Command & Conquer

HA HA HA! I am the great COMMANDER GILLIGAN!! So, pitiful human, why is it you find yourself at my feet? [ This is an independent blog for Commander Gilligan, a character from the TV show Sprite Rangers in Harvest Moon: Animal Parade ]

[spacecommandeer]

"Hey! You... Freaky... Blue THING that looks like the mayor's son! This is private property! Get off my lawn!" (*｀へ´*)

NEVER-!!! THIS LAND NOW BELONGS TO COMMANDER GILLIGAN!! And how DARE you compare me, ME, to an EARTHLING-! I am an ATROPIAN and therefore FAR superior to humans!!

[cackle-out-loud-deactivated2014]

"What the heck is an ‘Atropian’?! And I don’t care, cuz guess what? I’M NOT HUMAN!! I should curse you for this, you oversized Smurf!"

[spacecommandeer]

An Atropian is only the single greatest race in the intergalaxy! I didn't call you a human, you earthling! You still dwell on this inferior planet and therefore you are an earthdweller! Soon all of Earth will be under my control so this small bit of land is almost NOTHING!!

[megan-hansenn-deactivated201704]

Send me 'Have You Evers' and I will reply with Yes or NO

[spacecommandeer]

"Hey! You... Freaky... Blue THING that looks like the mayor's son! This is private property! Get off my lawn!" (*｀へ´*)

NEVER-!!! THIS LAND NOW BELONGS TO COMMANDER GILLIGAN!! And how DARE you compare me, ME, to an EARTHLING-! I am an ATROPIAN and therefore FAR superior to humans!!

[axehappyluke]

The kind of peanuts he keeps in his pants.

Why does he have peanuts in his pants?!

[spacecommandeer]

I DO NOT KEEP THESE HUMAN PEANUTS IN MY PANTS! PEANUTS ARE FOR NUT CREATURES!!

[spacecommandeer]

AHH! YOU ARE AN ALIEN!!

YOU ARE THE ONE CONSIDERED TO BE ALIEN HUMAN!

[spacecommandeer]

four nipples

YES ABSOLUTELY I HAVE FOUR NIPPLES, I BET YOU HUMANS ONLY HAVE ONE!!

[caffeinatedcognizance-blog]

spacecommandeer started following you

[caffeinatedcognizance-blog]

"Humans have difficulty seeing in the dark, hence why they tend to add lights everywhere they can," she sighed. At times, she also disliked the excessive light… Depending on how she felt, light would often cause her head to ache. "And… I suppose database isn’t the best term for it. It’s more like a massive communication hub. It’s a bit of everything, really. I mainly use this computer for digital storage and my research, though. I don’t much like… communicating."

"… Polliwogs? What are those? And… Atropians lay eggs, then? How exactly does atropian reproduction work? Polliwog is an earth term for a tadpole, or baby frog," she opened up a text-editing program and began jotted down everything the Commander told her thus far. "Some earth amphibians can even change their sex, if the male-female ratio is unbalanced. Can atropians do anything similar?"

[spacecommandeer]

"That does not change the fact that it is an annoying aspect of the species!" He continued to look at the screen. "That is right, humans are not born with communication devices, how odd! So they must rely completely on a technical system used for database storage in order to communicate with each other over long distances-! Fascinating."

"Pollywogs are young Atropians! Much like the 'babies' that humans produce! Though 'babies' and pollywogs do not look similar in the slightest until they reach maturity! I have done research on this, since Earthen frogs do have similar qualities of Atropians, and Atropian pollywogs do strongly resemble frog pollywogs! However, instead of growing into a frog, they develop into Atropians, which I suppose humans would refer to as 'humanoid' as they vaguely resemble the basic human shape! When in fact, it is probably the reverse; your species is the one that resembles mine."

He crossed his arms. "If I detail the complete reproductive cycle of Atropians, I expect in return the same for humans! After all, you are not the only one doing research!" He pushes his sunglasses up on his nose. "Atropians are a self aware species, and although that may be true of Earthen frogs, it is not of Atropians. Male Atropians are male, female Atropians are female. However, as I have mentioned, female Atropians do not have the inflated chest cavities at all times as human females do! It is a strange concept, but my time on earth has made me used to seeing inflated females!"

[spacecommandeer]

doctorhiro said: *farts angrily*

You--!!

[spacecommandeer]

This planet is seemingly becoming more barren with each passing day! Or is it the humans are just avoiding me? They must fear me! As they should! Yet they should also respect me! HUMANS!! Where is your respect for your future ruler? Do you not have any offerings to appease me with? Why is it so quiet??

