. i want you to have that clear, always. natalia will never stop being your mother, even if things hadn't ended in a good way."

[sovieticweapcn]

captsteve‌:

            “okay, most of the time i do that over water. she’s never gonna let that go, i’m trying to be stealthy for christ’s sake!” steve rolled his eyes “oh, i’m sure she did! she tell you how sharon is peggy’s niece? that was not one of my brightest moments.” yeah… it was weird for steve and sharon to have been a thing, but now steve realised he was just holding on to the past… and trying to ignore the fact he wasn’t straight. he let out a small sigh “please, i haven’t missed that face, keep it locked away. two drinks! then i’m going back to the normal stuff, someone needs to keep your ass out of trouble.”

___ when steve mentioned his short story with sharon, bucky couldn't help himself and laughed, something that hadn't happened so naturally in a long time. "i like sharon, she is a great woman. but yes, when sam told me about it, it was something... strange." he got along well with her, even being his favorite  partner on S.H.I.E.L.D missions -- after natasha of course. but he didn't see the resemblance to peggy, so he didn't blame his friend. "two drinks, of course." a white lie and a little sarcasm, like the good ol’ times. steve knew him, he had to know that was not going to happen. bucky added the loki-sponsored alcohol to the two drinks, holding one in front of them. "cheers. for a good night."