Hey guys! Okay, maybe this is a bit exhausting to read but I want to vent to you a little bit about my life. When I was 9/10 years old I suffered from Panic Disorder, during my pre-adolescence and adolescence I wasn’t a normal child… I was extremely shy and antisocial there were people in my class who didn’t even know my name and called me “the girl who sits by the window” people thought I was weird when all I wanted to do was make friends but I didn’t know how to act or what to do. When I was 18/19 years old I had my first job in a Graphic Shop because I always loved creating things but I soon quit my job because I wasn’t communicative enough and the employees stopped me at lunch everyday saying “Why don’t you talk about your life? You’re weird! We want to hear from you” it was exhausting everyday dealing with the psychological pressure, the inability to socialize and the daily bullying resulting in a phobia of working outside the home. My first boyfriend was at 20, I had never kissed anyone and somehow I managed to make him the person who was my first everything and he was the one who encouraged me to work with the little shops in China here on Tumblr which I keep posting until Today, however, I believe my innocence made me cling to him too much, making him become my “God” and I stopped living for myself to live for him, I stopped doing things I liked. My room turned my world. Everything to please him who was accommodated in his own “universe” and it was like that until I was 25 years old. While it seems I learned a lot in that time, it also seems that I learned nothing. I’ve always been in therapy with a Psychiatrist but when I broke up with this first boyfriend I went to a Psychologist to rediscover myself and well, it was amazing! A few months later I happened to meet my current boyfriend who makes me feel free, happy, full of love and peace, who doesn’t deprive me and makes me experience different things that exist in the world. With him I learned what life is and what I missed. While it seems I learned a lot in that time, it also seems that I learned nothing. I’ve always been in therapy with a psychiatrist but when I broke up with this first boyfriend I went to a psychologist to rediscover myself and well, it was amazing! A few months later I happened to meet my current boyfriend who makes me feel free, happy, full of love and peace, who doesn’t deprive me and makes me experience different things that exist in the world. With him I learned what life is and what I lost and consequently what I can gain. For a few months now I’ve been going through financial difficulties, I know you know because I’ve complained about it here twice in the last year. I think by seeing how much I can still live and risk I want to become someone who is able to work outside the home again. I know I’m not Stephanie 19 years old anymore, I’ve matured a lot as a person and socially too (although I’m on medication and psychiatrist therapy to this day is a constant cycle) And so I decided I would start looking for a job this year, well, it’s not easy I’m already 27 years old and my experiences are few… since the beginning of the year I’m applying for the jobs and I don’t receive any news from any, it’s very frustrating because I really want face my fear of years and move on. What I get in stores in China these days is around $80 a month I can barely afford my meds and basic necessities. If you can help me with any amount, I will raise a fund for me to use now and in the future until I find a job and of course if I find a job the first thing I will do is let you know! Maybe I can’t be as active as I used to be but…I really want to become a better person! Face my fears and at least say I tried! I don’t want to write this to cause commotion or for you to feel sorry for me, I wanted to tell my life and explain to you who I’m. You reblogging, liking or helping financially will support me A LOT. If you read this far, thank you very much!
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