[caffeinatedcognizance-blog]

spacecommandeer started following you

[caffeinatedcognizance-blog]

"I get it, I get it. And I wouldn’t try tearing anything off of you," she heaved a sigh. It was hard enough trying to get along with pesky humans, but aliens? What were the social norms of his planet even like? So far he seemed fairly… human enough, as far as social situations go. A strange and eccentric human, but still familiar enough. Just stop startling him, Trent, she mentally scolded herself. “Eels with small legs? That sounds like it would resemble a lungfish more.”

"So, if there isn’t much light on your planet… Is that why you wear those sunglasses? Are your eyes sensitive? It would make sense, I suppose," she pursed her lips as she pondered the idea. Wait, why was she not writing these things down?! Without another word, she hurried over to her desk where she kept one of her many computers and switched it on. "Over here, Commander. I’ll show you what the internet is."

"It’s a… database of sorts. Contains all sorts of information, though not all is to be believed. The internet is also used as a sort of social device. If I wanted to, I could speak with someone on the other side of the planet if they also have connection to the internet," she clicked on an icon labeled ‘Guest’, thus logging into a rather barren guest account on her computer. She then double-clicked an icon marked ‘Browser’ whose homepage was set to a search engine. Mumbling the words under her breath, she entered ‘Lungfish’ into the search engine, bringing up several links and photographs of an almost salamander-esque fish. "Here, this is a lungfish."

[spacecommandeer]

He nodded, the antennae bouncing up and down as he did. "Yes! That is exactly the reason! I'm not sure if your human artificial lighting affects them, I did not want to risk my sight for it! Humans like things annoyingly bright all the time!"

He tilted his head slightly. "Is there an earth creature that resembles it more?" That sounded.. well, delicious actually. He hasn't had any areniophises since he was last on Solonacea. Which.. was a long time ago. His ears perked up as she went over to the computer. He got off the table and followed her.

He observed as he listened, watching her use this strange human device. It was strange; it resembled slightly the monitors used in his father's ship, but they were much less.. well.. alive. How did humans manage to work these things? "What is the point of having a database if some of the information is false? That seems rather redundant!" He nods again. "That's like Atropians' communication in a way! While at short ranges, we can communicate with our antennae! But at longer ranges, we use little devices like this!" he said, taking out a small pen-like device. It was thicker than a pen, and had a couple buttons on it. "I haven't been able to get it to work though.. Father never answers my calls, no matter how urgent they are!" He presses the buttons on it, his antennae flashing in a certain pattern with it. However, he just grew frustrated with it and shoved it back into his pocket.

Instead he turned his attention back to the screen, watching how she was manipulating the device. She maneuvered the database to bring up the picture of what she called the lung fish. "True, it looks similar to what an areniophis looks like.. the legs look different though. Areniophises legs are shorter and they have feet and toes on them, a lot like growing pollywogs legs. The maw is also much much larger! In the past, they were the reason that females had to be careful which pool they decided to lay their eggs in, as areniophises will gladly eat the eggs! We typically have controlled pools for that now though! And, once Atropians grow, they become the hunter instead and we gladly feast upon their innards! HA HA HA!!"

[caffeinatedcognizance-blog]

spacecommandeer started following you

[caffeinatedcognizance-blog]

Did he just… swallow the tomato whole? A human covered in blue paint could hardly accomplish such a feat. And… two tongues? Before she witnessed him swallowing the tomato whole, she could have assumed he was just someone rather committed to their alien costume and decided to have their tongue surgically altered, but… could he truly be some otherworldly creature?

"Areniophis…? Springs on Volcan…Volcn-Trinaperi? You wouldn’t happen to have some sort of photographing device or artwork of places on your world, do you? I’m struggling to imagine what these places would look like." she said, her normally monotonous and apathetic voice taking on a tone of wonderment and curiosity. She had noticed far too late at how tense the Commander appeared before she had touched his antennae, lacking the time it took to change her course of action before being shoved away while the other being screeched painfully. The shove and being startled by the sudden scream sent her tumbling backwards, landing on her backside.

"Ugh," she winced, the fall - or more accurately, the landing - sent a sharp pain shooting up her tailbone. With a deep breath, she slowly got to her feet, occasionally hissing and cringing when the movement only exacerbated the pain. "All right, all right, I get the idea. No touching the antennae, sorry. If it makes any difference, I believe you. About being an alien, I mean."

