Consider: Vanderwood + kisses in between saying "I love you" <3
Considered, wrote it, obsessed with it. They need to hear it more often.
Thank you for the request, anon!
Vanderwood - Kisses between saying “I love you”
There’s something strange that happens to Vanderwood when they step over the threshold into your home. It’s as if their their agent identity (and with it their crimes) disappears at the door and they become a different person completely.
Seven would call it magic, which Vanderwood would usually brush off with a scoff. But you’re the reason that they feel this way, and you’re might as well be magic to them, so maybe he’s not that far off.
You beam at them like they’re your favourite person in the world, like they don’t have blood under their nails and they aren’t all bruised up. You treat them like they’re whole.
They don’t understand it, not really. Usually, they’re tired enough, relieved enough to see you again that they sweep their concerns away just to enjoy their time with you. To enjoy the selfish pleasure of adoring and being adored.
It’s not like they haven’t tried to warn you about who you’re falling for. In whatever words they could muster, they tried explaining the nature of their work. A sanitized version of their reality. You listened intently, all the while fiddling with them, tracing the shadows across the back of their hand, trailing your fingers up their arm, showing no signs of the disgust or horror they were expecting.
No, you stubbornly continued to care for them all the same. You treated them with the same level of affection, pressing searing kisses to their cheeks and smiling at them warmly.
How could they not embrace the softness you bring out in them? You make it so easy.
In the quiet moments like tonight though, with the room barely lit by the dawn light, it’s easy to remember what’s at stake. The real danger they bring home to you whenever they return. They watch your sleeping form and remember that in just a few days they’ll slip away again.
You deserve better than this.
Deep down, they know you deserve someone better. Someone who isn’t covered in scrapes and scars, who doesn’t spent half their life living a lie. You deserve someone who’s going to stay.
They’re just too cowardly, too selfish to leave. Every time you pull them closer to kiss them or snuggle into their side when you’re sleepy, you chip a bit of their resolve away.
They sneak out of bed to drink some water, to clear their head. Something about this time of day makes it easy for them to get swept away in their fears. With you still asleep, there’s nobody to bring them back down, so water will have to do.
When they return to bed, your hand immediately snakes out from the sheets to feel for them. They let out a low laugh, reaching out to reassure you. Not yet, doll. I’m still here. They wonder if you do this when they’re away too, reach across a cold bed for a person long gone.
You make a contented sound, half-muffled by the pillow. Your eyes are opening ever so slightly to look at them.
“Why’re you awake? Something bothering you?” You ask, your voice still thick with sleep.
They know that you can see the things lurking on their mind.
“Don’t worry about it, doll. It’s still early, you can sleep some more.”
You pull yourself up so that you’re sitting, stubborn as always. There’s a small crease between your eyebrows that always appears when you’re trying to make a point that they think is adorable. They reach out a gentle hand to smooth it out, rough fingers against smooth skin.
“You’re not going to distract me like that. I’m awake now, so you might as well tell me.”
That makes them chuckle. Once you’ve got your mind set on something, there’s no derailing you. “Really, it’s nothing serious, m’just being sentimental.”
You reach out to cup their cheek in your hand and they wince. Your eyes widen. “It’s more than just sentimentality, isn’t it?”
They can’t bear to keep up the eye contact and their gaze shifts to their lap. “Just thinking about how it must be a lot... being involved with someone like me. You deserve-”
You cut him off with a huff and shuffle closer to them still. You swing one leg over their lap so you’re straddling them and they can’t help but look at you.
You lean in closer so you’re speaking directly into their ear. “Why don’t you let me worry about what I deserve? I love you and I haven’t regretted my decision to be with you once.”
Involuntarily, their hold on you tightens and they inhale sharply.
“Say that again,” they whisper. If it were any other place, anyone else, they’d be embarrassed of how needy they sound.
You laugh softly. “Which part?”
“You know which part.” Their voice is gruff now, impatient.
You smile and wind your fingers into their hair. “I love you.” You punctuate it with a kiss to the corner of their mouth.
“I love you.” This time, your kiss meets their lips. “I love you. I love you.” Each declaration punctuated with a kiss.
Neither of you say it often. You both know the power words hold, the danger they can pose.
Just this once, though, they choose to indulge.
