3 Easy Steps to Change the World!!!
I love getting clickbait-y with my titles!!
I'm not sure what causes any of us to stay silent when all we want to do is speak up. It feels crappy and if you're anything like me, you get a regret hangover that lasts weeks, if not months or years. Sometimes, keeping your mouth shut is just about the worst thing you can do for your health.
From my experience, I'm not alone in feeling this way at times. We want to say something, we even form the words in our heads, but for some reason, we don't. I'm not a fan of this as a practice. Like I said, it gives me an emotional and physical headache and the "What if" tape in my head can roll on for quite a while afterward: What if we spoke our minds? What if we gave them something to think about? What if we changed the freakin' world? I'd like to get to the bottom of why we choose not to do this and what we can do to cut it out, listen to ourselves, and speak up. After some very un-scientific research, here's what I think gets in the way:
1. Fear of not being cool. Call this whatever you want: getting ridiculed, belittled, or getting called some serious words if you are a lady saying something someone does not like, but it basically boils down to the same thing: in general, we do not want to make waves or enemies. To get past this, I like to take some advice from one of my heroes Audre Lorde and ask myself, If I speak up, what's the worst that will happen? Most of the time, once I say that thing (out loud) to myself, it's not nearly as scary as I made it in my head.
2. Fear of being misunderstood. Ugh. This one really sucks. I have this theory that when we talk about something we really care about, the chance of our words being misconstrued just multiplies. Think about it: who could misunderstand, "I'd like a #3 with large fries and a Diet Coke"? Easy way to communicate, but definitely not changing the world. My trick for this is to practice on people who know you well and who have earned your trust. If you have the luxury of knowing when you'll speak about something beforehand, tell your friend a few of your points and ask if you seem to be getting your message across. It's much easier to be vulnerable in front of people we already know and love, and it builds up our tolerance for letting those fiery feelings in us out into the open.
3. Fear of being wrong. What if you do speak up and someone reads you exhibits A through Z of why your idea is completely invalid? Trick question. Each person on this planet has something unique and important to offer, whether it be a talent, a skill, or an idea. Sure, you could wait to share it until you had watched every documentary, read every book, and gathered every peer-reviewed article on the subject, but that day when you feel completely, 100% sure you can share your thought without dissent will probably never come.
Because when you're meant to say something, you know. You have a physical reaction, like the pit-of-my-stomach feeling that I get. Your truth might live in tingly fingertips, crazy bouncing knees, or a thumping heart. These thoughts, in these moments, are what we need to know. We, as the world, need to hear them. Speaking on behalf of humanity here, when you get that feeling, please let it out.