"So uh… I’m guessing your antennae are sensitive, then? Good to know," she cringed again. Sitting was hardly going to be an option for a while. "Okay, so, ah, I’ll take a break from asking questions for a while, then. How about you can… ask me some or something instead. Surely there’s things about earth you must be curious about, right? Or uh… are you… thirsty or anything? Or… bored…? I’ve got… coffee… whiskey… water… games… internet…"

[spacecommandeer]

Settling down a bit, he seats himself on the table again. He still pouted a bit. "I told you not to touch me human! Not only are they sensitive, but I've recently run into a human that grabbed them and threatened to tear them off-! I'm not trusting of anyone with them anymore-!" he explained. As she seemed to be in pain from the fall, he decided to drop it from there.

"Well of course! Just not on me. Father has them on the ship but I don't know where Father has the ship at the moment." He taps his chin. "Areniophis sort of resemble.. earthen eels. Except they look different I guess- They have little legs, but they swim similarly to earthen eels! And Volcn-Trinaperi is a volcanic area farther from our home. There's hot springs near there that are simply the best! A lot of Atropians like to go there to watch the light show when it erupts because there isn't a lot of light on our planet, and it's fascinating!"

He tapped his chin as she listed off several things that seemed to be for curing thirst or boredom, neither of which he particularly had but.. "I've only heard of a handful of those things human! What is an internet? Or a whiskey?"

[caffeinatedcognizance-blog]

spacecommandeer started following you

[caffeinatedcognizance-blog]

"What’s food like on your… planet," she asked, not waiting for an answer before heading off to the kitchen to fetch an armful of tomatoes. After returning, she dumped the tomatoes on the table, lifting one up and offering it to the blue man. "Here."

Trent then removed her gloves and took another tomato for herself, biting into it hungrily as she observed the commander.

"You’re lucky you don’t look like earth frogs, too,” she chuckled, looking him up and down. “Frog legs are considered a delicacy in a few countries. I hear they taste quite good.”

"And instead of saying earthen-type flora, you can just say ‘plant’. They’re plants. Tomatoes are fruits, to be more specific. Though from a culinary standpoint they’re used as vegetables due to their slightly bitter flavor, whereas other fruit are commonly more sweet. Cucumbers are another such example," she explained in her typical monotonous voice, looking bored as she continued eating her tomato. Once it was finished, she quietly sucked the excess juice off her fingers before rinsing her hands in a nearby sink. After drying them, she replaced her gloves and approached the alien again. "So, what do your antennae do? Besides flash like a strobe light when you’re startled, that is. Are they sensitive? I’d like to feel them to get an idea as to what their texture is like."

Without waiting for the other being’s consent, she reached over and very gently ran her gloved fingers along the length of one antenna, leaning closer to see whether it appeared to have a more velvety or smooth texture.

[spacecommandeer]

His ears perked when she seemed to return with a lot of tomatoes. "Ah, yes! A lovely offering human!" He took the tomato she offered. He raised his chin, sticking out his two tongues and opening his mouth wide before sticking the tomato in his mouth and swallowing the thing whole. "Ah, cuisine on Solonacea is much different than here on earth! A lot of the food we eat is gelatinous, as is the fruits! We usually combine that with the fungi that typically grow in the wild! And there are a lot of Atropians that are skilled at capturing the areniophis that lurk in the springs on Volcn-Trinaperi. Those are superb when prepared just right!"

"I look like an Atropian! Which is what I am! I simply made the reference to frogs in order to ease some sort of similarity into your human brain," he explained, reaching for another tomato. This one he bit into and seemed to suck the fruit out of it. He nodded in acknowledgement of the knowledge the other told him about earthen fruits and vegetables. But he tensed when she mentioned his antennae and wanting to touch them. "My antennae are very important, they are a way Atropians can communicate with each other-- Therefore you must not tou--!" But before he could tell the other different, she had stroked one with her fingers. She probably could have noticed that they were rather smooth, before he let out a shriek, shoving Trent away from himself before standing up on the table in something of a defensive position. "NO! NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO TOUCH MY ANTENNAE!" he screeched.

[caffeinatedcognizance-blog]

spacecommandeer started following you

[caffeinatedcognizance-blog]

Well. It was obvious he was not going to cooperate at this point. Perhaps some form of bribery would work…? Maybe if she tried striking a deal with the weird creature.

"What if I want to learn more about my ‘future ruler’, Commander Ribbit? I’m not one to blindly put my faith in anyone who runs around screaming about taking over the world," she leaned back, resting a hand on her hip as she watched the ‘commander’ cross his arms. "If you cooperate, perhaps you can earn my support. And in return, perhaps I can teach you more about humans as well. If you plan on ruling over them, it would help to know about how they work, right?"

"Don’t take my attitude personally, I treat everyone like ‘earthen fauna’. Comparatively speaking, I’ve treated you even better than I treat most people. I actually willingly brought you into my top secret laboratory, after all," Trent glanced towards a doorway leading to what appeared to be a kitchen before resuming her monotone speech. "Now that I’m home, though, I’ve remembered that I’m bloody hungry. What about you? That’s why I asked whether you can eat earth food. Can’t have you starving on my watch, that’d be highly detrimental to my plans."

[spacecommandeer]

During his pout, he listened to the human try to reason with him. He huffed a bit. She did make some sense though. "Very well. But you must treat me with far more respect. I am not just a lowly human after all! I am far superior! Your secret lab then? The consider it graced by my presence, even if it was unexpected!"

"I am able to consume human food. If I was not, I would not have been able to survive on this planet for as long as I have! There are.. round, red, earthen-type flora that are quite delicious! Tomatoes I suppose they're called."

[caffeinatedcognizance-blog]

spacecommandeer started following you

[caffeinatedcognizance-blog]

"Actually, there are humans with extra nipples. It’s not too uncommon a defect," she explained, still dragging him towards her lab. "And I’ll touch whatever I want, frog. I’m a scientist.”

"Humans tend to find larger breasts attractive. I don’t know why, since I find them to be rather inconvenient at best," she sighed. "And I’m not going to dissect you! At least not yet. I don’t know how your kind would react to anesthesia, and I’d rather not kill anything."

When he began to struggle against her efforts to lead him to her lab, she tried heaving him over her shoulder to carry him the rest of the way, intending on sitting him down on a rather uncomfortably cold metal table. Once she was certain he would not be rushing off any time soon, she bombarded him with questions.

"Are you capable of safely digesting earth foods, frog? Any allergies? What do those antennae do? Did you bring any others of your kind with you to Earth?"

[spacecommandeer]

"Do not patronize me human! This is not a defect! All Atropians have four nipples! It's perfection is what it is! I am not a frog, I am Atropian! I said there are differences!" He struggled even more. "Do not speak down to me, I am your superior! You must treat me with respect-!"

Though as he struggled, she suddenly hoisted him over her shoulder. "UNHAND ME HUMAN-!! THIS IS ATROCIOUS BEHAVIOR!!" He started flashing his antennae. "FATHER FATHER, EMERGENCY I'M BEING KIDNAPPED-!!" Of course, his father was out of range but for some reason he thought it would help to try. He was in a bit of a panic mode after all.

After he was sat down on a metal table rather unceremoniously. "I do not have to answer any of your questions human! You have dragged my name through the mud and you are treating me like one of your earthen fauna instead of your future ruler!" he says, crossing his arms over his still bare chest. "And I am an Atropian! Not a frog!"

[caffeinatedcognizance-blog]

spacecommandeer started following you

[caffeinatedcognizance-blog]

"Being arrogant hardly makes you superior," she glared and tucked the bag of coffee beans under her arm. “I won’t join anyone’s forces but my own. Having a noisy pest as you for a leader would only get in the way of my research. Even humans aren’t as distracting as you are."

Trent was about to leave to head back to her laboratory when the ‘alien’ began shouting again. She held the heavy bag of beans over her head as if ready to throw it, startled by the sudden burst in volume. Taking a step back, she watched as the being removed his shirt to show off his… four nipples? Those could easily be fake. But to be sure, she set the bag of beans down and pulled a pair of gloves from her pockets, slipping them on before fetching a pair of tweezers as well. Nothing about this idea could go wrong.

"Is your ‘species’ mammalian? What use would aliens have with nipples?" She stepped over and leaned closer, prodding one with her tweezers to be certain it was not some sort of rubbery material glued to his chest. It… did not look particularly rubbery. There was only one way to be certain. Putting the tweezers back in her pocket and retrieving her coffee beans, she grabbed the Commander by the wrist and tried dragging him back to the lab.

"This way, ‘Commander’. There are tests I need to do. If you really are some sort of alien, I’ll need samples and information."

[spacecommandeer]

He continued posing in this boasting manner as Trent seemed to come back around. "Yes human! Feast in the glory! No human has ever had anything like this before!" He began to grow suspicious when she approached wearing gloves and tweezers. "After my research, I have concluded that the closest earth creature to Atropians would be earthen frogs." He swats her hand away after she touches his nipple with the tweezers. "Don't touch me human! Anyways, unlike earth frogs, Atropians do nurse their children! Therefore, we have a need for milk sacs on our chests! However, I've noticed human females seem to have their breasts full all the time, which is strange. What's the purpose of that if humans aren't nursing children constantly?"

Suddenly, she grabbed his wrist and started pulling him away. "Human-! What did I say about the touching-??" Tests-- "Not allowed-! Testing usually means dissection and in the name of Solonacea I refuse to demean myself in that way and allow you to put my body in distress! I have to be in fit condition to rule the planet after all! HA HA HA!!" he exclaims, attempting to jerk himself away from her.

[caffeinatedcognizance-blog]

spacecommandeer started following you

[caffeinatedcognizance-blog]

"So the only ones that are intelligent are the ones who agree with you," she scoffed, rolling her eyes. “If that were the case, you would be highly unintelligent, since you aren’t exactly the most agreeable sort to me."

"A cyborg is a biological being with artificial implants or limbs," she said, pulling up a pant leg to reveal a flesh-toned but clearly artificial right leg. Once she was sure that the ‘Atropian’ had gotten a long enough look, she covered her leg again and glanced over in the direction of her lab. Was this person insane? Was her lab close enough for her to make a run for it…? "… Prove that you’re some sort of alien life-form and not some idiot covered in blue paint. And if you’re so brave and you are an alien, then how about you let me dissect you anyway? Educate my puny human brain."

[spacecommandeer]

"Well, I'm obviously far more intelligent than the human race, so yes, those that follow me are more intelligent than the rest of the pitiful species."

He leaned down to look as she revealed her artificial leg. "Fascinating! I've never seen anything like that on a human before. Clearly you are far more advanced than other humans! Will you consider joining my forces? It'll make things easier when I eventually rule the planet!"

He frowned a bit. "You do not believe me? Do you honestly believe that I am actually a pitiful human in disguise of a much better race? FINE!! I WILL PROVE I AM COMMANDER GILLIGAN, ONE HUNDRED PERCENT PURE ATROPIAN!!! BEHOLD!!" he exclaimed louder than before, making rather dramatic motions before hastily removing his shirt and throwing it to the ground. He placed his hands on his hips, a large grin spread across his face. He seemed to be revealing his extra amount of.. well, nipples. "I've read that humans only have two nipples! But Atropians all have FOUR!! Impressed yet human?? It's quite impressive isn't it!"

[caffeinatedcognizance-blog]

spacecommandeer started following you

[spacecommandeer]

"This is how I normally talk! None of the other humans I have interacted with have complained about my volume! Not once!" he proclaimed, huffing and placing his hands on his hips.

"I learned Earth’s language by studying it of course! And I did extensive research on Earthen flora and haven’t heard of this ‘coffee’!" He tilted his head a bit. “It is vital then to Earth’s survival?" His ears perked forward when she proceeded to explain it. “Ah yes! I have learned that humans who do not function properly take external substances to make themselves function properly! Another extent of why humans are strange creatures and should not be in control of the planet!"

He placed a hand on his hip and used the other to point particularly dramatically at her. “WRONG!!! During my research I also learned that humans require 8-12 hours of sleep each day, same as Atropians! You cannot fool me human!"

[caffeinatedcognizance-blog]

"They probably thought you were just some sort of pitiful moron so they didn’t try to correct you," she hissed. “I’m smarter than that, however. I can see through your obnoxious ruse."

"I function just fine. I only drink coffee because I like the flavor and how it makes me feel," she huffed. “And I’m not like other humans. It can be argued that I’m not even human anymore. Fully human, that is. Do you know what ‘cyborg’ means, you oversized blueberry? It means ‘lower your voice before I dissect you for the sake of science and knowledge’, understand?"

[spacecommandeer]

"WRONG! I have several loyal followers that would throw themselves at my feet at my whim! And they are intelligent creatures, unlike the ones that attack me and refuse to join my cause!" he said, posing dramatically with his hands on his hips.

"You are not fully human either? I thought humans were the sentient beings occupying earth besides the flora and fauna. Cyborg? I have not read about this? Is it a new word that Earthlings have made up? I am not a blueberry! I am Commander Gilligan! Planet conqueror Atropian from Planet Solonacea!! Blueberries are a delicious fruit flora from planet Earth! Do not confuse me and the fruit not-human!! And your threats do not scare me! I am fearless!!"